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How to set social media boundaries in a relationship

How much does your phone dominate your spare time? A typical evening at home in front of the TV can often be punctuated with a stream of interruptions from your mobile phone as messages, notifications and calls pour in. It is common to see diners at restaurants with their devices perched close to their plates so they can keep an eagle eye out for the next incoming message. What you don’t always see is how irate their dining companion is because the person they are eating with more interested in the alerts flashing up on their screen. Our phones are usually the first thing we reach for in the morning and the last thing we look at night.

How much time a partner spends on their phone and on social media platforms can be a big source of tension in a relationship. In a 2014 survey, 45% of internet users aged 18-29 said the internet has had an impact on their relationships. Many people are guilty of ‘phubbing’, a term used to describe snubbing somebody you are with to look at your phone. It’s been hailed as behaviour that can severely disrupt your present moment, in-person relationships.  

However, with some simple boundaries in place it can be much easier to navigate blending your online life with your personal life. We’ve highlighted the common issues that can occur and the steps you can take to address them.

Exes on social media

A new relationship can be impacted when one person discovers the other is still friends with their ex on Facebook or Instagram. Liking and interacting with an ex’s posts can also add friction to the relationship and fuel jealousy and insecurity. The new partner may feel like you are deliberately keeping an eye on what your ex is up to. It can be worth considering unfollowing an ex that is not part of your life anymore, or thinking carefully about why you are posting on their timeline and what your new partner would make of the behaviour.

Respect your partner’s privacy

It’s often the case that one person is more private than another in a relationship, which can leave them feeling uncomfortable about the amount their partner is sharing about them both online. They might not want updates about their relationship status shared with the world, or countless photos of them appearing without their prior consent. It’s best to discuss posting anything related to the relationship beforehand, making sure the other person is comfortable with it being shared with the world. Make sure you are on the same page about the sorts of things you post so one of you isn’t left embarrassed by an overshare they didn’t want to appear online. Airing your dirty laundry via status updates is a big no-no as well.

Create device-free time

It’s important to dedicate time when it’s just the two of you, with no phones or other devices allowed. Whether it’s a mealtime, date night or just agreeing to put your phones on do not disturb while you watch a movie together, it helps make sure you are both really in the moment. In general, it pays to be mindful how often you use your phone when you are with your partner and consider catching up with messages when they are busy, or when they are also on their phone. The same applies if you are dating – there’s nothing more annoying than a date who keeps checking their phone every two minutes during dinner.

Bad behaviour online

Micro-cheating is a problematic behaviour that often plays out via social media. It’s doing that your partner wouldn’t approve of, such as not revealing your relationship status to somebody you are chatting to or having personal interactions with somebody else that they hide from a partner. It’s embarking on behaviour that you wouldn’t tell a partner about, or actively concealing online activity from them. Having clear boundaries about what you think is acceptable on social media and clear communication can help address any issues that arise.

There are plenty of positives to social media and phone communication, not least they are a good way to stay connected no matter how busy everyday life gets. They are a great way to stay in touch when navigating a long-distance relationship and social media platforms provide a sweet way of collating memories of your time together. Just ensure you get the balance right to avoid any negative consequences for budding relationships and to avoid conflict with a long-term partner.

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Why you shouldn’t snoop through a partner’s phone

Have you ever been tempted to snoop through a partner’s messages? Devices hold a wealth of ways of communicating and just a hit of a button gives you access to the likes of emails, social media profiles, text messages and messenger apps. If you wouldn’t even dream of having a peek at your significant other’s private interactions, you may be surprised to learn that a whopping 60% of people surveyed recently admitted to looking at their partner’s private text messages and photos. That’s despite another survey which suggests 70% of those asked believe it is rarely or never acceptable for somebody to look through a partner’s phone without their knowledge.

So why do people sneak a peek at what their partner or new love interest has been discussing in their private messages? Sometimes it is down to a lack of trust, due to the way they are behaving or something they’ve done which has aroused suspicions. For others, there might not be a particular reason they are looking into what their partner has been discussing, but the temptation to snoop is still hard to ignore. It may be because they were cheated on in a previous relationship and they can’t shake the feeling that history might repeat itself. Insecurity can end up leading to a desire to look for something that proves a love interest is up to no good, as deep down you expect it. Messages often ping up on a preview mode on screen which makes it even easier to have a quick peek at what somebody has been sent.

