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Top tips for dating after divorce

Once the ink is dry on the decree absolute (or sometimes way before then), many of us start to think about meeting our next person. How wonderful it will be to be in love again, we decide. 

However, between now and that wonderful goal stands the dreaded dating scene. For many divorced people, dating can seem nothing less than traumatic. We worry we won’t find anybody who likes us and that we won’t find anybody we want to date. We fret about what to talk about on a date, what to wear, where to go.  And what about dating etiquette? Will we have to flirt? What are the new rules? It can all seem terrifying, especially if you have not dated in many years.

But with the right preparation, dating after divorce can be great fun and an enormous confidence boost. So, if you are thinking about dipping a toe in the dating world after divorce, there are some important questions to consider.  

When is the right time?

This is probably the most frequently asked question I hear from my divorce coaching clients and it comes in various forms. 

Am I ready? Is it too soon? Am I on the rebound? What will people say?

The thing is, there is no right answer. The right time is different for everybody, so you are ready when you are ready. Nevertheless, it’s important to think about why you are considering dating to test if you are doing it for the right reasons. Many people start dating because they don’t want to be alone, or because they want to hurt their ex and make them realise what they are missing. Clearly these are not good reasons to be putting yourself out there.

You also need to know your own worth and be prepared to ignore or walk away from people who will not value you. Divorce can leave you lacking in self-belief, so it’s best to invest the time in developing a firm belief in who you are and what you bring to the table. 

Be honest with yourself to judge if your resilience is low. No matter who you are, what you look like, how interesting you are, dating WILL involve knockbacks and confidence blows. Are you strong enough to take those right now? 

You are ready to date after divorce when you are doing it for yourself, for the right reasons. You know why you are dating and you are clear on what you are looking for. 

Why am I dating?

Some may think it’s a silly question but when I ask it of my clients, the disparate answers include:

  • To meet my soul mate
  • I need financial support
  • For sex
  • For companionship
  • I don’t want to be alone forever.

Knowing your “why” is important because it will clarify what you are seeking. If you are just interested in short-term dalliances right now, then maybe similar values and interests are less important than physical appearance and proximity. Conversely, if you are only interested in a long-term relationship, then looks may take a back seat to certain personality traits.

Your “why” will also impact where you look. Casual dating is more prevalent on certain apps but if you want a long-term committed relationship, you may want to consider a professional matchmaker. Remember, your motivation for dating can, and probably will, change over time.

What do I want?

This is more tricky.

Some dating experts advocate drawing up a specific list of criteria and then deciding what is non-negotiable, and what is less important. There are many factors people use to filter their choices. Physical appearance, geographical proximity, whether they have children, occupation, education, interests, and background are just some of the things that are important to people when they are deciding who to meet. 

However, the nature of dating is that even when somebody ticks every box, you may not have any chemistry between you. Of course, without chemistry you have nothing.

So, it is a good idea to understand what is important to you because it helps you understand what to look for, and what to avoid. However, the romantic in me also believes that we should remain open-minded because who knows what the next “one” will be like?

Where? 

So you’ve decided you are ready to date, so, it’s time to get started. Depending on what you’ve decided you want to get out of your search for love, your options include online dating, local singles’ events, asking friends for introductions, joining clubs, or professional matchmaking.

Dating after divorce is like any other new experience. You need to understand it and what you want from it – and then you can see if you enjoy it. 

The very best piece of advice I heard was to remember that everybody is in the same boat. The people you are dating are just as terrified, just as unsure and just as keen to meet their person. So be brave, dive in and enjoy!

Amanda Gardiner is a Divorce Coach who runs a Facebook group offering support and advice for people experiencing separation and divorce. 

At Ignite Dating, your dedicated matchmaker is with you every step of the way, working closely with you to understand the characteristics and values that are important to you. Our experienced matchmaking team brings a wealth of knowledge and expertise to make your dating journey as streamlined and enjoyable as possible. Get in touch today to find out how we can help you.

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Why unrealistic expectations can hold you back in dating

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Having been a matchmaker and a coach for more than 30 years, it has pained me to have clients come back to me saying that they realise they let the perfect person slip through the net due to superficial reasons. Often it is because they see people like commodities and discard them without investing the time and energy to really get to know them. The reason they don’t invest further in this person is because they feel that they don’t match their unrealistic and often long list of expectations. Old patterns and fears hold people back from something magical because they get stuck in a trap of thinking they know who they want, and who they don’t want. If they had an open mind and met people based on aligned values, life aspirations, and beliefs, they would have a much better dating experience.  

