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How to tackle the topic of money in a budding relationship

So, let’s discuss the subject of money and relationships. It can sometimes feel like a taboo topic at the best of times, and it hardly makes for romantic small talk to bring it up early in a budding relationship.

However, let’s consider why it’s so important for men and women not to ignore the practical side of entering into a relationship – even when it may be the last thing on your mind as you’re swept up in the excitement and romance of dating somebody who seems really rather special.   

What you need to think about when you meet somebody new

You’ve taken the all the risks, you’ve kept going when it was so tempting to quit – but you didn’t – and you have reaped the rewards of a successful career and acquired considerable wealth along the way. Now you’re thinking how nice it would be to meet somebody, settle down and enjoy the fruits of your labours. It’s understandable if you’ve got some concerns about what a long-term relationship means for combining assets and the practical implications of managing your money.

So, what are the key things to consider?  You can think of it as three phases – dating, living together (or to use the official term, co-habiting) and marriage.

The dating is really about getting to know somebody better – do they want the same things as you and is life just better with them rather than without them? There’s no real financial or legal impact at the dating phase, except if one of you has more than the other. Are you happy to pay for the expensive holiday in the Seychelles you’ve always wanted to share with somebody special? Does it bother you if the person you’re dating earns significantly more or less than you do?

If the dating is going well and you’re thinking about moving in together, you will need to decide where it’s going to be – will you rent or buy a new home, or will one if you move in a house the other already lives in? Are you prepared to make changes to the home so that it’s ‘ours’ rather than ‘mine’?

This is where legal and financial aspects come into consideration. Let’s assume you’re the wealthier partner and that it’s your home you’ll be living in.

There was some talk of partners who lived together gaining rights after two years. At present, this is not the law…but that could change.

Currently, if one person owns the property, a partner could only claim rights if they had made a capital contribution, such as paying part of the mortgage, paying for improvements to the property (a new bathroom, for example), or if there is a child in the relationship.

Because you have fewer automatic legal rights than married couples, a co-habitation agreement is a way of laying out the terms of living together. This legal document sets out the arrangements for finances, property, children and what happens if one of you becomes ill, dies or you split up.

Now it’s going really well and you’re thinking of getting married.  You don’t get married with a plan to get divorced, but it is best to think about what you’re comfortable with should the worse happen.

Prenuptial (prenup) agreements are legally required in some countries but are not quite yet a legally binding document in the UK. However, courts will give serious consideration to the prenup if you get divorced. A prenup should be fair and it should be done in a reasonable timeframe. It can’t be signed the night before the wedding! This agreement must be signed off a month before the wedding as a minimum and both parties should have independent legal advice (but it is OK for you to pay for your partner’s advice). A prenup also requires full financial disclosure by both parties. This can also be reinforced with a postnup. A ‘life event’ such as having children can partly void a prenup, so it’s best to address those points in the original agreement and agree for there to be a review of the agreement if children arrive.

There is the subject of how you raise the matter. You may not wish to be on bended knee with a ring in one hand and a document in the other! So, once the Champagne and celebrations have been enjoyed, ensure you raise these issues with each other before you embark on the big relationship milestone of getting married. It’s also important to ensure you seek the appropriate expert advice when it comes to the legal side of things and be open with each other about your wishes.

While it might not seem like the most romantic of topics, understanding and securing your financial future will help both of you feel secure and well-prepared should the worse happen. And once the paperwork is sorted, you can just enjoy all the great things that come with a successful and loving long-term relationship!

Rudy Vandaele-Kennedy is an Investment Manager looking after private clients and their families, as well as their business and charitable interests. 

Here at Ignite Dating we aim to provide you with a stress-free search for love, with expert matchmakers on-hand to really understand what you are looking for in a partner. Get in touch today to find out more about our award-winning service!

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Why the phrase high maintenance is a red flag in the dating world

High Maintenance Red Flags

What do you think when you hear the phrase high maintenance? Do you instantly think about somebody who puts a tremendous amount of time and effort into their appearance? A person who expects a high standard of living and can ultimately be hard work to date? Some would say, a ‘princess’.

And let’s face it, you’re probably thinking about a woman. A recent article over on The Conversation points out we rarely come across the term “high-maintenance man”.

Looking into the use of the term high maintenance on dating apps, the author Lisa Portolan found that many single ladies end up treading a fine line of identity management, by wanting to look attractive on dating apps but not too ‘perfect’ as they worry they might scare prospective matches off.

Her research found women worked hard to ensure their dating profiles did not come across as full of traits and images that were viewed as coming across as high maintenance. Instead, they wanted to convey their image as being “pretty” but “relatable”, concentrating on portraying themselves as expectation-less, fun-loving, easy-going, and capable. Low maintenance, in other words. Their intention is to ensure they don’t “intimidate” a potential match through their images and behaviour by appearing high maintenance.

Lisa’s research led her to conclude that the use of this sort of language to “reign themselves in” perpetuates a certain invisibility on online dating sites, where women are effectively dulling their shine and shrinking themselves to stereotypes of how women should act to appease men.

What do people think when they hear the term high maintenance?