Why it’s problematic

Sneaking a look into somebody’s phone or device is invading their privacy when it’s against their knowledge. Even if they share their password to let you make a call or pay for something you’ve ordered for you both, it’s not an invitation to start opening their recent chats and emails. It crosses boundaries and indicates a lack of trust, while demonstrating insecurity about the relationship that has turned into fears your partner isn’t trustworthy. Snooping can lead to self-sabotaging the relationship if you read too much into something that may be completely innocuous. It can be very embarrassing to be caught in the act of snooping, or revealing what you’ve been up when you eventually confront your partner. Reading messages may not even give you the answers you want, as a cheating partner may have gone to great lengths to delete messages or have a separate phone or email account.

On the flipside though, sharing passwords with a new partner or significant other does show trust, demonstrating you are happy to give them access to your devices knowing they won’t abuse it.

What you should do instead

Wanting to spy on your partner is a big clue that something isn’t quite right in the relationship. This is when communication is key to address what’s really going on. The sensible thing to do is to ask them directly if there is something you want to know rather than risking breaking their trust by reading their messages. Even if it’s something really serious, like infidelity, it’s best to get the facts from them directly. Open and honest communication can help tackle any doubts, worries and issues you’ve been experiencing and nips that urge to snoop in the bud.

If you find it hard to fight the urge, it’s worth asking yourself questions about where your insecurity is coming from. If it’s down to your own worries, fears, and issues from past relationships, it’s worth taking the time to address them, perhaps putting in some work yourself or with a professional. It’s important to realise there is nothing wrong with having independence in a relationship and it’s a sign of a healthy relationship if you don’t mind your partner having their own connection with friends, family, and co-workers. There’s nothing wrong with having some privacy in your own life as well as enjoying a happy and healthy relationship with your significant other.

We’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic – have you ever been tempted to snoop on a partner? Have you ever caught a partner sneaking a look at your messages? Share your thoughts via Facebook and Instagram!

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The best date ideas in York

York is a beautiful historic walled city which is perfect for exploring with a new love interest. It’s a small city which makes it compact and easy to explore, and there is an abundance of amazing things to do. From romantic strolls along the maze of narrow streets to indulging in York’s famous chocolate heritage, you’ll find plenty of ways to enjoy getting to know each other better.

Take a stroll along the Shambles

The Shambles is York’s famous fourteenth century market road which features gorgeous, cobbled streets and overhanging buildings. It’s well worth a visit, not least because it was voted Britain’s prettiest street. The picturesque part of the city boasts a fabulous range of eateries, quirky shops, a chocolatier and an award-winning pub. Enjoy a romantic stroll and browse, choosing your favourite tipple or refreshment when you need a rest!

Explore The Chocolate City

Chocolate is a big part of York’s history, and you’ll find plenty of tasty ways to explore the impact the confectionery trade has had on the city. If you’ve both got a sweet tooth you’ll love York’s Chocolate Story, which offers a fascinating history of chocolate alongside delicious tastings and the opportunity to try your hand at chocolate making. You can find out more about York’s famous brands and watch demonstrations from expert chocolatiers. It’s also well worth paying a visit to York Cocoa Works which is a working chocolate manufactory offering the opportunity to drop in and make your own chocolate lollipop while sampling a tasty treat in the café while you wait for your creation to set.

Walk the walls

Work off all those chocolate calories by taking a leisurely walk around the historic walls, which offer a 3.4km elevated circular route boasting amazing views of the city. It’s free and the route can be accessed at various points in the city. The city walls are the most complete in England and were built mainly in the 13th century, making it a fascinating landmark to explore together.

Visit the Minster

It’s well worth making time to stroll around the impressive York Minster, a magnificent cathedral with stunning medieval stained glass and handcrafted stone. Don’t just limit yourself to strolling around the exterior, as you’ll be missing out on the interior which is awe-inspiring. You can climb the tower for panoramic views of the city, which is worth the 275 steps to the top.

