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Revisiting The Rules: is the dating bible still relevant today?

Don’t talk to a man first. Never accept a date for a Saturday night if he asks after Wednesday. Don’t call him, and rarely return his calls.

Sound familiar? It’s all advice from the bestselling dating bible The Rules: Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr Right. The book was a dating guide with the premise that women who play hard to get, get their man, while women who showed too much interest did not In a nutshell, boy pursues girl and women play it extremely cool. The book was co-authored by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider and offered a set of dating rules which, although sparking plenty of controversy, have endured until this day. 

There have been plenty of updates to The Rules, given a lot has changed since it was released in 1995. A new book offered insight on how to handle social media, texting, and online dating when it comes to dating with The Rules in mind. There are also insights into the co-authors’ daughters’ experience with dating to further update the advice with a modern makeover. There are even phone consultations and in-person courses on offer with the pair if you are looking for more tailored advice.

The original book advocated playing very hard to get, by being a bit distant and difficult. Women who play by the rules – aka Rules girls – always end phone calls first and only engage in casual kissing on the first and second dates. Oh, and the book sees grooming as extremely important by advising women to “be a creature unlike any other”. The central message is if a man likes you, he will approach you. So never approach a man, state The Rules, don’t suggest a date, instead let him come to you.

What do people make of The Rules?

As you would expect, there are plenty of opinions about The Rules, which is partly the reason it’s become such a cultural phenomenon. You may initially find the premise of The Rules surprising given how dating has seemingly evolved since the book was released, but it’s had a big influence within the dating world.

As Refinery29 points out, the book feeds into a nostalgia around romance and relies on a very traditional sense of what love and courtship are. Author Samhita Mukhopadhyay, interviewed in the piece, said the advice can sometimes work given that men are fed antiquated notions of what dating should look like, so see a woman acting forward as a signal she is in fact desperate because it’s breaking the mould of how they view traditional dating.

The authors say the rules are not about manipulation – they are there to prevent women from making avoidable dating mistakes and getting hurt because of them. Offering another perspective, Rules Coach Vanessa Taylor says it boils down to creating healthy boundaries and establishing your own power in the relationship from the start. 

Others argue that given there has been more than two decades since The Rules were launched, dating norms have not actually changed that much. An article on Vox cited studies which looked at the heterosexual dating rituals of young men and women. These found that although the respondents identified as progressive and even feminist, they stuck to traditional scripts when dating when their goal was marriage and children. The women believed men naturally want to be the pursuers – as The Rules points out – and worry that if they pursue the object of their affection, it makes them come across as desperate. As a result they didn’t ask men out, or pay for dates. While interestingly, most of the men surveyed claimed they didn’t like these sort of gender rules in dating. They wanted women to ask them out or to pick up the bill when they met up for a date. However, the female subjects of the study said their experiments in being forward didn’t work as they did not get the outcome they wanted.

Is it dating itself which dictates behaviour?

Despite its critics, many devotees have been won over by the boundaries and confidence that having a set of dating rules bring. Sherrie Schneider pointed out to The Independent: “The Rules are about boundaries and self-esteem. That is not repressive: that is called self-control and smart, effective behaviour.” In other words, it’s coping strategies for the confusing and sometimes intimidating world of dating. And as the Vox piece points out, the courtship expectations of The Rules are still here to be navigated, whether you like it or not.

Others are sympathetic to the goals of The Rules, seeing it as a response to the innate issue with dating that there is always a power imbalance. In the New York Times writer Taffy Brodesser-Akner argued that The Rules recognised there was no changing the system, so the only thing to do was to work smarter within it.

It’s fascinating that the book – and its subsequent sequels – continue to have such an influence. Whether you agree with its premise or not, it does show how common it is for dating to follow a tried-and-tested formula which is dictated in a large part by societal expectations. We’d love to hear your views on The Rules – are you a convert? Have you tried any of its advice and would you put your relationship success down to these efforts? Share your views and experiences via Facebook and Instagram!

If you are looking for support and advice on your dating journey, why not consider working with a matchmaker? We work closely with you to truly understand who you are looking for and we use our extensive experience and exclusive private network to find you people you’ll really share a connection with. Give us a call today to find out how we can help you find true love!

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How to let the real you shine through in your dating profile pictures

A set of standout dating photos don’t just show people what you look like, it gives them a clear insight into who you are, what you’re into and what you’re all about.

We live in a highly visual world. The majority of people are curating and sharing good quality photos of themselves and their lives on social media as part of their weekly routine. So, when it comes to our dating lives, people now have higher expectations about the profile photos they are viewing, much more than they would have done even a couple of years ago. The challenging aspect of this is that we need to make a much bigger effort with our dating profile pictures in order to have a strong impact and to stand out from the crowd.

I’ve shared my top tips for achieving a set of dating photos which will really show who you are and what you’re all about.

Only use good quality photos

We all have higher expectations now when it comes to looking at other people’s profile photos, but we need to make sure our own profile pictures measure up to those same expectations.

