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Body Language and the Nonverbal Signs for Dating

Body language nonverbal signs for dating

Among today’s non-stop, technology driven culture, it’s unsurprising that more and more of us are turning to technology to fill our boredom and to look for love. 

With virtual meetings in the workplace now being commonplace, and having instant access to devices such as smartphones, game consoles, not to mention an almost unlimited choice of television shows, the art of effective communication for dating using body language could almost be said to be an endangered skill. 

The irony is, as humans, we crave a deeper level of connection with others, one in which we can accurately express ourselves and our emotions without having to rely on the use of an emoji or meme, and this level of communication undoubtedly cannot be fulfilled through technology alone.

The Aura of confidence

Have you ever been sat in a bar or a coffee shop, opposite someone and intuitively been able to pick up on what type of person they might be? You may even say they’re giving off a certain type of ‘aura‘ 

However you label these feelings and thoughts, what is undeniable, is that you are basing these first impressions of them from their body language!

I wonder if you have ever thought about how you are being perceived, and what type of messages you are sending through your own body language? Do you think people see you as being confident, shy, or even aggressive?

With over 90% of communication being nonverbal, it’s little wonder that we’re able to form an opinion of someone without even speaking to them.

All of us at one time or another have been in a situation where we have tried to find the perfect words to say to someone we were attracted to, when all along these words we were looking for was only accounting for 7% of the communication we’re sending. Were we focusing as hard on the other 93%?

And while we all know that your mood affects your body language, remember it’s just as true the other way round – your physicality impacts your psychology. This means, if you carry yourself confidently then not only will other people notice, but you will also feel more confident. 

Dynamic dating

We can all agree that the ways in which we can now find love using technology has undoubtedly been a game changer for the dating world. However, through these times of change, what has survived, and for the most part, not been impacted, is how we still make those important first and lasting impressions during a date- when we come face to face and actually meet the other person. 

Being great at texting and talking on the phone is one thing, but making a great first impression face to face is a completely different ball game.

I want to share with you some of the effective nonverbal and body language techniques to use for making that great impression on the first date.

Eye contact

We’ve all heard the saying “The eyes are the window of the soul” and in the world of dating this is very much true. Someone’s eyes can tell you how the other person is feeling, even if they don’t tell you out loud. Eye contact can also be far more intimate than words.

One of the most important ways of portraying confidence is effective eye contact. 

This doesn’t mean you need to be constantly staring at the other person like they’re your next meal, but a good level of eye contact when your eyes meet can be attractive, flirtatious and display confidence; but watch out for any eye rolling- you want to be showing your interest, not your boredom or disapproval.

Smile, it’s contagious

Although it may sound obvious, a simple smile can work wonders. Not only is it a universal sign of happiness, it also releases endorphins, a natural feel-good chemical ​to actually make you feel happier. 

When we smile at another person, it hits their mirror neurons and they may involuntarily smile back. 

Of course I’m not saying you need to walk around smiling like a Cheshire cat all the time, but a smile will make you more approachable and attractive.  

Posture

Don’t be a sloucher! If you want to be more attractive and catch someone’s attention, then you should be aware of how you’re sitting, standing and how you carry yourself. 

Great posture sends positive messages, and you’re also projecting confidence. You want this to be open and to avoid being closed off, that means, sit up straight, lean towards them slightly if you’re sitting down together, and show them you are interested through your body language.

Watch those hands

Hands can tell you a lot about a person. If you want to show someone that you feel at ease and comfortable around them, you can do this by having open hands and not hiding them. Because you want to portray confidence, you don’t want to fidget or hide them.

You use your hands to help express how you feel – if you were to put your favorite show on mute for 5 minutes, you could probably pick up on how the characters were interacting just by watching their hand gestures. So don’t shut them off, but make sure they’re sending the right signals – open and positive.

Finally, one other thing about hands – you use them to check your phone. We all do it, but the last thing your date wants to see you doing is constantly staring at it, as if you’re more interested in what’s on with your phone than them. So, general rule of thumb – stay off it. 

Positioning

Ok, let’s talk about feet. Now you may be wondering ‘what on earth can someone’s feet tell me about another person?!’ Quite a lot, actually! For instance, if you notice that the person you’re talking to is positioned with their feet slightly pointing towards another person, this could be an indicator they want to be talking to them instead. To be comfortable and relaxed, your feet also should be around 6-8 inches apart aligned with your body. Too wide apart can be assertive and threatening – too narrow and you’ll fall over! Most people will focus so much on their upper body and face movements, they will completely forget about what’s going on down below.