Take a romantic river cruise

You can book fabulous cruises of the River Ouse to see the city from a completely different perspective. Cosy up to take in the sights and learn more about the city courtesy of the on-board commentary. There’s a tranquil floodlit evening cruise where you can sip wine and enjoy music as you get to know each other better.

Eat and drink

York is known for its amazing real ale, available in a range of cosy traditional pubs and craft beer spots, as well from a thriving selection of local breweries. Even if beer is not your tipple, it’s worth dropping in to one of the many pubs to soak up the atmosphere of the wide array of interesting historic venues. If you are more of a gin fan, check out Evil Eye, world record holder for the most gins sold in one shop. It’s also home to plenty of tasty cocktails. Feeling peckish? Pairings Wine Bar offers fantastic wines with recommended food pairings including tasty cheeses and deli classics. There’s even a sweet tooth flight featuring dessert wines and mini desserts. If you are both visitors to the city, you can’t miss Betty’s, famous its iconic afternoon tea and irresistible treats that people are happy to queue for.   

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How to end a bad date – without faked excuses

In a perfect world every date you went on would be full of interesting conversation and fascinating insights into the other person’s life. Even if your date doesn’t set your world on fire, the evening would be fun, satisfying and a good use of your precious spare time.

However, unfortunately not all dates end up like this. First meetings don’t always go well, leaving people desperate to pull any excuse out of the bag to be able to leave what might be an excruciatingly dull evening. According to recent research from Britannia Rescue, daters will only tolerate 51 minutes of a bad date before making an excuse to leave. More than a fifth of those surveyed say they’ve left a bad date halfway through, with daters taking an average of 25 minutes to decide if they and their date have a spark.

Why bad dates happen

It’s not unusual to end up on a bad date. You can only glean so much from an online dating profile so meeting in real life is really the first opportunity to suss out what somebody is really like. Some daters find several pre-screening phone calls are helpful to judge whether somebody is on the same page as them and worth getting to know better. Sometimes though, whatever vetting process you’ve tried out, a face-to-face meet-up is what it takes to reveal there is zero chemistry between you both and you just don’t click. Things can also go awry when your date’s behaviour is off-putting, or they don’t match up to what they’ve told you about in their profile. The conversation may be falling flat, and the long pauses aren’t romantic ones. Sometimes, unfortunately, there’s something about this person that leaves you feeling unsafe, which means it is certainly the right thing to do to call immediate time on the date.

So, things aren’t going as expected and you’re keen not to dedicate anymore time to something which you see has zero potential. How do you make an exit that won’t offend your date and risk hurting their feelings?

Make it short

A micro-date can be a good idea for a first meeting, to see if there is enough between you to warrant a proper first date. It’s a good idea to meet for coffee or a casual drink, which gives you an easy out if things aren’t going well. There’s nothing worse than being committed to a set menu or an activity you can’t get out of with somebody you really aren’t gelling with. You can also have something else lined up to add a time constraint to your meeting, and they won’t feel blown off if they knew in advance that you were meeting friends later on that night.

Be honest

It’s natural to not enjoy confrontation and want to protect somebody’s feelings, but it can be the kindest way to be upfront about the fact you’re not feeling it. It is worth being honest that you did not feel a romantic connection, while expressing gratitude for them coming out to meet you. It’s about letting them know it’s not working out the way you hoped without giving false hope that you’ll see them again in the future. Try not to fall back on lines like “I’ll text you” or “let’s do this again” when you have absolutely no intention of doing so.

If you are not feeling safe

It’s best to meet in public, where you can seek out the help of bar or restaurant staff to help call you a taxi if you are concerned about how a date is behaving, a recently Cosmopolitan article highlights. It also suggests calling a friend to come and collect you.

Don’t put up with bad behaviour

If somebody is being rude or offensive, don’t feel bad about paying your share of the bill and leaving – you don’t owe them an excuse.

When to give somebody the benefit of the doubt

It can pay to be open-minded, as sometimes nerves can easily sabotage the first part of your date. If you see romance potential in this person, and it does appear they are trying, it can be worth sticking around to see how things progress. Every date is a learning experience so by trying to establish a connection with this person, you’ll not be completely wasting your time.