High maintenance is a term that is often thrown around in the dating world in a derogatory fashion. As The Conversation article points out, it can be a slippery term to define, with the traits that constitute high maintenance usually centred around appearance and behaviour. The stereotype of high maintenance centres around women who are unapologetically demanding, with unreasonable lifestyle expectations of their partner. They are loath to split the bill on a date, like the finer things in life and put a great importance on material status.

The internet is full of articles explaining how to “manage” a high maintenance woman, portraying them in a negative light and asking whether it is worth the reward to date somebody who has a profile which screams “high maintenance”. It’s no wonder the single people who featured in Lisa’s research strived to avoid these sorts of definitions.

Other experts are keen however to point out the problem may actually reside with the person who is throwing this term around. Over on Medium, a recent article points out using the term high maintenance can be a form of manipulation, indicating the person you are dating wants you to comply with their wishes. It can lead to women doing just that, just to avoid being labelled with the title of high maintenance.

The article points out that if a man says you are high maintenance, this reflects more about them, not you, and demonstrates the person using the term ultimately doesn’t value you. It creates an imbalance in your dating journey, where your expectations don’t line up to their preconceived ideas of what a relationship should look like and the effort they should be putting in.

Other experts in the dating world agree, saying the term has become weaponised against women to shift responsibility when a man refuses to meet your emotional needs in a relationship, instead labelling you as the problem. Using high maintenance as a way to degrade or berate somebody is often with the intention of making them feel like their relationship demands are unreasonable and that they are a bad person for having them. A massive red flag, in other words.

Don’t dull your shine

The valuable lesson here is the right person will respect who you are and be prepared to put in legwork to really make a budding relationship work. A good partner will understand and respect your needs in a relationship as well as their own. It can be all too easy to dull your shine in the dating world, with recent surveys finding many daters admitted they were conscious of behaviours thought to be off-putting to men including appearing too clingy, being too forward or coming across as genuinely interested. However, by being yourself your date can get to know the real, amazing you. If you are both authentic and upfront with each other, it’s so much easier to establish whether you have a genuine connection. The right partner will love all the quirks and traits that make you the person you are (even if you do make you both late for every night out because you like to dedicate plenty of time to getting ready!). If you come across somebody that isn’t prepared to put in the effort to really make a relationship work, then it’s time to forget this person and move on.

Are you looking for somebody who will really value who you are and share your goal of a long-term, committed relationship? Here at Ignite Dating we’re experts in helping you with an enjoyable and stress-free dating journey, providing you with hand-selected matches you’ll really share a connection with. Contact our team today and find out how we can help you find true love!

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The Science of Dating – How to maximise your chances of long term relationship success

While there is nothing unusual about having a type when it comes to dating, we all know somebody who is guilty of taking it a bit too far. Think about that colleague who is obsessed with only dating glamourous blondes, or your friend who won’t even look twice at somebody unless they are over 6ft tall. Then ask yourself this question, how many times have their uncompromising preferences led them into successful relationships?

Well, according to the science behind relationships, there might be a very good reason to ditch the tunnel vision and look for somebody who doesn’t necessarily tick all your usual boxes.

Bear with us while we explain.

A recent article on Wired, adapted from a new book by data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, examined whether it is possible to predict whether two people will be happy in a romantic relationship.

In a nutshell, Stephens-Davidowitz sets out the efforts of scientists to define reliably which traits can predict relationship success. But like anything in life, there were some important lessons learned along the way.

For one, the researchers found many of the traits that are competed for ferociously in the dating world do not necessarily correlate with romantic happiness. Citing data collected from online dating apps, the article points out that single people are predictably drawn to certain qualities in a partner, such as height, wealth, beauty, occupation, and similarity to themselves.

However, the conclusion was that there was not a set of traits that guarantees romantic happiness. In fact, the traits most valued by daters were found to be among the least predictive of long-term relationship happiness, despite their attention-grabbing qualities in the dating world. So, if indeed daters believe the pursuit of these particular traits will lead to relationship success, it then suggests single people are actually going about dating all wrong.

The findings led the author to sum up: “In the dating market, people compete ferociously for mates with qualities that do not increase one’s chances of romantic happiness.”  

It’s not just data science that has led to these sort of conclusions – dating experts are keen to point out the detrimental impact of relentlessly focusing on a certain ‘type’ when you are looking for love. Over on our blog, our master executive coach Genevieve Gresset explained how having a relationship checklist can hold you back in your quest for love.

Solely focusing on a checklist of physical and personal preferences can limit your search for the perfect partner, as you simply don’t know who you are going to share a connection with. You could be ruling out somebody special just because they don’t tick all of your usual boxes and the person you’ve initially discounted could actually be perfect for you.

Don’t get hung up on certain traits

It’s important to remember that height and age are just a number, and it does not matter if you have completely different tastes in music, TV, or film. Shared interests offer a good starting point for those initial conversations, but it doesn’t guarantee that your relationship will be successful in the long-term.

The same goes for getting hung up on physical attractiveness. It can really pay to disregard a profile photo and concentrate on what the profile says about the person, their values, aspirations and ultimately their potential compatibility in a relationship.

Physical attraction is important but it’s vital to remember there’s many other aspects to consider if you want a long-lasting, happy relationship. By keeping an open mind, you are much more likely to open yourself up to some truly amazing people and you stand a much better chance of achieving the all-important spark you’ve been searching for.