It may be hard to recognise that you’re falling into the expectations trap, so I’m going to ask you a few questions: 

  • Do you wonder where you went wrong in past relationships, and are you concerned about repeating these mistakes? 
  • Do you feel someone better will always come along and dismiss good people, hoping for someone who ticks all your boxes? 
  • Do your expectations, wants, wishes and desires make you dismiss people quickly? 
  • Do you find yourself finding faults and reasons why you should not date someone or see them again? 
  • Do you go on dates and like the person, but still not give them a chance? 
  • Are you chasing a unicorn, someone who doesn’t exist? Do you try to make even the wrong person work for you? 
  • Do you procrastinate over agreeing to go on dates or seeing somebody again?  

So how many resonated with you and your dating journey?  The more honest you are the better! 

If you are looking for superficial qualities in a partner, such as a specific height, type of job, income bracket, dress size, geographical location, fitness level and so on, then you are caught in a trap that will keep you single or dating the wrong people. You are basing your tick box on a recipe for disaster, not a long-term loving, healthy relationship. The emotional space is key to recognising the right person when you meet them. Start looking for aligned values when it comes to family and work ethics. Are you both wanting a family? Are you invested in your current family and both open to creating a healthy blended family together? Do you both share the same beliefs on raising children, or even have the same wants, wishes and desires for retirement?  Your aligned values and aspirations for the future are the key to creating the right life together. Shared dreams become a joint reality. 

Clients who work with me get to unravel the expectations trap that keeps them single as well as building confidence to date authentically. I help clients identify the patterns, fears and unhealthy beliefs that are keeping them single and work with them to unlock these. Firstly, we fact-find and discover what is holding them back, then we start implementing the tools to create new healthier ways to date, and finally when clients are dating, we ensure the tools are embedded for long-term success. I have had so many successful happy clients who are all in relationships that they would never have had the confidence to recognise as the right person for them.  This is the best part of my job, watching clients reach those “a-ha” moments and finding the right love that goes above and beyond any tick box! 

At Ignite Dating, your dedicated matchmaker is with you every step of the way, working closely with you to understand the characteristics and values that are important to you. Our experienced matchmaking team brings a wealth of knowledge and expertise to make your dating journey as streamlined and enjoyable as possible. Get in touch today to find out how we can help you! 

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How to set social media boundaries in a relationship

How much does your phone dominate your spare time? A typical evening at home in front of the TV can often be punctuated with a stream of interruptions from your mobile phone as messages, notifications and calls pour in. It is common to see diners at restaurants with their devices perched close to their plates so they can keep an eagle eye out for the next incoming message. What you don’t always see is how irate their dining companion is because the person they are eating with more interested in the alerts flashing up on their screen. Our phones are usually the first thing we reach for in the morning and the last thing we look at night.

How much time a partner spends on their phone and on social media platforms can be a big source of tension in a relationship. In a 2014 survey, 45% of internet users aged 18-29 said the internet has had an impact on their relationships. Many people are guilty of ‘phubbing’, a term used to describe snubbing somebody you are with to look at your phone. It’s been hailed as behaviour that can severely disrupt your present moment, in-person relationships.  

However, with some simple boundaries in place it can be much easier to navigate blending your online life with your personal life. We’ve highlighted the common issues that can occur and the steps you can take to address them.

Exes on social media

A new relationship can be impacted when one person discovers the other is still friends with their ex on Facebook or Instagram. Liking and interacting with an ex’s posts can also add friction to the relationship and fuel jealousy and insecurity. The new partner may feel like you are deliberately keeping an eye on what your ex is up to. It can be worth considering unfollowing an ex that is not part of your life anymore, or thinking carefully about why you are posting on their timeline and what your new partner would make of the behaviour.

Respect your partner’s privacy

It’s often the case that one person is more private than another in a relationship, which can leave them feeling uncomfortable about the amount their partner is sharing about them both online. They might not want updates about their relationship status shared with the world, or countless photos of them appearing without their prior consent. It’s best to discuss posting anything related to the relationship beforehand, making sure the other person is comfortable with it being shared with the world. Make sure you are on the same page about the sorts of things you post so one of you isn’t left embarrassed by an overshare they didn’t want to appear online. Airing your dirty laundry via status updates is a big no-no as well.