It’s well known that using low quality images gives people the impression that you don’t value the dating experience and more crucially, that you don’t value yourself or have something to hide. If you’re here reading this blog, chances are you’re the kind of person who is serious about finding a life partner and that you’re the kind of person who values themselves highly. With this in mind, make sure all your photos are clear and good quality. Good quality pictures attract good quality dates, while low quality photos will attract hook-ups.

The four photos every profile needs

The happy headshot

Your primary headshot has the most work to do out of all your photos as it will be the first one they see. Its main role is to make you look super attractive, warm, approachable and to also ensure you come across as someone people enjoy spending time with. It also needs to be visually eye-catching so that it makes you stand out in the busy online space. The easiest way to be visually interesting in the primary headshot is to wear an eye-catching colour, like red, orange or yellow. You could also include a bold colour in the background, if you prefer not to wear these sorts of colours.

The fierce full body shot

People want to see the ‘full package’ before deciding whether to go on a date with someone, so it’s essential to include one, up-to-date, full-body shot. People sadly are wary of to being deceived on dating apps, so this is the kind of shot they will look for to check you are who you say you are. You only need one, as the rest of the photos need to focus more on showing off your face and elements of your personality well.

The playful personality shot

Including a personality photo is a secret superpower. If you can showcase elements of your lifestyle and your personality, it’s such a powerful way to help you connect with like-minded people.

It doesn’t have to be complicated. It could be as simple as being pictured reading your favourite book. Perhaps they LOVE that book. Or maybe you’re pictured hugging your dog. Perhaps you enjoy painting with watercolours or you play the guitar. If you’re into any kind of sport or movement activity, include a photo of yourself engaged in that. Recent research suggests that a sporty or activity-based photos attracts 75% more attention on dating apps than any other photo. People are attracted to healthy people who look after themselves, so this makes sense. If you’re into yoga, carry your yoga mat or, even better, get photographed as you go through some yoga poses. When you’re captured in ‘flow’, meaning doing something you love in your photos, it shines through and creates very attractive pictures.

Anything that emphasises the unique, interesting you – be sure to include that!

The intriguing talking point photo

Create a photo which aims to intrigue, surprise or delight people. You’ll capture their interest and make it easy for them to message you with a question or comment. If you’re stuck, perhaps remind yourself what your party trick is. Can you stand on your head? Or do you have an unusual interest? At Hey Saturday we’ve had clients playing the banjo, skateboarding, doing martial arts with a wooden stick, dancing in the street and many other fun and eye-catching ideas.

Or, if you’re still stuck for inspiration, think about what you love that others might love. Have you been known to enjoy eating a delicious but ridiculously large ice cream sundae the size of your head? That photo might appeal to rather a lot of people.

You only have a total of five or six photos with which to make a powerful impact. That’s not a huge number of photos to work with, so make sure you’re the star of every single one – no group shots – and that each photo has a clear role and is working hard for you. A killer profile photo doesn’t just show people what you look like, it tells them what you’re made of. 

Saskia Nelson is the founder of Hey Saturday, a dating photography agency that specialises in creating show-stopping dating app and matchmaking profile photos, equipping clients to take their online impact to the next level.

If you are looking for help and support for a dating journey you’ll truly enjoy, why not turn to the experts? Our matchmakers really get to know you to understand who you’ll share a connection with, introducing you to some truly amazing people who share your goal of a long-term, committed relationship. We take away all the hard work that can come with dating, by arranging a professional photoshoot and hand-selecting individuals you’ll really enjoy meeting with. Give us a call today to find out how to start you search for true love!

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Cost of living crisis: why low-cost date ideas are rising in popularity

It’s a scenario we are all very familiar with at the moment. You open a menu and can’t quite believe how much the prices have increased since the last time you went out. When you ask for your bill after a night of wining and dining you are surprised at the total you’ve managed to accumulate. The cost of living has skyrocketed in recent months, making it seem expensive to eat and drink at even the more modest of establishments.

The current financial squeeze is being felt in the dating world as the more traditional date ideas suddenly feel like a splurge too far given the impact of rising costs. If you are used to filling your week with a variety of evenings out meeting potential matches, it can start to feel a bit extravagant flitting from bar-to-bar forking out for a drink or three. And let’s face it, if you’ve realised there’s very little chemistry between you just minutes into a seven-course tasting menu, it’s pretty disappointing at the best of times but even worse when you know it’s going to be a costly evening as well.

Recent research showed that single people are being a lot more careful about the date ideas they suggest in order to avoid living above their means. More than 40% of single people recently surveyed say they are more likely to pick a more modest date venue to avoid racking up big bills. Free activities are even more popular given the increased cost of going out, with 34% of respondents saying they would suggest doing something with no cost attached.

