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The key to successful dating: know your fears and your patterns

We are joined by coach and author Katherine Baldwin to explore how our fears about relationships drive our dating and relationship patterns and how this knowledge can transform our romantic life.

If your road to love is rocky and your dating experiences lead to dead-ends, it could be time to take a look at your relationship patterns and any fears that lie beneath them. It’s vital to understand any self-sabotaging relationship patterns you may have, to identify any fears that compel you to repeat these patterns and then to face these fears so that you can change your patterns into healthier ones and find true love.

This is enlightening, game changing work that will transform your romantic life and support you to find and form the healthy, loving partnership you desire and deserve. It’s also deep self-discovery work so I’ve broken it down into four steps to make it easier.

Sound good? Let’s begin.

1. Firstly, I’d like you to take a look back over your romantic history. You are searching for clues here – trying to identify patterns of repeated behaviour that lead to negative relationship experiences. The following questions, based on my own and my clients’ experience, might help:

  • Do you tend to fall for people who are emotionally or physically distant or unavailable but struggle to fall for available people who want to be with you?
  • Do you avoid spending time on your love life? Do you spend most of your time working, concentrating on hobbies or helping others, while dating stays on the back burner?
  • Do you find fault with every person you meet? Does nobody match up?

You may have different patterns to those listed here but the key is to mine for information and to be honest with yourself.

2. The next step is to identify any fears you might have about being in a relationship. This can be an eye-opening exercise. Here are some of the fears that I located inside myself and that others have shared with me:

  • Fear of loving and losing
  • Fear of abandonment and rejection
  • Fear of making the wrong choice
  • Fear of getting hurt or hurting others
  • Fear of being suffocated and trapped

Again, your fears may be different to these. Whatever they are, try to bring them to the surface.

I’d now like you to explore the roots of your fears. This will involve going back in time, to your childhood or previous relationships.

When I did this work, I saw that I was afraid of loving and losing because of my early life experiences. I idolised my dad and when he moved out, I felt abandoned and rejected. In that moment, I decided that love equalled loss and was to be avoided at all costs.

I also feared feeling trapped and losing my freedom because as a girl, I witnessed my mother’s marriage fall apart, leaving her alone with two kids, little money, and no career to speak of. If that’s what marriage looked like, marriage wasn’t for me, I decided.

How about you? Were you hurt, rejected, or abandoned in previous relationships? Did you lose your freedom or financial independence? Knowing the roots of your fears will help you to change them.

3. The next step is to draw the dots – to see how your fears drive your patterns. For example, if, like me, you have a core belief that love equals pain and loss, you may sabotage your relationships. You may keep falling for emotionally unavailable people because they feel ‘safe’ – there’s no prospect of real intimacy – and you may reject available people.

If this rings true, I suggest you explore and heal your relationship wounds, ideally with support, so that you can let go of your harmful beliefs. Self-reflection is a valuable exercise that will help you to consider what you can learn from past experiences, and it pays to be honest with yourself about what’s been going on. In this way, you can start afresh, judging each new romantic encounter on its own merits rather than through the lens of your past.

4. Now that you understand how your deep-seated fears drive your patterns, you can start to face your fears and change these dating habits. This can be challenging and you might need support – someone to point out when you are operating in fear or repeating self-defeating patterns and to help you get back on track. This could be a trusted friend or a professional. The key is to recognise when the urge to self-sabotage starts to hit.

Don’t be afraid to take a break from dating to focus on yourself if you need one, prioritising plenty of self-care and time spent with friends and family, so you can be sure you’re ready to date when you feel the time is right.

But if you are ready, this step will be the exciting part too. This is when you get to date with renewed courage, clarity, and confidence. This is when you get to put the past to bed and make different choices and healthier decisions.

This is when you find the love you desire and deserve.

Katherine Baldwin is a love, dating and relationships coach, midlife mentor, and the author of ‘How to Fall in Love’, a dating guide for single professionals. She specialises in supporting people to understand and face their relationship fears and to change their dating patterns so that they can find healthy, committed love. Katherine coaches 1:1 and hosts workshops and retreats in the UK and abroad.

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Watch out for the dark triad in the dating world

Hands up who has heard of the dark triad? It may well be the first time you’ve come across the term but it’s well worth getting clued up on what it refers to in case you ever come across a dark triad in the dating world.  

The dark triad is used to describe people who possess distinct yet overlapping personality traits. These are Machiavellianism (being cunning and manipulative), psychopathy, and narcissism.

