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Why do people behave so badly in the digital dating world?

People behaving badly in digital dating world

We are all familiar with the bad behaviour that takes place on online dating apps. From ghosting to breadcrumbing, and everything in between, you may have experienced first-hand the emotional hazards that are commonplace in the digital dating world.

Daters have to navigate a plethora of online dating bad behaviours, explains a recent BBC article examining the phenomenon, with women disproportionately affected.

The piece cited recent research which discovered 35% of respondents say somebody had sent them an “explicit message or image they didn’t ask for” on a dating app, which rose to 57% among female daters aged 18 to 34. In that age group, 44% reported that somebody had called them an offensive name on a dating app or site, and 19% of young women say they’ve been threatened with physical harm via apps, compared with 9% of people overall.

Infidelity is disappointingly common as well. A team of researchers found 42% of people with a profile on the dating site they examined were married or in a relationship – but still seeking dates.

Poor conduct online is often found to be a result of the courage people gain from hiding behind a screen, leading them to say and do things they would never do in real life. When you think about it, it’s a lot less scary to approach somebody for a date via a text conversation than it is to ask them in person. However, the problem comes when the semi-anonymous nature of the apps makes people feel like they can get away with emotional abuse and bad behaviour.

The BBC article also points out that apps encourage a numbers-game approach to dating, with daters feeling they need to cast their nets as widely as possible to be in with the best chance of finding a good match. This can lead to people moving quickly from one conversation to another, ghosting those they don’t see as worth getting to know better or ‘trading up’ when somebody else catches their eye.

As Leah LeFebvre, associate professor in communication studies at the University of Alabama, told the author of the article, daters can simply melt away or disappear in the digital world. Shockingly, another study  found 74% of respondents thought ghosting was an appropriate way to end a relationship.

Dating with caution

The problem, many experts point out, is that with these bad behaviours has grown a type of weary acceptance by daters to expect – and even accept – this sort of treatment as they search for love online.

Social researcher Dr Joanne Orlando recently wrote in the Guardian that we may lull ourselves into a false sense of security by fobbing off this sort of behaviour as typical, or believing that it doesn’t matter because it’s happening online. She argues that the behaviour we experience digitally can have far-reaching ramifications into our daily lives, eroding how we think we deserve to be treated. We’re at our most vulnerable when we’re dating and the more we encounter these sorts of behaviours, the more damaged we become. Her article concludes that it is time to view online dating as no different from other forms of dating, making sure standards aren’t dropped for the people who treat you badly simply because they think they can get away with it because you are chatting via an app. As with all new relationships, it’s important to walk away if the person you are dating behaves badly and ensure you don’t excuse their behaviour just because it took place online.

On a more optimistic note, the BBC article points out that many daters who experience first-hand this sort of dating bad behaviour have vowed to concentrate on kindness and doing better in their interactions online, making sure they never hurt somebody in the same way.

Working with a matchmaker

Despite the pitfalls, online dating apps remain a popular way to look for love. However, many weary daters are now looking for a new way to date. Matchmaking has been rising in popularity in recent years as an antidote to burnout with an app-based search for love. Fed up with endless swiping and having online conversations fizzle out to nothing, daters are turning to the experts to find the long-term committed relationships they’ve been searching for.

Matchmakers are experts at really understanding what somebody is looking for in a partner and providing hand-selected introductions to people who share their family values, goals, and outlooks on life. There is also the element of third-party accountability. If people know they are going to be pulled up on poor behaviour, they are less likely to do it. Many daters are finding the benefits of opting for an in-person aspect to dating, turning their back on hours of swiping to find a date, and instead outsourcing the hard work to the experts. They then reap the rewards by enjoying great dates with people who are really worth getting to know!

Here at Ignite Dating we use a unique mix of expert intuition, our extensive private network and personality profiling to make recommendations for the perfect partner. We take all the hard work out of searching for a good match, providing you with plenty of support and advice along the way so you can just concentrate on an enjoyable dating journey. Why not give us a call today and find out how we can help you with your search for love!

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How to tackle the topic of money in a budding relationship

So, let’s discuss the subject of money and relationships. It can sometimes feel like a taboo topic at the best of times, and it hardly makes for romantic small talk to bring it up early in a budding relationship.

However, let’s consider why it’s so important for men and women not to ignore the practical side of entering into a relationship – even when it may be the last thing on your mind as you’re swept up in the excitement and romance of dating somebody who seems really rather special.   

What you need to think about when you meet somebody new

You’ve taken the all the risks, you’ve kept going when it was so tempting to quit – but you didn’t – and you have reaped the rewards of a successful career and acquired considerable wealth along the way. Now you’re thinking how nice it would be to meet somebody, settle down and enjoy the fruits of your labours. It’s understandable if you’ve got some concerns about what a long-term relationship means for combining assets and the practical implications of managing your money.

So, what are the key things to consider?  You can think of it as three phases – dating, living together (or to use the official term, co-habiting) and marriage.

