Author: Allie

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Who pays when you go on a first date?

It’s always been a thorny issue but the debate about who pays on dates is becoming more relevant than ever given the rising cost of living.

Even before prices skyrocketed, it was a hotly debated topic of who is responsible for paying for the first and subsequent dates. Ask for opinions on the matter on who pays the bill, and you’ll hear plenty of different responses. Some believe it’s firmly in the man’s ballpark to pick up the tab for the first meeting. For others, the notion the gentleman should always pay the bill is outdated. In a recent survey, 78% of respondents said they think men should pay for the first date, with men more likely than women to think it’s a man’s role to foot the bill.

Another view is you navigate the conundrum by ensuring you always split the bill. It’s even further complicated by those who think responsibility falls to who did the asking out, believing it’s the person who initiated the date that should pay.

Things aren’t made easier with the escalating cost of living, which is leading to some single people cutting down on the amount of dates they go on. A separate survey found 40% of people aren’t dating as frequently due to the financial burden associated with a night out. 

So how to you tackle the situation when you are (hopefully) enjoying a night out together? You can gauge how the other person feels about it by asking them if they mind if you pay on this occasion or asking them how they feel about splitting the bill down the middle. It’s also best not to just assume your date will pay. First dates can be confusing enough without a tense back-and-forth about who pays, so usually it’s polite to offer to contribute after somebody has offered to pay, but graciously accept if they turn down your offer.

As the cost-of-living increases, you may want to set boundaries as you continue to get to know each other. Make sure you are both on the same page about what you can afford to avoid a scenario where one person feels they are struggling to keep up with the dates you have planned. Casual drinks can have a different date etiquette, with rounds making it easier to sort out who pays for what. This sort of night out can take the pressure of facing a bill at the end of the night out and having to decide how you’ll deal with it.

Perhaps a good way to swerve the issue is to suggest cheap date ideas, which are rising in popularity as an antidote to the rising cost of a night out. These days it’s not unusual to suggest a picnic in the park, or a chilled walk with a takeaway coffee in hand. Some single people want to be sure a date will be worth the financial outlay before committing to an expensive meal and drinks. A low-key first date can help you decide if there may be a connection there before you arrange more fancy date night which costs a lot more. Nobody wants to be left with a big hole in their pocket because of a date which didn’t set the world on fire.

It is good etiquette to be conscious of what your date’s budget before suggesting an expensive night out. There are other benefits to a modest date idea, whatever your budget. With the pressure being taken off with a low-stakes activity, you may feel more relaxed, and it can sometimes be a better way to judge the character of your date. You may find it useful to carry out an element of pre-screening before meeting for a date by leaving voice notes and having a few phone calls to ensure you are curious to find out more about each other before committing to a date.

While there may not be right and wrong answers, it is clear it really pays to be mindful about how your date may feel about an expensive night out when budgets are stretched. The bill doesn’t have to be a massive issue if you are prepared to discuss it and being prepared to contribute can be a lot fairer than just assuming the other person will pay. We’d love to know what you think about who pays on dates – share your thoughts over on our Facebook and Instagram pages!

Are you keen to meet somebody special? Then turn to the experts at Ignite Dating! We are experts at understanding what you want from a partner and can provide you with an easy and stress-free search for love. Get in touch today to find out more!

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How to handle breakup guilt

A lot of attention after a breakup is directed at the person who was dumped. There is lots of advice out there on how to cope if your partner ended a relationship you’d hoped was going somewhere. Friends and family are on-hand with plenty of tea and sympathy to offer their support as you deal with the heartache. But what about the person who initiated the breakup? In a lot of cases the other person in the relationship is also left carrying a burden, whether it’s also coming to terms with the end of the relationship or guilt over being the person who instigated it.

Relationships end for many different reasons and it’s important to realise that it’s usually not just one person’s fault. However, feelings of guilt are common after you’ve broken up with somebody, even though it’s in nobody’s best interests to stay together in an unfulfilling relationship. You can feel bad about the upset you’ve caused the other person, especially if they were against going your separate ways. You may also regret your decision to leave and blame yourself for not working harder on making things work. Breakups are bad enough and the situation is a whole lot worse if you are beating yourself up and feeling extremely guilty.