While it may initially seem like it would be easy to spot somebody with this combination of personality traits, be warned, it is trickier than you think. Their behaviour can be highly attractive to the opposite sex, often coming across as confident and charming. They may come into your life with a bang, sweeping you off your feet with their flattery and larger-than-life charisma and gestures. Image is of the upmost importance to them, and they will be impeccably turned out. People with the dark triad personality type can be very successful, working in high-powered leadership positions or within the political world. Your response to their behaviour at the beginning of the relationship can be addictive – you fall in love with how they make you feel.

So why is all this problematic? To fully understand the dark triad and how it plays out in the dating landscape, we’ve taken a closer look at each of the personality traits and what they mean.

Machiavellianism: In a nutshell it’s somebody with a manipulative personality,who is calculated, strategic and willing to deceive people to get what they want.

Psychopathy: This trait (when sub-clinical) refers to being reckless and prone to taking big risks while lacking in empathy and being emotionally cold.

Narcissism: Narcissists are usually characterised as self-important and entitled. They have a strong need for admiration and high status, demanding special treatment while talking about themselves all the time. Image is everything to a narcissist, theirs and yours.

The situation is also complicated by the fact dark triad personalities vary and there is a scale to how much the respective traits exhibit. However, the cracks will eventually begin to show as the dark triad struggles to keep up the persona you’ve fallen for, eventually revealing their true self. Dark triad personalities don’t feel emotions the same way other people do so they play a role to win your affection, knowing their flattery, gifts and complements have a good chance of winning you over. Be warned though, people with a high scale of dark triad traits will be manipulative, play games and toy with your heart in order to control the relationship. In short, it’s a mix which can do serious damage to your relationship and your emotional wellbeing.

It’s common for them to start purposely pulling away after flooding you with attention and affection, which can result in you lowering your boundaries in a bid to win their affection back. Gaslighting is a common problem, where you’re left questioning yourself as they mislead you by creating a false narrative of what’s really happening. The situation becomes particularly problematic if you have low self-esteem or you are going through an emotionally vulnerable period as you are far more likely to be susceptible to the advances of somebody with these negative qualities.

When it comes to handling the dark triad, it pays to trust your gut feeling. If you have a niggling feeling you just don’t trust somebody, listen to your instinct. it can be hard to listen to your internal worries if you are in a vulnerable spot, as it’s so easy to be swept away by their advances and enjoy their attention. However, if their actions don’t align with what they are saying, it can pay to have the courage to walk away. You are better off being on your own than to be with somebody who is manipulative and emotionally abusive.

Unfortunately, it’s not a solution to try and change their behaviour, because it is highly unlikely it will change. Dark triads can be entitled, arrogant, with a strong self-belief – and this leopard won’t change its spots. If you are in a relationship with a dark triad and it’s eroding your self-esteem and happiness, it pays to involve friends and family to give you the strength to get out and stay out. A support system and plan of action can help you stick to your guns and to avoid the manipulative behaviour of a partner who may try hard to make you stay. It is possible to have a fulfilling relationship with a dark triad, you just need to have the tools in place to manage them and protect your emotions.

It’s key to believe there is somebody out there who will love you for who you are and will be the real deal. This person won’t overwhelm you at the start of the relationship with grand gestures, instead they’ll take the time to really get to know the real you. You need to be with somebody who respects your boundaries and whose boundaries you respect – this will keep you strong and in a respectful relationship.

Dannielle Haig is an International Business Coach and Principal Business Psychologist at DH Consulting.

If you are looking for a relationship with somebody who’ll truly appreciate you for who you are, give the team at Ignite Dating a call. We are experts at introducing you to people who will really share your aspirations, family values and outlook on life. We work closely with you to find your perfect partner, and together make steps towards the ultimate goal of a committed relationship.

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How to let the real you shine through in your dating profile pictures

A set of standout dating photos don’t just show people what you look like, it gives them a clear insight into who you are, what you’re into and what you’re all about.

We live in a highly visual world. The majority of people are curating and sharing good quality photos of themselves and their lives on social media as part of their weekly routine. So, when it comes to our dating lives, people now have higher expectations about the profile photos they are viewing, much more than they would have done even a couple of years ago. The challenging aspect of this is that we need to make a much bigger effort with our dating profile pictures in order to have a strong impact and to stand out from the crowd.

I’ve shared my top tips for achieving a set of dating photos which will really show who you are and what you’re all about.

Only use good quality photos

We all have higher expectations now when it comes to looking at other people’s profile photos, but we need to make sure our own profile pictures measure up to those same expectations.