The dating is really about getting to know somebody better – do they want the same things as you and is life just better with them rather than without them? There’s no real financial or legal impact at the dating phase, except if one of you has more than the other. Are you happy to pay for the expensive holiday in the Seychelles you’ve always wanted to share with somebody special? Does it bother you if the person you’re dating earns significantly more or less than you do?

If the dating is going well and you’re thinking about moving in together, you will need to decide where it’s going to be – will you rent or buy a new home, or will one if you move in a house the other already lives in? Are you prepared to make changes to the home so that it’s ‘ours’ rather than ‘mine’?

This is where legal and financial aspects come into consideration. Let’s assume you’re the wealthier partner and that it’s your home you’ll be living in.

There was some talk of partners who lived together gaining rights after two years. At present, this is not the law…but that could change.

Currently, if one person owns the property, a partner could only claim rights if they had made a capital contribution, such as paying part of the mortgage, paying for improvements to the property (a new bathroom, for example), or if there is a child in the relationship.

Because you have fewer automatic legal rights than married couples, a co-habitation agreement is a way of laying out the terms of living together. This legal document sets out the arrangements for finances, property, children and what happens if one of you becomes ill, dies or you split up.

Now it’s going really well and you’re thinking of getting married.  You don’t get married with a plan to get divorced, but it is best to think about what you’re comfortable with should the worse happen.

Prenuptial (prenup) agreements are legally required in some countries but are not quite yet a legally binding document in the UK. However, courts will give serious consideration to the prenup if you get divorced. A prenup should be fair and it should be done in a reasonable timeframe. It can’t be signed the night before the wedding! This agreement must be signed off a month before the wedding as a minimum and both parties should have independent legal advice (but it is OK for you to pay for your partner’s advice). A prenup also requires full financial disclosure by both parties. This can also be reinforced with a postnup. A ‘life event’ such as having children can partly void a prenup, so it’s best to address those points in the original agreement and agree for there to be a review of the agreement if children arrive.

There is the subject of how you raise the matter. You may not wish to be on bended knee with a ring in one hand and a document in the other! So, once the Champagne and celebrations have been enjoyed, ensure you raise these issues with each other before you embark on the big relationship milestone of getting married. It’s also important to ensure you seek the appropriate expert advice when it comes to the legal side of things and be open with each other about your wishes.

While it might not seem like the most romantic of topics, understanding and securing your financial future will help both of you feel secure and well-prepared should the worse happen. And once the paperwork is sorted, you can just enjoy all the great things that come with a successful and loving long-term relationship!

Rudy Vandaele-Kennedy is an Investment Manager looking after private clients and their families, as well as their business and charitable interests. 

Here at Ignite Dating we aim to provide you with a stress-free search for love, with expert matchmakers on-hand to really understand what you are looking for in a partner. Get in touch today to find out more about our award-winning service!

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Why the phrase high maintenance is a red flag in the dating world

High Maintenance Red Flags

What do you think when you hear the phrase high maintenance? Do you instantly think about somebody who puts a tremendous amount of time and effort into their appearance? A person who expects a high standard of living and can ultimately be hard work to date? Some would say, a ‘princess’.

And let’s face it, you’re probably thinking about a woman. A recent article over on The Conversation points out we rarely come across the term “high-maintenance man”.

Looking into the use of the term high maintenance on dating apps, the author Lisa Portolan found that many single ladies end up treading a fine line of identity management, by wanting to look attractive on dating apps but not too ‘perfect’ as they worry they might scare prospective matches off.

Her research found women worked hard to ensure their dating profiles did not come across as full of traits and images that were viewed as coming across as high maintenance. Instead, they wanted to convey their image as being “pretty” but “relatable”, concentrating on portraying themselves as expectation-less, fun-loving, easy-going, and capable. Low maintenance, in other words. Their intention is to ensure they don’t “intimidate” a potential match through their images and behaviour by appearing high maintenance.

Lisa’s research led her to conclude that the use of this sort of language to “reign themselves in” perpetuates a certain invisibility on online dating sites, where women are effectively dulling their shine and shrinking themselves to stereotypes of how women should act to appease men.

What do people think when they hear the term high maintenance?

High maintenance is a term that is often thrown around in the dating world in a derogatory fashion. As The Conversation article points out, it can be a slippery term to define, with the traits that constitute high maintenance usually centred around appearance and behaviour. The stereotype of high maintenance centres around women who are unapologetically demanding, with unreasonable lifestyle expectations of their partner. They are loath to split the bill on a date, like the finer things in life and put a great importance on material status.

The internet is full of articles explaining how to “manage” a high maintenance woman, portraying them in a negative light and asking whether it is worth the reward to date somebody who has a profile which screams “high maintenance”. It’s no wonder the single people who featured in Lisa’s research strived to avoid these sorts of definitions.

Other experts are keen however to point out the problem may actually reside with the person who is throwing this term around. Over on Medium, a recent article points out using the term high maintenance can be a form of manipulation, indicating the person you are dating wants you to comply with their wishes. It can lead to women doing just that, just to avoid being labelled with the title of high maintenance.

