Month: September 2023

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Downplaying success in the dating world

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Should career success matter in the dating world? While it would be unfair to consider anybody overqualified for love, successful women do sometimes downplay their achievements and hide their success, by being overly modest about their career highs and achievements when they date. They fear men will be threatened by entering a relationship with somebody who earns more money than they do.

It is sadly the case that some men are threatened or intimidated by a career-driven woman’s success, with studies suggesting that a woman who flies high in her career can make a man feel emasculated or inferior. Due to traditional views on gender roles, a man may feel his place should be as the provider and breadwinner, and the relationship can be marred by resentment and unhealthy competition. Some women will drop their goals or tone down their plans to suit their relationships – or even give up their career altogether.  While this does happen, it certainly doesn’t mean career plans have to be abandoned to succeed in a commited relationship. 

Don’t dull your shine 

A flourishing career is a big part of your life so it’s important to be honest and upfront about professional success in the dating world. It is possible, when writing dating profiles and while in conversation, to downplay the high-income element that comes with a career path if there are fears about attracting the wrong sort of people. 

The busy nature of high-powered roles can mean it is hard to commit time for dating, as a high-pressured job can lead to long hours and constant distractions. However, those first few dates are crucial and it’s important to switch off and really focus on the person you are with to have the best chance of forging a connection. Experts are keen to point out the importance of making your relationship a priority in your life, even when work is all-consuming. 

When somebody is used to being in control it can be hard to let go and while they might have a very specific way of doing things at work, it’s a big shift in mindset to be open-minded when it comes to dating. Some women are afraid of letting people know what they want from a relationship, fearing they will come across as intimidating or demanding. Sometimes their approach to work, which may involve managing people, telling them what to do, or arguing to make a point, can creep into the relationship space and end up alienating a partner, explains the Huffpost. It’s not because they can lead and be in charge, it’s that men are put off by somebody who feels the need to prove it around them. 

Likeminded people often have relationship success 

Relationships are often built on partners having similar backgrounds, values, and attitudes on life. So it’s fairly common for women to search for likeminded partners with a similar educational status – a study of women in their forties in the US showed 51% married a partner with the same degree. Those with common mindsets are often happiest. Having similar intellectual levels can be an advantage in a relationship, reports Cosmopolitan, ensuring you have an equal partnership. 

According to relationship expert Tracey Cox, high achieving woman do like to go for high-achieving men. However, she recommends being less rigid by focusing a search for love on attributes such as kindness, generosity and sense of humour rather than focusing on what somebody is earning. As the Daily Mail reports, she explained in a recent podcast how general chemistry and attractiveness are enough to make people happy. 

It can even work well in the long run when a partner has a less-pressured job with flexibility that will suit the other person’s demanding schedule. Somebody with a flexible career can be a good match to help juggle that all-important worklife balance. 

High-powered woman can consider working with a matchmaking agency, which offer plenty of benefits for successful people. Ignite Dating, for example, offers clients complete privacy and discretion. Many clients don’t want their profile online for friends, family, and colleagues to see, especially if they are particularly recognisable in their industry. They enjoy the convenience of working with a matchmaker who takes all the hard work out of their search for love, which can be invaluable to those with demanding work schedules. Matchmakers work hard to understand the sort of person a client is hoping to meet and they use their extensive expertise to introduce them to amazing people. 

Are you keen to meet somebody special? Then turn to the experts at Ignite Dating! We are experts at understanding what you want from a partner and can provide you with an easy and stress-free search for love. Get in touch today to find out more

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The best date ideas in Bristol

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Bristol is a charming and fascinating city, boasting so much to see and do that you’ll never run out of inspiration for exciting date ideas. There are plenty of fabulous free attractions at your disposal, as well as a thriving food and drinks scene and plenty of live music to seek out. Whether you are an established couple or enjoying those all-important first few meetups with a new love interest, read our top tips for amazing dates in the Bristol area!

Enjoy the view

The iconic Clifton Suspension Bridge, the city’s most recognisable structure, is set on the cliffs of the Avon Gorge and boasts gorgeous views. Clifton Observatory has a rooftop terrace which allows you to see the bridge in all its glory as well as a spectacular panoramic landscape of Bristol. Grab a drink from the cafe or a tasty snack and enjoy sightseeing together. The White Lion Bar also offers the chance to cosy up on its large terrace enjoying the view of the bridge and Avon Gorge. You could also visit Brandon Hill, a park which offers great views over the city and Harbourside area. If you are feeling fit, then climb up the twisting steps of the Cabot Tower for even better views! It’s free to enter and you can get amazing sunset views before the attraction closes. 

