How to spot the signs somebody is emotionally unavailable

When you first start dating somebody who is emotionally unavailable, it can be hard to spot the signs and deal with their behaviour. Texts can go unanswered, and they seem close-lipped about so many elements of their life while blowing hot and cold about what you have together. Their approach to the relationship can leave you feeling like there is a barrier to really getting to know them and they can appear distant and uninterested. Because you like this person you end up making excuses for their behaviour, desperately hoping they’ll change in the future.

Emotional unavailability refers to an aversion to developing an authentic, intimate connection in a relationship. An emotional unavailable person will struggle to engage in the emotional bonds needed for a successful relationship, finding it hard to show their emotions. They won’t open up and prefer the safety of discussing surface-level topics, so you don’t get to learn much about their past or the people in their life. They keep you at arm’s length from their personal life, so their friends and family don’t get to know you well and expect you to be around in the future. Life with this person can be extremely confusing, leaving your head spinning as they blow hot and cold.

What are the signs that somebody is emotionally unavailable?

As this sort of behaviour will have an undoubtedly huge impact on a blossoming relationship, it pays to look out for the signs somebody is emotionally unavailable in the dating world. We’ve outlined some top tips for interpreting and recognising their behaviour if you suspect somebody is emotionally unavailable.

Look at their relationship history

It can be a red flag if their relationship history suggests they are incapable of having a successful, long-term committed relationship. They may have a string of short-term relationships or flings behind them because they are uninterested in things getting more serious. It may even be tough to prise the information out of them because they prefer to talk about superficial subjects.

They refuse to open up

No matter how much you try to encourage them, this person will never let their guard down. They won’t want to share anything deep or meaningful, nor will they open up about challenges they are experiencing in their own lives. They also refuse to engage when you raise your own concerns or issues, even if you make it clear you want their input. You feel attempts to share your personal thoughts and feelings are rebuffed and they are far from a shoulder to cry on.

Everything feels inconsistent

It can feel like an emotional rollercoaster dating somebody who is emotionally unavailable. Their communication may be erratic, and they may never try to instigate plans, or they may cancel them altogether at short notice. It’s all about keeping you at arm’s length because of they want to create distance and find excuses not to spend quality time together.  The more you attempt to forge a connection, the more they pull away.

They are reluctant to commit

The relationship may feel like one long episode of game playing, where they become more interested in things when you are unavailable. There’s no settling down into a regular pattern of seeing each other or taking the next step into a committed partnership. It will feel like they are never really invested in the relationship, and they are actively pulling away.

While it can be challenging to handle, dating somebody who is emotional unavailable doesn’t necessarily mean you’re headed for disaster. If you think the relationship has potential, you could tackle the issue head on, having a conversation about what you need from the relationship which gives them the opportunity to try and adapt to meet your needs. If they are receptive, it might imply they are happy to do some deeper work into the route of their issues. Remember the onus is on them to change, rather than taking on this responsibility yourself. If the relationship is leaving you feeling drained, needy, and desperate, and the person is appearing unwilling to change, then it is probably time to move on to avoid prolonging a painful situation. If you doubt that this person can ever meet your emotional needs, then it’s a sign that they aren’t right for you. It’s never a good sign if a relationship is making you unhappy so don’t be afraid to call time on it to protect your feelings and happiness.

Matchmakers become like trusted friends, supporting you with every step of your search for love. We can take all the hard work away, leaving you with a streamlined and enjoyable dating journey. Get in touch today and find out more!


Going on your first holiday as a couple

So, you’ve been seeing somebody for a little while and everything is going well. You’ve made it a few months into the relationship so thoughts turn to what might be your first big relationship milestone together – a first holiday spent together as a couple. It can be a make-or-break moment to embark on a mini-break as a new couple, testing how compatible you really are when you’re solely in each other’s company for an extended period.

There is also the question of how far into a relationship you should be to judge it’s the right time for a romantic mini break. A survey about couple’s holidays found 60% of people think it is a good idea to go away with somebody you’ve been seeing for three months. Depending on how much time you’ve spent together as a couple, the three-month mark is often viewed as a good time to take the next step of a shared mini break. Short breaks are often viewed as the safer option to test the waters before committing to a more involved fortnight-long long-haul trip. Going away for two or three days helps gauge how compatible you are as a holidaying couple as it reduces the risk of issues arising as you travel. A city break with a packed itinerary means less fears you’ll run out of things to talk about and gives you plenty to do as you navigate being together 24/7. When the holiday goes well it’s a great way to really enjoy each’s others company without the distractions of everyday life and allows you to really get to know each other.

As it is such an important stage of a blossoming relationship, we’ve shared our top tips for getting the most out of your first couple’s holiday together.

Be mindful of your budget

As unromantic as it may sound, you need to set a budget for the holiday and be on the same page about spending while you are away. Having differing approaches to splashing the cash can cause arguments on holiday, which is the last thing you want when it’s meant to be a romantic break. Be open with each other before you go about what you can afford – splitting the bill can often be the fairest way when you are early on in a relationship, and it’s important to make sure the lower-income partner isn’t stretched by the holiday.