It’s well known that using low quality images gives people the impression that you don’t value the dating experience and more crucially, that you don’t value yourself or have something to hide. If you’re here reading this blog, chances are you’re the kind of person who is serious about finding a life partner and that you’re the kind of person who values themselves highly. With this in mind, make sure all your photos are clear and good quality. Good quality pictures attract good quality dates, while low quality photos will attract hook-ups.

The four photos every profile needs

The happy headshot

Your primary headshot has the most work to do out of all your photos as it will be the first one they see. Its main role is to make you look super attractive, warm, approachable and to also ensure you come across as someone people enjoy spending time with. It also needs to be visually eye-catching so that it makes you stand out in the busy online space. The easiest way to be visually interesting in the primary headshot is to wear an eye-catching colour, like red, orange or yellow. You could also include a bold colour in the background, if you prefer not to wear these sorts of colours.

The fierce full body shot

People want to see the ‘full package’ before deciding whether to go on a date with someone, so it’s essential to include one, up-to-date, full-body shot. People sadly are wary of to being deceived on dating apps, so this is the kind of shot they will look for to check you are who you say you are. You only need one, as the rest of the photos need to focus more on showing off your face and elements of your personality well.

The playful personality shot

Including a personality photo is a secret superpower. If you can showcase elements of your lifestyle and your personality, it’s such a powerful way to help you connect with like-minded people.

It doesn’t have to be complicated. It could be as simple as being pictured reading your favourite book. Perhaps they LOVE that book. Or maybe you’re pictured hugging your dog. Perhaps you enjoy painting with watercolours or you play the guitar. If you’re into any kind of sport or movement activity, include a photo of yourself engaged in that. Recent research suggests that a sporty or activity-based photos attracts 75% more attention on dating apps than any other photo. People are attracted to healthy people who look after themselves, so this makes sense. If you’re into yoga, carry your yoga mat or, even better, get photographed as you go through some yoga poses. When you’re captured in ‘flow’, meaning doing something you love in your photos, it shines through and creates very attractive pictures.

Anything that emphasises the unique, interesting you – be sure to include that!

The intriguing talking point photo

Create a photo which aims to intrigue, surprise or delight people. You’ll capture their interest and make it easy for them to message you with a question or comment. If you’re stuck, perhaps remind yourself what your party trick is. Can you stand on your head? Or do you have an unusual interest? At Hey Saturday we’ve had clients playing the banjo, skateboarding, doing martial arts with a wooden stick, dancing in the street and many other fun and eye-catching ideas.

Or, if you’re still stuck for inspiration, think about what you love that others might love. Have you been known to enjoy eating a delicious but ridiculously large ice cream sundae the size of your head? That photo might appeal to rather a lot of people.

You only have a total of five or six photos with which to make a powerful impact. That’s not a huge number of photos to work with, so make sure you’re the star of every single one – no group shots – and that each photo has a clear role and is working hard for you. A killer profile photo doesn’t just show people what you look like, it tells them what you’re made of. 

Saskia Nelson is the founder of Hey Saturday, a dating photography agency that specialises in creating show-stopping dating app and matchmaking profile photos, equipping clients to take their online impact to the next level.

If you are looking for help and support for a dating journey you’ll truly enjoy, why not turn to the experts? Our matchmakers really get to know you to understand who you’ll share a connection with, introducing you to some truly amazing people who share your goal of a long-term, committed relationship. We take away all the hard work that can come with dating, by arranging a professional photoshoot and hand-selecting individuals you’ll really enjoy meeting with. Give us a call today to find out how to start you search for true love!

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What makes an award-winning dating agency?

In the UK alone, there are 480 dating agencies. Add to this, over 1,400 online dating sites and apps and it is clear that the dating industry is highly saturated. However, like anything, there are varying levels when it comes to the success of the business and the quality of the service that they provide.

So, how do you figure out who or where is the best fit for your journey?

Credibility

When it comes to dating, there are a whole host of emotions attached to it. Whether you are separated, divorced, bereaved or simply single for a long time, getting back out in the dating game can often be a vulnerable journey so it’s really important that anyone who is guiding you is reputable and has the correct experience.

Before you choose which dating platform to go with, be sure to conduct your own due diligence and research on the company or an individual before putting your trust in them. If they are reputable and experienced there should be plenty of reviews, ratings, and references available to you which will indicate the level and quality of their work.

Awards and accreditations are also a sign of a high-standard, legitimate, and quality agency or individual.