Dealing with feeling guilty

It can be important to remember instead of having done something wrong, you’ve made the right choice for you. If somebody isn’t the right person for you, it’s much better to call time on the relationship, as you know deep down you are doing the best thing in the long run. Staying with somebody to avoid hurting their feelings ends up making things worse in the long run as it hurts more to drag things out.

We’ve shared our top tips for getting over breakup guilt and moving on when you feel ready to do so.

Acknowledge there doesn’t have to be a ‘good’ reason to leave: It’s fair enough to stick in a relationship if you are happy putting in lots of work to try and save it. But if you are unhappy – but too afraid to end it because there’s no glaringly obvious reason to call time on the relationship – you’ll end up miserable. Waiting for the ‘right time’ to end it may leave you unhappy and unsatisfied, when a clean break is really the only option. Breakups don’t have to be the result of an obvious cause, like infidelity or excessive jealousy, and it’s fine to acknowledge you’ve just grown apart, or this person is not who you see yourself staying with. You can end up feeling guilty that you didn’t fight harder to save the relationship but it’s important to trust your gut and remember the reasons you made the break in the first place.

You need to put yourself first: Nobody likes to hurt other people, so it can be tough to be the cause of somebody else’s pain and hurt feelings. However, sometimes you need to put your own feelings first and recognise that the other person can achieve support outside the relationship to deal with their own healing. Forgiving yourself is an important part of the process as well as looking to the future. It doesn’t help to keep dwelling on the past because it can make it impossible to move on.

Be prepared to move on: Don’t feel bad about creating healthy boundaries – if you want to remove an ex from social media, then do so. You don’t have to remain friends and if you want to cut off contact it can sometimes be healthier than going through painful meetups where neither of you are over the break-up yet. It’s often advisable to take a break before you attempt friendship to give both of you time to move on. You also don’t have to feel guilty about wanting to pursue a new relationship when you feel the time is right. You are now officially single and it’s up to you to decide what works for you.

Focus on what went right: A relationship isn’t a failure just because it ended. You will have enjoyed plenty of good times together and learned a lot about yourself along the way. Just because it didn’t go the distance, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t important. So, try not to feel guilty about the conclusion and focus on what did go right.

Have you ever considered matchmaking? Here at Ignite Dating we offer an easy and stress-free search for love, offering a dedicated matchmaker who is with you every step of the way. Working together, we will establish the values and characteristics that are important to you and search our extensive database and private network for the right person. Get in touch today to find out the next exciting steps in your search for love!

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The best date ideas for spring

Do you feel a lot more optimistic about dating when spring finally rolls around? According to a recent survey, 74% of single people reported a positive impact on their dating lives when the weather finally starts to improve after the long winter months. Dubbed ‘blue sky dating’,  42% of those polled said the lighter evenings made dating feel easier and more than a third said they feel happier in general at this time of year.

The arrival of spring can be the perfect time to revamp your dating journey, allowing you to take advantage of a range of exciting date ideas now the weather is finally warming up. The changing seasons can energise your dating habits, with the desire to hibernate during the colder months a thing of the past. This time of year can also be a good catalyst for change as well, perhaps giving you the push you need to shed lingering exes or situationships that are going nowhere. The warmer months tempt a lot more people to get out the house and social calendars are more packed as a result. Data also shows a huge spike in messages being sent on dating apps at this time of year.

There is something so refreshing about being able to finally pack away your winter gear and dress up for exciting evening outings that are packed full of potential.  We’ve shared a selection of spring date ideas to provide inspiration, whether you are meeting somebody new or looking to mix up your date nights with your long-term partner.

Get outside: Are you itching to get out of the house? Sometimes the simplest date ideas are the best, and you could do worse than taking a stroll at your local park. You could take a romantic getting-to-know-you better walk to admire the flowers in bloom or pause for a picnic if it is warm enough. As the cost of living continues to bite, it’s a nifty cheap date idea and allows for plenty of chat if it’s the first time you’ve met. If you are both animal lovers, you could even bring your four-legged friends along.

Share an activity: Make the most of the (hopefully) milder weather by planning an active date. You don’t have to don your activewear to take on a shared activity, a casual bike ride can be a lovely way to spend time together and explore different areas. Feeling competitive? Mini golf can be a lot of fun and gives you plenty of conversation starters if it’s the first time you’ve met. Feeling brave? There are plenty of outdoor lidos if you don’t mind a slightly bracing dip!