Focus on yourself

There was another valuable finding that was gleaned from the data analysed in the Wired article which could help predict relationship success – and it does not involve the traits of the individual you’re dating.

Researchers found that if somebody is happy and content in their life outside a relationship, then it can have a huge impact on their happiness within a relationship. This serves as a valuable reminder to always focus on your own well-being and self-love in your dating journey. Dating can be tough, especially if you’ve been on a string of unsuccessful dates and it’s all starting to feel like a chore.

Focusing on what makes you happy in life can be a valuable antidote to dating burnout. It can help to concentrate on yourself and enjoy time with family and friends to appreciate what you have in life. Building some valuable breathing room into your dating journey can provide the time to understand what you’re looking for in a partner. You’ll then be in a much better place to tackle the dating world refreshed and confident, helping you achieve a more fulfilling and stronger relationship in the long run.

Stephens-Davidowitz’s book is a fascinating insight into the modern dating world. It’s another timely reminder to make sure you don’t fall into the trap of mono-manic dating – instead ditch the checklist approach to be in with the best chance of meeting somebody who you will really share a connection with!  

Are you looking for help with your search for love? Our matchmaking team can open your horizons to a new way to date, introducing you to hand-selected individuals you’ll really share a spark with. Give us a call today and find out how we can assist with an enjoyable and stress-free search for love!

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How To Dress To Impress This Summer

Summer is finally here, the days are getting longer and brighter and hopefully things are heating up in your dating journey too! Come rain or shine, Summer is a great season for romance, thanks in no small part to the air of spontaneity when it comes to making plans and abundant dating opportunities that aren’t available at other times of the year. Whether you’re meeting for a relaxed walk in the park or enjoying cocktails at the best al fresco spot in town, it’s time to make the most of this season’s outfit trends so you are putting your best foot forward when meeting somebody new this summer.

While a lot of Summer essentials can be decidedly casual, it stills pays to build an outfit which makes you feel super confident when you’re embarking on a first date. Even if we’re in the midst of a heatwave, simple wardrobe additions can bring the advantage of looking great while keeping you cool and relaxed when stepping out for a balmy evening rendezvous.

Below we’ve highlighted our top tips for getting the most out of the Summer fashion trends to ensure you feel energised and ready for navigating some truly wonderful dates this season. Thankfully the restrictions of the pandemic are behind us, so let’s make this a Summer to remember!

For Her

This season is all about square and Bardot-style wide-open necklines exposing the shoulders. Both styles have the advantage of highlighting your feminine décolletage and adding a sexy and sultry edge to your outfit.

Prints are also back, and we’re seeing them on gorgeous slip dresses this season. Bask in the sunshine in a midi-style slip dress for effortless glamour that’ll suit a wide range of date occasions. Thankfully at this time of year, it is warm enough to wear a slip dress without outerwear and you can keep your look fresh with a range of accessories. On those days when the mercury is really rising, it’s a great style for keeping you sexy, cool, and confident with the thinner materials giving a real advantage for combatting the fierce heat of the day.

Whether you’re opting for prints or plain colours, don’t forget to select the right colour for your skin tone – in my spring dating trends blog I recently shared an overview of the best outfit colours for different skin tones. Another way to add a gorgeous splash of colour and embrace one of summer’s hot trends is to wear a small silk scarf in your hair like a turban. You can also wrap it gently around your ponytail for a fabulous pop of colour.

Your outfits are a perfect way of reflecting a relaxed summer vibe while giving you an invaluable confidence boost, as when you feel your best your true personality will shine through while dating.

For Him

For gentlemen, this summer is all about linen sports jackets. Light blue or salmon colours truly celebrate the summer season and add a pop of colour to your look. The beauty of light-coloured linen jackets is that they can be paired with a simple dark blue jean. For an excellent first date look, finish the outfit with a suede loafer and you’re ready to go!

Summer is one of the most varied times of year to date, thanks to the plethora of date ideas available to make the most of the fine weather. Whether you’re enjoying an evening of live music, a romantic picnic or a traditional formal dinner, there are plenty of ways to put together an outfit which’ll look effortlessly stylish and sophisticated. Whatever you opt for, make sure you are staying true to wearing what makes you feel good and your preferred personal style. You’ll then be sure to feel your best and make a great first impression!

Are you looking to enhance your dating journey this Summer? Working with a matchmaker can effortlessly help you reach that goal of a long-term committed relationship. We work closely with you to really understand what you are looking for, and we’re experts at hand-selected introductions to amazing people you’ll really enjoy meeting, and build relationships that will be around long after the Summer months end. Ready to commit? Give our expert team a call today!

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Dating in Cornwall: top tips for getting the most out of the area

If you live in Cornwall, you’re likely to already appreciate just how special it is to be surrounded by abundant countryside and jaw-dropping coastlines. Benefitting from beautiful blue waters, picturesque harbours, and idyllic beaches, the area is a huge draw for holiday makers and day trippers alike. If you’re lucky enough to live in Cornwall then the coast is yours to enjoy all year round, offering up many romantic opportunities to take long walks along the shore or share a fish and chip supper al fresco while watching those famous sunsets.  