 Mirroring

Opposites attract, right? Wrong!! And there’s a large amount of research to back this up – it turns out that we’re actually more attracted to people that we’re similar to or aspire to be like, and mirroring is body language telling you so. Mirroring is essentially copying the body language of the other person to create and demonstrate rapport. It is typically subconscious, so if you were to notice the other person mirroring you, this could be a sign that they’re interested. You can do it on purpose to build commonality but this has to be done outside the other person’s conscious awareness so they don’t pick up on what you’re doing, otherwise they may just think you’re faking it or even making fun of them! 

So, the next time you’re out on a romantic date, trying to impress someone, or want to get into rapport, then don’t forget about what your body language is saying about you – and make sure it’s the message you want to be sending!

Nick Aschettino
Personal development and dating coach www.Inspirechangecoaching.co.uk
07456 807807

At Ignite Dating, we understand the importance of finding the right person for you. Someone who complements your personality and lifestyle. That’s why we spend time getting to know you, so we can use a perfect mixture of Myers Briggs personality profiling, your feedback and our expertise to match you with great potential partners. If you’d like to know more about how we can help you find love, get in touch with our friendly team today.

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Are the dating rules of 2020 the same as 1990?

Dating in the Nineties

The 1990s.. what a time to be alive! The Stone Roses, Sex in the City or Friends (or both), Gladiators, Pulp Fiction, Blur vs Oasis, Keanu, the Spice Girls – oh, and Mandela was freed!

And an even better time to be on the dating scene. From making mixtapes to talking for three hours on the landline, getting ready for your date (with the help of your friends) was just as exciting as actually going on it. And of course, most of us learnt to navigate the dating world with the help of Cilla and Graham.

But it’s now 2020, Blind Date has been replaced with Take Me Out, Tinder has changed the way people meet and sadly cassettes are no longer a thing (I suppose you could always make your date a playlist on Spotify). So how much has the dating landscape changed in the last 30 years and are the dating rules of 2020 the same as they were in 1990?

The rules for dating in 1990

During the 1990s a very controversial book was released called ‘The Rules’ which claimed to be a time-tested guide to dating. Even for back then, it was full of some ridiculous and outdated suggestions – for example, don’t look at your date too much and don’t tell them what you want in bed – but despite this, there were some generally well-accepted rules for dating in the 90s. These were:

  • Pick your date up from their house – typically this means the man would go to the woman’s home instead of meeting at the chosen venue
  • Have a plan and something booked for the evening – don’t just wing it!
  • Ask questions and get to know them – don’t just talk about yourself
  • Don’t sleep with each other on the first date – remember the five date rule
  • Generally, men pick up the cheque at the end of the date – it’s the gentlemanly thing to do
  • If you like them, call them – calling on the landline or leaving a message on the answerphone shows them the date went well

Are these rules still relevant in 2020?

Clearly, there are some of these rules no longer apply, thanks in most part to big strides in equality and technology, and for the most part we should be grateful for that. For example, men are no longer expected to pick up the bill and it’s certainly less taboo to hook up on the first date. It is also no longer necessary for the man to pick up his date at her home – in fact, it is safer and recommended that you meet at the venue or in a public space during the early stages of dating.

That said, some of these rules – and arguably the less offensive ones – still remain today. It can be nice to have a plan for your date and you should always ask questions and get to know one another. Calling your date to let them know you had a good time is also appreciated, though nowadays WhatsApp seems to be the preferred method of communication. And to be honest, we’re a bit nostalgic for some 90s trends like writing little messages to one another on Post-It notes and being fully present during a date (not checking your mobile phone every two minutes)!

So I guess what we’re saying here is that the rules of dating have certainly changed over the last 30 years, with technology and equality playing a huge role in this. That said, some are as true as they have ever been and one or two others might make the dating world a better place. So let’s bring back the good parts and leave the rest in the 90s where they belong.

At Ignite Dating, we understand that the times have changed, but we know that dating agencies still remain a great and successful way to meet people. Our dedicated matchmakers are there to help you navigate the world of dating in 2020 and to find you the perfect match. If you’d like to know more, get in touch with our friendly team today.

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9 Things Matchmakers Can Do For You

In the era of dating apps and social media, you might think matchmaking is a bit of an outdated profession. But nothing could be further from the truth! Tinder is all well and good in the early stages of your dating life, but many quickly become bored with the casual hookups, fake accounts and deciding whether to swipe right on someone based on just 500 characters or less.

