Month: September 2024

Needy is a phrase that is used commonly in today’s dating world. Whether it’s been directed at you or someone you know is talking about a potential love interest or partner, the chances are you will have heard the phrase batted around. But have you ever stopped to consider what it really means?

Most people would describe needy as someone in constant need of affection and attention. Think Disney’s famous fairy Tinkerbell, who is thought to die if she doesn’t get enough attention. But if you were to look up the term in the Oxford Dictionary, you will find that while needy can be defined as a person needing emotional support, its primary definition is of a person lacking the necessities of life. 

The truth is, there’s no such thing as someone who’s too needy. It simply doesn’t exist in the sense that we have been programmed to think of it. Instead, it is more aligned to the dictionary’s primary definition but rather than focusing on the physical aspects of need, we need to focus on the intangible entities. 

When it comes to needs it is easy to envision the physical aspects that a person may be lacking. For example, if you were stranded in a desert for a week, weak from exhaustion, starvation and dehydration, as soon as a plate of food and a glass of water is put in front of you the way you react to it would be different than if you had a bag of food and water with you in the desert. Your entire behaviour would be different, because your need for food and water would be much higher. 

Now in today’s society, those that are labelled as needy, are often the people who have not had what they rely on for survival, which is love, acceptance, connection, relationships, vulnerability, and safety. Their previous experience of relationships has been void of these fundamental aspects, which in turn means they have metaphorically been walking in an emotional desert, starved of the intangible entities that they need. 

Because they have been without them for so long, when they meet a new partner or a potential love interest who gives them those fundamental elements, they crave them more. So, people label them as needy. However, over time as those needs are met, their behaviours completely change, and the needy behaviours decrease. In its simplest form, we use love, connection, and relationships as a survival mechanism.

So, next time you meet someone who you would usually class as needy, take a moment to assess what their behaviour is really telling you. The likelihood is that with a little patience and a relationship filled with the foundational basics of love, acceptance, connection, vulnerability, and safety on both sides, that person’s behaviour is likely to change, and they could in fact be the exact person you’ve been searching for.

If you’re single and are looking for a healthy relationship filled with the fundamental basics of love and connection, then get in touch with our team of expert matchmakers to find out how we can help you fulfil your needs to find a happy and long-lasting relationship.

When it comes to finding that special someone, we all have a picture in our mind as to how that perfect partner will be. Everything from their looks to their personality traits and values have been analysed and added to a checklist, but the reality is that person doesn’t exist. The chances of finding someone with that exact unique set of traits and values, is practically impossible. Instead of looking for that idealised version of a partner, we should learn to look beyond the barriers that we are putting in place to find that person who is truly aligned with our own values, lifestyles, and aspirations of the future. Here are five ways to accept a partner who may not be perfect, but who is good for you. 

Adjust your expectations

If you are the type of person who constantly seeks perfection and has written off many possible relationships because they haven’t quite met your checklist – maybe they were slightly shorter than expected or outside of your age bracket – then you may be standing in the way of your own happily ever after. 

It’s important to adjust your expectations when it comes to relationships, as everyone has flaws, little quirks, and potential red flags. It’s part of being human. Instead of seeking perfection, focus on finding someone who aligns with your values, shares common interests, and supports you in achieving your goals.

Concentrate on the positives

Mindset plays a huge part in how happy we are with our lives and our relationships. Focusing on the parts that don’t meet your criteria, will in turn push you into thinking that they’re not right for you. 

Instead, deliberately give attention to the positive aspects and appreciate the qualities that make them a good fit. For example, consider their kindness, how supportive they are to you and your goals, and recognise their loyalty and all the other attributes that contribute to a healthy relationship. 

Focus on compatibility

Relationships are about more than how good you look together, it’s how well you fit on the features that really matter. Concentrate on how well you and your partner mesh in terms of hobbies and interests, communications styles, values, lifestyles, and your aspirations for the future. 

If you are aligned on these attributes, then you have a stronger foundation for which to build and grow in your relationship. Compatibility is more important than finding someone who meets an idealised version of a perfect partner.