The article points out that if a man says you are high maintenance, this reflects more about them, not you, and demonstrates the person using the term ultimately doesn’t value you. It creates an imbalance in your dating journey, where your expectations don’t line up to their preconceived ideas of what a relationship should look like and the effort they should be putting in.

Other experts in the dating world agree, saying the term has become weaponised against women to shift responsibility when a man refuses to meet your emotional needs in a relationship, instead labelling you as the problem. Using high maintenance as a way to degrade or berate somebody is often with the intention of making them feel like their relationship demands are unreasonable and that they are a bad person for having them. A massive red flag, in other words.

Don’t dull your shine

The valuable lesson here is the right person will respect who you are and be prepared to put in legwork to really make a budding relationship work. A good partner will understand and respect your needs in a relationship as well as their own. It can be all too easy to dull your shine in the dating world, with recent surveys finding many daters admitted they were conscious of behaviours thought to be off-putting to men including appearing too clingy, being too forward or coming across as genuinely interested. However, by being yourself your date can get to know the real, amazing you. If you are both authentic and upfront with each other, it’s so much easier to establish whether you have a genuine connection. The right partner will love all the quirks and traits that make you the person you are (even if you do make you both late for every night out because you like to dedicate plenty of time to getting ready!). If you come across somebody that isn’t prepared to put in the effort to really make a relationship work, then it’s time to forget this person and move on.

Are you looking for somebody who will really value who you are and share your goal of a long-term, committed relationship? Here at Ignite Dating we’re experts in helping you with an enjoyable and stress-free dating journey, providing you with hand-selected matches you’ll really share a connection with. Contact our team today and find out how we can help you find true love!

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The Science of Dating – How to maximise your chances of long term relationship success

While there is nothing unusual about having a type when it comes to dating, we all know somebody who is guilty of taking it a bit too far. Think about that colleague who is obsessed with only dating glamourous blondes, or your friend who won’t even look twice at somebody unless they are over 6ft tall. Then ask yourself this question, how many times have their uncompromising preferences led them into successful relationships?

Well, according to the science behind relationships, there might be a very good reason to ditch the tunnel vision and look for somebody who doesn’t necessarily tick all your usual boxes.

Bear with us while we explain.

A recent article on Wired, adapted from a new book by data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, examined whether it is possible to predict whether two people will be happy in a romantic relationship.

In a nutshell, Stephens-Davidowitz sets out the efforts of scientists to define reliably which traits can predict relationship success. But like anything in life, there were some important lessons learned along the way.

For one, the researchers found many of the traits that are competed for ferociously in the dating world do not necessarily correlate with romantic happiness. Citing data collected from online dating apps, the article points out that single people are predictably drawn to certain qualities in a partner, such as height, wealth, beauty, occupation, and similarity to themselves.

However, the conclusion was that there was not a set of traits that guarantees romantic happiness. In fact, the traits most valued by daters were found to be among the least predictive of long-term relationship happiness, despite their attention-grabbing qualities in the dating world. So, if indeed daters believe the pursuit of these particular traits will lead to relationship success, it then suggests single people are actually going about dating all wrong.

The findings led the author to sum up: “In the dating market, people compete ferociously for mates with qualities that do not increase one’s chances of romantic happiness.”  

It’s not just data science that has led to these sort of conclusions – dating experts are keen to point out the detrimental impact of relentlessly focusing on a certain ‘type’ when you are looking for love. Over on our blog, our master executive coach Genevieve Gresset explained how having a relationship checklist can hold you back in your quest for love.

Solely focusing on a checklist of physical and personal preferences can limit your search for the perfect partner, as you simply don’t know who you are going to share a connection with. You could be ruling out somebody special just because they don’t tick all of your usual boxes and the person you’ve initially discounted could actually be perfect for you.

Don’t get hung up on certain traits

It’s important to remember that height and age are just a number, and it does not matter if you have completely different tastes in music, TV, or film. Shared interests offer a good starting point for those initial conversations, but it doesn’t guarantee that your relationship will be successful in the long-term.

The same goes for getting hung up on physical attractiveness. It can really pay to disregard a profile photo and concentrate on what the profile says about the person, their values, aspirations and ultimately their potential compatibility in a relationship.

Physical attraction is important but it’s vital to remember there’s many other aspects to consider if you want a long-lasting, happy relationship. By keeping an open mind, you are much more likely to open yourself up to some truly amazing people and you stand a much better chance of achieving the all-important spark you’ve been searching for.

Focus on yourself

There was another valuable finding that was gleaned from the data analysed in the Wired article which could help predict relationship success – and it does not involve the traits of the individual you’re dating.

Researchers found that if somebody is happy and content in their life outside a relationship, then it can have a huge impact on their happiness within a relationship. This serves as a valuable reminder to always focus on your own well-being and self-love in your dating journey. Dating can be tough, especially if you’ve been on a string of unsuccessful dates and it’s all starting to feel like a chore.

Focusing on what makes you happy in life can be a valuable antidote to dating burnout. It can help to concentrate on yourself and enjoy time with family and friends to appreciate what you have in life. Building some valuable breathing room into your dating journey can provide the time to understand what you’re looking for in a partner. You’ll then be in a much better place to tackle the dating world refreshed and confident, helping you achieve a more fulfilling and stronger relationship in the long run.