Create device-free time

It’s important to dedicate time when it’s just the two of you, with no phones or other devices allowed. Whether it’s a mealtime, date night or just agreeing to put your phones on do not disturb while you watch a movie together, it helps make sure you are both really in the moment. In general, it pays to be mindful how often you use your phone when you are with your partner and consider catching up with messages when they are busy, or when they are also on their phone. The same applies if you are dating – there’s nothing more annoying than a date who keeps checking their phone every two minutes during dinner.

Bad behaviour online

Micro-cheating is a problematic behaviour that often plays out via social media. It’s doing that your partner wouldn’t approve of, such as not revealing your relationship status to somebody you are chatting to or having personal interactions with somebody else that they hide from a partner. It’s embarking on behaviour that you wouldn’t tell a partner about, or actively concealing online activity from them. Having clear boundaries about what you think is acceptable on social media and clear communication can help address any issues that arise.

There are plenty of positives to social media and phone communication, not least they are a good way to stay connected no matter how busy everyday life gets. They are a great way to stay in touch when navigating a long-distance relationship and social media platforms provide a sweet way of collating memories of your time together. Just ensure you get the balance right to avoid any negative consequences for budding relationships and to avoid conflict with a long-term partner.

Are you looking for love? Matchmaking is the perfect way to achieve an easy and stress-free search for love. Give our expert team a call today to see how we can help you!

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Love at first sight, is it fact or fantasy?

We are joined by coach and author Katherine Baldwin to explore how to decide if a date has potential and whether first date sparks are always a good thing.

Love at first sight. It’s a captivating concept and it’s only natural to want to feel chemistry when we meet someone for the first time. However, first date sparks don’t necessarily mean we’ve found our match, nor does their absence mean we should walk away.

Hollywood has a lot to answer for, in my opinion. Romantic movies set us up to believe that relationships should unfold in a certain way – often with intense passion, incredible chemistry, and lightning bolts from the start.

I remember comparing many first dates to my favourite romcom scenes and deciding the chemistry just didn’t match up. I also remember falling head over heels within ten minutes of meeting, only to find the relationship fizzled out within days.

Even for the most grounded of individuals, dating can be a rollercoaster. So how can we tell whether a date has the potential to turn into something more and if sparks do fly, how do we discern whether they signal a healthy or unhealthy connection?

Firstly, remember that when you meet someone for the first time, you are simply gathering information. All you need to know after a first date is whether you want to see the person for a second date. Go along with an open heart and an open mind. If you don’t feel a spark, try not to write the person off. Instead, ask yourself if you feel curious about them, and if they seem curious about you. Are you interested in knowing more about them? If you’re sure you don’t feel curious and you’re getting nothing back, fair enough, but otherwise take a moment to decide if you are judging them too quickly. Do they deserve a second chance?

Obviously, we want to look out for red flags, for warning signs and signals – perhaps they only talk about themselves; perhaps you feel uncomfortable or on edge in their presence; maybe they overstep your boundaries. But could there be another explanation. Are they talking a lot because they’re nervous, for example? Is it worth giving it another shot?

Secondly, if sparks do fly, try to keep your feet on the ground as much as possible and maintain healthy boundaries. It’s tempting to extend a good date late into the night but ask yourself whether it would be wiser to go home and arrange to meet another day.

What kind of chemistry do you have?

Importantly, remember to question whether the sparks that are flying are the result of healthy or unhealthy chemistry.

Healthy chemistry is the genuine connection we feel with someone we find attractive. We want to get close to them, find out more about them. They may have the physical attributes we usually go for, or they may not, but there’s something deeper going on. We see something in them and they see something in us.

Unhealthy chemistry is different.

We meet someone whom we find irresistible. We feel a strong pull towards them and perhaps they feel the same towards us. We throw our boundaries out the window – we share too much and stay out too late. We wake up in the morning in a relationship, without ever really making the choice. This intensity feels incredible. It’s just like in the movies.

The problem is this passion may come from an unhealthy place. Perhaps we are dating with unmet needs and deep wounds. Perhaps we haven’t done the necessary work on ourselves to feel whole and grounded. And perhaps we’re drawn to this person because they are wounded too.