Low-key dating had already been rising in popularity before prices increased, largely driven by the trend for dawn dating and intentional dating. These days it’s not unusual to be invited for a casual stroll or to split a bottle of wine on a picnic blanket as daters turn their back on the traditional dinner and drinks formula. Given the fact that prices are still rising, driven by inflation at a new 40-year high, it seems these trends are firmly here to stay – which is good news if you’ve been considering scaling back on your search for love because of fears about splitting expensive bills and being invited to venues you just can’t splash out on. A separate study found the rising cost of living is causing 41% of single people surveyed to go on fewer dates than they used to, which demonstrates why it’s well worth considering the low-cost and free options at your disposal.

Take dawn dating. It describes meeting a potential partner when the day is young, with no expectation that a lavish meal or rounds of drinks will be involved. Meeting in the morning lends itself to low-cost options, such as enjoying a coffee and croissant at a pavement café or a brisk dog walk before you start the working day. Not only do you save money, but you also benefit from being clear-headed without alcohol clouding your judgement. A short date with a defined end point can make it much easier to peel away if you discover this person isn’t really for you anyway. 

The pandemic meant many of us got used to low key dates, finding plenty of fun to be had with socially distanced picnics, watching the sunset together and going for a bike ride. It also meant daters got used to meeting up virtually with a Zoom or Face Time date, which still plays a big part of the intentional dating approach. This trend can involve taking it slow with somebody new, often getting to know each other over a series of phone calls, video dates and low-stake pre-dates before committing to more formal evenings out. The benefit of a video call? It’s free and a great way to judge whether there’s romance potential with someone before you meet in person.

So, if you’ve been off dating lately due to the cost of a night out, why not consider inviting somebody out for a relaxed free date? You’ll probably find they’ll be just as grateful to mix it up a bit by enjoying the free fun that can be had on your doorstep. If you’ve been seeing somebody for a little while, don’t overlook the joy of a night in – a bottle of wine snuggled up on the sofa can be just as enjoyable as a fancy night out and you can then enjoyable the occasional splurge even more. Whatever your financial situation, it can really pay to slow things down and suss out whether you like somebody over a chilled coffee – there’s plenty of time for treating yourselves later when you’re sure they are worth getting to know better.

Teaming up with a matchmaker can be a great way to start a successful dating journey that really works for you. Matchmakers are experts at understanding who you’ll share a connection with, cutting out the dates that go nowhere with people who were never going to be for you. We offer a hands-on personalised service which means the dates you go on will be fewer, but of a higher quality and more aligned to the type of person you want to meet. Give us a call today to find out how we can help with a fun and stress-free search for that long-term, committed relationship you’ve been searching for. 

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Tips for dating as a high net worth individual

Let’s face it, dating is tricky at the best of times. While the prospect of meeting somebody new is incredibly exciting, it can be tricky to navigate the ups and down of everything from where to look for somebody new and nerve-wracking first dates to when to call and how to tell if the other person is into you. Then you may be struggling with other factors which further complicate the situation, such as dating after divorce or having had your fingers burned by somebody who broke your heart in a previous relationship.

Dating can also be a whole different ballgame if you are a high net worth individual. Of course, when money is no object, it adds a lovely element of luxury to those early dates to being able to treat a potential partner to something truly special and unique. Yes, millionaires really are at liberty to whisk a love interest away on a private jet for a lavish date to remember, with pricey date nights jetting off for dinner in Paris a popular choice. However, the topic of money will inevitably start to become a factor as the first few dates turn into a budding romance, especially if you are not matched in financial clout. There will be worries that a person’s intentions are not truly based around a love connection but rather are more motivated by the fact you are wealthy. However, it’s perfectly possible to find the perfect match if you are dating as a high net worth individual – it’s just worth bearing a few key pointers in mind to ensure you are protecting yourself and considering your security and privacy as well.

Watch out for reg flags: While it’s fine to offer a great lifestyle to somebody, it’s a different thing all together if somebody is pushing for it. It can be a red flag if a person you are seeing is insistent on being bought extravagant gifts and treated to expensive days out and trips abroad without ever offering to pay for anything themselves. While it is disappointing to have to consider whether money is the motive behind their interest in you, it’s worth bearing it in mind if you are starting to feel they are in it for something else entirely. Another red flag is bringing up your career and financial status from day one, making it seems like it is the most important aspect on their radar.

But be ready to have the money chat: While it is common to split the bill on the first date, it’s not usually appropriate to chat about more involved financial scenarios until much further down the line. When it looks like the relationship is progressing, then this is a common time to bring up the money talk. You’ll have a much better idea of the individual’s character, priorities and lifestyle, and whether you do have wildly different incomes. A disparity between financial situations is not uncommon, so its key to find a way to approach spending in a relationship that you’re both comfortable with. It may be one partner pays for a trip abroad, while the other sort out the logistics and pays for the activities you’ll do when you get there.

Many find, regardless of who is the breadwinner, it is essential that each of you contribute in some way. This way one side of the pairing doesn’t feel they are being taken advantage of while the other does not risk feeling like they are losing their independence. You may work it out by a proportion of both your earnings or be able to split everything equally. The key is to make sure you’re both happy with what you bring to the table, even if you don’t have parity on your finances. That takes good communication and honesty as the relationship evolves, otherwise you risk resentment setting in.  