In fact, when you’re looking for a long-term partner, someone you can share a genuine connection with, dating apps can be a real let down. That’s why many hopeful singles will retire their profiles and turn to dating agencies to help them find true love instead.

There are a huge number of benefits to using matchmakers, in particular that they take their time to get to know you so they can help you find someone who complements your lifestyle and shares your dreams. But if you’re still not sure why you should outsource your dating life to a professional, here are nine things a matchmaker can do for you.

1. They work while you do

Gone are the days when you only had your evenings and weekends to spend flicking through dating apps or trying to meet someone in your favourite bar. Matchmakers are dedicated professionals, working tirelessly to find you the perfect partner. While you work, do your grocery shopping, go to the dentist or spend time with friends, they’ll be working hard for you.

2. They use their emotional intelligence to help you find the right match

Being a successful matchmaker is all about being emotionally intelligent and having a sixth sense about people. This is very often a skill they are born with and not something that can be taught or learnt. Matchmakers can use this intuition to quickly decide if two people are likely to work well together – particularly impressive given how unpredictable and mysterious love can be. This saves you time, effort and awkward dates with people who really aren’t right for you, protecting you from the stress and heartache that can accompany dating.

3. They act like a life coach and therapist

When you’re working with a matchmaker you’ll quickly find they become a friend and life coach as well. This is because looking for love can be a tiring, emotional and sometimes long journey and you need someone who is there to support you and encourage you to keep going, even after a particularly rubbish date or when a relationship doesn’t quite work out.

They are the perfect combination of life coach, therapist and matchmaker. They listen to you and really get to know you. They give you a chance to talk about past relationships and then they motivate you to stay positive and strong, knowing that it can take time but you will eventually find the right person.

4. They run the background checks

Another huge benefit of using a matchmaker is that they will run background checks. Sadly, apps like Tinder have become a prime location for fraudulent accounts and cybercriminals looking to scam the unsuspecting and vulnerable. Not only this but with no background checks, people can be whoever they want to be  – even if that means they tell some pretty big lies in their bio.

Matchmakers can run ID and background checks to make sure every individual you meet is legitimate and is who they say they are. This gives you an increased sense of security and also means you aren’t going to be disappointed by meeting someone who wasn’t at all what you expected.

5. They get to know what you want

One of the most important things a matchmaker will do is spend some time really getting to know you. If they hope to use their skills to find your perfect match, they first need to know more about who you are and what it is you want from a partner – and this includes even the smallest details. You’ll be surprised how even the tiniest bit of information about yourself can help them to find you a partner with similar interests, ambitions and aspirations, hugely important when you’re looking for a long-term relationship.

6. They help you to learn about yourself

One of the greatest and most surprising benefits of using a matchmaker is that they can help you to learn so much about yourself. You might think you know exactly what you want in a partner, but after a few conversations with your matchmaker (and perhaps an unsuccessful date or two), you might find that they’ve asked some interesting questions and you begin to re-evaluate what it is you want from a relationship.

They can also give you more confidence and help you to relax. When you’re dating, it can be an additional stress worrying about whether someone likes you back or if there is a common romantic interest. Using a matchmaker can help to make this much clearer and after a while, even though dates may not always work out, you’ll come to feel better about the fact that they obviously weren’t right for you.

Ultimately, most people find the whole process of using a matchmaker eye-opening and they actually learn a lot about themselves. This can then help them to have more successful and fulfilling relationships overall, and more fun and less stress on the journey.

7. They will be honest with you

It’s not always their favourite part of the job but matchmakers will always be honest with you – because they have to be if they want to help you find the right person! Although it’s not always nice to hear either, if you’ve been on a date and the other person didn’t feel a connection, they’ll let you know right away. This way you can move on and begin meeting with other potential partners who may feel more of a spark.

They can also help to take some of the mystery and anxiety out of dating. Sitting by your phone for days waiting for a reply or wondering why your last date completely ghosted you is never fun. By being honest, your matchmaker will keep you motivated and on track to finding true love.

8. They give you a more personal experience

Dating apps, blind dates or speed dating sessions can feel very shallow and sometimes very cold and impersonal. By choosing to work with a matchmaker they’ll give you a much more personal and enjoyable dating journey.

After all, anyone can hide behind their keyboard and spend hours swiping right on dating apps, but this is often dissatisfying and can leave people feeling bitter or depressed about the dating world. Joining up with a matchmaker can help to turn this around and get you excited about dating again.