And remember, lying is never a great idea in the dating world, as it can spiral and lead to all sorts of complicated stories being fabricated. Sometimes it pays to have in mind a reason you might need to bail early, such as your early meeting in the morning, or wanting to ensure you don’t miss the last train. Having a pre-prepared excuse which is true means you don’t have to resort to faked emergency calls from friends, or even worse, going to the bathroom and never returning!  

Find out more about our award-winning matchmaking services here.

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Fireworks vs slow burn relationships – what’s best?

When you’ve met a new love interest, is it better to have a slow burn or a fiery start to the relationship? You may have experienced both as you navigate the dating world but is the type of chemistry you share at the beginning a sign of how successful the relationship will eventually be?

When it comes to some unions, the beginning stages of a relationship are a fantastically passionate time where you just can’t get enough of each other. You want to spend every minute of your time with your new partner, and it feels amazing to be wrapped up in each other’s lives. A fiery, passionate relationship develops, which involves intense feelings and sometimes jumping straight into planning a future together. It’s a rapid-fire romance, in other words.

In other cases, it takes longer to decide if there is a spark. Some prefer not to dive into a new relationship, instead taking things slowly to be sure there is a connection there. You may have had a date where there isn’t an instant spark but something about this person makes you think it’s worth investing the time to get to know them better.

You may focus on really getting to know each other, sharing plenty of dates, texts, and phone calls, and discovering lots about each other and what you have in common. Dates may be based around activities you enjoy and spending quality time together. Love and chemistry build over time as you get to know each other better. It’s about making sure you are a good match before committing to becoming more serious.  

It can be confusing when you meet somebody new to decide what you should be experiencing. Is there no hope you’ll work out if you don’t share instant fireworks? Is a passionate and instant connection a recipe for disaster further down the line?

There can be beauty in both approaches to a relationship developing. Some argue the “simmer” approach to getting to know somebody means you won’t miss out on somebody who is amazing because you initially dismissed them due to a lack of instant chemistry. First dates can be nerve-wracking and often don’t give you the chance to really get to know somebody, so if you feel like this is somebody who may have romance potential, then move things forward to date two and beyond. You may well discover a genuine connection and fondness that is a much stronger foundation than falling for somebody based purely on lust and attraction.

When it comes to fireworks, there are often criticisms that the love-at-first sight feeling isn’t sustainable in the long run. Basing a relationship on lust from the offset can make you overlook the important characteristics of the person as you are blinded by your initial feelings for them. You may initially feel there is nothing wrong with this person, but the connection then fizzles when you both can’t maintain the energy that went into the relationship initially and you ultimately don’t share the lifestyles and values that long-term partnerships are built on. However, passionate beginnings can settle into long-term harmony if you have enough in common and share a healthy amount of compatibility. Passion does naturally ebb and flow depending on where you are in your relationship and what’s going on in both your lives, so it’s natural for the initial all-consuming lust to settle down once you are in a long-term relationship.

Sometimes fireworks can spell trouble. It can be hard to see the wood for the trees when you feel so passionately about somebody, which makes it hard to spot red flags in the relationship. The chemistry you feel being extremely addictive and intense. However, there can be a turbulent sting in the tail to the connection you have. This sort of relationship will be characterised by a fiery cycle of angry breakups and reunions, a pattern neither of you can bring yourself to break. It can be hard to see what’s truly going on because you feel so convinced that this relationship is meant to be because you are so drawn to this person. Life is an emotional rollercoaster, with intense highs and lows that you wouldn’t expect in a healthy relationship. One minute you feel happy, the next you are upset things aren’t going well. At the end of the day, you may need to acknowledge what you think you want is not right for you and is never going to last.

Are you looking for somebody special who will truly understand you and share your values, life goals and aspirations? Your dedicated matchmaker is waiting to introduce you to some truly amazing individuals. Get in touch today to find out how we can help you with a safe and enjoyable search for love.

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Why is everybody so obsessed with height in the dating world?

How important in height in the dating world? If you are a regular dating app user, you’ll be very familiar with profiles including height – especially when it’s more than 6ft tall. Perhaps you’ve even asked somebody how tall they are because the information is omitted from a profile or been left wondering what somebody is hiding if they leave this information out.