Be patient

Patience is key in any relationship, as it takes time for a connection to grow and develop. Rushing can lead to misunderstandings or unmet expectations on both sides, so it’s important to take it slow with your partner. Offer support and understanding as you both evolve to become better matches for each other as the relationship naturally deepens. 

Work on personal growth

We’ve all heard the famous phrase, “it takes two to tango” and this couldn’t be truer in relationships. Personal growth is essential for a healthy partnership, as both individuals contribute to its success. By focusing on your own self-improvement, you can bring positive changes to the relationship. Whether it’s developing better communication skills, managing emotions, or becoming more self-aware, your growth can strengthen the bond and help create a more fulfilling and balanced connection. 

Contrary to popular belief, perfect partners only exist in fairytales and striving for an idealised version of who you expect your partner to be can hinder your journey of finding a meaningful relationship. So, next time you’re on a date put your checklist to the side and focus on the person in front of you. Because if they share your values, appreciate who you are and have the same plans for the future, then what does it matter if they’re an inch or two too short or an age older than you wished. Sometimes good enough really is better than perfect.

If you’re single and looking for a partner that may not be perfect but is good for you, then get in touch with our team of experts today.

Northern Ireland has played host as a famous backdrop for many romantic movies and novels over the years and it’s easy to see why. The country’s stunning mix of natural beauty, historical sites, and unique experiences, make it the perfect setting for unforgettable dates. Whether you’re into outdoor adventures, cosy evenings, or cultural explorations, there’s something for every couple to enjoy in Northern Ireland. Here are some date ideas to inspire you and your date to make the most of this captivating country.

Sunset stroll at Giant’s Causeway

If you love to mix romance with a touch of myth and history, visiting the Giant’s Causeway is a must. This National Trust heritage site, famous for its hexagonal basalt columns, offers breathtaking views of the North Atlantic Ocean and if you time your visit around sunset, you’re sure to witness a beautiful magical glow over the landscape. After your walk along the causeway, why not visit nearby Bushmills for a cosy meal in one of the village’s quaint pubs or restaurants.

Explore the walled city of Derry

For history buffs, the city of Derry (officially Londonderry) provides a rich cultural experience. Take a leisurely walk together around the historic city walls, which date back to the 17^th century. These walls are among the best-preserved in Europe, offering views of the city and the River Foyle below. Afterward, visit the Guildhall, a beautiful neo-Gothic building, or grab coffee in the quirky Craft Village. To finish off the day, catch a live music gig in one of the city’s many bars. Derry has a vibrant arts and cultural scene, so you’re bound to find something happening every night.

Picnic at the Dark Hedges

If you and your partner are fans of Game of Thrones, a visit to the Dark Hedges is a perfect idea. This avenue of ancient beech trees, made famous by the TV series, is one of the most photographed spots in Northern Ireland. Pack a picnic with your favourite treats, find a quiet spot under the sprawling branches, and enjoy the eerie yet enchanting beauty of the place. It’s a peaceful, romantic setting that’s ideal for couples looking to escape into nature.

Adventure at the Mourne Mountains

For the active couple, a day spent hiking in the Mourne Mountains offers an invigorating date experience. With trails ranging from easy to challenging, the Mournes provide stunning panoramic views of Northern Ireland’s rolling hills and coastline. After working up a sweat, reward yourselves with a hearty meal at a local pub, such as The Maghera Inn, or cosy up by a fire in one of the area’s charming guesthouses. If you’re feeling particularly adventurous, you could even book a couple’s camping trip and spend the night under the stars.

Tour the Titanic Quarter in Belfast

For something more urban, a date in Belfast’s Titanic Quarter offers a mix of history and modern experiences. Start with a visit to the Titanic Belfast Museum, where you can learn about the city’s shipbuilding heritage and the tragic story of the Titanic. Afterward, stroll along the waterfront, stopping at the SS Nomadic, the last remaining White Star Line ship. End your day with a romantic dinner at Bert’s Jazz Bar, where you can enjoy cocktails and live jazz in a glamorous, vintage setting.

Spa day in the Slieve Donard Resort

For the ultimate relaxation date, book a spa day at the Slieve Donard Resort & Spa, located at the foot of the Mourne Mountains and overlooking the sea. You can both unwind with a couple’s massage, enjoy the luxurious thermal spa, or simply relax in the stunning surroundings. After a day of pampering, enjoy dinner at the hotel’s award-winning restaurant, which offers fine dining with breathtaking views of the coast.