Seek out tasty food trucks: Street food has become incredibly popular in recent years and can be found dotted around various city and rural locations. Take advantage of the warmer weather and perch on a bench once you’ve got your hands on some tasty treats. It’s not as formal as a restaurant date but gives you plenty of time to bond over some truly delicious food, whether it’s tasty tacos, diving into a selection of sushi or sampling new flavours of artisan ice cream. 

Enjoy al fresco drinks: Those beer gardens and rooftop terraces are finally reopening, throwing open all sorts of possibilities to mix up your date nights. It can be a lovely feeling to soak up the last rays of sunshine as you take in the view, or settling down with a bottle of wine at a quaint village pub. You also benefit from instant shelter if you encounter an unfortunate April shower!

Take a day trip: Longer days give you plenty of time to take a trip somewhere new for a fun day out. Perhaps you fancy getting to the seaside for a long shoreline walk and sharing fish and chips as the sun sets. You could visit a theme park to share in an adrenaline-fuelled date to remember, or perhaps a sedate trip to a stately home is more up your street. An escape from your day-to-day can be a refreshing way to switch off and really make the most of your time together.

Have you decided spring is the perfect opportunity to reinvigorate your dating journey? Chat to the experts at Ignite Dating, who are here to help you achieve your dream of a loving long-term relationship. Your matchmaker will ask the right questions to gain an insight into what you are looking for in a partner, as well as making recommendations of people who could be a good match, leaving you free to enjoy some truly amazing dates!

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Find the best date ideas in Cardiff

You are spoilt for choice when it comes to great date ideas if you are lucky enough to live in the Cardiff area. The bustling Welsh capital is well worth the journey if you want a romantic mini-break, and it’s just a short trip over the border for those living in Bristol and the surrounding area. You’ll find a city packed with great things to see and do, so read on for our top suggestions for date ideas to suit all budgets and interests!

Get active

Do you want to break the ice with an active date to remember? Then there are plenty of fun activities to get stuck into. Check out Cardiff International White Water, which offers adrenaline junkies the chance to have a go at the likes of white water rafting, white water tubing, and inflatable kayaking. Prefer to stay on dry land? Treetop Adventure Golf is a great way to break the ice and judge how competitive your date is by taking on an 18-hole mini golf course. You can also test how well you can solve problems together by taking on a thrilling Escape Room!

Grab drinks

Cardiff’s bar scene is thriving, so whether your preferred tipple is a classy cocktail, a craft beer or you prefer relaxing over a bottle of wine together you’ll find something to suit. The Alchemist offers experts in molecular mixology cocktails, and you’re guaranteed to have plenty to talk about as you marvel at how the drinks are presented creatively to add a dash of theatre to your night. Tiny Rebel is well worth checking out to sample the fares from its award-winning brewery in nearby Newport.

Cardiff is a famous party town, so you won’t be disappointed in terms of spots to keep dancing into the night if things are going so well you can’t bear to say goodnight. Ten Mill Lane offers cocktails and dancing until 6am if you have the stamina!

Find foodie experiences  

There’s a diverse restaurant scene with plenty of gems to be discovered. Zerodegrees is a microbrewery restaurant split over three floors where you can watch the master brewer busy at work behind the scenes. Bully’s is a little gem of a restaurant which uses seasonal Welsh ingredients in its delicious menus. If it’s spicy cuisine you are after, try Purple Poppadom or Spice Quarter for a delicious Indian feast. If afternoon tea is more your style, Voco at the five-star St David’s Cardiff hotel is a real treat. If you have time, it’s also the perfect place to indulge in a dreamy spa treatment.

Explore

Cardiff Castle is right in the middle of the city and well worth a look, with guided tours on offer. If you venture out of the city centre don’t overlook Cardiff Bay, which offers plenty of attractions on the waterfront. You can even hire a bike and explore the area for the full experience. It’s home to the Wales Millennium Centre which offers ample arts performances and events. If you are both into rugby, you’ll love soaking up the atmosphere in the city on a matchday, which is electric when Wales are playing. You can take a tour of the Principality Stadium to learn more about rugby heroes and make your way to the hallowed turf.