Work with a matchmaker: It’s so important to realise you’re not alone in your search for love. Working with the experts saves you valuable time and provides you with personalised introductions to likeminded individuals, saving wasted time on dates which were never going to work out. Here at Ignite Dating we understand you may prefer discretion in your search for love and we put your security and privacy centre stage. We ask for photo ID to make sure every individual we introduce you to is legitimate and is who they say they are. We make sure the people you are introduced to will match your values, aspirations and outlooks on life and share your goal of a committed long-term relationship. We have an extensive private network at our disposal to match you with successful people from all walks of life. You may want to meet somebody who is a financial equal to you, or you may prefer to find someone with a less demanding schedule who is open to enjoying a range of experiences together. A matchmaker does all the hard work for you, which can be the perfect scenario when you’re caught up in a busy work schedule, leaving you free to enjoy a safe and enjoyable dating journey.

Worries about fraud: Romance fraud is a big worry for anybody who is dating, but it can feel particularly pertinent when your career or elements of your lifestyle suggest you are particularly wealthy. Fraudsters spend lots of time gaining someone’s trust before creating plausible situations where they need large amounts of money. It pays to be mindful of the common signs of romance fraud and be aware of the top tips for protecting yourself, such as never sending money to somebody you’ve met online and trusting your instincts. Again, it pays to work with the experts as an Ignite Dating matchmaker will work hard on your behalf to make sure the people we are introducing you to are genuine, vetting everybody we work with and checking they are the real deal.

If you’d like to find out more about award-winning dedicated matchmaking service, why not give us a call today? We work closely with you to establish the values and characteristics that are important to you and make personalised introductions from our extensive database and private network. We enjoy working with enthusiastic clients who are committed to finding a life partner with similar family values and outlooks on life and we pride ourselves on providing a dating journey that’ll leave you feeling energised, confident and safe.

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How working with a matchmaker can save you time

Dating can be wonderful fun, the excitement of meeting new people and experiencing new places and activities, but there’s no doubt about it – if you’re not careful, it can start to be pretty time-consuming as well.

Take online dating apps. There is often a temptation to keep scrolling and scrolling just in case your perfect partner is sat there waiting to be discovered in the countless profiles you are trawling through. Before you know it, another evening has disappeared as you’re consumed by the glow of your mobile phone screen quite often with nothing to show for it.

On average it takes 100 hours of online dating to secure a date – with no guarantee that that date will result in the happily ever after you’re searching for. It’s easy to spend days and weeks chatting with somebody online just to discover that there is zero chemistry when you meet in real life. Add to the mix the endless number of possibilities available to talk to, and many conversations just peter out to nothing after you’ve invested plenty of time swapping messages back and forward.  

Dating burnout is a real issue as well. Whether it’s as a result of spending too long pouring over dating apps or shoehorning too many dates into your already busy schedule, many daters end up exhausted and overwhelmed with the whole process. Quite often, by the time they reach this stage they are ready to give up on dating altogether.

Add to that the rising cost of living and many daters are now questioning whether they can keep up with a whirlwind schedule of sipping expensive cocktails and hitting trendy nightspots with potential love interests. And statistics show they’re not alone. Single people are now being much more selective about the amount of dates they go –  new research shows rising prices has led to 41% of people polled going on fewer dates than they used to.

Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Contrary to popular belief, dating doesn’t have to be a numbers game. There’s a simple solution to ensuring a smooth dating journey and it involves outsourcing all the hard work to the experts. Dating by design not only helps save time but can also improve your chances of finding love. Matchmakers have extensive experience and knowledge when it comes to dating. Drawing on their skills and experience, they are able to hand-select personal introductions that share the same values, aspirations, and lifestyle as you, ensuring there’s a good chance you’ll both share a connection when you meet.

Here are just a few ways matchmakers work hard on your behalf to ensure a stress-free and enjoyable dating journey.

Specialist set of skills

Matchmakers are extremely emotionally intelligent and have a sixth sense when it comes to people. They are able to use these skills to quickly decide if two people are likely to work well together, helping to ensure that every date you go on is enjoyable and minimises the risk of first dates that were never going to be right, which can ultimately leave you feeling low or dejected.

A real understanding of what you are looking for

We work closely with our clients to really understand who you are and what you are looking for in a partner. This in-depth knowledge is essential to get a thorough picture of what makes you tick and the traits and values that are most important to you in a partner, so we can introduce you to the perfect match.

You may even be surprised what you learn about yourself along the way! Many people who approach their dating journey with experts on hand end up re-evaluating what they are looking for after careful consideration of what is really important to them, following open and honest discussions with their dedicated matchmaker. All this helps to narrow down the type of person you’ll click with and enable you to reach that ultimate goal of a fulfilling and committed long-term relationship.

Support along the way

We offer a personalised and hands-on service to every client that we work with. From the initial face-to-face interview and professional photoshoot through to the dedicated support they receive as they meet and enjoy their first date with a hand-selected match and into the first steps of their new relationships, our expert matchmakers are on hand every step of the way. Many of our clients find this ongoing support invaluable in their dating journey, helping reduce the stress of navigating a search for love alone and really benefitting from having an expert on-hand at all stages of the process to offer a fresh outlook and expert advice.