At Ignite Dating we pride ourselves on the quality of our service, going above and beyond the industry-standard to provide a dating journey that leaves clients feeling confident, energised and most importantly, safe. It is no surprise then, that as a company we invest in the best available training for our matchmakers and why we are the only matchmaking agency in the UK that’s full team of matchmakers undergoes training and accreditation from the Matchmaking Institute – the world’s only organisation authorised to issue certification in the field of matchmaking.

Not only that, but in the last year we have received five award recognitions for our service with many more in the pipeline in the coming months including:

Ignite Dating does it again at the Prestige Awards, this time for London & South East

These accolades are not only great for us to achieve from a business perspective, but recognition like this can give you a much-deeper insight into the way that the agency works and help you determine whether they really have your best interests at heart.

Making a choice

If you’ve found an agency or matchmaker that you can be open and honest with, who understands who you are and what you are looking for and comes with an array of experience, testimonials, and accolades that back up their claims, then it sounds like they could be the right agency for you.

Because let’s face it, finding the right dating professional can be half the battle.

So, instead of spending yet more money, time and attention aimlessly searching for that special person, why not let the experts’ put things into focus and help you find that perfect partner you’ve been searching for. You may be surprised by how much quicker your journey can be once you’ve put your faith and trust in the professionals.

If you are looking for a matchmaking agency that understands who you truly are and the traits that are most important to you and who has a multitude of experience, testimonials, and accolades to back up their claims, then look no further than Ignite Dating. Get in touch with our friendly team of expert matchmakers to find out how they can help you on your journey to success.

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How to tackle the topic of money in a budding relationship

So, let’s discuss the subject of money and relationships. It can sometimes feel like a taboo topic at the best of times, and it hardly makes for romantic small talk to bring it up early in a budding relationship.

However, let’s consider why it’s so important for men and women not to ignore the practical side of entering into a relationship – even when it may be the last thing on your mind as you’re swept up in the excitement and romance of dating somebody who seems really rather special.   

What you need to think about when you meet somebody new

You’ve taken the all the risks, you’ve kept going when it was so tempting to quit – but you didn’t – and you have reaped the rewards of a successful career and acquired considerable wealth along the way. Now you’re thinking how nice it would be to meet somebody, settle down and enjoy the fruits of your labours. It’s understandable if you’ve got some concerns about what a long-term relationship means for combining assets and the practical implications of managing your money.

So, what are the key things to consider?  You can think of it as three phases – dating, living together (or to use the official term, co-habiting) and marriage.

The dating is really about getting to know somebody better – do they want the same things as you and is life just better with them rather than without them? There’s no real financial or legal impact at the dating phase, except if one of you has more than the other. Are you happy to pay for the expensive holiday in the Seychelles you’ve always wanted to share with somebody special? Does it bother you if the person you’re dating earns significantly more or less than you do?

If the dating is going well and you’re thinking about moving in together, you will need to decide where it’s going to be – will you rent or buy a new home, or will one if you move in a house the other already lives in? Are you prepared to make changes to the home so that it’s ‘ours’ rather than ‘mine’?

This is where legal and financial aspects come into consideration. Let’s assume you’re the wealthier partner and that it’s your home you’ll be living in.

There was some talk of partners who lived together gaining rights after two years. At present, this is not the law…but that could change.

Currently, if one person owns the property, a partner could only claim rights if they had made a capital contribution, such as paying part of the mortgage, paying for improvements to the property (a new bathroom, for example), or if there is a child in the relationship.

Because you have fewer automatic legal rights than married couples, a co-habitation agreement is a way of laying out the terms of living together. This legal document sets out the arrangements for finances, property, children and what happens if one of you becomes ill, dies or you split up.

Now it’s going really well and you’re thinking of getting married.  You don’t get married with a plan to get divorced, but it is best to think about what you’re comfortable with should the worse happen.

Prenuptial (prenup) agreements are legally required in some countries but are not quite yet a legally binding document in the UK. However, courts will give serious consideration to the prenup if you get divorced. A prenup should be fair and it should be done in a reasonable timeframe. It can’t be signed the night before the wedding! This agreement must be signed off a month before the wedding as a minimum and both parties should have independent legal advice (but it is OK for you to pay for your partner’s advice). A prenup also requires full financial disclosure by both parties. This can also be reinforced with a postnup. A ‘life event’ such as having children can partly void a prenup, so it’s best to address those points in the original agreement and agree for there to be a review of the agreement if children arrive.

There is the subject of how you raise the matter. You may not wish to be on bended knee with a ring in one hand and a document in the other! So, once the Champagne and celebrations have been enjoyed, ensure you raise these issues with each other before you embark on the big relationship milestone of getting married. It’s also important to ensure you seek the appropriate expert advice when it comes to the legal side of things and be open with each other about your wishes.

