Is it important not to get hung up on finding ‘The one’?

We are all familiar with the cliché of finding ‘The One’ but how realistic is it to pin your hopes on finding your soulmate? Many single people set out on their search for love hoping to find the person of their dreams, sights firmly set on discovering that special person who encapsulates everything they want in a partner. However, is it time we are all a bit more realistic about the kind of person who will make us happy?

Sex and relationship expert Tracey Cox recently pointed out that people marrying their supposed second choice is far more common than you think. Writing in the Daily Mail, she explains that a 2020 study of British people found 41% of people found themselves in a relationship with somebody they didn’t initially think was the one. Researchers concluded that the findings showed an acceptance by people that things can’t always be perfect.

According to Tracey, it’s not all about settling for somebody who isn’t quite who thought you were hoping for, rather than showing there are many people out there who can make us happy. She explains: “There is no ‘One’, no one ‘soulmate’ or one person that you we are ‘destined’ to be with. Instead, there’s a world full of lots of people who can make us happy.”

Fairy tales and romantic movies have long told the tale that there is one perfect person out there for us, a soulmate who we are just meant to end up with. However, it’s easy to get the early dating stages confused with thinking a match is made for you, because of the excitement of the early dating stages and the lust you feel in those heady early days of a blossoming romance. It’s important not to get these feelings confused with true love, as often it takes time to build trust and a strong foundation for a lasting relationship. Sparks can fly fast, but it is worth recognising good relationships are built on a lot more than mutual attraction.

This is where is pays to really think about the things you have in common that will make a relationship a success. There’s the basics, such as making sure they are on the same page about what they want to get out of the pairing, and they are seemingly just as into you as you are interested in them. There’s respecting the differences you have as well as what you have in common, and taking a genuine interest in each other’s life and both putting the effort in to make the relationship work. The list is long, but the point is there are plenty of elements which go into determining whether a relationship will be successful. The honeymoon stage of a relationship might make you think this person is the one for you, but time will tell if you have all the ingredients to make the relationship a long-term success.

Relationship success

The key thing to realise is all these aspects of a healthy relationship mean there are plenty of people out there who you may click with and go on to be partnered with for a long time. Back to Tracey’s article, where she explains that if a relationship doesn’t turn out to be your “happily-ever-after” then that’s fine as well. In life it’s common to have several significant relationships and when they end, it doesn’t mean it has been a failure. The important thing to realise, she says, is that when a relationship ends, you may have enjoyed many happy years together and when you are ready, there are others out there that can make you just as happy. She concludes it’s a far more comforting thought to believe you can find happiness with different people than getting hung up on finding that one person out there that you are meant to be with.

It’s a timely reminder as well not to keep a strict picture in your head of who your “soul mate” is, as you risk missing out on people who may have actually been perfect for you. Being open-minded to who you date and what they have offer is vitally important. It may turn out your ideal partner is somebody who you weren’t expecting to share chemistry with, but you agreed to meet to discover more about them. Of course, it is important not to settle with somebody you aren’t sure about, or who doesn’t fulfil you or make you excited about your future together. It’s more about being open to finding love in unexpected places and realising there is more than one person out there that can make you happy. That seems like a dating mantra we can all get on board with!

If you are frustrated with dates that just fizzle out and go nowhere, get a helping hand with finding your perfect partner by teaming up with the experts at Ignite Dating. We understand the kind of person you’ll really share a connection with, and we can’t wait to introduce you to them! Get in touch today to find out more about how we can help you with a stress-free and enjoyable search for love.