Month: June 2023

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Fireworks vs slow burn relationships – what’s best?

When you’ve met a new love interest, is it better to have a slow burn or a fiery start to the relationship? You may have experienced both as you navigate the dating world but is the type of chemistry you share at the beginning a sign of how successful the relationship will eventually be?

When it comes to some unions, the beginning stages of a relationship are a fantastically passionate time where you just can’t get enough of each other. You want to spend every minute of your time with your new partner, and it feels amazing to be wrapped up in each other’s lives. A fiery, passionate relationship develops, which involves intense feelings and sometimes jumping straight into planning a future together. It’s a rapid-fire romance, in other words.

In other cases, it takes longer to decide if there is a spark. Some prefer not to dive into a new relationship, instead taking things slowly to be sure there is a connection there. You may have had a date where there isn’t an instant spark but something about this person makes you think it’s worth investing the time to get to know them better.

You may focus on really getting to know each other, sharing plenty of dates, texts, and phone calls, and discovering lots about each other and what you have in common. Dates may be based around activities you enjoy and spending quality time together. Love and chemistry build over time as you get to know each other better. It’s about making sure you are a good match before committing to becoming more serious.  

It can be confusing when you meet somebody new to decide what you should be experiencing. Is there no hope you’ll work out if you don’t share instant fireworks? Is a passionate and instant connection a recipe for disaster further down the line?

There can be beauty in both approaches to a relationship developing. Some argue the “simmer” approach to getting to know somebody means you won’t miss out on somebody who is amazing because you initially dismissed them due to a lack of instant chemistry. First dates can be nerve-wracking and often don’t give you the chance to really get to know somebody, so if you feel like this is somebody who may have romance potential, then move things forward to date two and beyond. You may well discover a genuine connection and fondness that is a much stronger foundation than falling for somebody based purely on lust and attraction.

When it comes to fireworks, there are often criticisms that the love-at-first sight feeling isn’t sustainable in the long run. Basing a relationship on lust from the offset can make you overlook the important characteristics of the person as you are blinded by your initial feelings for them. You may initially feel there is nothing wrong with this person, but the connection then fizzles when you both can’t maintain the energy that went into the relationship initially and you ultimately don’t share the lifestyles and values that long-term partnerships are built on. However, passionate beginnings can settle into long-term harmony if you have enough in common and share a healthy amount of compatibility. Passion does naturally ebb and flow depending on where you are in your relationship and what’s going on in both your lives, so it’s natural for the initial all-consuming lust to settle down once you are in a long-term relationship.

Sometimes fireworks can spell trouble. It can be hard to see the wood for the trees when you feel so passionately about somebody, which makes it hard to spot red flags in the relationship. The chemistry you feel being extremely addictive and intense. However, there can be a turbulent sting in the tail to the connection you have. This sort of relationship will be characterised by a fiery cycle of angry breakups and reunions, a pattern neither of you can bring yourself to break. It can be hard to see what’s truly going on because you feel so convinced that this relationship is meant to be because you are so drawn to this person. Life is an emotional rollercoaster, with intense highs and lows that you wouldn’t expect in a healthy relationship. One minute you feel happy, the next you are upset things aren’t going well. At the end of the day, you may need to acknowledge what you think you want is not right for you and is never going to last.

Are you looking for somebody special who will truly understand you and share your values, life goals and aspirations? Your dedicated matchmaker is waiting to introduce you to some truly amazing individuals. Get in touch today to find out how we can help you with a safe and enjoyable search for love.

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Why is everybody so obsessed with height in the dating world?

How important in height in the dating world? If you are a regular dating app user, you’ll be very familiar with profiles including height – especially when it’s more than 6ft tall. Perhaps you’ve even asked somebody how tall they are because the information is omitted from a profile or been left wondering what somebody is hiding if they leave this information out.

Given the amount of attention given to tall stature on the apps, it can be surprising to learn the average male height in the UK is 5ft 9in. However, according to a 2014 study, 57.1% of women said a man’s height was important to them, compared to 40% of men who viewed woman’s height as important. Another study on dating aps found men that were 6ft 3in or 6ft 4in got 60% more messages than men that were 5ft 7in or 5ft 8in. It’s not uncommon for height to take priority in a profile above listing any significant personality traits.

Tinder even ran an April Fool’s Day joke stating they were launching a Height Verification Badge to ensure nobody was fibbing about their actual stature.  They owned up to the prank but urged users to “stand tall…or short (we don’t care) and embrace who you are.” Height is often an obsession in many parts of life, whether it’s obsessing about the prime minister’s height (5ft 6in) or the fact tall people earn more.