While it might not seem like the most romantic of topics, understanding and securing your financial future will help both of you feel secure and well-prepared should the worse happen. And once the paperwork is sorted, you can just enjoy all the great things that come with a successful and loving long-term relationship!

Rudy Vandaele-Kennedy is an Investment Manager looking after private clients and their families, as well as their business and charitable interests. 

Here at Ignite Dating we aim to provide you with a stress-free search for love, with expert matchmakers on-hand to really understand what you are looking for in a partner. Get in touch today to find out more about our award-winning service!

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How To Dress To Impress This Summer

Summer is finally here, the days are getting longer and brighter and hopefully things are heating up in your dating journey too! Come rain or shine, Summer is a great season for romance, thanks in no small part to the air of spontaneity when it comes to making plans and abundant dating opportunities that aren’t available at other times of the year. Whether you’re meeting for a relaxed walk in the park or enjoying cocktails at the best al fresco spot in town, it’s time to make the most of this season’s outfit trends so you are putting your best foot forward when meeting somebody new this summer.

While a lot of Summer essentials can be decidedly casual, it stills pays to build an outfit which makes you feel super confident when you’re embarking on a first date. Even if we’re in the midst of a heatwave, simple wardrobe additions can bring the advantage of looking great while keeping you cool and relaxed when stepping out for a balmy evening rendezvous.

Below we’ve highlighted our top tips for getting the most out of the Summer fashion trends to ensure you feel energised and ready for navigating some truly wonderful dates this season. Thankfully the restrictions of the pandemic are behind us, so let’s make this a Summer to remember!

For Her

This season is all about square and Bardot-style wide-open necklines exposing the shoulders. Both styles have the advantage of highlighting your feminine décolletage and adding a sexy and sultry edge to your outfit.

Prints are also back, and we’re seeing them on gorgeous slip dresses this season. Bask in the sunshine in a midi-style slip dress for effortless glamour that’ll suit a wide range of date occasions. Thankfully at this time of year, it is warm enough to wear a slip dress without outerwear and you can keep your look fresh with a range of accessories. On those days when the mercury is really rising, it’s a great style for keeping you sexy, cool, and confident with the thinner materials giving a real advantage for combatting the fierce heat of the day.

Whether you’re opting for prints or plain colours, don’t forget to select the right colour for your skin tone – in my spring dating trends blog I recently shared an overview of the best outfit colours for different skin tones. Another way to add a gorgeous splash of colour and embrace one of summer’s hot trends is to wear a small silk scarf in your hair like a turban. You can also wrap it gently around your ponytail for a fabulous pop of colour.

Your outfits are a perfect way of reflecting a relaxed summer vibe while giving you an invaluable confidence boost, as when you feel your best your true personality will shine through while dating.

For Him

For gentlemen, this summer is all about linen sports jackets. Light blue or salmon colours truly celebrate the summer season and add a pop of colour to your look. The beauty of light-coloured linen jackets is that they can be paired with a simple dark blue jean. For an excellent first date look, finish the outfit with a suede loafer and you’re ready to go!

Summer is one of the most varied times of year to date, thanks to the plethora of date ideas available to make the most of the fine weather. Whether you’re enjoying an evening of live music, a romantic picnic or a traditional formal dinner, there are plenty of ways to put together an outfit which’ll look effortlessly stylish and sophisticated. Whatever you opt for, make sure you are staying true to wearing what makes you feel good and your preferred personal style. You’ll then be sure to feel your best and make a great first impression!

Are you looking to enhance your dating journey this Summer? Working with a matchmaker can effortlessly help you reach that goal of a long-term committed relationship. We work closely with you to really understand what you are looking for, and we’re experts at hand-selected introductions to amazing people you’ll really enjoy meeting, and build relationships that will be around long after the Summer months end. Ready to commit? Give our expert team a call today!

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Three toxic dating trends you need to watch out for

Love it or hate it, there’s no other show that puts dating behaviours under the microscope quite as much as Love Island. With another season of ITV’s hit show underway, the spotlight is once again shining light on the numerous dating red flags that crop up in the show, which are all too often found in the real world as well.

You only have to briefly look in the media to find that there are plenty of articles and social posts out there examining in detail the toxic practices that are played out in the villa. And along with depiction of problematic behaviours, the show highlights the powerful – and painful – impact that they can have on the contestants and their budding relationships.