Make sure you are on the same page

Communicate what you like to do on holiday to make sure you are both going to be happy with the final plan. It won’t go well if one of you thinks you’ll be sunbathing all day while the other had expected historic tours of the location’s old town. Try and find a place where you’ll both enjoy what there is to do there. Another big no-no is booking a place you went with an old flame – there’s nothing worse than hearing what your partner got up to with their ex when they holidayed there. Find a location that’s new for both of you and enjoy discovering it together.

Try and avoid nasty surprises

Things can go wrong when you travel which can test even the best relationships. Try and mitigate the risk of disasters by planning your trip carefully, making sure you’ve got the travel timings, documents, and details sorted. That said, don’t over plan your schedule when you are arrive, as there is plenty of fun to be had having spontaneous adventures.

Be present

It can be annoying if you’re partner is permanently wrapped up in their phone when you finally get some time to dedicate to each other. There’s nothing worse than turning around to share a magical moment and find they are totally distracted by a work email or a social media post. Try to limit your phone time and leave non-essential messages and work stuff until you get back.

Have a little time apart

It can add a lot of pressure to a relationship to go from seeing each other several times a week to spending 24/7 together. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a solo activity or just grabbing a little me-time, which’ll give you a bit of space. You may make friends while you are away but it’s advisable not to spend too much time with new people as the other person may resent the encroachment of your time as a couple.

Our dedicated matchmaking team are ready and waiting for your call to help you with your search for love.Get in touch today to find out more!


What happens when your friends don’t like your partner?

It is so exciting to find somebody you really share a connection with, that special person who makes you happy. So, when it comes to integrating them into your social circles, it can be extremely upsetting to discover your friends don’t like the person you are seeing. It may be obvious that they’ve taken a dislike to your new partner, or you may be left with a creeping suspicion they aren’t a fan.

Perhaps, for you, it is the other way around and you’ve experienced being in the position where you really don’t like somebody a good friend is seeing. It can be awkward every time they bring them up and difficult when they want to invite them along to a social gathering. It can take a toll on your friendship if you are unenthusiastic about their choice of partner. So why do issues like this exist?

Spotting red flags

If you have a creeping feeling that your close friend isn’t impressed by your choice of partner, they may go quiet when you talk about the things you do together or show little interest in getting to know them better. Friends are often who you turn to when things aren’t too rosy in your relationship and they might not be as forgiving about your partner’s behaviour as you decided to be, plus they aren’t as involved in the making up stages so don’t get a whole picture of what went on. Your friend may have decided to be more upfront about matters, making sceptical comments about your choice of partner or stating they think you could do better.

While it may be tough, it is important to hear what they have to say, even if you are upset that they are judging the relationship. It is possible they have seen something you haven’t in their position as an outsider, especially when you are being swept along in the heady honeymoon stage of the relationship. They may be looking out for you, and because you are so infatuated you may be missing red flags about your new partner that others have spotted. It can help to listen to them as they may have valid points about how you are being treated or they may raise something they’ve spotted in your partner’s behaviour.  True friends will have your best interests at heart so are likely to mean well by raising any concerns they have about your partner, so be wary that reacting badly can hurt your friendships. In these situations, you can weigh up what a friend is trying to tell you. Be open-minded and grateful for their input, even if it can be tempting to be defensive. You may also have suspicions their dislike of your partner is coming from a different place, such as jealousy or disliking the fact your friendship has changed.

When you don’t like a friend’s partner

It’s worth really weighing up why you’re not keen on this person. Is it due to a personality clash? Is it because you’re craving time alone with your friend and you’re fed up with them arriving as a couple at every social event? Or are you truly concerned that the person they are seeing isn’t treating them right? If you really feel strongly that this isn’t the person for them, then it might be time to speak up. However, if it’s more about you than them, then it may be best to keep quiet. If you do decide to voice your concerns, it pays to tread carefully and sow the seeds that something is amiss to let your friend have the time to reach their own conclusion.

It may be worth investing some time in discovering if you do have any shared interests or common ground with a friend’s partner, as you may just have not hit it off initially. Though they may never be your cup of tea, it’s worth recognising they make your friend happy. If you want to spend more one-on-one time with your friend, it’s worth being upfront and making the request so they know how you feel rather than resenting their partner for depriving you of time with your pal.

At the end of the day, it’s also worth realising that accepting the situation can be the easiest way to harmony with your friend, and it saves you getting more and more wound up about the situation. Perhaps it won’t work out in the long run anyway, and you’ll be relieved you’ve not said or done anything you’ll regret. It can also pay to be careful about what you say after they split just in case they eventually decide to get back together!

We’d love to hear your thoughts on the issue of friend’s partners. Have you ever struggled to get along with a friend’s significant other? Have you experienced friends not liking your choice of partner? Share your thoughts over on Facebook or Instagram!