Given the amount of attention given to tall stature on the apps, it can be surprising to learn the average male height in the UK is 5ft 9in. However, according to a 2014 study, 57.1% of women said a man’s height was important to them, compared to 40% of men who viewed woman’s height as important. Another study on dating aps found men that were 6ft 3in or 6ft 4in got 60% more messages than men that were 5ft 7in or 5ft 8in. It’s not uncommon for height to take priority in a profile above listing any significant personality traits.

Tinder even ran an April Fool’s Day joke stating they were launching a Height Verification Badge to ensure nobody was fibbing about their actual stature.  They owned up to the prank but urged users to “stand tall…or short (we don’t care) and embrace who you are.” Height is often an obsession in many parts of life, whether it’s obsessing about the prime minister’s height (5ft 6in) or the fact tall people earn more.

So why does it matter to so many people that their partner fits their height preferences?

For some it’s purely for practical reasons, as they find dating shorter partners can lead to back pain and discomfort as they constantly lean down to be close to them. Taller ladies find height information important when they prefer to find a date who is similar in hight or taller than them. They also use their profile as a place to let prospective dates know in advance that they are tall, feeling some men don’t like a taller date as they feel “emasculated”.  

Other women report feeling more petite and feminine when they are by the side of somebody taller than them. Many still want the option of wearing heels when they are going out with their partner without the extra inches resulting in making them taller than their significant other.

Some people even feel so passionate about the subject they embellish the truth. You may have experienced a match with somebody who has tweaked the truth and added a few bonus inches, trying to attract people to want to meet with them but ultimately leading to disappointment when they are caught out fibbing. Overfocusing on any attribute in dating does run the risk of missing out on what could have been an amazing match. Automatically ruling anybody out who is less than 6ft tall may mean you could miss out on somebody who could have been perfect for you. Having an open mind and not thinking about physical attributes means you can really focus on who the person is and the values and lifestyles you share. Everyone has attributes they search for but overfocusing on too much box ticking means you might inadvertently rule out somebody special. At the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with being shorter or taller than your partner. Being too obsessed with landing somebody of a certain height might eventually reveal incompatibility when it’s clear you didn’t have enough in common outside of physical attributes you look for. So, embrace everything a person has to say on their profile and be open-minded – perhaps the perfect match for you is the opposite of what you expected!

Are you keen to hear more about the matchmaking process and how Ignite Dating can help you with your dating journey? Just give our expert team a call today and we’ll happily detail more about how our multiple award-winning service works!

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Signs you are in a rebound relationship

Does it ever work when you jump out of a relationship into a new one? Seeking a new romantic attachment to act as a plaster to get over the wounds of an ex is known as a rebound relationship. You may have been in the situation where person you are newly seeing mentions their ex a little too much, raising your suspicions they are not actually over their split, or you’ve been the one who jumps into a new relationship just weeks after splitting with your long-term partner.   

Rebound relationships can be problematic for a number of reasons. They can come as a reaction to a previous relationship that has broken down, meaning one of you is still dealing with the issues raised by a breakup where you are not yet over an ex. Put simply, the person is still heavily involved with what’s happened in the past. A rebound relationship risks getting messy because those emerging fresh from a breakup can be entering the new relationship to distract them from the split or to avoid dealing with the pain that comes with it. If somebody is masking their grief over a previous breakup, then it makes it hard for them to make a genuine connection with a new partner. However, on the flip side, rebounds have been linked with a self-esteem boost, helping people feel more confident and desirable after the fallout of a breakup.

Somebody may have actively sought out a rebound relationship or ended up falling into one unintentionally. For the person who is not fresh out of a relationship, it can be tricky to deal with suspicions your new love interest is still hung up on somebody else. Rebound dating can end up with the other person feeling unsure if it’s all too soon for this person to be becoming attached and they can end up feeling used if things do fall apart.