There’s a lot more to Cornwall than you’ll find on the well-beaten tourist trail though. Whether you are looking for love, or already in an established relationship, there are a plethora of dating opportunities to be enjoyed right on your doorstep. So, whether you’re looking to impress on a first date or just adding some variety to your dating journey, find our top tips for getting the most out of living in beautiful Cornwall as recommended by our matchmakers.

Enjoy a day out

A stunning landscape featured in TV shows and movies alike, Bodmin Moor provides an oasis of calm during the height of the summer tourism season, allowing plenty of opportunities to hike the historic granite moorland. It’s one of Cornwall’s designated Areas Of Outstanding Natural Beauty, with a remote, wild feel – perfect for escaping the crowds for some active exploring or soaking up the opportunity to discover filming locations from shows such as BBC’s Poldark.   

For more structured days out – and the chance to rest your legs and enjoy a classic Cornish cream tea – the National Trust has numerous houses, gardens, and properties to explore in the area. You can also make like a tourist in your own backyard and take in popular visitor spots such as The Lost Gardens of Heligan and Enys Gardens to enjoy the tranquillity of their beautiful estates.  

Get active

If you’ve had the sea on your doorstep for a while but you’ve not got around to trying the many different water sports on offer, why not try your hand at something new together? You could have a go at sea kayaking, coasteering (a fun combination of cliff-jumping, cave-exploring, rock-hopping and swimming) or body boarding. If none of those take your fancy, there’s plenty of opportunities to try a surf lesson or have a go at paddleboarding – it’s a great way to break the ice and guaranteed to put a smile on both of your faces.

Enjoy a festival

There’s a real variety of festivals to be enjoyed together in the summer, mixing music with other elements which firmly put Cornwall on the map. The Rock Oyster festival in July combines music with a line-up of top chefs offering masterclasses, demos, and plenty of restaurant pop-ups. There’s also the Little Orchard Cider & Music Festival combining camping and glamping, lots of live bands and, of course, a huge range of ciders. If a full-blown festival is a bit much for you, there are live music nights at the Eden Project at various dates during the summer, as well as at The Wyldes, an event site situated in a wooded valley in North Cornwall.

Enjoy the view

With so much beauty around, it’s no surprise that there’s a range of restaurants which benefit from the stunning views on offer across the area. Why not try the terrace at The Seafood Restaurant, a restaurant owned by celebrity chef Rick Stein, offering views over the scenic Camel Estuary. Wavecrest Café has panoramic sea views overlooking Lizard Point in Cornwall, while the Jamaica Inn has spectacular views of Bodmin Moor and plenty of history. You’ll be spoilt for choice for great places to eat, many of which are worth putting in a few extra miles to enjoy the seasonal local produce and fresh seafood Cornwall is famed for.

Visit a spa

Looking for a more sedate experience? There are some great spas in Cornwall, allowing you to enjoy some quality pamper time together. The Aqua Club at the iconic The Headland Hotel is perched on a rugged peninsula boasting a luxurious swimming and wellbeing centre. Relax in the hydrotherapy pool, or have your favourite cocktail bought to you at the outdoor heated Sunset Spa Pool. The Scarlet Hotel has an eco-spa with sweeping views of the Atlantic and plenty of wellbeing classes to enjoy together, including yoga and tai chi.

Pop across the border

There’s plenty going on in neighbouring Devon to add some variety to your date ideas. Explore the amazing Tunnels Beaches, a network of hand-carved tunnels leading to unique sheltered beaches and tidal pools. Take a boat trip to the peaceful and unspoiled Lundy Island to walk and spot the varied wildlife – you may even be lucky enough to spot a pod of dolphins as you make the ferry crossing. At the end of a long day of sightseeing cosy up for an intimate movie showing at the Neo cinema, which seats up to 30 people in comfortable sofas and armchairs.

These are just a flavour of the many amazing dates you can enjoy together in Cornwall – we’d love to hear your top tips for getting the most out of the area. Head over to our Facebook or Instagram pages to share your thoughts on the best date ideas to be enjoyed in Cornwall this summer!

Are you looking to meet somebody new to share plenty of good times and new experiences with? Working with a matchmaker can be the perfect way to meet that special person you’ll really enjoy spending time with. They are able to work with you to really understand what you are looking for and introduce you to amazing people you’ll genuinely share a spark with. Give us a call today to find out how we can assist on your search for love!

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Why summer can be the best time to date

If you’re the sort of person who can’t wait to swap your winter boots for flip-flops, and you hit the beaches and parks the minute the mercury rises, then there’s a good chance you’re a fan of summer dating as well.

Summer can feel like a magical time to date, giving us sun-starved Brits plenty of opportunities to relish in the longer days and warmer weather. The winter months seemingly last forever and when the summer finally rolls around there’s suddenly a raft of new opportunities at your fingertips which are perfect for sharing with somebody special.

With the need to take shelter in the cosiest indoor spot finally behind us, there are numerous opportunities which add some spice to your dating journey in the warmer months. Think happy hour at rooftop bars, romantic picnics in the park, outdoor live performances and plentiful of al fresco drinks in sun-soaked pub gardens.  

