You’ve probably been asked on more than one
occasion what you look for in a partner. Often the most obvious answers come to
mind – you want them to be attractive, funny and kind. But people are complex
and no one is perfect, so over the years psychologists and scientists have
conducted a lot of research into exactly what men and women are looking for in
their significant other.
Every study has thrown up different results,
but largely come to the same conclusion: looks usually find themselves near the
bottom of the list, with traits such as honesty and kindness more likely to
appear at the top. And while everyone is different and will seek out different
things in their partners, research has highlighted some of the key personality
traits that are important to us.
We’re going to take a closer look at what
people really want in a partner and why these traits are so important for a
successful relationship.
Honesty
Honesty is a key component in any relationship,
which is probably why it is very often rated as one of the most important
attributes in a partner. Honesty is important on so many levels. No
relationship should be based on lies and you should always be able to be open
with the person you love. But it’s also about being honest about who you are as
a person and what you want from the future and from your relationship. Telling
the truth is important, just as long as it’s always in a constructive way that
both parties can use to improve and move forward in the relationship.
Confidence
Confidence is also consistently rated as one of
the most important traits in a partner. Being insecure can lead to a number of
issues in a relationship. Firstly, if you’re with someone who lacks confidence
they may constantly question your relationship. Secondly, their negative
feelings towards themselves aren’t just affecting them. They can also cause you
to feel like you’re not trying enough or cause you to be upset that your
partner is unhappy with themselves. These negative emotions can take their toll
on both of you, and can ultimately bring the relationship down.
Sense of humour
It seems like a bit of a cliché, but a sense of
humour is hugely important to lots of people. In fact, SBS did a study of people courting over
Facebook and Tinder and found that a sense of humour was ranked as the top trait
people were looking for in a potential partner. You spend so much of your life
with your significant other and most people want to be with someone who makes
them smile and laugh. This is especially true during difficult times when we
may need humour to help lift our mood and bring some positivity to the
situation.
Positivity
Positivity is hugely important in every aspect
of your life. If you are surrounded by negative people, it can be easy for
these feelings to be passed on to you and start to affect your emotions in a
detrimental way, and this is particularly true if you it’s someone you live
with or spend a lot of time with, such as your partner. Instead, people want to
date someone with a positive outlook who can try to see the brighter side of
things. Of course, there will always be times when this isn’t possible, but as
a general rule people want a partner who is a happy and positive person.
Ambition
Most of us have goals and things we’d like to
achieve in life and in our career, and so we often hope to find a partner that
also has this drive. It can be very deflating to be with someone who is quite
content doing nothing and has no ambition to try new things or reach for their
goals, especially if you yourself are a very driven person and you’re always
onto your next challenge. This is why ambition has consistently ranked as one
of the top traits people look for in a partner.
Kindness
The app Clue ran a study
of over 68,000 people across the world and found that kindness was very important
in a potential partner, particularly for women. Kindness can be such a valuable
trait in a relationship as it involves showing care and love to your partner,
as well as doing things to help and support them. But it also extends further
than just your relationship, and many people enjoy being with someone who is
kind to everyone they meet. This can be the hallmark of a great person and
someone who will naturally strive to make you happy.
Loyalty
Being loyal is about more than just being
faithful to your partner, it’s about sticking by their side no matter what and
standing up for them in times of conflict. It’s about building trust and
respect and it shows that you’re dedicated to that person and committed to
nurturing your relationship with them.
Academic intelligence
For many people, a certain level of academic
intelligence is desirable and someone who is knowledgeable, interesting and smart
can be very attractive. This doesn’t have to mean a Nobel Prize winner, but academic
intelligence is also important for understanding each other and for finding
things in common. It’s this intelligence that allows you to have debates with
one another and to find shared interests, leading to stimulating conversations
with one another over a shared passion.
Emotional intelligence
You can have all the book-smarts in the world,
but if you’re not emotionally available this can cause problems in a
relationship. Emotional intelligence is so important because it allows us to
empathise with one another and to see things from each other’s perspective.
No one wants a partner who can’t read the mood
or who doesn’t know how to help cheer them up when they’re down or support them
when they’re going through a tough time. Emotional intelligence doesn’t always
mean you have to agree with one another, but it gives you the ability to
compromise, to listen to each other and to grow as a couple. This is why so
many people consider emotional intelligence important when looking for a
partner.
Self-esteem
There’s a popular saying ‘how can you love
someone else if you don’t love yourself’. Self-esteem not only affects the way
you see yourself but your ability to give yourself to another person and to love
them fully. Therefore, it’s not surprising that most people want a partner who
is confident and happy with who they are and has high levels of self-esteem.
Conscientiousness
This is an interesting one and not something you may typically associate with desirable traits in a partner, but a study published on Psychology Today found that conscientiousness was a surprising but important aspect people were looking for in a partner. This is because they associated conscientiousness with caring, always being honest and always keeping promises to one another, very important parts of a happy and fulfilling relationship.
At Ignite Dating, we understand the importance of finding the right person for you. Someone who complements your personality and lifestyle. That’s why we spend time getting to know you, so we can use a perfect mixture of Myers Briggs personality profiling, your feedback and our expertise to match you with great potential partners. If you’d like to know more about how we can help you find love, get in touch with our friendly team today.