So why does it matter to so many people that their partner fits their height preferences?

For some it’s purely for practical reasons, as they find dating shorter partners can lead to back pain and discomfort as they constantly lean down to be close to them. Taller ladies find height information important when they prefer to find a date who is similar in hight or taller than them. They also use their profile as a place to let prospective dates know in advance that they are tall, feeling some men don’t like a taller date as they feel “emasculated”.  

Other women report feeling more petite and feminine when they are by the side of somebody taller than them. Many still want the option of wearing heels when they are going out with their partner without the extra inches resulting in making them taller than their significant other.

Some people even feel so passionate about the subject they embellish the truth. You may have experienced a match with somebody who has tweaked the truth and added a few bonus inches, trying to attract people to want to meet with them but ultimately leading to disappointment when they are caught out fibbing. Overfocusing on any attribute in dating does run the risk of missing out on what could have been an amazing match. Automatically ruling anybody out who is less than 6ft tall may mean you could miss out on somebody who could have been perfect for you. Having an open mind and not thinking about physical attributes means you can really focus on who the person is and the values and lifestyles you share. Everyone has attributes they search for but overfocusing on too much box ticking means you might inadvertently rule out somebody special. At the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with being shorter or taller than your partner. Being too obsessed with landing somebody of a certain height might eventually reveal incompatibility when it’s clear you didn’t have enough in common outside of physical attributes you look for. So, embrace everything a person has to say on their profile and be open-minded – perhaps the perfect match for you is the opposite of what you expected!

Are you keen to hear more about the matchmaking process and how Ignite Dating can help you with your dating journey? Just give our expert team a call today and we’ll happily detail more about how our multiple award-winning service works!

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Signs you are in a rebound relationship

Does it ever work when you jump out of a relationship into a new one? Seeking a new romantic attachment to act as a plaster to get over the wounds of an ex is known as a rebound relationship. You may have been in the situation where person you are newly seeing mentions their ex a little too much, raising your suspicions they are not actually over their split, or you’ve been the one who jumps into a new relationship just weeks after splitting with your long-term partner.   

Rebound relationships can be problematic for a number of reasons. They can come as a reaction to a previous relationship that has broken down, meaning one of you is still dealing with the issues raised by a breakup where you are not yet over an ex. Put simply, the person is still heavily involved with what’s happened in the past. A rebound relationship risks getting messy because those emerging fresh from a breakup can be entering the new relationship to distract them from the split or to avoid dealing with the pain that comes with it. If somebody is masking their grief over a previous breakup, then it makes it hard for them to make a genuine connection with a new partner. However, on the flip side, rebounds have been linked with a self-esteem boost, helping people feel more confident and desirable after the fallout of a breakup.

Somebody may have actively sought out a rebound relationship or ended up falling into one unintentionally. For the person who is not fresh out of a relationship, it can be tricky to deal with suspicions your new love interest is still hung up on somebody else. Rebound dating can end up with the other person feeling unsure if it’s all too soon for this person to be becoming attached and they can end up feeling used if things do fall apart.

We’ve shared our top tips for spotting whether somebody you are interested in is rebounding with you. Here are the red flags to watch out for:

Everything is happening very fast

If after a very short time you feel like you are in a serious, committed relationship with this person it is possible they just want the new arrangement to feel like their old relationship. They may skip the dating part and just want to fall into old routines they had with an ex. Because they want to take their mind off their former partner, they rush into things – and it’s noticeable just how rushed everything feels. Their infatuation is nothing to do with how they really feel about you and you can end up feeling like a fill-in for their old flame.

They talk about their ex all the time

Constantly mentioning their ex in conversation is a big red flag that they’ve not yet moved on from the attachment they had with them. They may show a lot of anger towards their ex, suggesting unresolved issues and a bitterness towards them which suggests they are not over them. You may have a gut feeling they’ve not processed their pain properly. This may come with a relationship breakup that was a shock to them, as opposed to them leaving a relationship that had been in slow decline for a long time.

They keep you at arm’s length

After you’ve been seeing this person a while you may be left wondering why they have not introduced you to their friends and family. Keeping you away from their personal life may suggest they don’t see this relationship as long-term. Another red flag is when they do the opposite, making a big deal of your relationships on social media or at social occasions where they know their ex will be. If their posts seem to be written with the aim of provoking a reaction in their ex more than celebrating your new relationship, then alarm bells should ring.