Our wounds meet in the middle, slotting together like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, and fireworks go off. We’re drawn together like magnets and we stick together like glue. We ignore all warning signs because we’re floating on a pink cloud.

Perhaps we stay together and go on to have a fiery, intense but potentially unfulfilling and harmful relationship. Or, in many cases, the fireworks fizzle quickly or the relationship crashes and burns. We get hurt and we hurt others.

With all this in mind, take the time to know and understand yourself, keep an eye out for red flags but, if there aren’t any obvious ones, give people the benefit of the doubt. Welcome the healthy sparks, while proceeding slowly and respecting your own and others’ boundaries. And look out for the lightning bolts that will wow you temporarily but ultimately leave you feeling burnt.

With the above in mind, dating becomes an enjoyable experience that will lead you to the relationship you want and deserve.

Katherine Baldwin is a love, dating and relationships coach, midlife mentor, and the author of ‘How to Fall in Love’, a dating guide for single professionals. She specialises in supporting people to understand and face their relationship fears and to change their dating patterns so that they can find healthy, committed love. Katherine coaches 1:1 and hosts workshops and retreats in the UK and abroad.

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How to nail your pre-date preparation

Feeling confident into the ever-changing dating landscape isn’t always easy when your dreaded insecurities come creeping in. Even if you are usually an outgoing person, a long break from dating can impact how you feel about putting yourself out there again. Lacking in self-confidence can end up putting you off the idea of dating altogether.

It’s also a very familiar feeling to experience pre-date jitters at the thought of spending a whole evening with somebody who is essentially still a stranger. The good news is that although you can’t predict how the night will go, you can control the steps you take you build your confidence before you meet. This is where it really pays to have a pre-date ritual which you know will calm you and help you feel ready for a night out with somebody who could potentially be the right person for you.

The phrase pre-date ritual is used a lot but what it means is down to the individual to decide what helps them prepare for a big date. Here at Lucie, we offer access to a range of at-home specialists who are on-hand to help our clients get date ready.

We also know it really pays to take time out of your busy schedule to dedicate the time to self-care, and date preparation can start long before you are hours away from meeting. Getting date ready for many is not just about grabbing an extra half an hour to fine-tune your outfit choices.

With the turning of the new year just behind us, we’ve highlighted a few ways to ensure your pre-date preparation really helps you ooze positive energy and feel on top of the world!

Think about your wellbeing regime

It’s so vital to feel good on the inside as well as focusing on your appearance and outfit choices. Due to our busy lifestyles, our health often gets neglected, and our priorities end up falling to the way we look. However, your glow starts on the inside and keeping on top of your health goals is key to looking and feeling your best.

Small changes to your wellness routine can have a big impact. You might feel ready for a detox as spring finally approaches or you may want to try building some chilled meditation into your daily routine. Finding time to exercise also poses huge long-term benefits for your mind and body in terms of mood enhancement and weight loss. Whether you prefer a chilled yoga session, or you’ve set yourself a goal of completing a half marathon, exercise is a great way to take time out, improve your health and reduce your stress levels.

Work on your beauty goals if you want to

It’s not unusual to have hang-ups about different parts of your body. It might be your skin that makes you feel insecure, or the dark circles around your eyes that sap your confidence. There are plenty of different specialists available to help you target the areas you want to improve, but make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Do it because you want to work on your beauty goals, not because you are worried somebody won’t be interested in you if you don’t look what, in your mind, is 100% perfect.

Soothe your nerves

If you can already feel the anxiety building at the thought of dating, you need to find a way to calm your nerves. If you’re overly worried about what someone else thinks of you, you will not be feeling yourself, let alone enjoying the date. As they say, confidence is sexy. Whether it’s going for a walk, getting a relaxing massage, talking to your therapist, or doing simple breathing exercises, there are many ways to suppress those nerves and empower yourself to feel ready and raring to go out!

About Lucie

Lucie offers a dedicated account manager for clients of Ignite Dating, providing advice and a concierge-type approach to their services, which are available in London, The Cotswolds, Hampshire, Surrey, and Ibiza. Please contact info@lucieapp.co.uk and 0333 880 6370 to find out more.