Your dedicated matchmaker is with you every step of the way, working closely with you to understand the characteristics and values that are important to you. Our experienced matchmaking team brings a wealth of knowledge and expertise to make your dating journey as streamlined and enjoyable as possible. Get in touch today to find out how we can help you.


What happens when you overshare on a date?

First dates are all about getting to know each other better, but what happens if you take it too far? Sometimes small talk is forgotten on dates when somebody starts dominating the conversation by talking about personal issues that are important to them. In other words, they are oversharing. You can find the conversation slides into deep and serious issues, or the other person seems intent in sharing their entire past relationship history with you. Oversharing can be problematic because it can easily make the wrong sort of impression. Date conversation can be a tricky line to tread, where on the one hand you’re trying to be authentic but without sharing so much personal information that you overwhelm the other person. So how do you judge what’s up for discussion and the deeper topics you should leave until you know this person much better?

It can take some effort to have boundaries with somebody you’ve just met, especially if you are an open person who likes to share in-depth thoughts and feelings with the important people in your life. However, there can be plenty of enjoyment in keeping topics light-hearted and fun, which is usually the safest course of action because you are sharing an evening with somebody who is ultimately a stranger. Otherwise, you risk things going awry as oversharing can ambush even the most promising first date.

While oversharing can be a result of nerves getting the better of you, this sort of behaviour can come across as self-centred because it appears the person is set on dominating the conversation. No matter the topic they’re discussing, it can be annoying if somebody isn’t allowing the conversation to naturally flow back and forth. It can also be a red flag if your date is intent on sharing details of their messy divorce, work woes or health issues, as it can show they have poor boundaries and are coming across as uninterested in the date and discovering more about you. You can risk disagreeing with somebody’s beliefs if you tackle the big topics too early, which can make you come across as critical.

Here are our top tips for dealing with the issue, whether you’ve found yourself oversharing on past dates or you come a chronic oversharer on a date:

  • Remember there is a time and a place for more meatier topics. Invest the time in those early dates to get to know somebody better and to judge whether you want to see them again. Once you’ve established a connection and have got to know each other better, that’s the time for discussing the bigger topics.
  • Deflect any attempts by your date to dig into your past by saying you are happy to share more once you had the chance to get to know them a bit better. You can also try and change the topic or interject with your own experiences if you feel they’ve been dominating the conversation for too long.
  • Make sure you stay firmly in the present. Discussing the past too much, especially concerning exes and failed relationships, makes it seem like you are hung up on past situations or haven’t properly moved on.
  • Try to recognise when you have been speaking for a few minutes and give your date a chance to chat by asking them a question.
  • Being too candid can get in the way of discovering more about your date. Remember, the aim is to learn more about them so you can decide if you want to move things forward to date two.
  • Consider whether your oversharing date is nervous. If you’re seeing plenty of romance potential with this person, it can be worth giving them the benefit of the doubt for now, as their anxiety might be fuelling their excessive talking.
  • Judge your date’s reaction. If they are not reciprocating or looking uncomfortable with what you’re discussing, then it’s time to change the topic.

Are you looking for love? Matchmaking is the perfect way to achieve an easy and stress-free search for love. Give our expert team a call today to see how we can help you!


Training is at the heart of our successful matchmaking process

Ignite Dating is thrilled to announce its Surrey matchmaker Sam Rowland-Jones has achieved certified matchmaker status from the Matchmaking Institute (MMI).

The Matchmaking Institute offers tailor-made accredited matchmaker certification courses with a network of graduates from all over the world. The courses are designed to help matchmakers run their businesses more effectively and hone their skills in offering clients’ successful introductions. The Matchmaking Institute is guided by a professional advisory committee who aim to raise standards and ensure a strict code of ethics in the matchmaking industry. 

Michelle Begy, Managing Director and Founder of Ignite Dating, said: “Here at Ignite Dating we have a commitment to a moral and ethical business, and we ensure our clients can trust they are working with the best. We operate a franchise model, and our franchisees complete an extensive in-house training schedule which includes this all-important global accreditation from the Matchmaking Institute. Working with a dedicated head office matching team, Ignite aim to deliver the best matches possible for their clients, helping them to achieve a successful lifetime partnership”.

She adds: “By investing in extensive training and mentorship we are ensuring that all our clients receive the same award-winning, customer-centric service wherever they are based in the world”.

Sam Rowland-Jones adds: “To be a successful matchmaker, you need plenty of empathy, strong emotional intelligence, and the intuition to be able to quickly judge if two people are going to work well together. It is a real privilege to be able to use these skills to grow a successful business while offering my clients a supportive dating journey that leaves them feeling energised and safe.”

As well as training, the Matchmaking Institute offers its graduates continued support through workshops and professional global conferences as well as opportunities to connect with peers in the industry.

Ignite Dating helps busy professionals across the UK find a life partner. We pride ourselves on the quality of our service and go above and beyond the industry standard. Every client has their very own dedicated matchmaker who works with them to offer guidance and support throughout their dating journey. For more information on Ignite Dating and its highly commended services, get in touch today!