We’ve shared our top tips for spotting whether somebody you are interested in is rebounding with you. Here are the red flags to watch out for:

Everything is happening very fast

If after a very short time you feel like you are in a serious, committed relationship with this person it is possible they just want the new arrangement to feel like their old relationship. They may skip the dating part and just want to fall into old routines they had with an ex. Because they want to take their mind off their former partner, they rush into things – and it’s noticeable just how rushed everything feels. Their infatuation is nothing to do with how they really feel about you and you can end up feeling like a fill-in for their old flame.

They talk about their ex all the time

Constantly mentioning their ex in conversation is a big red flag that they’ve not yet moved on from the attachment they had with them. They may show a lot of anger towards their ex, suggesting unresolved issues and a bitterness towards them which suggests they are not over them. You may have a gut feeling they’ve not processed their pain properly. This may come with a relationship breakup that was a shock to them, as opposed to them leaving a relationship that had been in slow decline for a long time.

They keep you at arm’s length

After you’ve been seeing this person a while you may be left wondering why they have not introduced you to their friends and family. Keeping you away from their personal life may suggest they don’t see this relationship as long-term. Another red flag is when they do the opposite, making a big deal of your relationships on social media or at social occasions where they know their ex will be. If their posts seem to be written with the aim of provoking a reaction in their ex more than celebrating your new relationship, then alarm bells should ring.

You don’t know where you stand

Be wary if this person is reluctant to make plans or talk about the future. They may be emotionally unavailable and push you away when things look like they are getting serious. Because they are looking for distraction and trying to cover up their hurt, they may blow hot and cold, bombarding you with mixed signals. Rebound relationships aren’t necessarily doomed to failure, but they will take a lot of work to make them successful. Things can get unhealthy if you are both not on the same page about feelings and expectations about where things are going. If both parties are happy to keep things casual, then just agreeing you want to have a bit of fun might work for you. If the timing is just a bit off and you have met somebody soon after a break-up and feel this person is right for you, then you both need to be prepared to put in the work to ensure a future together. You’ll need to be honest and upfront with each other about what you want out of the relationship and perhaps take it slowly to allow the other person to work on what’s happened in their past.

Are you looking for love this summer? Why not give the experts at Ignite Dating a call today. We work hard to find you the perfect partner, using our expert mix of personality profiling, experienced matchmakers, intuition, and our extensive private network. We work closely with you to find your perfect partner, and together make steps towards the goal of a committed relationship.

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The best opening lines to use on dating apps

First impressions are always important, and this is particularly true when it comes to breaking the ice on a dating app. There is so much competition in the online dating space, so a simple “hey” or a waving emoji often won’t cut it. These are often unpopular ways to make initial contact as many daters view them as plain lazy. An unoriginal opening line can often be ignored, which can leave you feeling fed up and exhausted by conversations that go nowhere.

The problem is going for a pickup line can feel cheesy, especially if you’ve experienced some particularly cringy openings online or IRL. You’ll recognise the type – everything from “Did it hurt when you fell, when you fell from heaven” to “I’m no photographer but I can picture us together”.  While these sorts of lines used to be confined to chatting somebody up in real life, they have made their mark in the digital world as daters try the same tactic on somebody they’d like to get to know better. With apps, you don’t have the same real-life advantage of flirty smiles and catching somebody’s eye first – so there really is a lot riding on that first line. So how do you tread the line between being too bland and too cheesy?

Ask questions

If you are chatting to lots of matches in the hope of meeting somebody special, then it can feel soul destroying to be typing the same message out again and again. Plus, it can come across as if you’ve made little effort to craft something original if you fall back on the same opener each time. A safe middle ground is to ask somebody questions about their profile to demonstrate you’ve paid attention to what they’ve said rather than just chucking them the same standard opener you’ve used on everybody else. This can be especially useful if you share the same interests, or you spot something you’d love to know more about. It also lets your date know you’ve tried rather than mass messaging to see who replies. However, sometimes a potential love interest’s profile is a bit sparse on detail or you just can’t find something you can relate to. So how can you craft something fun and original without the risk of making the other person cringe?

