Too many people believe the most important ‘C’ word in dating is chemistry, because we hear so much about this in the movies, TV shows and social media, through big grand gestures and the concept of ‘love at first sight’.
But in reality, chemistry doesn’t guarantee dating success. Instead, there are four far more important ‘C’ words that you need to consider for relationship compatibility.
These are: clarity, consistency, communication and capacity.
And these aren’t just buzzwords; they are important factors you need to think about when deciding whether or not a new partner is a good match for you.
So, what do they mean and how do these impact your relationship compatibility?
1. Clarity
Clarity is all about understanding who you are, what stage you’re at in your life and ensuring you find a partner that understands and complements this. Nothing can break a relationship faster than being at fundamentally different stages in life or wanting different paths in the future.
For example, one partner wants children, while the other already has children and doesn’t want any more or one wants to travel, while the other wants firm roots and a home.
We tend to see these issues more in relationships with big age gaps, but they can happen to anyone. So, when dating someone new, you need to ask yourself:
- What season of life am I in?
- What kind of relationship do I want?
- Does my new partner already know and accept this?
- Can I communicate this effectively to them to ensure they feel the same?
The problem is that when clarity isn’t there, people tend to fill these gaps with hope, rather than realistic expectations, and this can lead to confusion and disappointment. This is often where ‘situationships’ occur.
2. Consistency
Consistency is an important marker of relationship compatibility. This is about how partners show up for one another over time, not just in the moments of excitement or romance.
Consistency is about how present you are every day and through the little moments in life. It’s also about:
- Communicating regularly
- Making and following through on plans
- Showing a genuine interest in each other’s lives
- Making time for each other, even during busier periods
- Addressing problems rather than avoiding them
It is this consistency that creates emotional safety within a relationship. It’s not about being perfect or constantly available on the phone, but it means that your words, actions and effort align – consistency must go both ways.
3. Communication
Being good at communicating is not just about answering the phone when they call or replying to their messages straight away. It’s about being able to have important conversations, whether those are happy talks or uncomfortable subjects.
In order to determine your relationship compatibility, you should ask yourself:
- Can they clarify their feelings?
- Can they share their needs?
- Do they stay present during uncomfortable conversations?
- Do I communicate effectively with them too?
- Do I feel safe expressing my feelings to them?
- Do we listen to one another and really take these feelings on board?
Good communication always has been and always will be one of the most important qualities in a partner.
It is a huge contributing factor to relationship compatibility and should therefore be an absolute must for any new partnership. Both of you must be able to communicate, feel safe doing so and be able to handle big conversations calmly.
4. Capacity
The final ‘C’ word is capacity and determining whether they have the emotional and mental space, as well as the time to devote to you and a relationship.
Someone can like you, express strong feelings for you and still not be able to give you the time and attention you need. This goes back to consistency. Just because they want a relationship with you, if they can’t find the time to make it happen and to show up for you consistently, then it’s not going to work out.
Potential does not build a relationship – capacity does. That is why a new partner must show you that they have the capacity for a relationship and that they will match up to your expectations.
If they are unable to do this, or equally, if you are unable to commit to them as much as they need, the capacity is not there, and this could ultimately lead to hurt or disappointment.
Using the 4 ‘Cs’ to determine your relationship compatibility
If your relationships haven’t worked out in the past, or you’ve been dating for a while without finding the right person, it’s not because you’re not putting yourself out there or you’re being too ‘picky’.
The truth is, it’s because one or more of these fundamental concepts are missing from your relationship or your needs are misaligned.
When dating someone new, it’s important to keep these four core ideas in your mind to help you determine your relationship compatibility before you invest too heavily in someone who is not right for you.
Ask yourself these important questions and look for someone who is open, honest and at the same stage of life as you. Someone who can communicate effectively and who consistently shows up for you, even in life’s mundane moments.
And if you’d like help finding good matches or understanding relationship compatibility in more detail, our team of expert matchmakers can help. Get in touch today to find out more about the elite matchmaking services we offer at Ignite Dating.