Hit the shops

Spend a relaxed morning browsing the ample shops and splurge if you are in the mood. Cardiff is home to the world’s oldest record shop, Spillers Records, which dates back 1894, so you can have fun comparing musical tastes. The Bone Yard is a shipping container village filled with independent traders which you can enjoy browsing. Cardiff Market offers an array of stalls to explore and much-loved eateries if you work up an appetite after all that shopping!

Our experienced matchmaking team brings a wealth of knowledge and expertise to make your dating journey as streamlined and enjoyable as possible. Get in touch today to find out how we can help you!

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The problem with getting hung up on looks in the dating world

Have you heard the phrase “punching above your weight” thrown around in the dating world?

Even when we don’t mean to, it’s natural to make assessments of how attractive somebody is. This can by extension lead to judgements about how physically attractive their partner is in comparison, perhaps drawing the conclusion that their partner is somewhat out of their league. This is where the term “punching above their weight” comes in, suggesting somebody has secured a partner who is much better looking than them.

The problem with the phrase is it can be very painful to face judgements on how your looks compare to the appearance of your partner. It can be extremely hurtful to be on the receiving end of judgemental looks and double takes that suggest your partner could do much better than you. Sometimes even friends and family are guilty of candidly commenting on what they think of your choice of romantic interest. It’s a common theme of movies and sitcoms to come across a storyline where an average chap secures a knockout woman.

Some cite a self-esteem boost by dating somebody they view as much better looking than them. A recent study found that one in 10 people surveyed wanted a relationship with somebody more attractive than them, with two thirds of them saying it would boost their self-esteem, and a quarter saying they would enjoy making others jealous.

But for other people, insecurities can creep in which stop them from approaching good looking people in the first place as they fear rejection. They may worry the other person will not be interested in getting to know them better, because they don’t view themselves as in their league.

If you feel there is a mismatch in attractiveness in your relationship, you may be upset if your partner gets a lot of attention when you are out and about, especially if you are feeling insecure about your own looks. Believing there is a mismatch in your relationship can fuel jealousy and insecurity and end up putting a strain on both of you. The person who perceives themselves as less attractive may worry they aren’t “good enough” for their partner. However, in many cases relationships where one person is perceived as better looking can be perfectly happy and successful if both sides feel content and secure in the pairing. Love may have blossomed as a result of being friends for a long time, where an attraction has developed slowly. In these cases, it often is less important if you match up in the looks department as you’ve had time to fall for the person based on who they are, rather than initial judgements about how they look. A close bond and really getting to know somebody can help you to recognise if that all-important spark is there.

It is important to realise that there is a lot more to a happy relationship than physical attraction, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. In the dating world it’s worth not overfocusing on looks as it can lead to neglecting other important traits which can lead to more satisfying relationships, including those all-important shared values, similar outlooks on life and characteristics you view as important. Basing your search for love on looks is ultimately a flimsy basis for a relationship. You don’t always get what you think you want but your perfect partner may be the person you least expected to fall for. There is nothing better than true compatibility and being able to build strong foundations that can withstand everything life has to throw at you.

Are you looking to reinvigorate your dating journey? The experts at Ignite Dating are on-hand to help you with an easy and stress-free search for love. Our matchmaker will ask the right questions to gain an insight into what you are looking for in a partner, as well as making recommendations of people who could be a good match. Get in touch today to find out more!

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How to stay positive when you’re dating

There’s no doubt that dating can be a frustrating experience. Putting in loads of energy and effort into meeting potential love interests and getting nowhere can end up hitting your self-esteem. It can start to really get you down if a string of dates is not yielding results, damaging your confidence, and leading to burnout from the whole process.

However, if any of this sounds familiar then there are plenty of steps you can take to help you stay positive on your dating journey. Just making small adjustments to how you approach your dating life can help you enjoy the whole process again without fears about what the outcome will be, or what the future holds. Unfortunately, disappointments do happen in dating but it’s important not to let them drag you down.  

We’ve outlined some simple steps that can help you approach dating in a much more positive way which’ll help you feel empowered and motivated about every single meet-up!