Quirky opening lines

While they might not be for everybody, a jokey or slightly cheesy opening line can be a good way of gauging if somebody shares the same sense of humour as you. If you try a light-hearted opening line and it does not hit the mark, it might be a hint that you and this person might not hit it off anyway. What might seem like a hilarious joke to you may fall flat when you unleash it on somebody else. If you are going down this route, there can be quite a fine art to coming up with a quip that is clever and interest-grabbing with the right amount of humour. You certainly don’t want to come on too strong, so it’s more about being fun, flirty, and helping to break the tension that can come with chatting with a stranger. Sometimes an interesting and clever question is plenty to show you’re trying while giving them something to work with in their response. You can even pose two questions in your opener which gives them the option to answer one if they don’t like the other one. You want to demonstrate you are curious to learn more about them while piquing their interest enough to reply.

Find mutual interests

Other top tips include commenting on their pet photos, as anybody who has included these is likely to be an animal lover and will be happy to chat about their beloved pet. Travel photos mean you may be able to relate to somewhere they’ve been, or you could always ask them what the best thing was about a destination they’ve visited. Have a bit of fun by asking them to describe themselves in a handful of emojis, which allows them to show off their creative side and adds a bit of fun to the chat. You can even be light-hearted about the dating fails you’ve come up against by asking them the worse opening line they’ve experienced. Asking about their favourite weekend plans gives you an idea of what they like to do which helps judge how compatible you’ll be. And remember, if you’re worried about being judged for what you type, remember often people are just happy that somebody else made the first move. And if you don’t hear back, don’t despair – inboxes get clogged up and a lack of reply is no reason to take it personally.

If you’d like to find out more about award-winning matchmaking service, why not give us a call today? We work closely with you to establish the values and characteristics that are important to you and make personalised introductions. We enjoy working with enthusiastic clients who are committed to finding a life partner with similar family values and outlooks on life and we pride ourselves on providing a dating journey that’ll leave you feeling energised, confident, and safe.

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How to spot the signs somebody is emotionally unavailable

When you first start dating somebody who is emotionally unavailable, it can be hard to spot the signs and deal with their behaviour. Texts can go unanswered, and they seem close-lipped about so many elements of their life while blowing hot and cold about what you have together. Their approach to the relationship can leave you feeling like there is a barrier to really getting to know them and they can appear distant and uninterested. Because you like this person you end up making excuses for their behaviour, desperately hoping they’ll change in the future.

Emotional unavailability refers to an aversion to developing an authentic, intimate connection in a relationship. An emotional unavailable person will struggle to engage in the emotional bonds needed for a successful relationship, finding it hard to show their emotions. They won’t open up and prefer the safety of discussing surface-level topics, so you don’t get to learn much about their past or the people in their life. They keep you at arm’s length from their personal life, so their friends and family don’t get to know you well and expect you to be around in the future. Life with this person can be extremely confusing, leaving your head spinning as they blow hot and cold.

What are the signs that somebody is emotionally unavailable?

As this sort of behaviour will have an undoubtedly huge impact on a blossoming relationship, it pays to look out for the signs somebody is emotionally unavailable in the dating world. We’ve outlined some top tips for interpreting and recognising their behaviour if you suspect somebody is emotionally unavailable.

Look at their relationship history

It can be a red flag if their relationship history suggests they are incapable of having a successful, long-term committed relationship. They may have a string of short-term relationships or flings behind them because they are uninterested in things getting more serious. It may even be tough to prise the information out of them because they prefer to talk about superficial subjects.

They refuse to open up

No matter how much you try to encourage them, this person will never let their guard down. They won’t want to share anything deep or meaningful, nor will they open up about challenges they are experiencing in their own lives. They also refuse to engage when you raise your own concerns or issues, even if you make it clear you want their input. You feel attempts to share your personal thoughts and feelings are rebuffed and they are far from a shoulder to cry on.

Everything feels inconsistent

It can feel like an emotional rollercoaster dating somebody who is emotionally unavailable. Their communication may be erratic, and they may never try to instigate plans, or they may cancel them altogether at short notice. It’s all about keeping you at arm’s length because of they want to create distance and find excuses not to spend quality time together.  The more you attempt to forge a connection, the more they pull away.

They are reluctant to commit

The relationship may feel like one long episode of game playing, where they become more interested in things when you are unavailable. There’s no settling down into a regular pattern of seeing each other or taking the next step into a committed partnership. It will feel like they are never really invested in the relationship, and they are actively pulling away.