Go surfing!

Take to the ocean despite being in-land at The Wave, an impressive 180m long surfing lake that offers consistent top-quality waves to surf on. You could share in a surfing lesson or catch some waves if you are both experienced surfers! It’s a great day out which allows you to make the most of the beautiful countryside as well as the water. Is a relaxed swim more your thing? Then head to the Bristol Lido, which offers a heated outdoor pool and plenty of swim and dine options combining a visit with tasty fare from the poolside restaurant. 

Explore Clifton Village 

Explore one of the most beautiful suburbs of Bristol, which boasts Georgian architecture and picturesque streets bursting with excellent independent shops and eateries. It’s perfect for a relaxed mooch, window shopping at a range of independent retailers including jewellers, boutiques, and galleries. You’re spoilt for choice when it comes to food and drink, with lots of tasty places to try. Head for the Coronation Tap, Bristol’s oldest purveyor of cider, or try some tasty Japanese fare at Fujiyama. For a tasty meal in beautiful Georgian surroundings, try The Ivy Clifton Brasserie. Whatever you fancy, you’ll be sure to find something that suits in this vibrant area. 

Head to the Harbourside

The buzzing Harbourside is great to explore with a new love interest. You could seek out one of the many attractions, which include museums, galleries, plenty of fun water sports and wonderful street markets to explore. Spot Banksy’s amazing work first-hand on the wall of a building in Hanover Place, where you can see The Girl with the Pierced Eardrum. Take a chilled boat trip, whether it’s around the harbour or further afield to the Avon Gorge. You can also try a fun alternative dining experience on converted boat restaurants that are moored in the harbour, including Three Brothers Burgers and barge-turned-pub The Grange Barge. There’s also plenty of independent restaurants and bars on offered at Wapping Wharf to find something that suits you both. 

Enjoy fun bars

Just doing drinks? You’ll find some amazingly unique spots in Bristol. Her Majesty’s Secret Service is a quaint bar packed with retro décor which you enter via a red telephone box! The Clockwork Rose is a steampunk-themed cocktail and lounge bar boasting loads of personality and delicious cocktails. Seriously stylish cocktail bar Loose Cannon offers great cocktails as well – or try all three locations if the night is going well! Looking for a fun icebreaker? Try Chance & Counters which offers more than 500 board games, many of which you may never have heard of before, that you can get competitive over while you enjoy yummy comfort food and tasty drinks.  

Are you keen to hear more about the matchmaking process and how Ignite Dating can help you with your dating journey? Just give our expert team a call today and we’ll happily detail more about how our multiple award-winning service works!

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Why unrealistic expectations can hold you back in dating

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Having been a matchmaker and a coach for more than 30 years, it has pained me to have clients come back to me saying that they realise they let the perfect person slip through the net due to superficial reasons. Often it is because they see people like commodities and discard them without investing the time and energy to really get to know them. The reason they don’t invest further in this person is because they feel that they don’t match their unrealistic and often long list of expectations. Old patterns and fears hold people back from something magical because they get stuck in a trap of thinking they know who they want, and who they don’t want. If they had an open mind and met people based on aligned values, life aspirations, and beliefs, they would have a much better dating experience.  

It may be hard to recognise that you’re falling into the expectations trap, so I’m going to ask you a few questions: 

  • Do you wonder where you went wrong in past relationships, and are you concerned about repeating these mistakes? 
  • Do you feel someone better will always come along and dismiss good people, hoping for someone who ticks all your boxes? 
  • Do your expectations, wants, wishes and desires make you dismiss people quickly? 
  • Do you find yourself finding faults and reasons why you should not date someone or see them again? 
  • Do you go on dates and like the person, but still not give them a chance? 
  • Are you chasing a unicorn, someone who doesn’t exist? Do you try to make even the wrong person work for you? 
  • Do you procrastinate over agreeing to go on dates or seeing somebody again?  

So how many resonated with you and your dating journey?  The more honest you are the better! 

If you are looking for superficial qualities in a partner, such as a specific height, type of job, income bracket, dress size, geographical location, fitness level and so on, then you are caught in a trap that will keep you single or dating the wrong people. You are basing your tick box on a recipe for disaster, not a long-term loving, healthy relationship. The emotional space is key to recognising the right person when you meet them. Start looking for aligned values when it comes to family and work ethics. Are you both wanting a family? Are you invested in your current family and both open to creating a healthy blended family together? Do you both share the same beliefs on raising children, or even have the same wants, wishes and desires for retirement?  Your aligned values and aspirations for the future are the key to creating the right life together. Shared dreams become a joint reality. 