9. They can help you find love

Last but certainly not least, perhaps the most obvious benefit of all, matchmakers can help you to find true love. Using their skills, emotional intelligence and time, they can help you to find the perfect partner. And trust us, once you’ve signed up you’ll be forever glad you put your love life in their very capable hands.

At Ignite Dating, our expert matchmakers use a mixture of Myers Briggs personality profiling, intuition and their expertise to match you with potential partners. We offer support and absolute discretion when presenting you with matches and your dedicated matchmaker will work closely with you to get a better understanding of what it is you want from a partner. They will then present you with carefully selected and vetted matches so you can begin your journey to finding true love. Join us today.

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Dating ideas in Hampshire

Dating ideas in Hampshire

Whether you live in Hampshire and the surrounding areas or you just fancied a change of scenery, this gorgeous county can be the ideal location for your next date. The perfect blend of cities, coastlines and sweeping countrysides, you’re sure to find something that you’ll both love. You can spend days exploring the national parks or dine out in the ancient capital of England, and there are plenty of romantic settings to set the mood for your big date.

So if you’re looking for inspiration for the perfect date in Hampshire, look no further. Below are six ideas for beautiful days out and romantic evenings full of fine dining and entertainment.

1. Bombay Sapphire Distillery

Are you a gin enthusiast? Then why not take a guided tour around the Bombay Sapphire Distillery in Whitchurch. You’ll be shown around the distillery and taken on a sensory experience in the Botanical Dry Room, before enjoying a complimentary drink in the Mill Bar. This could be the perfect way to set the tone for your evening, before heading off into the night (perhaps to drink more gin!).

Bombay Sapphire Distillery Hampshire

2. Catch a show at the Anvil

The Anvil Arts in Basingstoke has hosted a huge range of famous guests over the years. So whether you like stand up comedy, music, drama or even dance, you’re sure to find something to keep you both entertained for the evening.

3. New Forest National Park

Enjoy a day (or even a weekend) exploring the New Forest National Park. Home to a number of quaint little towns and villages, plus plenty of beautiful walking routes, you’ll be spoilt for choice on your date. Here you can make the most of nature. So why not sit and have a picnic as you watch the wildlife go by or, if you’re keen cyclists or feeling a bit more active, grab your bikes and go for a ride around one of the many forest routes.

New Forest Hampshire

4. Dine out in Winchester

Did you know that Winchester used to be the capital of England? It’s no wonder then that this historic town can make for a very interesting and romantic night out. Along its cobbled streets are a number of delicious places to stop for dinner, from cosy pubs to Michelin starred restaurants. The tricky part is deciding where to go!

5. Spinnaker tower and Gunwharf Quays

Why not arrange a day out in Portsmouth, culminating in an evening of food and drink. Kickstart the day by visiting the 170-metre Spinnaker Tower and enjoying breathtaking views from the top. After this, you can enjoy a bit of shopping, eating and drinking around Gunwharf Quays, a beautiful waterfront outlet with over 30 bars and restaurants to choose from.

Spinnaker Tower Gunwharf Portsmouth

6. Beaulieu

If you’re looking for something a little different, Beaulieu is a beautiful small village in the New Forest. Home to the National Motor Museum, Beaulieu Abbey, a monorail and beautiful grounds and gardens, you can plan a fun and relaxing day out at this award-winning village.

If you’re looking for love in Hampshire, we can help! At Ignite Dating, we’ll take our time to get to know you and what you want from a partner, so we can help you find your perfect match. Join us today and soon it could be you organising a date at one of the romantic venues listed above.

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How to perfect your texting game at the beginning of a relationship

Texting tips for dating romance

You probably know the feeling, that moment when your phone pings with a message from that special someone. It’s enough to fill your stomach with butterflies and put a big smile on your face for the rest of the day but have you got the perfect texting relationship?

Since the early noughties, texting has played a big part in how we form new relationships (we all remember Nelly texting Kelly from the party, right?). Being able to communicate back and forth with each other throughout the day, without having to set aside time for an actual phone call, revolutionised the dating world some twenty years ago.

And though nowadays you may be more likely to use instant messaging apps like WhatsApp or Facebook Messenger to chat up a new love interest, the same rules still apply.

To this day, texting is an important part of making connections and nurturing new relationships. Which is why we thought we’d help you to perfect your texting game, so you can always have your date coming back for more.