Expert resources

Put simply, our matchmakers are akin to a recruitment head-hunter, helping you relax as we undertake the hard work of searching for the perfect match for you. As experts in the field, we have an extensive private network of high-calibre, professional individuals who share your goal of a long-term, committed relationship.

We also offer industry-leading personality profiling to really understand whether two people will work well together, as well as expert-written profiles and professional photos to highlight you in the best possible way to potential partners and help to secure that perfect relationship for you.

While we’ve had multiple successes who have found love on their first or second match, it’s likely your dating journey will feature a few introductions before you find that perfect partner you are looking for. So, it’s important to not put too much pressure on each date and know that working with a matchmaker will help you feel more positive and happier as you make your way on your dating journey. Working with an expert matchmaker makes navigating the dating landscape a lot more enjoyable than taking it on alone, it helps build confidence in yourself and what you have to offer to a potential match as well as offering safety and security knowing that everyone you are introduced to has been ID-checked. And, if that wasn’t enough, what could be a better result than a perfect match with somebody who really shares your values, aspirations, and goals in life?

If you are looking for a more efficient and successful way to date, give our expert matchmaking team a call to find out more about how we can help you in your search for love.

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How to handle falling for a close friend

It’s a common scenario – you’ve known somebody for a while as a friend and you start to feel that you may be developing feelings for them which fall well outside the realm of just being good buddies.

It makes sense that a good friend may catch your eye. After all, you already have a strong bond that has developed over time, you have shared memories and experiences, and you like them as a person. At the end of the day, all successful relationships, no matter how you met, involve a level of friendship. Many say the happiest and strongest relationships they have had are actually those that started out as friendships. A fact that has been backed up by statistics, with a recent study finding 40% of couples interviewed had indeed been friends before they started dating.

But the big question is, how do you get there?

It’s a well-trodden path to make the transition from just friends to dating but that doesn’t mean it should be taken lightly. After all, this friendship is an important part of your life and you don’t want to risk jeopardising it if your feelings are not reciprocated by the person you like. It can be scary to take the leap as you can’t undo what has been said once it is out there, leaving you worrying about the fact that it could be tough to just carry on the friendship like nothing happened.

Here are a few things worth bearing in mind before you fess up to having fallen for somebody close to you.

Can you tell if they feel the same way?

Although you are probably already very comfortable in each other’s company, keep an eye out for non-verbal signs of flirting which may well suggest that they do indeed have mutual feelings. You can also try some subtle flirting, such as holding eye contact or lightly touching their arm, to see if they return the flirtiness. If they are being flirty with you in a way they don’t act with others, it can be a great sign they actually feel the same way. They may also give themselves away if they act jealous when you mention other people or dates you’ve been on.

Will you make a good couple?

There are of course practical considerations you’ll need to weigh up before you make the bold move of admitting your feelings – firstly, they need to be single and secondly, you should both be on the same page about what you are looking for in a relationship. It’s not likely to work if you want to be in it for the long-haul and you know they are a commitment-phobe who prefers a string of casual hook-ups. Plus, the reason you liked them as a friend may not translate into a successful relationship – their desire to be the life and soul of the party five nights a week might become exhausting if your idea of a great date night is a boxset and takeaway on the sofa at home. Make sure this person is somebody who has the qualities that are important to you and you’d want to date them regardless of your how familiar you are with each other as friends.

Things might be awkward

It can feel strange to move from friends to lovers. One minute you’re just hanging out and the next you’ve moved into couple territory. Despite how long you’ve been friends when you transition to a relationship it’s important to take it slow. Realise that although it might seem awkward to become intimate with somebody you’ve known so long as a platonic friend, it does not necessarily mean the relationship isn’t working. Communication is key to navigating your new status and you both need to be willing to work on the areas which may initially feel awkward.

What if it doesn’t work out?

As much as it hurts to consider it, there is a big question of what would happen if you did date, and the relationship doesn’t last. It can be hard to maintain a friendship with an ex and there’s the question of how you’d feel if you both still share the same social circle following a break-up. If you are questioning whether your feelings are strong enough to take this sort of risk, it may be best to just remain friends.

If you’ve decided to broach the subject of dating, there’s a couple of ways to go about it. Many experts think it’s worth keeping it light, asking playful questions such as “have you ever dated a friend?” and push the subject depending on their reaction. If they shut down the idea, it’s easier to backpedal and laugh it off with no lasting harm done.

However, it may well be worth being direct and honest about your feelings to avoid a situation where you’re tied up in knots yearning for this person, but your subtle signs go unnoticed. It ultimately might hurt more to be left wondering what might have been if you keep your feelings hidden and life ends up taking you in different directions.  

Have you decided it is the right time to meet somebody special? Working with a matchmaker helps you easily meet people who you’ll really share a connection with, taking all the hard work out of your dating journey. Give our expert team a call today to find out how we can help!