Problematic behaviours are sadly common in the modern dating world and there are several toxic trends which, from experience, have a particularly detrimental effect on daters’ emotional well-being. Below you’ll find details of three romantic red flags that are worth having on your radar to ensure you are prepared if you ever encounter them on your dating journey.

Ghosting

This dating term refers to the situation when somebody who you’ve been romantically involved with abruptly cuts all contact without any warning. They end the relationship without explaining why, or even bothering to let you know that they’ve moved on – leaving you to figure it out on your own after days, weeks and maybe even months of silence.

This is especially difficult in a relationship where you’ve trusted somebody enough to be intimate with them and the relationship has turned physical. Suddenly, you are ghosted for no reason. It’s essentially unfinished business that leaves you feeling confused, abandoned and questioning what you did wrong to be dropped so abruptly. Ironically, despite how you are feeling the real issue is with the person who does the ghosting, and it’s worth remembering that it as their problem not yours, as you are not the one to blame.  

Zombieing

This is where you’ve been left hanging by a ghost and then just as you are starting to get over them, they come back with lots of promises and poor excuses for their disposable manners and behaviour – only to prime you up to be ghosted again!

Be under no false illusions, once somebody has ghosted you, they will know they can get away with it if you allow them back into your life to do it again. It’s may sound harsh but it’s true. It can particularly add insult to injury if you’ve already been hurt in the past by the person who ghosted you. Be kind to yourself and remember to set and maintain strong boundaries of how you want to be treated, at the first sign of this behaviour don’t chase them. Instead put your phone down – or even better, block them and move on.

Breadcrumbing

This is, in a nutshell, leading somebody on. It’s when somebody that you’re dating drops subtle hints of wanting a relationship with you but then they come and go as they please or are just plain inconsistent. You never know where you really stand or what the intentions are of the person doing this to you.

Their behaviour often leaves you feeling confused, and it can be quite an emotional rollercoaster because you love it when they get in touch and really enjoy the time you spend together. That rush of adrenaline when you see each other may feel great, but the rollercoaster ride you’ve taken is ultimately very damaging as they give you just enough hope that they may commit with no intention or action that they ever will.

Lack of clarity in dating is hugely detrimental for your self-esteem and can lead to longer term anxiety when it comes to meeting people which can ultimately sabotage your dating journey. If you’ve fallen victim to any of these toxic behaviours, you can start to mistrust your judgement and become fearful of the good people that you encounter along the way who are much better suited to you. 

These three dating trends, while very common in the dating world, are so damaging for the recipients of the bad behaviour and actually tell you a lot about the person who is instigating the toxic approaches to dating for many different reasons. 

If you find yourself questioning someone’s intentions, the best advice is to step on the brakes and back off! If they really want you, they will step forward and show it in a healthy way. If they carry on behaving inappropriately and you pull back, then you are protecting yourself and also sending a clear message to the other person that you are worthy of more and secure in who you are and the boundaries that you have set for your partner and any future relationships you have.

Don’t ever worry you could be losing out on something wonderful as you are actually saving yourself from more heartache and pain in the long run. Listen to your emotions and feelings and look after your heart to ensure you are putting yourself first when it comes to dating – if you do this, you’ll be sure to find that perfect match and a long-lasting, healthy, and committed relationship, just like you deserve.

Are you looking for somebody who’ll really value who you are and respect your life goals and outlook on life? Our matchmakers are experts in recognising individuals who you will really share a spark with, using a unique mix of personality profiling, experienced matchmakers, intuition, and our extensive private network. Find out how we can help you reach that goal of a long-term committed relationship by getting in touch today.

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Nailing the first impression

Now the days are getting longer, and the weather is heating up, it’s time to refresh your wardrobe and dating journey to ensure you’re ready for the multitude of dates heading your way this Spring. This Spring season is all about shedding the winter blues and stepping into a season full of bold colours, feminine silhouettes, clean lines, and exquisite tailoring.

Putting your best foot forward and nailing the first impression on the date is key to building your confidence, showing up as your best self and also landing a second date! But when it comes to what to wear on the first date, there are so many options out there that it can be overwhelming! Here’s a few tips to get you started.

For her

Ladies less is more. Always start by highlighting your best features. A woman’s decolletage is such a feminine feature and the best way to highlight that is by wearing an off-the-shoulder silk blouse. Think Adele Bardot neckline – sexy, bold but also sultry. Another component in achieving that put together look that is sure to grab attention for all the right reasons is finding the right colours for your skin tone. If you have a deeper olive tone to your skin focusing on pieces that are made up of jewel tones are key. Whereas for those with a lighter skin tone and lighter tones to the hair you want to opt for pastels! Wearing the right ensemble for the date in question can completely change the dynamic of the first initial meeting and a small compliment can turn into an ice breaker and set the tone of the evening ahead. 