If you want to re-energise your dating journey, talk to the experts at Ignite Dating. Our matchmaking team work hard on your behalf to offer personalised introductions to amazing people. Get in touch today to find out more!

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How to build an autumn date wardrobe to impress

It is hard not to love dating when autumn rolls around again. The change in the weather opens a host of dating opportunities which you just can’t get any other time of the year. From romantic walks through crisp piles of leaves to enjoying that first pub drink in front of an open fire, there are plenty of fun options to be enjoyed together.

You will discover a host of benefits to dating at this time of year. Firstly, it is not so hot outside that you worry about arriving at the venue in a flustered mess, and it is not so cold that venturing outside is not an option. This is a time where we naturally slow down and relax after a packed summer of holidays and sun-soaked get togethers. There are plenty of people looking for somebody special to snuggle up with during the colder months, with Christmas and New Year’s Eve another powerful motivator for finding a new love interest. 

Autumn style

This season is all about mixing textures, layering bold accessories, and pairing your outfit with your sexiest boots. It is also the perfect time for sweaters, and who doesn’t love to break out the knitwear after it has been packed away all summer?

I have summed up the key styles to add to your dating wardrobe this autumn which will be a great way to ensure a memorable first impression.

For her:

The season lends itself to comfortable classics, and you can’t beat a fitted sweater dress at this time of year. A good pair of boots add a touch of class to an outfit, and I’d recommend over-the-knee suede boots. Choose your favourite from a range of styles including wedges, flats, or heels. Another sophisticated look is a suede heel bootie which will elevate any date night outfit. Autumn does not mean constantly having to wrap up against the elements though. An off-the-shoulder silk blouse is a great look, and you can go for a distinctly autumnal feel concentrating on rich, dark colours. One of the best things about this season is you can get creative with layering. Crop sweaters add a handy extra layer for warmth while looking both sexy and girlish. Go for bold colours and brighten up even the gloomiest autumn afternoon.

Lace camisoles are both beautiful and sexy. They can be paired with a silk blazer or moto jacket for a cool yet feminine look which is perfect for this time of year. As always, don’t forget accessories – make a statement with some gorgeous gold hoop earrings.

For him:

Layering is just as important for him, and you’ll find some wardrobe essentials come into play this time of year. I’d recommend dark slim fit jeans paired with a suede Chelsea boot and a fitted white tee. For a more casual look, try a white tennis sneaker. Add a stylish touch with a brown casual jacket or a peacoat in an autumnal colour. You can’t beat a smart lightweight jumper for a relaxed Sunday brunch or a romantic casual supper.

No matter your preferred personal style or your interest in fashion, you will find some wardrobe staples that can easily be put together for incredible fall outfits which will really make you feel you best. And with a great selection of date ideas to be enjoyed, it’s the perfect time of year to reinvigorate your dating journey!

Beverly Osemwenkhae is founder of ProjectBee Wardrobe Consulting

Are you looking for somebody special who will truly understand you and share your values, life goals and aspirations? Your dedicated matchmaker is waiting to introduce you to some truly amazing individuals. Get in touch today to find out how we can help you with a safe and enjoyable search for love.

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The key to successful dating: know your fears and your patterns

We are joined by coach and author Katherine Baldwin to explore how our fears about relationships drive our dating and relationship patterns and how this knowledge can transform our romantic life.

If your road to love is rocky and your dating experiences lead to dead-ends, it could be time to take a look at your relationship patterns and any fears that lie beneath them. It’s vital to understand any self-sabotaging relationship patterns you may have, to identify any fears that compel you to repeat these patterns and then to face these fears so that you can change your patterns into healthier ones and find true love.

This is enlightening, game changing work that will transform your romantic life and support you to find and form the healthy, loving partnership you desire and deserve. It’s also deep self-discovery work so I’ve broken it down into four steps to make it easier.

Sound good? Let’s begin.

1. Firstly, I’d like you to take a look back over your romantic history. You are searching for clues here – trying to identify patterns of repeated behaviour that lead to negative relationship experiences. The following questions, based on my own and my clients’ experience, might help:

  • Do you tend to fall for people who are emotionally or physically distant or unavailable but struggle to fall for available people who want to be with you?
  • Do you avoid spending time on your love life? Do you spend most of your time working, concentrating on hobbies or helping others, while dating stays on the back burner?
  • Do you find fault with every person you meet? Does nobody match up?

