The problem with getting hung up on looks in the dating world

Have you heard the phrase “punching above your weight” thrown around in the dating world?

Even when we don’t mean to, it’s natural to make assessments of how attractive somebody is. This can by extension lead to judgements about how physically attractive their partner is in comparison, perhaps drawing the conclusion that their partner is somewhat out of their league. This is where the term “punching above their weight” comes in, suggesting somebody has secured a partner who is much better looking than them.

The problem with the phrase is it can be very painful to face judgements on how your looks compare to the appearance of your partner. It can be extremely hurtful to be on the receiving end of judgemental looks and double takes that suggest your partner could do much better than you. Sometimes even friends and family are guilty of candidly commenting on what they think of your choice of romantic interest. It’s a common theme of movies and sitcoms to come across a storyline where an average chap secures a knockout woman.

Some cite a self-esteem boost by dating somebody they view as much better looking than them. A recent study found that one in 10 people surveyed wanted a relationship with somebody more attractive than them, with two thirds of them saying it would boost their self-esteem, and a quarter saying they would enjoy making others jealous.

But for other people, insecurities can creep in which stop them from approaching good looking people in the first place as they fear rejection. They may worry the other person will not be interested in getting to know them better, because they don’t view themselves as in their league.

If you feel there is a mismatch in attractiveness in your relationship, you may be upset if your partner gets a lot of attention when you are out and about, especially if you are feeling insecure about your own looks. Believing there is a mismatch in your relationship can fuel jealousy and insecurity and end up putting a strain on both of you. The person who perceives themselves as less attractive may worry they aren’t “good enough” for their partner. However, in many cases relationships where one person is perceived as better looking can be perfectly happy and successful if both sides feel content and secure in the pairing. Love may have blossomed as a result of being friends for a long time, where an attraction has developed slowly. In these cases, it often is less important if you match up in the looks department as you’ve had time to fall for the person based on who they are, rather than initial judgements about how they look. A close bond and really getting to know somebody can help you to recognise if that all-important spark is there.

It is important to realise that there is a lot more to a happy relationship than physical attraction, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. In the dating world it’s worth not overfocusing on looks as it can lead to neglecting other important traits which can lead to more satisfying relationships, including those all-important shared values, similar outlooks on life and characteristics you view as important. Basing your search for love on looks is ultimately a flimsy basis for a relationship. You don’t always get what you think you want but your perfect partner may be the person you least expected to fall for. There is nothing better than true compatibility and being able to build strong foundations that can withstand everything life has to throw at you.

Are you looking to reinvigorate your dating journey? The experts at Ignite Dating are on-hand to help you with an easy and stress-free search for love. Our matchmaker will ask the right questions to gain an insight into what you are looking for in a partner, as well as making recommendations of people who could be a good match. Get in touch today to find out more!