How do mate values shape how we date?

We are all very familiar with the term “out of your league” but have you ever stopped to consider why you approach certain people to get to know them better? And why others may feel unattainable as you flick through online dating profiles and weigh up whether they would agree to meet with you?

There are so many factors we look for in a love interest, from physical attraction and career success to their values and personality traits. If you could sum up the perfect person in terms of the former, you’d probably picture a celebrity or a supermodel. However, not many of us are adamant on landing somebody in the league of Brad Pitt or Cara Delevingne, so how do we go about looking for potential partners that feel about right for you?

Psychology Today recently highlighted the matching hypothesis, which predicts that people will couple up with somebody with the same “social mate value” as them. According to the relationship science theory, everybody has a social mate value which sums up their value as a potential partner. This is based on the sorts of factors that make you desirable to a potential date, including the likes of skills, personality, physical appearance, and your qualities. The theory states people partner up based on having a similar social mate value – so, if you’re a seven out of 10 in terms of mate value, you’ll end up with somebody who is around the same. 10s go with 10s, and so on, explains the article. In a nutshell, we ultimately end up with somebody who roughly matches our own mate value.

Dating up

What was interesting is that researchers found that people do actively seek dates with somebody who roughly matched their mate value, though it didn’t stop them wanting to “date up”. In their study they found many aspired to contact people they saw as more attractive than them, but they feared they’d be rejected due to the mismatch in perceived value. Interestingly, the researchers also talked to online daters who often tried their luck with people they viewed as more attractive than them, because the rejection on dating apps was a lot less hurtful because people can just not respond if they aren’t interested. It was often the case they wouldn’t hear back from the person with higher mate value, but they would receive messages back from somebody who was in their league – so a six would hear back from a six that they had approached.

The lesson here, the article concludes, is you don’t always get what you think you want. Pushing for a more attractive partner might seem important, whereas you will have much more luck looking for love in your dating pool as your own mate value determines the person you are more likely to end up with. It also cites another study which found partners with matching mate values had better relationships which lasted longer, had more frequent interactions and a better sexual history.

Be open-minded

It’s a timely reminder that it’s important to get too hung up on a checklist approach to love that leads to you overlooking people who may be perfect for you. People with high mate value may be attractive or have something about them that you think is important, such as a six-figure salary or being over 6ft tall. However, in the grand scheme of things, these elements are no guarantee of relationship success. Holding out for the best possible match on paper is not a good strategy for future happiness. When you consider the type of things which do make a relationship a success – shared values, similar outlooks on life and personality traits you view as important – it pays to look for somebody who has these qualities. Being open-minded is key and being willing to give somebody a chance, even if they aren’t the type of person you’d usually go for. You may be amazed who you might connect with who you could have discounted otherwise. It’s worth not overfocusing on attractiveness as it can lead to overlooking other important traits which can lead to more satisfying relationships, while not actually being a predictor of whether a relationship will go on to be successful or long-lasting. Your perfect person may not be what you thought you were looking for, but it’ll hardly matter when you are in a happy and long-lasting relationship.

It’s so valuable to having a helping hand in your dating journey, with a trusted friend working with you to decide the type of person who would be perfect for you. That’s why it can be a great idea to work with a matchmaker, who is available to support you and offer advice at every step of your dating journey. Matchmaking offers a personalised search for love which is stress-free and enjoyable. Call our friendly team to find out more!


Why are there so many married people on dating apps?

It’s unfortunate fact of life that not everybody you encounter on dating apps is single. A large-scale survey of dating app users suggested that a whopping 30% of dating app users are married, while another 12% are in a relationship.

There are a number of reasons people pretend they are single when they are actually attached, and it is not all about securing a casual hook-up behind their partner’s back. Sometimes it’s about boredom with married life and seeking the thrill of knowing they can still win over somebody new. Others may be in self-destruct mode, knowingly wrecking something that was good in their life, whether it’s an established marriage or the unwavering love of a significant other. It may even be somebody who is browsing to see who is out there and what the fuss is all about, or seeking validation with no intentions of meeting somebody in real life. It could all be innocent enough if you have started a new relationship and haven’t yet got around to uninstalling your dating apps yet. 