Stephens-Davidowitz’s book is a fascinating insight into the modern dating world. It’s another timely reminder to make sure you don’t fall into the trap of mono-manic dating – instead ditch the checklist approach to be in with the best chance of meeting somebody who you will really share a connection with!  

Are you looking for help with your search for love? Our matchmaking team can open your horizons to a new way to date, introducing you to hand-selected individuals you’ll really share a spark with. Give us a call today and find out how we can assist with an enjoyable and stress-free search for love!

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How To Dress To Impress This Summer

Summer is finally here, the days are getting longer and brighter and hopefully things are heating up in your dating journey too! Come rain or shine, Summer is a great season for romance, thanks in no small part to the air of spontaneity when it comes to making plans and abundant dating opportunities that aren’t available at other times of the year. Whether you’re meeting for a relaxed walk in the park or enjoying cocktails at the best al fresco spot in town, it’s time to make the most of this season’s outfit trends so you are putting your best foot forward when meeting somebody new this summer.

While a lot of Summer essentials can be decidedly casual, it stills pays to build an outfit which makes you feel super confident when you’re embarking on a first date. Even if we’re in the midst of a heatwave, simple wardrobe additions can bring the advantage of looking great while keeping you cool and relaxed when stepping out for a balmy evening rendezvous.

Below we’ve highlighted our top tips for getting the most out of the Summer fashion trends to ensure you feel energised and ready for navigating some truly wonderful dates this season. Thankfully the restrictions of the pandemic are behind us, so let’s make this a Summer to remember!

For Her

This season is all about square and Bardot-style wide-open necklines exposing the shoulders. Both styles have the advantage of highlighting your feminine décolletage and adding a sexy and sultry edge to your outfit.

Prints are also back, and we’re seeing them on gorgeous slip dresses this season. Bask in the sunshine in a midi-style slip dress for effortless glamour that’ll suit a wide range of date occasions. Thankfully at this time of year, it is warm enough to wear a slip dress without outerwear and you can keep your look fresh with a range of accessories. On those days when the mercury is really rising, it’s a great style for keeping you sexy, cool, and confident with the thinner materials giving a real advantage for combatting the fierce heat of the day.

Whether you’re opting for prints or plain colours, don’t forget to select the right colour for your skin tone – in my spring dating trends blog I recently shared an overview of the best outfit colours for different skin tones. Another way to add a gorgeous splash of colour and embrace one of summer’s hot trends is to wear a small silk scarf in your hair like a turban. You can also wrap it gently around your ponytail for a fabulous pop of colour.

Your outfits are a perfect way of reflecting a relaxed summer vibe while giving you an invaluable confidence boost, as when you feel your best your true personality will shine through while dating.

For Him

For gentlemen, this summer is all about linen sports jackets. Light blue or salmon colours truly celebrate the summer season and add a pop of colour to your look. The beauty of light-coloured linen jackets is that they can be paired with a simple dark blue jean. For an excellent first date look, finish the outfit with a suede loafer and you’re ready to go!

Summer is one of the most varied times of year to date, thanks to the plethora of date ideas available to make the most of the fine weather. Whether you’re enjoying an evening of live music, a romantic picnic or a traditional formal dinner, there are plenty of ways to put together an outfit which’ll look effortlessly stylish and sophisticated. Whatever you opt for, make sure you are staying true to wearing what makes you feel good and your preferred personal style. You’ll then be sure to feel your best and make a great first impression!

Are you looking to enhance your dating journey this Summer? Working with a matchmaker can effortlessly help you reach that goal of a long-term committed relationship. We work closely with you to really understand what you are looking for, and we’re experts at hand-selected introductions to amazing people you’ll really enjoy meeting, and build relationships that will be around long after the Summer months end. Ready to commit? Give our expert team a call today!

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Dating in Cornwall: top tips for getting the most out of the area

If you live in Cornwall, you’re likely to already appreciate just how special it is to be surrounded by abundant countryside and jaw-dropping coastlines. Benefitting from beautiful blue waters, picturesque harbours, and idyllic beaches, the area is a huge draw for holiday makers and day trippers alike. If you’re lucky enough to live in Cornwall then the coast is yours to enjoy all year round, offering up many romantic opportunities to take long walks along the shore or share a fish and chip supper al fresco while watching those famous sunsets.  

There’s a lot more to Cornwall than you’ll find on the well-beaten tourist trail though. Whether you are looking for love, or already in an established relationship, there are a plethora of dating opportunities to be enjoyed right on your doorstep. So, whether you’re looking to impress on a first date or just adding some variety to your dating journey, find our top tips for getting the most out of living in beautiful Cornwall as recommended by our matchmakers.

Enjoy a day out

A stunning landscape featured in TV shows and movies alike, Bodmin Moor provides an oasis of calm during the height of the summer tourism season, allowing plenty of opportunities to hike the historic granite moorland. It’s one of Cornwall’s designated Areas Of Outstanding Natural Beauty, with a remote, wild feel – perfect for escaping the crowds for some active exploring or soaking up the opportunity to discover filming locations from shows such as BBC’s Poldark.   