You may have different patterns to those listed here but the key is to mine for information and to be honest with yourself.

2. The next step is to identify any fears you might have about being in a relationship. This can be an eye-opening exercise. Here are some of the fears that I located inside myself and that others have shared with me:

  • Fear of loving and losing
  • Fear of abandonment and rejection
  • Fear of making the wrong choice
  • Fear of getting hurt or hurting others
  • Fear of being suffocated and trapped

Again, your fears may be different to these. Whatever they are, try to bring them to the surface.

I’d now like you to explore the roots of your fears. This will involve going back in time, to your childhood or previous relationships.

When I did this work, I saw that I was afraid of loving and losing because of my early life experiences. I idolised my dad and when he moved out, I felt abandoned and rejected. In that moment, I decided that love equalled loss and was to be avoided at all costs.

I also feared feeling trapped and losing my freedom because as a girl, I witnessed my mother’s marriage fall apart, leaving her alone with two kids, little money, and no career to speak of. If that’s what marriage looked like, marriage wasn’t for me, I decided.

How about you? Were you hurt, rejected, or abandoned in previous relationships? Did you lose your freedom or financial independence? Knowing the roots of your fears will help you to change them.

3. The next step is to draw the dots – to see how your fears drive your patterns. For example, if, like me, you have a core belief that love equals pain and loss, you may sabotage your relationships. You may keep falling for emotionally unavailable people because they feel ‘safe’ – there’s no prospect of real intimacy – and you may reject available people.

If this rings true, I suggest you explore and heal your relationship wounds, ideally with support, so that you can let go of your harmful beliefs. Self-reflection is a valuable exercise that will help you to consider what you can learn from past experiences, and it pays to be honest with yourself about what’s been going on. In this way, you can start afresh, judging each new romantic encounter on its own merits rather than through the lens of your past.

4. Now that you understand how your deep-seated fears drive your patterns, you can start to face your fears and change these dating habits. This can be challenging and you might need support – someone to point out when you are operating in fear or repeating self-defeating patterns and to help you get back on track. This could be a trusted friend or a professional. The key is to recognise when the urge to self-sabotage starts to hit.

Don’t be afraid to take a break from dating to focus on yourself if you need one, prioritising plenty of self-care and time spent with friends and family, so you can be sure you’re ready to date when you feel the time is right.

But if you are ready, this step will be the exciting part too. This is when you get to date with renewed courage, clarity, and confidence. This is when you get to put the past to bed and make different choices and healthier decisions.

This is when you find the love you desire and deserve.

Katherine Baldwin is a love, dating and relationships coach, midlife mentor, and the author of ‘How to Fall in Love’, a dating guide for single professionals. She specialises in supporting people to understand and face their relationship fears and to change their dating patterns so that they can find healthy, committed love. Katherine coaches 1:1 and hosts workshops and retreats in the UK and abroad.

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Watch out for the dark triad in the dating world

Hands up who has heard of the dark triad? It may well be the first time you’ve come across the term but it’s well worth getting clued up on what it refers to in case you ever come across a dark triad in the dating world.  

The dark triad is used to describe people who possess distinct yet overlapping personality traits. These are Machiavellianism (being cunning and manipulative), psychopathy, and narcissism.

While it may initially seem like it would be easy to spot somebody with this combination of personality traits, be warned, it is trickier than you think. Their behaviour can be highly attractive to the opposite sex, often coming across as confident and charming. They may come into your life with a bang, sweeping you off your feet with their flattery and larger-than-life charisma and gestures. Image is of the upmost importance to them, and they will be impeccably turned out. People with the dark triad personality type can be very successful, working in high-powered leadership positions or within the political world. Your response to their behaviour at the beginning of the relationship can be addictive – you fall in love with how they make you feel.

So why is all this problematic? To fully understand the dark triad and how it plays out in the dating landscape, we’ve taken a closer look at each of the personality traits and what they mean.

Machiavellianism: In a nutshell it’s somebody with a manipulative personality,who is calculated, strategic and willing to deceive people to get what they want.

Psychopathy: This trait (when sub-clinical) refers to being reckless and prone to taking big risks while lacking in empathy and being emotionally cold.

Narcissism: Narcissists are usually characterised as self-important and entitled. They have a strong need for admiration and high status, demanding special treatment while talking about themselves all the time. Image is everything to a narcissist, theirs and yours.