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How to spot mind games in the dating world

It is a sad fact of life that there is plenty of game playing that goes on in the dating world. The very early stages of meeting and getting to know each other is a common time to encounter mind games because neither of you are sure yet where the relationship is heading.

Let’s face it, the dating world can be a confusing landscape to navigate at the best of times, even when you both have the best intentions. When you’ve only just met and it’s too early to gauge where the relationship is going, it is not unusual to hold back elements of the real you as you suss out where you are going. It may be as a result of worrying that you are coming on too strong, or an attempt to dull your shine in a bid to adapt to be whoever you think the person you are dating wants you to be.

However, genuine game playing in dating often tips over into real dishonesty, causing plenty of confusion for the person who is on the receiving end of the manipulative behaviour. People who play games in dating are intentionally not being transparent and authentic with the person they are seeing. Some may actually perceive the act of dating as a game to be mastered and won, enjoying the challenge of winning somebody over rather than having genuine intentions of forming a relationship in a natural way. To them, it’s about working to keep you interested without providing the commitment or respect you deserve.

What to watch out for

If you’ve got an inkling somebody is playing mind games with you, you’ll be on the lookout for solid evidence that they are indeed a player.

Tell-tale signs of game playing can include feeling like you are on an emotional rollercoaster – one minute they are really into you, then they disappear for days or weeks at a time. Their words are not followed by the appropriate actions – they may break plans at the last minute, or suggest they want a relationship while their behaviour screams anything but commitment.

Somebody who is playing games is extremely unpredictable, bombarding you with mixed messages and leaving you confused, making the whole dating experience seem distinctly one-sided.

Communication is erratic at best and the waiting game is no fun for anybody. Instead of creating an air of mystery, somebody who takes days or weeks to reply to your message just causes frustration and anger. Alarm bells should also ring if you never hear from them out of the blue or outside of work hours and you’re doing all the work by sending the first message every time.

They may toy with your emotions by trying to make you jealous, insinuating they are seeing other people or flirting with others in front of you. Or they hold back from introducing you to their friends and family, keeping you at arm’s length instead of drawing you closer and including you in their life.

How to deal with a player

The list of different games used to toy with your emotions is sadly a long one but the sorts of behaviour we’ve touched upon are well worth watching out for to ensure you can recognise and call out somebody who is playing games with you. Be under no illusions – any bad behaviour in the dating world is a major red flag and it pays to be wary of the signs.

You can tackle a game player head on and ask them about their motives in the relationship to save yourself from getting tied up in knots with endless worry and frustration about their true intentions. Their response will tell you a lot about whether there’s any relationship potential with this person. Sometimes the game playing is not glaringly obvious, and you may worry about accusing somebody just in case there is a valid excuse for their strange behaviour. However, you might find you need to stick with your gut feeling when you suspect somebody is a playing games, if something doesn’t feel right then it probably isn’t – once you know where you stand you need to decide whether it’s time to move on and ultimately whether you’d be better off without them.

Be assured that the right person will make a relationship seem effortless, rather than leading you to constantly question the other person’s motives and feelings. An authentic person who values open and honest communication does not need games to earn your affection. So, be wary of the players in the dating world and instead concentrate on those whose behaviour and genuine nature show they have plenty of potential for an enjoyable and long-lasting relationship.

Are you looking for somebody who is the real deal? Our matchmaking team are experts at understanding what you want in a relationship and matching you with amazing people who are really worth getting to know better. Give us a call today and find out how we can help you achieve your goal of a lasting, long-term relationship.

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What makes an award-winning dating agency?

In the UK alone, there are 480 dating agencies. Add to this, over 1,400 online dating sites and apps and it is clear that the dating industry is highly saturated. However, like anything, there are varying levels when it comes to the success of the business and the quality of the service that they provide.

So, how do you figure out who or where is the best fit for your journey?

Credibility

When it comes to dating, there are a whole host of emotions attached to it. Whether you are separated, divorced, bereaved or simply single for a long time, getting back out in the dating game can often be a vulnerable journey so it’s really important that anyone who is guiding you is reputable and has the correct experience.

Before you choose which dating platform to go with, be sure to conduct your own due diligence and research on the company or an individual before putting your trust in them. If they are reputable and experienced there should be plenty of reviews, ratings, and references available to you which will indicate the level and quality of their work.

Awards and accreditations are also a sign of a high-standard, legitimate, and quality agency or individual.

At Ignite Dating we pride ourselves on the quality of our service, going above and beyond the industry-standard to provide a dating journey that leaves clients feeling confident, energised and most importantly, safe. It is no surprise then, that as a company we invest in the best available training for our matchmakers and why we are the only matchmaking agency in the UK that’s full team of matchmakers undergoes training and accreditation from the Matchmaking Institute – the world’s only organisation authorised to issue certification in the field of matchmaking.