Clients who work with me get to unravel the expectations trap that keeps them single as well as building confidence to date authentically. I help clients identify the patterns, fears and unhealthy beliefs that are keeping them single and work with them to unlock these. Firstly, we fact-find and discover what is holding them back, then we start implementing the tools to create new healthier ways to date, and finally when clients are dating, we ensure the tools are embedded for long-term success. I have had so many successful happy clients who are all in relationships that they would never have had the confidence to recognise as the right person for them.  This is the best part of my job, watching clients reach those “a-ha” moments and finding the right love that goes above and beyond any tick box! 

At Ignite Dating, your dedicated matchmaker is with you every step of the way, working closely with you to understand the characteristics and values that are important to you. Our experienced matchmaking team brings a wealth of knowledge and expertise to make your dating journey as streamlined and enjoyable as possible. Get in touch today to find out how we can help you! 

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Does getting back together with an ex ever work?

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Anybody who has been through a painful breakup knows it can often be hard to imagine what the future looks like without their ex in it. Though it may seem impossible in the aftermath of a breakup, there becomes a time – eventually – that this particular relationship fades into the past. For some people though, the past does not stay in the past and they rekindle a romance with an ex-partner. But does it ever work if you get back together with an ex? After all, there’s a reason you broke up in the first place, so it may feel like wishful thinking that everything will be ironed out if you try again. However, there are plenty of couples who have made it work the second time around – research suggests the amount of couples who break up and get back together is as much as 50%. 

Why people give it another shot 

For some single people, it just may feel easier to get back together with an ex rather than putting themselves out there in the dating world. This person feels very familiar, and you don’t need to go through the effort of getting to know somebody from scratch if you pick things up with an ex again. They may feel lonely without the person who, once upon a time, felt so perfect for them, and they are prepared to try again. For others, they have a niggling gut feeling there is still something between themselves and their ex-partner and it was a mistake for things to end when they did. They may have lingering feelings for this person they can’t just ignore. 

But what do you need to consider if you think the relationship might have a chance of working the second time around? We’ve shared our top tips below. 

Are you genuinely wanting to rekindle things?

It’s natural to miss an ex after you’ve broken up but don’t take this as a sign that supposed to be together. You may also be viewing the former relationship with rose-tinted spectacles, so you need to be honest with yourself about your motives for wanting to get back together. This includes not overanalysing what it means if you’re missing their presence in your life. You decision must be the best thing for you, so be sure you are doing it for the right reasons, and you aren’t just idealising what you had together. It’s even possible to be swayed by other people in your life that love your ex and miss you being a couple. 

Have you decided what has changed?

You need to decide what’s changed to make things different this time, otherwise you risk history repeating itself once the initial excitement has worn off. Have a careful think about what went wrong in the first place, making sure you can understand why the relationship did not work. Consider whether you’ve worked through the issues and reasons behind the break-up. You both may well have matured in the time you’ve spent apart as well as invested time in personal growth, which may help the new relationship succeed. You both need to be willing to put in the work to address what happened the first time around and be able to rebuild trust in each other. Then you must ensure you are leaving the past in the past, by making sure you don’t open old wounds in the heat of an argument. 

Distance can give you a fresh perspective

A long stretch of time can mean your circumstances have changed or you’ve had a change in priorities and life goals, which may make you more compatible than the first time around.  Your break-up may have just been down to bad timing if your goals did not align at the time. It’s possible you are both much more on the same page about what you want out of life now.

Spend some time together

If you are adamant you want to give it a try, spend some time together, seeing if you connect. Go back to the dating stages and get to know each other again, rather than expecting everything to be the same as before. Don’t be afraid to take things slow, giving you plenty of space to assess how things are going. Trust your gut feeling and watch out for red flags that suggest nothing has really changed this time around. And remember – people don’t change that much, so if there were old habits and routines than felt like dealbreakers at the time – they are likely to crop up again.

If you are frustrated with dates that just fizzle out and go nowhere, get a helping hand with finding your perfect partner by teaming up with the experts at Ignite Dating. We understand the kind of person you’ll really share a connection with, and we can’t wait to introduce you to them! Get in touch today to find out more about how we can help you with a stress-free and enjoyable search for love.