Create anticipation

One of the great things about texting is that although it is readily available and you can tap out a message in a matter of seconds, it’s great for building up the suspense over a longer period of time. Encouraging flirty or romantic conversations can build up real anticipation and excitement for the next time you see each other in person.

Plus, you don’t have to reply straight away, as things take a flirty turn, why not wait for a little while and keep them on their toes. That way they’ll be eagerly awaiting your response, helping to build this anticipation. Of course, don’t wait days or even hours to reply as this can be a sign you’re not interested, but just keep them waiting long enough to have them hooked.

Put thought into the language you’re using

As with any sort of writing, texting can be a real art form. Think about how much careful planning and thought went into creating your last online dating profile or your Facebook page, now consider the language you use when writing your texts.

Words are everything when you can’t see someone’s body language or when you have only met someone a handful of times. You need to be very careful and selective with your language when texting in order to capture their attention and leave them wanting more. You also want to be careful that you’re not coming across too full on or perhaps even too shy. In the early stages of dating, it’s best to keep it light and fun as you get to know one another.

For example, instead of saying ‘can we arrange another date?’ why not say something more casual and flirty like ‘so when do I get to see you again?’. This suggests that you enjoyed meeting them and want to see them again, but it relieves some of the pressure and could just be another step to perfect the perfect texting relationship.

We’re not suggesting you spend hours agonising over every reply, just choose your words wisely. Don’t be afraid to use flirty and friendly language, this just adds to the excitement in the early stages. And hey, if you really want to feel like a giggling 18-year-old again, why not read the text out to one of your close friends and get their seal of approval too.

Get to know one another

Texting gives you the perfect opportunity to get to know one another, to ask questions, share jokes and find out what you have in common.  It can also be great to start speaking to each other this way before setting up an official date, as this can give you some talking points when you do meet in person.

That said, you don’t want to give too much away too soon, save something for your date night. Otherwise, you might find yourselves going round in circles talking about the same stuff over and over again. This means finding a balance when texting and this is a great skill to master in the early stages of a relationship.

Sometimes you might even want to scatter some proverbial breadcrumbs in your texts. Give them insights into stories or things they didn’t know about you before saying ‘I’ll tell you all about it when we next meet’. This gives you an instant talking point when you do see each other and helps to add to the anticipation we spoke about earlier. That way they’ll be excited to meet with you and find out more.

Talk about the things you have in common

The reason you’re getting on so well is probably that you have things in common and shared interests, so use these to keep the conversation flowing. Talk about movies you enjoyed or TV shows you’ve both watched. Perhaps you love the same bands and you’ve both been to see them in concert. Whatever it may be, use your common ground to keep the conversation flowing and to build rapport.

Do this to avoid flooding your conversation with mundane, everyday chat that could cause the conversation to fizzle out. We get it, Brenda in HR might have been driving you mad all day, but your new love interest doesn’t know Brenda and probably doesn’t want to hear about her! So avoid bitching and moaning or talking about the boring and humdrum. After all, you’re still in the early stages of getting to know one another, so you want to keep it fun and exciting.

Sometimes simplicity is key

In the early stages of the relationship you might find yourself penning (well typing) long messages to each other that could rival the work of Shakespeare, putting thought into every word. But never underestimate the effectiveness and simplicity of a quick text message just to let them know you’re thinking about them.

Imagine them waking up and looking at their phone to see a simple ‘good morning’ or ‘have a great day’ text from you. This shows that you’re thinking about them and can be enough to change their mood and have them daydreaming about you for the rest of the day.

Remember this is supposed to be fun

One of the most important things to remember when perfecting your texting game in the early stages is that it’s supposed to be fun! So even though you will understandably want to put some time and thought into your texts, don’t let this become an obsession and certainly don’t find yourself waiting by the phone desperate for a reply.

Use texting (or WhatsApp or Messenger) as a way to get to know each other and begin to build rapport. To let your date know you’re thinking about them and to build up anticipation and tension for the next time you get to meet in person. Texting can be a real asset when you’ve met someone new, so don’t underestimate it.

Getting to know someone new is an exciting time. That’s why at Ignite Dating were dedicated to helping you find someone special, someone who will fill you with excitement each time your phone pings with a message from them. We use a range of tried and tested techniques to do this, but we’re most proud of our dedicated matchmakers who will work closely with you to find out what you want in a partner. If you’d like to know more about how we can help you find that special someone, get in touch with our friendly team today.