Not only that, but in the last year we have received five award recognitions for our service with many more in the pipeline in the coming months including:

Ignite Dating does it again at the Prestige Awards, this time for London & South East

These accolades are not only great for us to achieve from a business perspective, but recognition like this can give you a much-deeper insight into the way that the agency works and help you determine whether they really have your best interests at heart.

Making a choice

If you’ve found an agency or matchmaker that you can be open and honest with, who understands who you are and what you are looking for and comes with an array of experience, testimonials, and accolades that back up their claims, then it sounds like they could be the right agency for you.

Because let’s face it, finding the right dating professional can be half the battle.

So, instead of spending yet more money, time and attention aimlessly searching for that special person, why not let the experts’ put things into focus and help you find that perfect partner you’ve been searching for. You may be surprised by how much quicker your journey can be once you’ve put your faith and trust in the professionals.

If you are looking for a matchmaking agency that understands who you truly are and the traits that are most important to you and who has a multitude of experience, testimonials, and accolades to back up their claims, then look no further than Ignite Dating. Get in touch with our friendly team of expert matchmakers to find out how they can help you on your journey to success.

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Find the best date ideas to enjoy in Rutland

Elite Dating Agency & Matchmaker in Lincolnshire and Rutland

Rutland may be England’s smallest county but that doesn’t mean it should be overlooked when it comes to finding a great place to enjoy a variety of romantic dates.

Plus, from a dating point of view, Rutland may very well be a promising place to meet somebody new – if you are a single lady, that is.

This tiny county is the most male-dominated place in the country, according to recent census figures. According to The Daily Telegraph, the findings show there are significantly fewer women than men in Rutland – a striking 40% female to 60% male aged 20 to 30. It may well be the case this is a trend echoed throughout the age groups.

So, what else has the county got going for it?

Boasting the title of England’s smallest county, it has a total area of just 147 square miles, so it’s not hard to travel around the county to explore the highlights it has to offer. Not to mention the fact that it borders Lincolnshire, Leicestershire, and Northamptonshire so offers up an easily accessible slice of rural charm to people living in nearby towns and cities.

It’s also home to Ignite Dating’s regional office so our expert matchmaking team are well-placed to share their pearls of wisdom on the best places to date in the area! So, whether you’ve just started seeing somebody new, or you’re looking to mix up your dating journey with your significant other, here are our top date ideas to take advantage of in the county.

Get outdoors

Beautiful Rutland Water is ideal for romantic walks

The jewel in Rutland’s crown is Rutland Water, a reservoir surrounded by 4,200 acres of open countryside. It’s a beautiful place for a romantic stroll and picnic while admiring the spectacular views over the calm water. If you can, grab some of the excellent fare on offer from the nearby artisan Hambleton Bakery. If you are feeling active, then hire a bike and enjoy a short scenic route or take on the full 23-mile lap of the reservoir. In the warmer months, it’s the perfect place to try your hand at a range of water sports by hiring a kayak, canoe, or paddleboard. Or you could break the ice with an adrenalin-filled date at the Aqua Park, an inflatable obstacle course with thrill slides, free falls, and trampolining available on the water. With so many possibilities for a range of interests, it’s easy to see why Rutland Water is a dating favourite amongst locals and visitors alike.

However, if you enjoy getting off the beaten path, Rutland is the perfect place to explore tiny villages, little known tracks, and country lanes. There are so many areas to discover on a romantic stroll, with the benefit of finding plenty of traditional village pubs along the way for a bite to eat and a well-deserved drink.

Looking for a more sedate al fresco experience? The Tolethorpe Hall open air theatre is home to the Stamford Shakespeare Company, which offers a selection of plays throughout the summer months, all set against a stunning and historical backdrop.

Spa and Stay

Luxury hotel break at Hambleton Hall Rutland

If you are at the mini-break stage of your relationship, Hambleton Hall offers a luxury country hotel break on the peninsula above Rutland Water, complete with Michelin-starred cuisine and stunning views from its outdoor pool.

OK, admittedly it’s just across the border but Stapleford Park is the perfect place to unwind and a great base for exploring Rutland. The country house and 500-acre estate offer luxurious rooms, suites, and cottages with stunning views of the surrounding countryside. Spa treatments are offered in the 1889 Baroque Revival Stable Block with an indoor pool, sauna, steam room and jacuzzi found in the main house.

Eat and drink

Sample home brew at The Grainstore Brewery

You’re spoilt for choice for romantic date dining spots across the county.  The charming market town of Oakham has Otters Fine Foods which is a great place to graze over a cheese and charcuterie platter for a casual lunchtime date. If traditional pubs are more your thing, then Oakham boasts its own brewer The Grainstore Brewery with a pub to sample the fruits of its labour. The Olive Branch is a village pub that is well worth a visit, not to mention it was recently named UK Pub of the Year 2021 by the Good Pub Guide. The venue focuses on locally sourced and seasonal produce with daily changing menus featuring ingredients grown in their own pub paddock. Over in Uppingham there’s the quintessential traditional pub The Vaults and fine dining with an extensive wine offering at The Lake Isle.