Some people are just looking to make friends. And some, sadly, are actively seeking an affair. The online world opens up a huge potential audience of single people available to chat with, giving these sorts of people ample opportunity to toy with people’s emotions. 

This type of behaviour can easily end in heartbreak, both for the person being pursued and the partner who remains in the dark until a deception is discovered. It can be a crushing blow to discover the person you’ve been chatting to has duped you into believing they are single. It may be a string of red flags have alerted you to their behaviour, or a Google search has unearthed pictures of them posing happily with their significant other. Many are left feeling guilty that they didn’t know somebody was married sooner, even when it was not their fault that they were misled into believing the person they were chatting to was single. Once you are involved with somebody who turns out to be attached it can be hard to let go.

There are plenty of signs to look out for if you worry somebody you are chatting to online isn’t the real deal. Somebody who is concealing their true relationship status may be reluctant to talk about their personal life and won’t meet in public places or let you visit their home. It could be a blurry photo which indicates they are trying to hide something about themselves. They may disappear for long stretches of time which is the parts of the week they are with their partner and can’t message you back. 

It can, of course, be devastating to discover somebody you are in a relationship with has been actively chatting to people on dating apps, leading to shattered trust and heartbreak. Even catching out a partner who says they are only browsing profiles can lead to fears they are questioning the validity of your relationship and looking to see who else is out there.

Team up with the experts

It can really pay to work with a quality dating agency who check the digital footprints, ID, and backgrounds of the clients they work with. Matchmaking offers the perfect peace of mind on your dating journey, as matchmakers work hard to check everyone they work with is genuine. Every client Ignite Dating works with is interviewed face-to-face to make sure they are who are they say they are and to ensure they are unattached and genuinely available to date. This means a stress-free search for love as you can embrace every opportunity and just concentrate on enjoying a series of wonderful dates with people you’ll really share a connection with.

Matchmakers become like trusted friends, supporting you with every step of your search for love. We can take all the hard work away, leaving you with a streamlined and enjoyable dating journey. Get in touch today and find out more!


How to write the perfect dating profile

We’re not all blessed with being perfect wordsmiths so it can present quite a challenge to craft an original dating profile. However, there is a very good reason it can pay to put a lot of thought and effort in the words that accompany your profile. Recent research found authors of more original profiles were rated as being more intelligent, having a greater sense of humour and being more attractive. They were also more likely to land a potential date.

It’s important to remember generic profiles can be easily overlooked and risk you missing out on great dates as a result. So, what does it take to craft a profile that’ll stand out from the crowd? We’ve shared our top tips for writing a profile that’ll help demonstrate the real you and mean you will attract the type of people you’d love to get to know better.

Detail is everything:  The best profiles include concentre information to give a real flavour of who you are. It can add valuable colour when you give examples of what you like to set yourself apart. So, instead of saying you like sport, explain what you love to do, why and perhaps even elaborate on the reward you’d treat yourself to after achieving that PB or winning your next match. Think about including stories rather than facts, by explaining something awesome you did on your last holiday rather than simply stating you like to travel. The more you go into detail, the more chance you have of attracting somebody who shares your interests. You can also use your profile to describe who you’d like to meet and the sort of dating experiences you’d like to enjoy, helping to further attract people you’ll be compatible with who share these traits and interests.

Ask a friend for help: It can feel unnatural to blow your own trumpet and write about yourself, so it can pay to ask your trusted friends for help. They can help you decide of the best way to describe yourself and help you recall experiences that sum up the sort of person you are. Often friends can know you better than you know yourself, so ask them to pick a few words to describe you. You may find some truly original descriptors to include, which you can elaborate on with the rich detail that is so important in a profile.  

Remember, attention spans are short: It’s worth being succinct because you can’t rely on somebody spending the time reading every line of your profile. For this reason, try and get the most important information at the start, including a couple of things you’d love your ideal person to know about you. When you only got a few paragraphs to work with, you need to make every statement count.