Northern Ireland’s diverse landscapes and rich cultural heritage provide endless opportunities for memorable dates. Whether you’re exploring historic cities, embarking on outdoor adventures, or indulging in fine dining and pamper days, Northern Ireland promises romance and enchantment at every turn. So, grab your partner and embark on a Northern Ireland adventure that will leave you both spellbound.

If you’re based in Northern Ireland and looking for a new way to date, then get in touch with our team today to find out more about how we can help on your search for love.

In the world of dating, deciding when to take your relationship to the next level is a common obstacle for couples to navigate in those initial stages of getting to know each other. But, as Kalila and Holly mentioned in our recent podcast episode with SheSpot, there is no “right” or “wrong” time. The decision is deeply personal and varies for everyone, yet it often plays a significant role in the success of a relationship. 

For those who are single or navigating those early milestones in dating, understanding when to take this step can help ensure that your dating journey is both meaningful and fulfilling and your relationship is primed for success.

The timing of intimacy is not just about physical connection; it’s also about emotional readiness, mutual respect, and the stage of your relationship. For some, the spark might ignite quickly, leading to a strong, instant connection. However, this is usually a connection built on strong physical attraction or lust, rather than a deeper emotional bond and is usually short lived. 

For others, intimacy may evolve more slowly, requiring time to build trust and emotional depth. Recognising where you and your partner are on this spectrum can help guide your decision.

A common misconception is that there’s a “right” or “wrong” timeline that applies universally. The reality is that every relationship is unique, and the pace at which intimacy develops should reflect the needs and values of both partners. What’s most important is that the decision feels right to you both and is made with mutual consent and understanding.

But how do you know when you’ve reached that point?

Assessing emotional readiness

Before becoming intimate, it’s essential to assess your emotional readiness. Are you comfortable with your partner? Do you trust them? Emotional readiness means being in a place where you feel secure in your connection and confident that intimacy will deepen your relationship rather than complicate it. If you’re still feeling unsure or anxious about the relationship, it might be wise to take more time to get to know each other.

Not only that, but communication is also key. Have open, honest conversations with your partner about your feelings, expectations, and boundaries. This dialogue not only ensures that both of you are on the same page but also strengthens your emotional bond, laying a solid foundation for a healthy relationship.

Aligning your values and goals

Your personal values and relationship goals should guide the decision to become intimate. Some people might place a high value on waiting until they feel a strong emotional or even spiritual connection, while others may feel comfortable moving forward based on physical attraction and mutual respect. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, but it’s crucial to align your actions with what feels right for you.

For those working with a matchmaker, this is a topic that should be discussed early in the process. A skilled matchmaker will take your values and goals into account when pairing you with potential partners, helping to ensure that you meet someone whose approach to intimacy aligns with yours. They are also on hand to give an impartial perspective on the relationship and help you to determine where your feelings lie and how taking the relationship to the next level will affect your journey together. 

Building trust and respect

Trust and respect are cornerstones of any healthy relationship and are especially important when it comes to intimacy. Taking the time to build trust ensures that both partners feel safe and respected. It also creates a space where intimacy can flourish naturally.

If you’re unsure whether the time is right, consider the level of trust you’ve established with your partner. Do you feel confident that they respect your boundaries and will honour your needs? If the answer is yes, you’re in a good place to take the next step. If not, then consider taking the relationship a little slower and giving you both that extra time for trust to develop. 

But most importantly you need to trust yourself and the process. 

Deciding when to get intimate with a partner is a deeply personal choice, one that should be made with care, consideration, and mutual respect. By focusing on emotional readiness, aligning with your values, and building trust, you can make a decision that feels right for both you and your partner. Ultimately, the right time to get intimate is when it feels right for you – trust yourself and the process, and the rest will follow naturally.

If you’re single and looking for some guidance on navigating your dating journey, get in touch with our team of expert matchmakers today. With their guidance and support you can enjoy a dating journey that not only empowers you and gives you what you need to navigate the complexities that come with a dating journey in this modern era, but also allows you to appreciate the little and big milestones ahead.