Then there’s the fact we all feel a bit brighter over the summer months. It can certainly be hard to feel your best when you are swamped in layers marching through the drizzle in November. It’s much easier to put your best foot forward in the warmer months by rocking a healthy glow, thanks to embracing your chilled-out summer wardrobe and sporting a tan (whether it’s thanks to a regular spray tan appointment or all that time you’ve been enjoying outside).

Everyone seems a bit more relaxed, and the days become more fluid as you leave office drinks to flit to the next impromptu barbecue or drinks party. It can be easier to meet people when everybody is out and about making the most of the increased opportunities to socialise.  

Summer flings can go hand-in-hand with the season, and this is something to be aware of if you’re looking for something which’ll last past the August bank holiday. Ever heard of freckling? It refers to casually getting involved with somebody over the summer months just to lose interest again as the colder weather rolls around. The person may pop back into your dating life again next year – but only when the weather is nice. If you’re looking for a more long-term relationship, then it is worth being mindful of what the other person is looking for by sounding out each other’s expectations early on in your dating journey.   

If a temporary summer romance is more your bag, then it is also only fair to check the person you’re dating is on the same page to avoid autumn heartbreak. Plus, you never know, what started as a casual micro-romance may blossom into something more as you find yourself reluctant to part ways come the cooler months.

There can also be less pressure in the early days of a summer relationship due to there being no significant holidays in the calendar to navigate. Christmas and New Year’s Eve, for example, can cause the added pressure of feeling the need to define your relationship status as you enjoy festive gatherings and parties together. It’s the time of the year that can also leave you wondering whether it’s too soon to swap Christmas presents with a new partner or invite them along to a family gathering.  

Even if you’ve been in a relationship for a while, summer can provide plenty of opportunities to mix up your dating journey. The temptation to mooch on the sofa with the latest boxset can go out the window when there’s plenty of fun to be enjoyed outdoors. You can really mix up your date nights with a fun shared activity, whether it’s enjoying an outdoor movie, paddleboarding down the local river, or gazing at the stars over a firepit in the garden.

Of course, summer dating may not appeal to everybody. The thought of applying make-up in the sweltering heat or wading through crowds of revellers looking for the last outdoor table in town may not sound particularly enticing if, deep down, you prefer the roar of a log-fire and a cosy pub date mid-winter. Nothing can quite top the disappointment of an all-too-predictable summer shower as you’ve just settled down to romantic supper in the garden. If this sounds like you, don’t give into the pressure to have the perfect Instagrammable summer of love – just do what suits you best.

If you’re looking to up your dating game in the coming months, it can be invaluable to seek out the support of a matchmaker to find somebody you’ll truly enjoy sharing time with. A matchmaker can work with you to understand exactly what you’re looking for in a long-term, committed relationship. They then use an expert mix of personality profiling, their extensive experience, private network, and intuition to recommend hand-selected individuals who’ll perfectly align with your goals and outlook on life. So, as the weather heats up and the summer fun kicks off in earnest, you’ll be in the best place to have a year to remember!

If you’re looking to up your dating game this summer, why not give our expert team at Ignite Dating a call? They can work closely with you to really understand your aspirations, goals, and life values, introducing you to incredible people you’ll really share a connection with.

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How to deal with dating burnout

There’s no doubt that these days we are all extremely busy people. If your phone isn’t constantly pinging with messages and emails, it’s probably out of battery. From the latest news on your family WhatsApp group and appointment reminders from your local hairdresser, to work emails and updates from your dog walker, there’s a lot to take in on a daily basis.

If you add an online app-based approach to dating into the mix, well, life can get even more frantic. Online dating apps are designed to make it easy to connect quickly with lots of people at the swipe of a screen. While this may seem like a benefit if you’re looking to meet somebody new, it can inadvertently turn out to be quite stress-inducing if you get too swept up in it all. There is the temptation to think that the person of your dreams is there, somewhere, buried in those countless online profiles, so all you need to do is keep up the momentum – and the swiping – to find them. But a quick five-minute search can turn into hours assessing person after person. Suddenly that relaxed night on the sofa, with a well-earned glass of wine after a long week, turns from a chilled box set marathon to your hands creeping to the phone for just a quick look. Before you know it, it’s the early hours.

If a search for love is starting to feel quite labour intensive and you’re getting increasingly exhausted with it all, it can be a sign that you are panic dating and at risk of dating burnout. But it’s not just having so much choice at your fingertips that can lead to getting carried away – the temptation to panic date can come from an array of different sources.

Perhaps it’s a reluctance to say no to a date if you’re invited on one. A lot of singletons can feel the pressure to be out there constantly and worry that by pressing pause on their dating journey for even a short while, it can mean they’ll miss out. If you’re constantly focusing on the next date, or rushing to another meeting that very same evening, be sure this approach works for you as it’s easy to feel burned out if you’re already juggling a hectic schedule. It’s tempting to agree to numerous dates on your quest to find the perfect partner but remember – dating is meant to be fun. If it’s starting to feel like a chore, or you’ve got zero motivation to get out there, it’s a sign you need to reassess your approach to dating.

You may also be feeling subtle pressure from your friendship group to get coupled up, especially if a steady stream of engagement announcements and wedding invites are coming your way. It can be hard when your single friends dwindle, especially if you are finding it hard to feel 100% content with the freedom of singledom.