It’s also important to remember that balance is key when picking out the perfect outfit. If you decide to go with trousers, make sure the fit is perfect and team it with something a little sexier on top, after all men are visual creatures and you want to add a touch of femininity to your look. For dress silhouettes, opt for a midi slip dress, paired with a very structured blazer or moto jacket, depending on the location of the date.

Don’t forget the small details too. For accessories, tie in a bold statement piece and keep everything else minimal. If you choose to wear fine jewellery, layer those dainty necklaces which adds more depth to your outfit. When it comes to footwear, wear a shoe that’s comfortable and in line with what you are doing on your date. For a traditional dinner and drinks date, opt for a strappy heel or pump which is still sexy but also sophisticated. 

For Him

Tailoring is key when it comes to a man’s ensemble. For the first date the idea is to look polished, which starts with making sure everything fits. Whether you are opting for a romantic dinner or casual drinks at a nice bar, wearing a sport coat with dark denim jeans which can be worn with a classic fitted white button up shirt, is always a classy and easy look to achieve. When it comes to denim jeans, always choose a dark, slim, straight cut as it’s the most flattering style for men, regardless of your size and body shape.

Depending on the occasion, you want to pair this look with a suede brown loafer or any neutral colour oxford shoe. To simplify the look for a more casual date, like a trip to the movies, opt for a fitted white tee instead of a white button up shirt. Always remember to choose an outfit based on the date in mind.

Don’t forget the rest of you! While you may have the outfit sorted, remember that women see everything so attention to detail and grooming is key to securing that second date!

If you’re single and looking to Spring clean your dating journey and try something new, then get in touch with our friendly team of experts today. Our matchmakers and dating experts are on hand to ensure that you are ready to start your dating journey on the right track.

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Why a pre-work date should be next in your diary

Are you a night owl – the type of person who feels much more focused and energetic in the evening? Or would you say you’re more of a lark – a morning person who prefers to be up at the crack of dawn? If it’s the latter, the latest dating trend might be just up your street. 

Dawn dating describes meeting with a prospective romantic partner when the day is young, and it’s fast becoming as popular as the more traditional evening dinner and drinks.

With around 51% of single people admitting they have been on a morning date recently and nearly three-quarters saying they’d be impressed to be invited to an early morning rendezvous, it seems people are quite literally seizing the day and meeting up, fresh-faced, for a date in the morning before the normal routine of the day starts. The benefits? Think less Chardonnay, more extra-shot lattes, and getting to know you strolls rather than making awkward small talk across the dining table.

Perhaps dawn dating is a trend you’ve already got plenty of experience with. After all, for a while the pandemic saw meeting up with a potential love interest being legally relegated to the outdoors. An informal stroll with a coffee in hand may have become a firm favourite as you eschew more pricey nights out. 

Even if early mornings aren’t usually your bag, there are plenty of benefits to setting your alarm an hour or two earlier for a date with a difference. 

Those aforementioned early risers might find their date is likeminded in their approach for seizing the day and getting things done before lunch. Quite often they will use the mornings to participate in hobbies and leisure activities and you may even find that you share a passion for early morning activities, whether it’s a run in the park, a fitness class or maybe even a spot of people watching over a coffee.

But even if that isn’t the case, there are many benefits to opting for a morning rather than evening for your next date. For starters, how often do you find that you go for a romantic meal somewhere and before you know it one glass of wine turns into sharing a bottle? Not adding alcohol to the mix allows for a clearer head and less worries about overdoing it – unless a bottomless brunch is on your agenda. You’ll be sure to remember a lot more of what you chatted about for future dates as well.

There’s also the added bonus of easing the endless diary juggling which goes hand-in-hand with a busy working life and competing demands for your evening time. Between work, family commitments and friends, it can often feel impossible to fit dating into your already hectic schedule. While it may seem nerve-wracking to meet in the morning, it can ease the pressure of committing to a longer date in the evening with somebody you’ve never met before. Clock-watching may not seem romantic, but it can help focus the date and add a natural endpoint when you both need to head off to other commitments.

Like everything, dawn dating, of course, might not be for everybody. Your morning routine may just be too hectic to fit in another activity. The worry of making it to work in time may be too much of a distraction to make the idea enjoyable. Or quite simply, you may miss the routine of taking your time getting ready for an evening out with a glass of wine to settle those pre-date jitters.