Think about conversation starters: Profiles can be the perfect way to give you plenty of chat about on a date. So, make sure there is plenty in there which’ll make it easy to have natural conversations and reduce the risk of awkward pauses. Again, detail is key here, giving you plenty to discuss when you meet up in person. It also gives a potential love interest something to work with if they are looking to get in touch via an app. It helps to have a sense of humour in your writing, as making somebody laugh is a great icebreaker and can help start conversations easily.

Be positive: Be careful not to come across as negative in your profile. People tend to be looking for somebody with an optimistic view of the world and will avoid those who are overly negative in their profiles. It can be a big no-no to write extensively about your dealbreakers, as this can be a massive turn-off and can come across as judgemental. Even being self-deprecating is risky as it can send the wrong message.

Check everything carefully: It may seem like a minor thing, but bad spelling and grammar can be very off-putting. Make sure you check your profile carefully and perhaps ask a friend to give it the once over. You’ll want to meet somebody who has put a lot of energy into the dating process, and they will want to see that you’re equally invested, so be sure you’re totally happy with the impression you are giving via your profile.

Here at Ignite Dating we are on-hand to offer support and advice with a dating profile which will really help you shine. We offer our clients a professional photoshoot and an expertly crafted professionally written profile to help portray them in the best possible light. If you’d like a helping hand to get your dating journey on the track for success, then give the experts at Ignite a call today!


How easy is it to find true love in real life?

Love it or hate it, meeting people online has become a huge part of the dating landscape. Plenty of people have found love this way, while others get frustrated and vow to ditch the apps to concentrate on forging a connection in real life. The problem is, where do you start with a more old-fashioned search for a life partner?

Many singletons realise the power of meeting face-to-face as it’s far easier to establish whether there’s any chemistry rather than relying on the constant back-and-forth of text chats. Due to pandemic restrictions many daters got fed up with relying on digital forms of communication to forge a relationship, and they are now keen to meet people in the flesh. Savvy app owners have realised that many daters are looking for a way to meet fellow single people in a non-pressured environment, leading to many adding an in-person offering to their service.

There has also been a general increase in the popularity of singles event. These types of events have been viewed as quite old-school in the past, but they are now gaining traction as a way of dodging some of the issues associated with online dating while tapping into a nostalgia about dating without technology.

What are the benefits of a singles event?

For those who’ve been out of the dating game for a while, they’ve returned to a search for love only to discover the landscape has completely changed. Getting to grips with online dating and replying to a flurry of messages may seem intimidating, while they crave the connection of meeting in real life. Sadly, there’s a lot of bad behaviour and game playing which takes place on apps – from ghosting to breadcrumbing, and everything in between. Dating app fatigue is another problem, with daters feeling burned out with constant swiping for a date. Meeting face-to-face can help alleviate these pressures, and it can be a lot more enjoyable talking in person to suss out whether you are compatible and there is a spark there. It’s hard to know if there is mutual attraction until you meet up in real life, so the apps only really act as an introduction to each other. Establishing a personal connection can help mean the person with romance potential is less likely to flake on any subsequent meetups you’ve arranged.

Singles events also remove a lot of the stress associated with first dates, as you can quickly move on to the next person if you’ve realised there’s no chemistry there. These types of events have a sociable element as well, helping daters gain confidence by attending with their friends and having a bit of a laugh along the way. Many singles groups are based around people’s interests – whether it’s yoga, films, painting, or walking – helping people forge more authentic connections while enjoying a sociable experience with likeminded people. If you go with the mindset of making friends, it can take a lot of the pressure off the event – if you meet somebody who catches your eye then great, if not you will hopefully have a good time anyway. Having plenty of hobbies and interests also gives you lots to talk about with passion on any future dates you go on. It’s all about finding opportunities to meet potential matches. If singles events aren’t your thing, then look at your social life and consider what you could be doing to meet new people. Even changing your routine slightly might help you come across people you would never have met otherwise, increasing the chances that sparks might fly.

Consider matchmaking

If you feel like you could do with a helping hand with your search for love, then it can really pay to turn to the experts. Matchmakers work hard on your behalf to understand who you are looking for and they then introduce you to amazing people who you’ll really enjoy meeting. Matchmakers operate in much the same way as recruitment head-hunters, letting you sit back and relax while they take the hard work out of your search for love. Using an eclectic mix of personality profiling, their extensive experience, intuition, and our extensive private network, they will provide you with hand-selected introductions to people who share your goal of a committed, long-term relationship.