For more structured days out – and the chance to rest your legs and enjoy a classic Cornish cream tea – the National Trust has numerous houses, gardens, and properties to explore in the area. You can also make like a tourist in your own backyard and take in popular visitor spots such as The Lost Gardens of Heligan and Enys Gardens to enjoy the tranquillity of their beautiful estates.  

Get active

If you’ve had the sea on your doorstep for a while but you’ve not got around to trying the many different water sports on offer, why not try your hand at something new together? You could have a go at sea kayaking, coasteering (a fun combination of cliff-jumping, cave-exploring, rock-hopping and swimming) or body boarding. If none of those take your fancy, there’s plenty of opportunities to try a surf lesson or have a go at paddleboarding – it’s a great way to break the ice and guaranteed to put a smile on both of your faces.

Enjoy a festival

There’s a real variety of festivals to be enjoyed together in the summer, mixing music with other elements which firmly put Cornwall on the map. The Rock Oyster festival in July combines music with a line-up of top chefs offering masterclasses, demos, and plenty of restaurant pop-ups. There’s also the Little Orchard Cider & Music Festival combining camping and glamping, lots of live bands and, of course, a huge range of ciders. If a full-blown festival is a bit much for you, there are live music nights at the Eden Project at various dates during the summer, as well as at The Wyldes, an event site situated in a wooded valley in North Cornwall.

Enjoy the view

With so much beauty around, it’s no surprise that there’s a range of restaurants which benefit from the stunning views on offer across the area. Why not try the terrace at The Seafood Restaurant, a restaurant owned by celebrity chef Rick Stein, offering views over the scenic Camel Estuary. Wavecrest Café has panoramic sea views overlooking Lizard Point in Cornwall, while the Jamaica Inn has spectacular views of Bodmin Moor and plenty of history. You’ll be spoilt for choice for great places to eat, many of which are worth putting in a few extra miles to enjoy the seasonal local produce and fresh seafood Cornwall is famed for.

Visit a spa

Looking for a more sedate experience? There are some great spas in Cornwall, allowing you to enjoy some quality pamper time together. The Aqua Club at the iconic The Headland Hotel is perched on a rugged peninsula boasting a luxurious swimming and wellbeing centre. Relax in the hydrotherapy pool, or have your favourite cocktail bought to you at the outdoor heated Sunset Spa Pool. The Scarlet Hotel has an eco-spa with sweeping views of the Atlantic and plenty of wellbeing classes to enjoy together, including yoga and tai chi.

Pop across the border

There’s plenty going on in neighbouring Devon to add some variety to your date ideas. Explore the amazing Tunnels Beaches, a network of hand-carved tunnels leading to unique sheltered beaches and tidal pools. Take a boat trip to the peaceful and unspoiled Lundy Island to walk and spot the varied wildlife – you may even be lucky enough to spot a pod of dolphins as you make the ferry crossing. At the end of a long day of sightseeing cosy up for an intimate movie showing at the Neo cinema, which seats up to 30 people in comfortable sofas and armchairs.

These are just a flavour of the many amazing dates you can enjoy together in Cornwall – we’d love to hear your top tips for getting the most out of the area. Head over to our Facebook or Instagram pages to share your thoughts on the best date ideas to be enjoyed in Cornwall this summer!

Are you looking to meet somebody new to share plenty of good times and new experiences with? Working with a matchmaker can be the perfect way to meet that special person you’ll really enjoy spending time with. They are able to work with you to really understand what you are looking for and introduce you to amazing people you’ll genuinely share a spark with. Give us a call today to find out how we can assist on your search for love!

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Three toxic dating trends you need to watch out for

Love it or hate it, there’s no other show that puts dating behaviours under the microscope quite as much as Love Island. With another season of ITV’s hit show underway, the spotlight is once again shining light on the numerous dating red flags that crop up in the show, which are all too often found in the real world as well.

You only have to briefly look in the media to find that there are plenty of articles and social posts out there examining in detail the toxic practices that are played out in the villa. And along with depiction of problematic behaviours, the show highlights the powerful – and painful – impact that they can have on the contestants and their budding relationships.

Problematic behaviours are sadly common in the modern dating world and there are several toxic trends which, from experience, have a particularly detrimental effect on daters’ emotional well-being. Below you’ll find details of three romantic red flags that are worth having on your radar to ensure you are prepared if you ever encounter them on your dating journey.

Ghosting

This dating term refers to the situation when somebody who you’ve been romantically involved with abruptly cuts all contact without any warning. They end the relationship without explaining why, or even bothering to let you know that they’ve moved on – leaving you to figure it out on your own after days, weeks and maybe even months of silence.

This is especially difficult in a relationship where you’ve trusted somebody enough to be intimate with them and the relationship has turned physical. Suddenly, you are ghosted for no reason. It’s essentially unfinished business that leaves you feeling confused, abandoned and questioning what you did wrong to be dropped so abruptly. Ironically, despite how you are feeling the real issue is with the person who does the ghosting, and it’s worth remembering that it as their problem not yours, as you are not the one to blame.  