You may even be toying with the temptation to think about rekindling with an ex. This may come as a result of feeling like everybody else is coupling up, but if there were good reasons behind the decision to call it a day, it’s probably not a good idea to try and pick up where you left off.

If all this sounds familiar, then don’t despair. There are a few simple tricks and techniques to solve a frantic approach to dating.

Firstly, contrary to popular belief it can be helpful to take a step away from dating and take some time for yourself, providing plenty of time for reflection about what’s not working and the changes you need to make. Self-care is important to ensure you’re looking after number one, and taking a break for even a short while can mean you return to dating feeling energised and confident. It’ll also provide some valuable balance and help you focus on other parts of your life that make you happy.

A break from dating can be the perfect time to concentrate on what you really want from a partner and a relationship. Try not to sweat how long the break is – you won’t be missing out if you really invest the time in ensuring dating is fun again once you’re really ready to get back out there. You can then return to a more purposeful dating journey, being more selective with the time you dedicate to dating, focusing more on who you meet and the types of dates you’ll really enjoy. Don’t waste time on a date if you’ve got a gut feeling they’re not right for you – there’s plenty more fish in the sea and you’ll have a lot more fun if you see the romance potential shining through their profile.

Working with a matchmaker also can really help you take a step back and assess what you want from a relationship. When you feel ready to take your first steps back into the dating world, they’ll be on-hand to introduce you to hand-selected introductions who truly align with your goals, aspirations, and life values. There’s no need to stress about meeting somebody new, as your matchmaker will take all the hard work out of your search for somebody who you’ll really click with.

So, if you’re getting the feeling your dating journey is not quite working for you at the moment, remember it can pay to take a step back and have a good look at what you really want. And when you’re ready to date again, it’ll be all the more fun and enjoyable!   

If you’re looking for help in pursuing a more purposeful and enjoyable dating journey, why not give our team of expert matchmakers a call? They are on-hand to share their expertise and work with you to really understand your relationship goals. Get in touch today!

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How to nail a second date

You’ve been talking to someone for a while, met them for the first time for a date and had a good time – now the hardest part is out the way. Firstly – congratulations! A successful first date is super exciting, and by now you’re probably feeling relieved it went well and full of anticipation for what comes next.

If you both felt a connection the first time you met, it’s time to nail down date number two. The stakes may feel considerably higher now there’s mutual interest, but the good news is this is where you can really start to get to know each other and suss out if there is the potential for something more.

Even if the first date didn’t sweep you off your feet, plenty of singles find it worth meeting up for a second date to see if the person has relationship potential. Nearly half of people surveyed about second dates believe a first date that was okay but nothing worth shouting home about, can have the potential to grow on them. Something which is particularly true if a serious relationship is on the cards. Nearly three-quarters of singles said they are more likely to give a date a second chance when they are actively looking for a committed relationship.

Regardless of your expectations for a subsequent date, it’s fair to say it can be a lot more relaxed the second time around. A separate study found that almost two-thirds of single men and women are more excited by a second date than the first. First dates can be nerve-wracking and may feel a bit stilted as you work your way through the pleasantries. You may have felt it hard to let your guard down and let your real personality and character shine through. By the time your second rendezvous arrives, the pre-meeting jitters may have soothed, especially now there’s some shared ground, putting less pressure on the getting-to-know-you small talk and allowing you both to be yourselves. 

But what should you be aware of to ensure a smooth follow-up to a promising first date with somebody who seems worth investing the time to get to know better? When you think about it, that first date monopolises a lot of the limelight. So much attention is paid to making sure you follow recommended tricks and tips for nailing this all-important first meeting, so you’ll successfully make enough of an impression to land date number two. But once it’s in the diary, you can feel a bit cast adrift about what comes next!

We’ve shared our top tips for how to ace a second date to put you successfully on the path to date three and beyond.

Firstly, relax: Part of the reason first dates are so nerve-racking is there is no shared ground. You have no idea if you’ll like the person, or if they will be into you. If you’ve both agreed to meet again, chances are both of you see enough potential in the first meeting to get to know each other better. It’s easier to keep the conversation flowing when you’ve learned a bit more about each other and you can demonstrate what an amazing listener you are by following up on the things you discussed the first time around. Remember it takes a while to build a relationship and get to know somebody properly – this is exactly what you’re doing here. You’ve moved things along from the initial meeting, so now it’s time to enjoy the getting-to-know each other stage.

Find out more about each other: The joy of date number two is you can really delve deeper and learn a lot more about each other. Okay, you don’t need to get too deep here – grilling somebody about their exes is still firmly off the table. However, this is a lovely time to find out more, whether it’s about their childhood, career plans, family, or background. It may be discovering that they backpacked around Europe while at university, or about the time they broke their elbow falling out of a tree at school – it’s all about knitting together a picture of who they are and feeling comfortable enough to share things with each other.

Mix it up a bit: Make sure you are not just repeating your first date, especially if it felt quite formal as you exchanged pleasantries over the dinner table. Get a fresh perspective by suggesting something the other will really enjoy based on what you’ve already learned about them. It’s easier for you both to show your fun and laid-back side by enjoying a shared activity, whether it’s a picnic in the park, taking in a museum exhibition, or enjoying a long sunset walk.