Concentrate on the parts of dating you can control

The tricky part of searching for a partner is you just don’t know where your efforts are going to lead you. While it’s fair enough to hope that somebody is going to be the one for you, you have no idea in reality when you’re going to find that perfect person. While this can be daunting, it really pays to concentrate on what you can control to help you stay positive in your search for love. Small steps like thinking about what you are grateful for in life, can be a powerful reminder of what you already have. This helps build confidence and positive energy which will shine through when you do meet new people. Get involved in planning the date, pick places you’d like to try and don’t be afraid to call time on a date if it isn’t working for you. Don’t suffer through an excruciating night of stilted small talk just to be polite.

Recognise dating fatigue

Getting bogged down with everything involved in dating can soon sap all the fun out of it. It’s easy to go down the path of spreading yourself thinly across dating apps, talking to multiple people at once, and filling your precious spare time with lots of dates. It can be self-defeating to get hung up on going on lots of meet-ups in the blind hope one person is meant to be, as it can leave you exhausted and not being your best self when you do meet up. If your life revolves around dating, it’s hard to find joy in other parts of your life, as you get so obsessed with finding somebody that is seems like the only thing that’ll make you happy. If you are no longer looking forward to dates or feeling exhausted with constant chatting on apps, take a proper break from dating. Enjoy getting stuck into activities you really enjoy and spend time with the important people in your life. Only pick up dating again when you feel truly ready, and you’ll be in a much better frame of mind.    

Remember to have fun

It’s important to remember that dating is meant to be fun, not stressful, so try and approach it that way. Try and take it lightly, being authentic rather than striving to be something you’re not. Rather than worrying about the outcome, just enjoy the experience of a night out getting to know somebody new. At the same time, it is important to enjoy all elements of your life, as dating is just one part of it. There’s plenty of fulfilment in concentrating on good times with friends, family and focusing on getting ahead in your career. It’ll feed into your dating life if you are happy and motivated in other parts of your life, helping you feel more fulfilled overall.

Be selective about who you meet

While it’s important not to drown yourself in back and forward texts, it’s worth dedicating a bit of time to asking the right questions before you meet up in person. It can be worth asking what their intentions are when it comes to dating seriously to ensure you are on the same page. Be wary of any red flags that scream they aren’t going to be a great person to date. Getting to know somebody a bit more before you commit to meeting can save you going on dates that were never going to go anywhere, which can leave you feeling frustrated and demoralised.

Are you keen to hear more about the matchmaking process and how Ignite Dating can help you with your dating journey? Just give our expert team a call today and we’ll happily detail more about how our multiple award-winning service works!

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Discover the best date ideas in Cambridge

There’s something for everyone when it comes to entertainment in Cambridge with plenty of great date ideas to be enjoyed there. The city is brimming with history, beautiful buildings, and has a romance of its own, making it the perfect place to enjoy a date, whether it’s your first or your fiftieth!

Cambridge is nestled in a convenient location for a day trip from many major hubs and cities and just a short journey from London on the train. If you are lucky enough to live close by, there are many good reasons to make the most of the ample attractions and hospitality venues on offer for your next date night. If you are in a relationship, it makes a wonderful place for a special mini break, giving you ample time to really experience everything the city has to offer.

We’ve outlined the most romantic date ideas to give you plenty of inspiration for exploring Cambridge’s cobbled streets and soaking up its extensive history.

Punting

If the weather is agreeable, no visit to Cambridge is complete without getting out on the water to enjoy a romantic punt. The River Cam lies in the heart of Cambridge which gives you unparalleled views of iconic Cambridge University colleges. You can opt for a chauffeured gondolier-like punt tour of famous Cambridge landmarks or try your hand (and test your balance!) by renting your own. You can punt towards Grantchester which is a lot quieter and leads to a gorgeous village. Many opt to see the famous sights, which include the King’s College Chapel, The Wren Library at Trinity College, and the Bridge of Sighs.

Get active

Alternatively stick to dry land and soak up the atmosphere at the Cambridge University Botanic Garden, 40 acres of gorgeous green space where you can lose yourself in the fascinating city gardens amid the extensive woodland and foliage.