Zombieing

This is where you’ve been left hanging by a ghost and then just as you are starting to get over them, they come back with lots of promises and poor excuses for their disposable manners and behaviour – only to prime you up to be ghosted again!

Be under no false illusions, once somebody has ghosted you, they will know they can get away with it if you allow them back into your life to do it again. It’s may sound harsh but it’s true. It can particularly add insult to injury if you’ve already been hurt in the past by the person who ghosted you. Be kind to yourself and remember to set and maintain strong boundaries of how you want to be treated, at the first sign of this behaviour don’t chase them. Instead put your phone down – or even better, block them and move on.

Breadcrumbing

This is, in a nutshell, leading somebody on. It’s when somebody that you’re dating drops subtle hints of wanting a relationship with you but then they come and go as they please or are just plain inconsistent. You never know where you really stand or what the intentions are of the person doing this to you.

Their behaviour often leaves you feeling confused, and it can be quite an emotional rollercoaster because you love it when they get in touch and really enjoy the time you spend together. That rush of adrenaline when you see each other may feel great, but the rollercoaster ride you’ve taken is ultimately very damaging as they give you just enough hope that they may commit with no intention or action that they ever will.

Lack of clarity in dating is hugely detrimental for your self-esteem and can lead to longer term anxiety when it comes to meeting people which can ultimately sabotage your dating journey. If you’ve fallen victim to any of these toxic behaviours, you can start to mistrust your judgement and become fearful of the good people that you encounter along the way who are much better suited to you. 

These three dating trends, while very common in the dating world, are so damaging for the recipients of the bad behaviour and actually tell you a lot about the person who is instigating the toxic approaches to dating for many different reasons. 

If you find yourself questioning someone’s intentions, the best advice is to step on the brakes and back off! If they really want you, they will step forward and show it in a healthy way. If they carry on behaving inappropriately and you pull back, then you are protecting yourself and also sending a clear message to the other person that you are worthy of more and secure in who you are and the boundaries that you have set for your partner and any future relationships you have.

Don’t ever worry you could be losing out on something wonderful as you are actually saving yourself from more heartache and pain in the long run. Listen to your emotions and feelings and look after your heart to ensure you are putting yourself first when it comes to dating – if you do this, you’ll be sure to find that perfect match and a long-lasting, healthy, and committed relationship, just like you deserve.

Are you looking for somebody who’ll really value who you are and respect your life goals and outlook on life? Our matchmakers are experts in recognising individuals who you will really share a spark with, using a unique mix of personality profiling, experienced matchmakers, intuition, and our extensive private network. Find out how we can help you reach that goal of a long-term committed relationship by getting in touch today.

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Why summer can be the best time to date

If you’re the sort of person who can’t wait to swap your winter boots for flip-flops, and you hit the beaches and parks the minute the mercury rises, then there’s a good chance you’re a fan of summer dating as well.

Summer can feel like a magical time to date, giving us sun-starved Brits plenty of opportunities to relish in the longer days and warmer weather. The winter months seemingly last forever and when the summer finally rolls around there’s suddenly a raft of new opportunities at your fingertips which are perfect for sharing with somebody special.

With the need to take shelter in the cosiest indoor spot finally behind us, there are numerous opportunities which add some spice to your dating journey in the warmer months. Think happy hour at rooftop bars, romantic picnics in the park, outdoor live performances and plentiful of al fresco drinks in sun-soaked pub gardens.  

Then there’s the fact we all feel a bit brighter over the summer months. It can certainly be hard to feel your best when you are swamped in layers marching through the drizzle in November. It’s much easier to put your best foot forward in the warmer months by rocking a healthy glow, thanks to embracing your chilled-out summer wardrobe and sporting a tan (whether it’s thanks to a regular spray tan appointment or all that time you’ve been enjoying outside).

Everyone seems a bit more relaxed, and the days become more fluid as you leave office drinks to flit to the next impromptu barbecue or drinks party. It can be easier to meet people when everybody is out and about making the most of the increased opportunities to socialise.  

Summer flings can go hand-in-hand with the season, and this is something to be aware of if you’re looking for something which’ll last past the August bank holiday. Ever heard of freckling? It refers to casually getting involved with somebody over the summer months just to lose interest again as the colder weather rolls around. The person may pop back into your dating life again next year – but only when the weather is nice. If you’re looking for a more long-term relationship, then it is worth being mindful of what the other person is looking for by sounding out each other’s expectations early on in your dating journey.   

If a temporary summer romance is more your bag, then it is also only fair to check the person you’re dating is on the same page to avoid autumn heartbreak. Plus, you never know, what started as a casual micro-romance may blossom into something more as you find yourself reluctant to part ways come the cooler months.

There can also be less pressure in the early days of a summer relationship due to there being no significant holidays in the calendar to navigate. Christmas and New Year’s Eve, for example, can cause the added pressure of feeling the need to define your relationship status as you enjoy festive gatherings and parties together. It’s the time of the year that can also leave you wondering whether it’s too soon to swap Christmas presents with a new partner or invite them along to a family gathering.  