While it can be challenging to handle, dating somebody who is emotional unavailable doesn’t necessarily mean you’re headed for disaster. If you think the relationship has potential, you could tackle the issue head on, having a conversation about what you need from the relationship which gives them the opportunity to try and adapt to meet your needs. If they are receptive, it might imply they are happy to do some deeper work into the route of their issues. Remember the onus is on them to change, rather than taking on this responsibility yourself. If the relationship is leaving you feeling drained, needy, and desperate, and the person is appearing unwilling to change, then it is probably time to move on to avoid prolonging a painful situation. If you doubt that this person can ever meet your emotional needs, then it’s a sign that they aren’t right for you. It’s never a good sign if a relationship is making you unhappy so don’t be afraid to call time on it to protect your feelings and happiness.

Matchmakers become like trusted friends, supporting you with every step of your search for love. We can take all the hard work away, leaving you with a streamlined and enjoyable dating journey. Get in touch today and find out more!

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Going on your first holiday as a couple

So, you’ve been seeing somebody for a little while and everything is going well. You’ve made it a few months into the relationship so thoughts turn to what might be your first big relationship milestone together – a first holiday spent together as a couple. It can be a make-or-break moment to embark on a mini-break as a new couple, testing how compatible you really are when you’re solely in each other’s company for an extended period.

There is also the question of how far into a relationship you should be to judge it’s the right time for a romantic mini break. A survey about couple’s holidays found 60% of people think it is a good idea to go away with somebody you’ve been seeing for three months. Depending on how much time you’ve spent together as a couple, the three-month mark is often viewed as a good time to take the next step of a shared mini break. Short breaks are often viewed as the safer option to test the waters before committing to a more involved fortnight-long long-haul trip. Going away for two or three days helps gauge how compatible you are as a holidaying couple as it reduces the risk of issues arising as you travel. A city break with a packed itinerary means less fears you’ll run out of things to talk about and gives you plenty to do as you navigate being together 24/7. When the holiday goes well it’s a great way to really enjoy each’s others company without the distractions of everyday life and allows you to really get to know each other.

As it is such an important stage of a blossoming relationship, we’ve shared our top tips for getting the most out of your first couple’s holiday together.

Be mindful of your budget

As unromantic as it may sound, you need to set a budget for the holiday and be on the same page about spending while you are away. Having differing approaches to splashing the cash can cause arguments on holiday, which is the last thing you want when it’s meant to be a romantic break. Be open with each other before you go about what you can afford – splitting the bill can often be the fairest way when you are early on in a relationship, and it’s important to make sure the lower-income partner isn’t stretched by the holiday.

Make sure you are on the same page

Communicate what you like to do on holiday to make sure you are both going to be happy with the final plan. It won’t go well if one of you thinks you’ll be sunbathing all day while the other had expected historic tours of the location’s old town. Try and find a place where you’ll both enjoy what there is to do there. Another big no-no is booking a place you went with an old flame – there’s nothing worse than hearing what your partner got up to with their ex when they holidayed there. Find a location that’s new for both of you and enjoy discovering it together.

Try and avoid nasty surprises

Things can go wrong when you travel which can test even the best relationships. Try and mitigate the risk of disasters by planning your trip carefully, making sure you’ve got the travel timings, documents, and details sorted. That said, don’t over plan your schedule when you are arrive, as there is plenty of fun to be had having spontaneous adventures.

Be present

It can be annoying if you’re partner is permanently wrapped up in their phone when you finally get some time to dedicate to each other. There’s nothing worse than turning around to share a magical moment and find they are totally distracted by a work email or a social media post. Try to limit your phone time and leave non-essential messages and work stuff until you get back.

Have a little time apart

It can add a lot of pressure to a relationship to go from seeing each other several times a week to spending 24/7 together. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a solo activity or just grabbing a little me-time, which’ll give you a bit of space. You may make friends while you are away but it’s advisable not to spend too much time with new people as the other person may resent the encroachment of your time as a couple.

Our dedicated matchmaking team are ready and waiting for your call to help you with your search for love.Get in touch today to find out more!