If you want a great way to see the whole city, then consider hiring a bike. Cambridge is well set up for cycling with plenty of cycle lanes and places to leave your bike if you need a refreshment break. There are plenty of scenic cycle routes allowing you to explore surrounding areas and the city itself is conveniently compact and flat.

Eat and drink

There are some delightful places to visit in Cambridge, whether you have a blow-out budget or you are looking for some delicious cheap eats. The stalls in the historic Market Square offer a wide selection of food, from dim sum and noodles to gourmet burgers and Greek gyros. If you are looking for a more formal experience, there are restaurants to suit all budgets. The Varsity Hotel has an amazing roof terrace to soak up the beautiful skyline and two restaurants to indulge in. Other notable places to try include fine dining venue Midsummer House, which boasts two Michelin stars, and elegant modern restaurant Trinity, the perfect spot to enjoy some Champagne and oysters. Cambridge has more than 100 pubs, so you are spoiled for choice for drinks both inside and al fresco. The Pint Shop is a great place for laid back food and a pint, while The Granta has beautiful riverside views.

Take in the culture

There are plenty of amazing venues to explore in the historic city centre. A tour of the chapel at King’s College is a fascinating opportunity to see one of the city’s many highlights. Home to over half a million historical artefacts, works of art and masterpiece paintings, The Fitzwilliam Museum is well worth checking out. There’s also The Polar Museum, which holds a unique collection illustrating polar exploration, and the Museum of Zoology. End the day at arts venue Cambridge Junction which offers a packed programme of fascinating shows and live performances. For those planning a long weekend, the annual Cambridge Folk Festival features superstars and rising stars across the folk, blues, roots, and Americana genres. There are plenty of activities on offer to try your hand at and loads of great food and drink on offer from Cambridge’s finest food merchants.

If you are hoping to meet that person you just can’t wait to spend time with, give our expert matchmaking team a call today. We can work with you to really understand what you are looking for, helping you effortlessly meet the person of your dreams.

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Is it important not to get hung up on finding ‘The one’?

We are all familiar with the cliché of finding ‘The One’ but how realistic is it to pin your hopes on finding your soulmate? Many single people set out on their search for love hoping to find the person of their dreams, sights firmly set on discovering that special person who encapsulates everything they want in a partner. However, is it time we are all a bit more realistic about the kind of person who will make us happy?

Sex and relationship expert Tracey Cox recently pointed out that people marrying their supposed second choice is far more common than you think. Writing in the Daily Mail, she explains that a 2020 study of British people found 41% of people found themselves in a relationship with somebody they didn’t initially think was the one. Researchers concluded that the findings showed an acceptance by people that things can’t always be perfect.

According to Tracey, it’s not all about settling for somebody who isn’t quite who thought you were hoping for, rather than showing there are many people out there who can make us happy. She explains: “There is no ‘One’, no one ‘soulmate’ or one person that you we are ‘destined’ to be with. Instead, there’s a world full of lots of people who can make us happy.”

Fairy tales and romantic movies have long told the tale that there is one perfect person out there for us, a soulmate who we are just meant to end up with. However, it’s easy to get the early dating stages confused with thinking a match is made for you, because of the excitement of the early dating stages and the lust you feel in those heady early days of a blossoming romance. It’s important not to get these feelings confused with true love, as often it takes time to build trust and a strong foundation for a lasting relationship. Sparks can fly fast, but it is worth recognising good relationships are built on a lot more than mutual attraction.

This is where is pays to really think about the things you have in common that will make a relationship a success. There’s the basics, such as making sure they are on the same page about what they want to get out of the pairing, and they are seemingly just as into you as you are interested in them. There’s respecting the differences you have as well as what you have in common, and taking a genuine interest in each other’s life and both putting the effort in to make the relationship work. The list is long, but the point is there are plenty of elements which go into determining whether a relationship will be successful. The honeymoon stage of a relationship might make you think this person is the one for you, but time will tell if you have all the ingredients to make the relationship a long-term success.

Relationship success

The key thing to realise is all these aspects of a healthy relationship mean there are plenty of people out there who you may click with and go on to be partnered with for a long time. Back to Tracey’s article, where she explains that if a relationship doesn’t turn out to be your “happily-ever-after” then that’s fine as well. In life it’s common to have several significant relationships and when they end, it doesn’t mean it has been a failure. The important thing to realise, she says, is that when a relationship ends, you may have enjoyed many happy years together and when you are ready, there are others out there that can make you just as happy. She concludes it’s a far more comforting thought to believe you can find happiness with different people than getting hung up on finding that one person out there that you are meant to be with.