You don’t know where you stand

Be wary if this person is reluctant to make plans or talk about the future. They may be emotionally unavailable and push you away when things look like they are getting serious. Because they are looking for distraction and trying to cover up their hurt, they may blow hot and cold, bombarding you with mixed signals. Rebound relationships aren’t necessarily doomed to failure, but they will take a lot of work to make them successful. Things can get unhealthy if you are both not on the same page about feelings and expectations about where things are going. If both parties are happy to keep things casual, then just agreeing you want to have a bit of fun might work for you. If the timing is just a bit off and you have met somebody soon after a break-up and feel this person is right for you, then you both need to be prepared to put in the work to ensure a future together. You’ll need to be honest and upfront with each other about what you want out of the relationship and perhaps take it slowly to allow the other person to work on what’s happened in their past.

Are you looking for love this summer? Why not give the experts at Ignite Dating a call today. We work hard to find you the perfect partner, using our expert mix of personality profiling, experienced matchmakers, intuition, and our extensive private network. We work closely with you to find your perfect partner, and together make steps towards the goal of a committed relationship.

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The best opening lines to use on dating apps

First impressions are always important, and this is particularly true when it comes to breaking the ice on a dating app. There is so much competition in the online dating space, so a simple “hey” or a waving emoji often won’t cut it. These are often unpopular ways to make initial contact as many daters view them as plain lazy. An unoriginal opening line can often be ignored, which can leave you feeling fed up and exhausted by conversations that go nowhere.

The problem is going for a pickup line can feel cheesy, especially if you’ve experienced some particularly cringy openings online or IRL. You’ll recognise the type – everything from “Did it hurt when you fell, when you fell from heaven” to “I’m no photographer but I can picture us together”.  While these sorts of lines used to be confined to chatting somebody up in real life, they have made their mark in the digital world as daters try the same tactic on somebody they’d like to get to know better. With apps, you don’t have the same real-life advantage of flirty smiles and catching somebody’s eye first – so there really is a lot riding on that first line. So how do you tread the line between being too bland and too cheesy?

Ask questions

If you are chatting to lots of matches in the hope of meeting somebody special, then it can feel soul destroying to be typing the same message out again and again. Plus, it can come across as if you’ve made little effort to craft something original if you fall back on the same opener each time. A safe middle ground is to ask somebody questions about their profile to demonstrate you’ve paid attention to what they’ve said rather than just chucking them the same standard opener you’ve used on everybody else. This can be especially useful if you share the same interests, or you spot something you’d love to know more about. It also lets your date know you’ve tried rather than mass messaging to see who replies. However, sometimes a potential love interest’s profile is a bit sparse on detail or you just can’t find something you can relate to. So how can you craft something fun and original without the risk of making the other person cringe?

Quirky opening lines

While they might not be for everybody, a jokey or slightly cheesy opening line can be a good way of gauging if somebody shares the same sense of humour as you. If you try a light-hearted opening line and it does not hit the mark, it might be a hint that you and this person might not hit it off anyway. What might seem like a hilarious joke to you may fall flat when you unleash it on somebody else. If you are going down this route, there can be quite a fine art to coming up with a quip that is clever and interest-grabbing with the right amount of humour. You certainly don’t want to come on too strong, so it’s more about being fun, flirty, and helping to break the tension that can come with chatting with a stranger. Sometimes an interesting and clever question is plenty to show you’re trying while giving them something to work with in their response. You can even pose two questions in your opener which gives them the option to answer one if they don’t like the other one. You want to demonstrate you are curious to learn more about them while piquing their interest enough to reply.

Find mutual interests

Other top tips include commenting on their pet photos, as anybody who has included these is likely to be an animal lover and will be happy to chat about their beloved pet. Travel photos mean you may be able to relate to somewhere they’ve been, or you could always ask them what the best thing was about a destination they’ve visited. Have a bit of fun by asking them to describe themselves in a handful of emojis, which allows them to show off their creative side and adds a bit of fun to the chat. You can even be light-hearted about the dating fails you’ve come up against by asking them the worse opening line they’ve experienced. Asking about their favourite weekend plans gives you an idea of what they like to do which helps judge how compatible you’ll be. And remember, if you’re worried about being judged for what you type, remember often people are just happy that somebody else made the first move. And if you don’t hear back, don’t despair – inboxes get clogged up and a lack of reply is no reason to take it personally.

If you’d like to find out more about award-winning matchmaking service, why not give us a call today? We work closely with you to establish the values and characteristics that are important to you and make personalised introductions. We enjoy working with enthusiastic clients who are committed to finding a life partner with similar family values and outlooks on life and we pride ourselves on providing a dating journey that’ll leave you feeling energised, confident, and safe.