Show more affection if it feels right: If your first date was a quick get-to-know-you, chances are there was not much of an opportunity to get flirty and share physical affection. If it feels right this time around, you can take it a step forward as you begin to feel more comfortable with each other. Do judge how the other person feels about the intimacy increasing though, and don’t feel rushed into anything – there’s no set timeline for how intimate any date should be.

Work with a matchmaker: If you’re looking to take some of the mystery out of dating, then working with a matchmaker is an ideal way to help you reach that goal of a long-term, committed relationship. They can expertly guide and support you through every step of your dating journey, from that first phone call to the initial flurry of dates and into a relationship. A matchmaker is an expert in finding you likeminded and suitable matches who you will be truly excited to meet and get to know better. So, if you’re looking to take the hard work out of dating, know that with a matchmaker on your side you’re best placed to embark on a relaxed and successful search for love.

If it feels like the right time to try a new way of dating, why not give our team of expert matchmakers a call? Our friendly team are ready to find you the perfect match, offering plenty of help and advice along the way. 

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How to let the real you shine through on dates

Do you ever feel like everybody is a little more chilled out than you when it comes to dating? That by letting yourself get tied up in knots with pre-date nerves, you are somehow unusual? Well, you’re not alone. It’s normal to experience first date nerves – from the gentlest of flutters as you arrive at the venue, to feeling overwhelmed by the idea of making small talk with someone you’ve never met before – the key is not letting it overpower the real you.

Unfortunately, with nerves comes the tendency to clam up and not be yourself. We’ve all heard numerous dating disaster anecdotes about the time somebody tripped/forgot their date’s name/had a tumbleweed moment with a poorly received joke (insert your own nerve-induced calamity here). Which, when you come to think about it, just serves to make you even more nervous as you prepare for your own first date.

Nerves aside though, there is also a danger you may inadvertently adapt your behaviour, subconsciously or not, to act in a way which you believe your date would want you to.

More than half of people surveyed in a recent study said they behave differently and less authentically to fit into perceived gender expectations about how they should act on a date. Women in particular, admitted that they are conscious of behaviours thought to be off-putting to men including appearing too clingy, being too forward or coming across as genuinely interested. The study found more than a third of women effectively dull their own shine to make their male dates feel more comfortable and powerful during the date.   

All this pressure can lead to putting on a façade during a first date – but by doing so your date is missing out on discovering your best side. While it can be very tricky to shed the nerves and the pre-conceived ideas of how you should be acting on a date, by relaxing and being yourself you can let the real you shine through. While there is a certain amount of formality which comes with first dates, putting your best foot forward and looking ahead to the future will be so much easier if you are being authentic.

We’ve shared our top tips for making sure your true character takes centre stage when you go on a first date so you can feel confident you are doing yourself justice – and your date gets to know the real, amazing you.

Manage your inner voice

We can all be our harshest critics but it’s important to pay attention to how your inner voice is treating you. Are you being overly critical of how you may be coming across on dates? Becoming hung up on how you look, or getting paranoid your small talk is sub-par? Then it’s time to talk yourself up, reminding yourself how awesome and worthy you really are. If you find this tough, then it can be handy to put little notes around at home reminding you of your positive traits, making sure they counter the negative thoughts you may have been experiencing.

Create an enjoyable pre-date ritual

It always pays to be prepared and it’s no different when it comes to dating. Find something that works for you that soothes your nerves, whether it’s meditation, cranking up your favourite feel-good playlist or just taking the time to visualise how the date might go, preparing yourself for all eventualities. Even making sure you know exactly where you are going and how you’ll get there minimises the risk of you arriving flustered and late. Whether it’s any of the above or simply a quick glass of wine before you leave or chatting with friends for some last-minute good luck vibes – whatever works to help you feel comfortable and relaxed pre-date will follow through into the actual event.

Be honest

Try to avoid the temptation to act like you’re more into your date’s hobbies and interests than you really are. It’s just trouble waiting to happen if you feign an interest in something you’re just not that into. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself on a second date involving a bungee jump or open water swimming in a freezing lake. Plus, there is the risk dating will turn into a relationship, and you’ll get found out down the line. Be totally upfront about your likes and dislikes to establish if you are compatible – and remember, there’s nothing wrong with having different interests. It can be just as interesting to find out more about their favourite hobby when you know nothing about it.  

Try an unusual date to show the real you

There can be a lot of pressure on face-to-face conservation, especially if you find it awkward to keep the small talk going with somebody you’ve never met before. Why not try a date that reflects something you’ll really enjoy? An activity-focused date can help show the real you and hopefully help you relax and enjoy the date. Remember, there are no rules when it comes to dating and when you are in your comfort zone, you’ll be happier. A quirky date also takes a lot of the pressure off keeping the conversation going as well, giving you plenty of other ways to suss each other out.

Work with a matchmaker

When you are nervous and unsure about dating, it can be a real asset to have somebody who’s got your back and offering you tons of support. That’s where our expert matchmakers come in. They are extremely experienced in finding hand-selected matches who’ll perfectly suit your personality and relationship goals, using a combination of Myer-Briggs personality profiling, intuition, and our extensive private network to find the perfect person for you. They’ll be on-hand to support you every step of your dating journey, ensuring a stress-free experience and a journey that will leave you feeling confident, energised and safe that leads to the goal of a committed, long-term relationship.