Visit nearby Stamford

Again, it may be just over the border but the historic town of Stamford is well worth a look for a romantic day out. Home to the famous Burghley House, a grand sixteenth century English country home, there’s plenty to enjoy in the beautiful Sculpture Garden, but be sure to leave time for a cream tea in the stunning Orangery before you leave. The George Hotel is another amazing building, situated in the centre of the town, offering a range of hospitality, from Champagne outside under the heated canopy to fine dining in the Oak Room Restaurant. The Slanted Door restaurant and cocktail bar is a recent addition to Stamford’s thriving nightlife and it’s well worth bagging a table on the balcony overlooking the pretty Stamford Meadows if you can.

Are you looking for that perfect venue for a memorable date in Rutland? We know it’s much easier to choose the perfect location when you know more about your date, which is why our matchmakers offer an easy and stress-free way to meet somebody new, learning all about you and your lifestyle and fine-tuning their selections so you’ll meet people you’ll really share a connection with – making choosing that first date venue a whole lot easier for dating in Rutland. Give us a call today to find out how we can help you on your dating journey!

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Why do people behave so badly in the digital dating world?

People behaving badly in digital dating world

We are all familiar with the bad behaviour that takes place on online dating apps. From ghosting to breadcrumbing, and everything in between, you may have experienced first-hand the emotional hazards that are commonplace in the digital dating world.

Daters have to navigate a plethora of online dating bad behaviours, explains a recent BBC article examining the phenomenon, with women disproportionately affected.

The piece cited recent research which discovered 35% of respondents say somebody had sent them an “explicit message or image they didn’t ask for” on a dating app, which rose to 57% among female daters aged 18 to 34. In that age group, 44% reported that somebody had called them an offensive name on a dating app or site, and 19% of young women say they’ve been threatened with physical harm via apps, compared with 9% of people overall.

Infidelity is disappointingly common as well. A team of researchers found 42% of people with a profile on the dating site they examined were married or in a relationship – but still seeking dates.

Poor conduct online is often found to be a result of the courage people gain from hiding behind a screen, leading them to say and do things they would never do in real life. When you think about it, it’s a lot less scary to approach somebody for a date via a text conversation than it is to ask them in person. However, the problem comes when the semi-anonymous nature of the apps makes people feel like they can get away with emotional abuse and bad behaviour.

The BBC article also points out that apps encourage a numbers-game approach to dating, with daters feeling they need to cast their nets as widely as possible to be in with the best chance of finding a good match. This can lead to people moving quickly from one conversation to another, ghosting those they don’t see as worth getting to know better or ‘trading up’ when somebody else catches their eye.

As Leah LeFebvre, associate professor in communication studies at the University of Alabama, told the author of the article, daters can simply melt away or disappear in the digital world. Shockingly, another study  found 74% of respondents thought ghosting was an appropriate way to end a relationship.

Dating with caution

The problem, many experts point out, is that with these bad behaviours has grown a type of weary acceptance by daters to expect – and even accept – this sort of treatment as they search for love online.

Social researcher Dr Joanne Orlando recently wrote in the Guardian that we may lull ourselves into a false sense of security by fobbing off this sort of behaviour as typical, or believing that it doesn’t matter because it’s happening online. She argues that the behaviour we experience digitally can have far-reaching ramifications into our daily lives, eroding how we think we deserve to be treated. We’re at our most vulnerable when we’re dating and the more we encounter these sorts of behaviours, the more damaged we become. Her article concludes that it is time to view online dating as no different from other forms of dating, making sure standards aren’t dropped for the people who treat you badly simply because they think they can get away with it because you are chatting via an app. As with all new relationships, it’s important to walk away if the person you are dating behaves badly and ensure you don’t excuse their behaviour just because it took place online.

On a more optimistic note, the BBC article points out that many daters who experience first-hand this sort of dating bad behaviour have vowed to concentrate on kindness and doing better in their interactions online, making sure they never hurt somebody in the same way.

Working with a matchmaker

Despite the pitfalls, online dating apps remain a popular way to look for love. However, many weary daters are now looking for a new way to date. Matchmaking has been rising in popularity in recent years as an antidote to burnout with an app-based search for love. Fed up with endless swiping and having online conversations fizzle out to nothing, daters are turning to the experts to find the long-term committed relationships they’ve been searching for.

Matchmakers are experts at really understanding what somebody is looking for in a partner and providing hand-selected introductions to people who share their family values, goals, and outlooks on life. There is also the element of third-party accountability. If people know they are going to be pulled up on poor behaviour, they are less likely to do it. Many daters are finding the benefits of opting for an in-person aspect to dating, turning their back on hours of swiping to find a date, and instead outsourcing the hard work to the experts. They then reap the rewards by enjoying great dates with people who are really worth getting to know!

Here at Ignite Dating we use a unique mix of expert intuition, our extensive private network and personality profiling to make recommendations for the perfect partner. We take all the hard work out of searching for a good match, providing you with plenty of support and advice along the way so you can just concentrate on an enjoyable dating journey. Why not give us a call today and find out how we can help you with your search for love!