It’s a timely reminder as well not to keep a strict picture in your head of who your “soul mate” is, as you risk missing out on people who may have actually been perfect for you. Being open-minded to who you date and what they have offer is vitally important. It may turn out your ideal partner is somebody who you weren’t expecting to share chemistry with, but you agreed to meet to discover more about them. Of course, it is important not to settle with somebody you aren’t sure about, or who doesn’t fulfil you or make you excited about your future together. It’s more about being open to finding love in unexpected places and realising there is more than one person out there that can make you happy. That seems like a dating mantra we can all get on board with!

If you are frustrated with dates that just fizzle out and go nowhere, get a helping hand with finding your perfect partner by teaming up with the experts at Ignite Dating. We understand the kind of person you’ll really share a connection with, and we can’t wait to introduce you to them! Get in touch today to find out more about how we can help you with a stress-free and enjoyable search for love.

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How to juggle a demanding career and your love life

Having a full-on working life can be a big enough challenge and balancing it with nurturing your relationship can be pretty tricky. If you are both juggling long hours as part of your demanding roles, it can be hard to have enough quality time to dedicate to each other. And no, sitting side-by-side on the sofa frantically answering out-of-hours work emails doesn’t count as quality time!

These days it is increasingly difficult to totally separate your working life and personal time because it’s so easy to be connected to colleagues and clients. You may have your work email on your phone, and your WhatsApp pinging away with notifications from the office chat group. For many of us a profession is so much more than just paying the bills, so you actively want to stay connected and get ahead in a role that fulfils you. Our digital lifestyles can make you feel the need to be responding to messages during the evenings and weekends, which can eat into the time you get to spend with your significant other. This can build resentment if one of you is constantly bringing work home and distracted when you do attempt to unwind at the end of a long day. It can help when there is a situation at work that demands your attention you let your partner know that you need to turn your attention to work matters, so they don’t end up feeling ignored.

Fitting dating into your already busy schedule can be just as challenging as well. It can be easy to let the months melt away wanting to meet a new partner but not doing anything about it because work has taken priority. It’s all about finding time in your busy week to dedicate to searching for a partner, which takes self-discipline to block time out from checking emails, answering the phone, and switching off from work matters.

All is not lost though, as there are some simple techniques to allow you to carve time out to prioritise the joy of finding exciting people to date and making a relationship work even when your career demands a lot of your time and energy.

Make the most of lunchtime dates

It’s worth considering the slots of time you do have free during the week. Lunch hours, or even the time before work, can be the perfect opportunity to fit in some dates while you are feeling energetic, without eating into your evenings. Long working days can mean you don’t feel up to committing to lots of dates after work, but daytime meetups can solve the problem of feeling too tired to date. If you are in a long-term relationship, use breaks during the day to get in touch with your partner, or even meet up to share a short-but-sweet lunch break. Just a quick text or sharing a funny article you’ve read shows them you are thinking about them.

Prioritise time for each other

No matter how tired you both areat the end of the day it’s important to check in with each other, finding out about each other’s day has gone. It is important to support each other and show interest in your respective roles. Try and make each other laugh and find joy in the special everyday moments you share. Time off together is so precious that it’s important to really be in the moment. Try turning your phone off after a certain time or delay replying to texts to ensure you are really paying attention to each other. If you are dating, it’s about really being there and not getting distracted by your phone, which can come across as rude. Being skilled at listening is another great technique to use when you are on a date because it can really help somebody feel valued if you are properly listening to what they are saying. Nobody likes it when you are being interrupted by another text or you are distracted by a conundrum you are dealing with back in the office.

Think about your shared goals in a relationship

Having goals and dreams you both want to achieve can help you both feel like you are working towards something together. Creating a bucket list can give you something to look forward to, and it helps to have something in the diary when life it so hectic it feels like you barely see each other. Scheduling breaks is important for your career as well, as nobody is at the top of their game when they are burned out. It’s a win-win to have some weekend trips and holidays planned with your partner – where apps you use for work and professional emails are left firmly untouched.