When it comes to first dates, you’re probably not going to learn everything about each other in the space of one evening. However, if you’ve both been authentic and upfront with each other and had a great time, chances are there’s mutual interest there. You’ve then got plenty of opportunity to enjoy learning more about each other on your second date, and beyond!

If you want to find out more about our award-winning matchmaking service, then get in touch with our friendly team today. Your dedicated matchmaker is ready and waiting to expertly help you embark on a successful search for love.

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How your extraversion tendencies can increase your chances of love

Dating was made for those with extraversion traits right? All that socialising, putting yourself out there, meeting new people – it’s bound to come naturally to those of us who thrive on getting their energy from the people and things around them.

While it’s certainly fair to say that those with extraversion traits may have an advantage when it comes to dating, it’s worth understanding in more detail what an extraversion personality is, and more importantly what it can mean when it comes to your dates. Armed with this information, you can ensure you’re approaching your dating journey mindful of any potential pitfalls.

In a nutshell, extraversion means you draw your energy from time spent with other people and active involvement in a lot of different activities. Often described as friendly, outgoing, talkative, enthusiastic, gregarious and a people person, they tend to have a wide circle of friends, a multitude of different interests and enjoy meeting new people. While those with introversion tendencies crave solitude, extraversion personalities can feel uninspired and listless when they are alone for long stretches of time and would much prefer the company of others.

You can see why dating may seem a lot less daunting to those of us with an ‘E’ in our Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test score. There is also research to suggest that those with extraversion personalities outnumber introversions three to one, so you’re bound to encounter plenty of fellow extraversion souls as you embark on your search for the perfect partner. This is certainly good news if you tend to seek out somebody who is like you in both personality and character.

While extraversion certainly lends itself to enjoying dates without the trepidation, there are some tips which are worth bearing in mind if you are looking for love.

Remember, introversion personalities will have a totally different approach to dates

The big thing to remember is that while extraversion personalities may outnumber introversions, you may well find yourself dating somebody with a different personality type to you. As we touched on in last week’s blog, those with introversion personality traits can often find the whole process of socialising draining. It can take time for them to feel relaxed and confident enough to be themselves as you get to know them. If you’re dating someone with introversion tendencies, be mindful of these traits. Organise date venues they’ll appreciate – while you may enjoy a noisy, bustling venue, they won’t appreciate having to shout over loud music. Instead, stick to quieter settings which allow for meaningful conversations and the chance to really get to know each other.

It’s also worth remembering their need for space. While those with extraversion traits may be happy having a jam-packed schedule, an introversion person prefers time to decompress after socialising. Recognise that their reluctance to book in date number two before you’ve even reached the main course might not be a sign they are not into you, they simply may just need time to recharge before embarking on another meeting. Remember that differing personality types can be a great mix in a relationship – offering opportunities for one side to slow down and increase introspection, while on the other hand helping the other meet new people and try new experiences – so embrace it!

Keep an eye on that diary

As someone who enjoys the company of others, you thrive on packing your diary with plenty of social plans to look forward to. Your schedule was probably fairly busy before you even started dating, with plenty of catch-ups with friends, work events and fitness classes on the agenda. However, it can be awfully tempting to get carried away once you start dating, especially if you’ve gone down the route of countless conversations and dates via app-based online dating channels. Remember though, you’re only human and there are only so many hours in a day! Take your time getting to know each new person you meet and you’ll avoid dating burnout. On the flip side, your packed calendar can represent how you are quite at home leading your own life and will set the tone for plenty of independence in a new relationship.

Be prepared to slow things down

If you’re dating a fellow extraversion personality then you can risk a situation where things move too quickly. Your shared love of hitting the town every night, then talking into the early hours, is wonderful but could lead to overload and exhaustion if you’re not careful. It’s great that you’re having a good time but recognise there is no harm in slowing things down sometimes. It’ll just make the reunion even sweeter when it comes!

Remember, you’ve got lots to give

Dating nerves can hit anybody, no matter how sociable or independent they may be. If you are new to dating, or just a little uncertain, remember your extraversion traits stand you in good stead. Generally, those with extraversion personalities are great communicators, good at listening as well as talking, and adept at drawing people into meaningful conversations. Your love of learning about new people makes you fun to chat with, and you’re likely to feel engaged and invigorated by a wide range of different date types.

A matchmaker can help you find the perfect match

No matter how confident you are on your dating journey, you still need to find the right person to achieve the ultimate goal of that long-term, committed relationship. This is where our experienced matchmakers come in. Working hard on your behalf to find the perfect like-minded individual, we use Myers-Briggs personality profiling, intuition, our extensive private network, and plenty of expert experience to hand-select individuals who perfectly complement your personality and lifestyle.

So, while our matchmakers take the hard work out of finding that special person, you can start planning the perfect first date. And just think of the fun you can have once you’ve been introduced to that person you share perfect chemistry with!

If you are looking for that person who really shares your love of living life to the full, then give our team a call today. As an elite matchmaking consultancy, we’ve got the skills and experience to really understand what you are looking for in a partner and we’ll help you every step of the way.