If you’re looking to mix it up a bit, or you want to break the cycle of rushing to a date in a post-work flurry, then maybe it’s worth giving an early morning meet-up a go. We predict as the weather warms up and the sunrise gets earlier, this trend will continue to grow, and those diaries will be just as full at the start of the day as they are in the evenings!

If you are single and looking for that special person that you just cannot wait to see, whatever time of day it is, then get in touch with our friendly team today. Our expert matchmakers are on-hand to offer help and guidance throughout your dating journey to help you find the perfect partner. 

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5 expectations that can hold you back when dating

When looking for love, it’s normal to have an idea of how you envision your partner and future relationship to be. But, at what point does the checklist become detrimental to your quest for love?

Unrealistic expectations are a common barrier that stop people from achieving dating success and most of the time people aren’t aware that they are doing it – until it’s pointed out to them. Here we explore some of the main reasons that stop relationships from developing into a successful long-term connection, and why it’s important to take a more laid-back approach in your dating journey.

Comparing your date to previous dates or relationships

You may have heard the saying ‘comparison is the thief of joy.’ Well, comparing your date with someone you’ve dated or had a relationship with in the past will set both of you up to fail and will ensure you find reasons not to go out on a date with them again. It’s not uncommon to look for certain physical and personality traits that you find attractive when you’re dating, and although it would be amazing if we could take the best parts from every date we’ve ever had and mould them into the perfect partner, it’s just not realistic. Try to remember that everyone is unique, with their own set of experiences and beliefs. Instead of comparing and focusing on the parts that don’t match up to your past partners, it’s important to try to pay attention to the person’s positive qualities. After all, an ex is an ex for a reason and who knows those differences could be the qualities that you’ve been missing and the answer in your search for that perfect partner for you.

Only dating your usual ‘type’

With the huge array of dating apps and websites at your disposal that allow filtering by personal and physical traits, being selective has never been easier. However, restricting your preferences could stop you meeting that perfect partner – you simply don’t know who you are going to connect with. Dating a certain ‘type’ can be very limiting and realistically if it hasn’t worked before what makes you think it will work now? Try to stay open-minded and give people a chance. They may not tick all of your usual boxes, but don’t automatically write them off as someone you won’t be interested in. What have you got to lose? You may just find the love of your life in that person you initially discounted.

Expecting your date to make the arrangements and pay for everything

Traditionally, the man would ask a girl out, plan their first date and pick up the tab. However, when it comes to modern dating there are no set rules and it is totally dependent upon each couple. Deciding together on where to go on your date can be fun and sets the tone for a more equal relationship moving forward. Dating is about getting to know someone and learning to make decisions together, so discussing ideas and learning about each others’ preferences ensures you both enjoy yourself on the date. However, when it comes to who should pay, it can be an awkward moment – especially if you’ve not discussed it beforehand. Usually, whoever invited the other person out and chose the venue should pay for the date. However, if the date and location was a mutual decision, it’s always good to split the bill. We’re not in the dark ages anymore, so as a rule of thumb always offer to pay half and be genuine about your offer.

Expecting too much from the relationship
Having expectations about how your relationship should develop or how your partner should treat you is a good thing. However, expecting much more than the other person is ready or prepared to give can lead to you feeling needy, disappointed and alone. For instance, you may want to spend every spare moment with your significant other or you may always expect them to plan your next date night. Whatever your expectations, if you’re finding yourself feeling let down and unfulfilled, try to have a conversation about how you both feel and remember that everyone’s needs and expectations in a relationship are different. When you are able to discuss this openly and honestly you will begin to understand your differences and in turn, you are then able to make compromises and come together with similar expectations ensuring that both of your needs are met.

Expecting things to move faster or slower in a new relationship

Many people struggle to find the right speed in a relationship and question if they’re moving too fast or too slow. There’s no perfect speed with which to move forward in a relationship but if you’ve already created your wedding pinterest board after date two, you may want to slow down a bit. Again, communication is key here. You may find that you have different expectations on how quickly your relationship should develop but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not a good match. Ensure that you and your date are on the same page and take the time to discuss expectations. If you are in two different life phases and anticipating different levels of commitment, it’s better to know from the beginning before growing close to one another. Rather than having a set timeline in mind for your relationship, focus on having a good time and enjoying the other person’s company and see where things go naturally.

If you’re single and looking for a new way to date that manages your expectations so you can find that successful, long-term relationship that you’re searching for, then get in touch with our friendly team of expert matchmakers today to find out more about how they can support you on your dating journey and set you up for success.