With so many ways to meet new people, it pays to really think about what works best for you. Don’t be afraid to ditch the apps if you are finding they aren’t working for you and think about what suits you best – whether it’s meeting people at events or turning to the experts – make sure you concentrate on a dating journey you’ll really enjoy!

Our dedicated matchmaking team are ready and waiting for your call to help you with your search for love. Get in touch today to find out more!


How to protect yourself from romance scams

We’ve all heard the stories. Dating scams hit the headlines on a depressingly regular basis, highlighting heartless attempts to trick targets into parting with large sums of money. When attempts to scam targets are successful, they leave behind a trail of heartbreak and debt as the criminal disappears into thin air.

While it can feel like it is all something that happens to other people, experts are keen to point out that everybody who dates online needs to be aware of warning signs that you are being scammed. This is because attempts to dupe people can be sophisticated and they rely on strong emotions to trick their targets, making it hard to discern what is a genuine interest in getting to know you better and what is an attempt to deceive you.

Dating scams can play out over a long period of time, as scammers go to great lengths to gain somebody’s trust and convince them they are in a real relationship. Scammers are experts at impersonating people, convincing you they are something they are not, and they do their research before approaching you to make sure they are convincing. They may seem like the perfect partner, but they have used a fake profile to form a relationship with you. While it seems like you have a loving and caring relationship, their intentions have only ever been to take your money or personal information.

Requests for money can come when the victim is fully entrenched in what they think is a loving relationship. The scammer will often use highly emotive requests, claiming they need help with affording time-critical emergency medical care or to pay for transport from overseas so they can visit the victim. Reports made to Action Fraud reveal that £50,766,602 was lost to romance fraud in 2018 – an average of £11,145 per victim and a 27% increase on the previous year.

While this all sounds scary, there are some key warning signs to watch out for and plenty of tips which will help protect you if you are searching for love online.

  • Watch out for people who make excuses for why they can’t video chat or meet in person. They might attempt to move your conversations away from the online dating platform you met on, as they know legitimate apps can be monitored – so be wary of anyone’s attempts to switch your conversations to email, text, or the phone.
  • They may invent a job role which means they are overseas for long periods of time – perhaps in the military or the medical profession – so you aren’t suspicious about why it has been impossible to meet face-to-face.
  • Their profile may boast glamourous pictures which may in reality be stolen from an actor or model. They may also use stock images or photos copied from other people’s profiles. Do your research and try a reverse image search to find if the photos have come from somewhere else. You can also Google their name, any phrases they use repeatedly and the term ‘dating scam’ to see if anything comes up.
  • The scammer may urge you to keep the relationship private, so be very wary of anybody who asks you not to tell others about them. It pays to keep friends and family in the loop about the people you have been chatting to as they have your best interests at heart and will call out any suspicious behaviour.
  • Be aware that criminals often try and rush or panic you into giving them money – they may get defensive if you decline to help.
  • Don’t hand over any copies of personal documents such as passports and driving licences. Never give out bank details, send them money or take out a loan on their behalf. Another red flag is when somebody pitches you an ‘easy investment opportunity’.
  • The shame and stigma around romance fraud mean many don’t report it – don’t be ashamed if you do fall victim. Alert your bank and Action Fraud immediately.

Putting yourself out there in the dating world can be scary at the best of times so it is perfectly natural to worry if the people you are speaking to have honourable intentions. Working with a matchmaker can be the ideal solution to protecting yourself when you are looking for love. Here at Ignite Dating our matchmakers will ensure the person you are meeting is genuine, interviewing them face-to-face to make sure they are who they say they are. We also ID and digital footprint check everyone we work with. Having a third party involved every step of the way gives you plenty of peace of mind and confidence on your dating journey, leaving you feeling energised, safe and ready to enjoy some great dates with truly amazing people.

Your dedicated matchmaker is with you every step of the way, working closely with you to understand the characteristics and values that are important to you. Our experienced matchmaking team brings a wealth of knowledge and expertise to make your dating journey as streamlined and enjoyable as possible. Get in touch today to find out how we can help you!