Even if you’ve been in a relationship for a while, summer can provide plenty of opportunities to mix up your dating journey. The temptation to mooch on the sofa with the latest boxset can go out the window when there’s plenty of fun to be enjoyed outdoors. You can really mix up your date nights with a fun shared activity, whether it’s enjoying an outdoor movie, paddleboarding down the local river, or gazing at the stars over a firepit in the garden.

Of course, summer dating may not appeal to everybody. The thought of applying make-up in the sweltering heat or wading through crowds of revellers looking for the last outdoor table in town may not sound particularly enticing if, deep down, you prefer the roar of a log-fire and a cosy pub date mid-winter. Nothing can quite top the disappointment of an all-too-predictable summer shower as you’ve just settled down to romantic supper in the garden. If this sounds like you, don’t give into the pressure to have the perfect Instagrammable summer of love – just do what suits you best.

If you’re looking to up your dating game in the coming months, it can be invaluable to seek out the support of a matchmaker to find somebody you’ll truly enjoy sharing time with. A matchmaker can work with you to understand exactly what you’re looking for in a long-term, committed relationship. They then use an expert mix of personality profiling, their extensive experience, private network, and intuition to recommend hand-selected individuals who’ll perfectly align with your goals and outlook on life. So, as the weather heats up and the summer fun kicks off in earnest, you’ll be in the best place to have a year to remember!

If you’re looking to up your dating game this summer, why not give our expert team at Ignite Dating a call? They can work closely with you to really understand your aspirations, goals, and life values, introducing you to incredible people you’ll really share a connection with.

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How to deal with dating burnout

There’s no doubt that these days we are all extremely busy people. If your phone isn’t constantly pinging with messages and emails, it’s probably out of battery. From the latest news on your family WhatsApp group and appointment reminders from your local hairdresser, to work emails and updates from your dog walker, there’s a lot to take in on a daily basis.

If you add an online app-based approach to dating into the mix, well, life can get even more frantic. Online dating apps are designed to make it easy to connect quickly with lots of people at the swipe of a screen. While this may seem like a benefit if you’re looking to meet somebody new, it can inadvertently turn out to be quite stress-inducing if you get too swept up in it all. There is the temptation to think that the person of your dreams is there, somewhere, buried in those countless online profiles, so all you need to do is keep up the momentum – and the swiping – to find them. But a quick five-minute search can turn into hours assessing person after person. Suddenly that relaxed night on the sofa, with a well-earned glass of wine after a long week, turns from a chilled box set marathon to your hands creeping to the phone for just a quick look. Before you know it, it’s the early hours.

If a search for love is starting to feel quite labour intensive and you’re getting increasingly exhausted with it all, it can be a sign that you are panic dating and at risk of dating burnout. But it’s not just having so much choice at your fingertips that can lead to getting carried away – the temptation to panic date can come from an array of different sources.

Perhaps it’s a reluctance to say no to a date if you’re invited on one. A lot of singletons can feel the pressure to be out there constantly and worry that by pressing pause on their dating journey for even a short while, it can mean they’ll miss out. If you’re constantly focusing on the next date, or rushing to another meeting that very same evening, be sure this approach works for you as it’s easy to feel burned out if you’re already juggling a hectic schedule. It’s tempting to agree to numerous dates on your quest to find the perfect partner but remember – dating is meant to be fun. If it’s starting to feel like a chore, or you’ve got zero motivation to get out there, it’s a sign you need to reassess your approach to dating.

You may also be feeling subtle pressure from your friendship group to get coupled up, especially if a steady stream of engagement announcements and wedding invites are coming your way. It can be hard when your single friends dwindle, especially if you are finding it hard to feel 100% content with the freedom of singledom.

You may even be toying with the temptation to think about rekindling with an ex. This may come as a result of feeling like everybody else is coupling up, but if there were good reasons behind the decision to call it a day, it’s probably not a good idea to try and pick up where you left off.

If all this sounds familiar, then don’t despair. There are a few simple tricks and techniques to solve a frantic approach to dating.

Firstly, contrary to popular belief it can be helpful to take a step away from dating and take some time for yourself, providing plenty of time for reflection about what’s not working and the changes you need to make. Self-care is important to ensure you’re looking after number one, and taking a break for even a short while can mean you return to dating feeling energised and confident. It’ll also provide some valuable balance and help you focus on other parts of your life that make you happy.

A break from dating can be the perfect time to concentrate on what you really want from a partner and a relationship. Try not to sweat how long the break is – you won’t be missing out if you really invest the time in ensuring dating is fun again once you’re really ready to get back out there. You can then return to a more purposeful dating journey, being more selective with the time you dedicate to dating, focusing more on who you meet and the types of dates you’ll really enjoy. Don’t waste time on a date if you’ve got a gut feeling they’re not right for you – there’s plenty more fish in the sea and you’ll have a lot more fun if you see the romance potential shining through their profile.