Streamline your life

Sometimes there are just not enough hours in the day, and you need to consider what help you can access to make your week less hectic. It might be something as simple as ordering a recipe box, so you have dinner sorted for a few nights of the week. Perhaps getting a cleaner would lighten you load or paying a gardener to mow the lawn. Don’t be afraid to ask each other for help if you are living together and getting overwhelmed with balancing the chores you usually take on at home, as communication is key to avoiding resentment building that one of you is getting snowed under in all aspects of life.

Have you decided now is the right time to concentrate on your search for love? Then turn to the experts at Ignite Dating for help finding the person of your dreams! We are experts in understanding what you want in a relationship, and we’ll introduce you to people you’ll really connect with. Working with a matchmaker leaves you free to enjoy a stress-free and easy search for love, leaving all the hard work to the experts.

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How do mate values shape how we date?

We are all very familiar with the term “out of your league” but have you ever stopped to consider why you approach certain people to get to know them better? And why others may feel unattainable as you flick through online dating profiles and weigh up whether they would agree to meet with you?

There are so many factors we look for in a love interest, from physical attraction and career success to their values and personality traits. If you could sum up the perfect person in terms of the former, you’d probably picture a celebrity or a supermodel. However, not many of us are adamant on landing somebody in the league of Brad Pitt or Cara Delevingne, so how do we go about looking for potential partners that feel about right for you?

Psychology Today recently highlighted the matching hypothesis, which predicts that people will couple up with somebody with the same “social mate value” as them. According to the relationship science theory, everybody has a social mate value which sums up their value as a potential partner. This is based on the sorts of factors that make you desirable to a potential date, including the likes of skills, personality, physical appearance, and your qualities. The theory states people partner up based on having a similar social mate value – so, if you’re a seven out of 10 in terms of mate value, you’ll end up with somebody who is around the same. 10s go with 10s, and so on, explains the article. In a nutshell, we ultimately end up with somebody who roughly matches our own mate value.

Dating up

What was interesting is that researchers found that people do actively seek dates with somebody who roughly matched their mate value, though it didn’t stop them wanting to “date up”. In their study they found many aspired to contact people they saw as more attractive than them, but they feared they’d be rejected due to the mismatch in perceived value. Interestingly, the researchers also talked to online daters who often tried their luck with people they viewed as more attractive than them, because the rejection on dating apps was a lot less hurtful because people can just not respond if they aren’t interested. It was often the case they wouldn’t hear back from the person with higher mate value, but they would receive messages back from somebody who was in their league – so a six would hear back from a six that they had approached.

The lesson here, the article concludes, is you don’t always get what you think you want. Pushing for a more attractive partner might seem important, whereas you will have much more luck looking for love in your dating pool as your own mate value determines the person you are more likely to end up with. It also cites another study which found partners with matching mate values had better relationships which lasted longer, had more frequent interactions and a better sexual history.

Be open-minded

It’s a timely reminder that it’s important to get too hung up on a checklist approach to love that leads to you overlooking people who may be perfect for you. People with high mate value may be attractive or have something about them that you think is important, such as a six-figure salary or being over 6ft tall. However, in the grand scheme of things, these elements are no guarantee of relationship success. Holding out for the best possible match on paper is not a good strategy for future happiness. When you consider the type of things which do make a relationship a success – shared values, similar outlooks on life and personality traits you view as important – it pays to look for somebody who has these qualities. Being open-minded is key and being willing to give somebody a chance, even if they aren’t the type of person you’d usually go for. You may be amazed who you might connect with who you could have discounted otherwise. It’s worth not overfocusing on attractiveness as it can lead to overlooking other important traits which can lead to more satisfying relationships, while not actually being a predictor of whether a relationship will go on to be successful or long-lasting. Your perfect person may not be what you thought you were looking for, but it’ll hardly matter when you are in a happy and long-lasting relationship.

It’s so valuable to having a helping hand in your dating journey, with a trusted friend working with you to decide the type of person who would be perfect for you. That’s why it can be a great idea to work with a matchmaker, who is available to support you and offer advice at every step of your dating journey. Matchmaking offers a personalised search for love which is stress-free and enjoyable. Call our friendly team to find out more!