Working with a matchmaker also can really help you take a step back and assess what you want from a relationship. When you feel ready to take your first steps back into the dating world, they’ll be on-hand to introduce you to hand-selected introductions who truly align with your goals, aspirations, and life values. There’s no need to stress about meeting somebody new, as your matchmaker will take all the hard work out of your search for somebody who you’ll really click with.

So, if you’re getting the feeling your dating journey is not quite working for you at the moment, remember it can pay to take a step back and have a good look at what you really want. And when you’re ready to date again, it’ll be all the more fun and enjoyable!   

If you’re looking for help in pursuing a more purposeful and enjoyable dating journey, why not give our team of expert matchmakers a call? They are on-hand to share their expertise and work with you to really understand your relationship goals. Get in touch today!

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How to nail a second date

You’ve been talking to someone for a while, met them for the first time for a date and had a good time – now the hardest part is out the way. Firstly – congratulations! A successful first date is super exciting, and by now you’re probably feeling relieved it went well and full of anticipation for what comes next.

If you both felt a connection the first time you met, it’s time to nail down date number two. The stakes may feel considerably higher now there’s mutual interest, but the good news is this is where you can really start to get to know each other and suss out if there is the potential for something more.

Even if the first date didn’t sweep you off your feet, plenty of singles find it worth meeting up for a second date to see if the person has relationship potential. Nearly half of people surveyed about second dates believe a first date that was okay but nothing worth shouting home about, can have the potential to grow on them. Something which is particularly true if a serious relationship is on the cards. Nearly three-quarters of singles said they are more likely to give a date a second chance when they are actively looking for a committed relationship.

Regardless of your expectations for a subsequent date, it’s fair to say it can be a lot more relaxed the second time around. A separate study found that almost two-thirds of single men and women are more excited by a second date than the first. First dates can be nerve-wracking and may feel a bit stilted as you work your way through the pleasantries. You may have felt it hard to let your guard down and let your real personality and character shine through. By the time your second rendezvous arrives, the pre-meeting jitters may have soothed, especially now there’s some shared ground, putting less pressure on the getting-to-know-you small talk and allowing you both to be yourselves. 

But what should you be aware of to ensure a smooth follow-up to a promising first date with somebody who seems worth investing the time to get to know better? When you think about it, that first date monopolises a lot of the limelight. So much attention is paid to making sure you follow recommended tricks and tips for nailing this all-important first meeting, so you’ll successfully make enough of an impression to land date number two. But once it’s in the diary, you can feel a bit cast adrift about what comes next!

We’ve shared our top tips for how to ace a second date to put you successfully on the path to date three and beyond.

Firstly, relax: Part of the reason first dates are so nerve-racking is there is no shared ground. You have no idea if you’ll like the person, or if they will be into you. If you’ve both agreed to meet again, chances are both of you see enough potential in the first meeting to get to know each other better. It’s easier to keep the conversation flowing when you’ve learned a bit more about each other and you can demonstrate what an amazing listener you are by following up on the things you discussed the first time around. Remember it takes a while to build a relationship and get to know somebody properly – this is exactly what you’re doing here. You’ve moved things along from the initial meeting, so now it’s time to enjoy the getting-to-know each other stage.

Find out more about each other: The joy of date number two is you can really delve deeper and learn a lot more about each other. Okay, you don’t need to get too deep here – grilling somebody about their exes is still firmly off the table. However, this is a lovely time to find out more, whether it’s about their childhood, career plans, family, or background. It may be discovering that they backpacked around Europe while at university, or about the time they broke their elbow falling out of a tree at school – it’s all about knitting together a picture of who they are and feeling comfortable enough to share things with each other.

Mix it up a bit: Make sure you are not just repeating your first date, especially if it felt quite formal as you exchanged pleasantries over the dinner table. Get a fresh perspective by suggesting something the other will really enjoy based on what you’ve already learned about them. It’s easier for you both to show your fun and laid-back side by enjoying a shared activity, whether it’s a picnic in the park, taking in a museum exhibition, or enjoying a long sunset walk.

Show more affection if it feels right: If your first date was a quick get-to-know-you, chances are there was not much of an opportunity to get flirty and share physical affection. If it feels right this time around, you can take it a step forward as you begin to feel more comfortable with each other. Do judge how the other person feels about the intimacy increasing though, and don’t feel rushed into anything – there’s no set timeline for how intimate any date should be.

Work with a matchmaker: If you’re looking to take some of the mystery out of dating, then working with a matchmaker is an ideal way to help you reach that goal of a long-term, committed relationship. They can expertly guide and support you through every step of your dating journey, from that first phone call to the initial flurry of dates and into a relationship. A matchmaker is an expert in finding you likeminded and suitable matches who you will be truly excited to meet and get to know better. So, if you’re looking to take the hard work out of dating, know that with a matchmaker on your side you’re best placed to embark on a relaxed and successful search for love.

If it feels like the right time to try a new way of dating, why not give our team of expert matchmakers a call? Our friendly team are ready to find you the perfect match, offering plenty of help and advice along the way.