The situation is also complicated by the fact dark triad personalities vary and there is a scale to how much the respective traits exhibit. However, the cracks will eventually begin to show as the dark triad struggles to keep up the persona you’ve fallen for, eventually revealing their true self. Dark triad personalities don’t feel emotions the same way other people do so they play a role to win your affection, knowing their flattery, gifts and complements have a good chance of winning you over. Be warned though, people with a high scale of dark triad traits will be manipulative, play games and toy with your heart in order to control the relationship. In short, it’s a mix which can do serious damage to your relationship and your emotional wellbeing.

It’s common for them to start purposely pulling away after flooding you with attention and affection, which can result in you lowering your boundaries in a bid to win their affection back. Gaslighting is a common problem, where you’re left questioning yourself as they mislead you by creating a false narrative of what’s really happening. The situation becomes particularly problematic if you have low self-esteem or you are going through an emotionally vulnerable period as you are far more likely to be susceptible to the advances of somebody with these negative qualities.

When it comes to handling the dark triad, it pays to trust your gut feeling. If you have a niggling feeling you just don’t trust somebody, listen to your instinct. it can be hard to listen to your internal worries if you are in a vulnerable spot, as it’s so easy to be swept away by their advances and enjoy their attention. However, if their actions don’t align with what they are saying, it can pay to have the courage to walk away. You are better off being on your own than to be with somebody who is manipulative and emotionally abusive.

Unfortunately, it’s not a solution to try and change their behaviour, because it is highly unlikely it will change. Dark triads can be entitled, arrogant, with a strong self-belief – and this leopard won’t change its spots. If you are in a relationship with a dark triad and it’s eroding your self-esteem and happiness, it pays to involve friends and family to give you the strength to get out and stay out. A support system and plan of action can help you stick to your guns and to avoid the manipulative behaviour of a partner who may try hard to make you stay. It is possible to have a fulfilling relationship with a dark triad, you just need to have the tools in place to manage them and protect your emotions.

It’s key to believe there is somebody out there who will love you for who you are and will be the real deal. This person won’t overwhelm you at the start of the relationship with grand gestures, instead they’ll take the time to really get to know the real you. You need to be with somebody who respects your boundaries and whose boundaries you respect – this will keep you strong and in a respectful relationship.

Dannielle Haig is an International Business Coach and Principal Business Psychologist at DH Consulting.

If you are looking for a relationship with somebody who’ll truly appreciate you for who you are, give the team at Ignite Dating a call. We are experts at introducing you to people who will really share your aspirations, family values and outlook on life. We work closely with you to find your perfect partner, and together make steps towards the ultimate goal of a committed relationship.

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How to let the real you shine through in your dating profile pictures

A set of standout dating photos don’t just show people what you look like, it gives them a clear insight into who you are, what you’re into and what you’re all about.

We live in a highly visual world. The majority of people are curating and sharing good quality photos of themselves and their lives on social media as part of their weekly routine. So, when it comes to our dating lives, people now have higher expectations about the profile photos they are viewing, much more than they would have done even a couple of years ago. The challenging aspect of this is that we need to make a much bigger effort with our dating profile pictures in order to have a strong impact and to stand out from the crowd.

I’ve shared my top tips for achieving a set of dating photos which will really show who you are and what you’re all about.

Only use good quality photos

We all have higher expectations now when it comes to looking at other people’s profile photos, but we need to make sure our own profile pictures measure up to those same expectations.

It’s well known that using low quality images gives people the impression that you don’t value the dating experience and more crucially, that you don’t value yourself or have something to hide. If you’re here reading this blog, chances are you’re the kind of person who is serious about finding a life partner and that you’re the kind of person who values themselves highly. With this in mind, make sure all your photos are clear and good quality. Good quality pictures attract good quality dates, while low quality photos will attract hook-ups.

The four photos every profile needs

The happy headshot

Your primary headshot has the most work to do out of all your photos as it will be the first one they see. Its main role is to make you look super attractive, warm, approachable and to also ensure you come across as someone people enjoy spending time with. It also needs to be visually eye-catching so that it makes you stand out in the busy online space. The easiest way to be visually interesting in the primary headshot is to wear an eye-catching colour, like red, orange or yellow. You could also include a bold colour in the background, if you prefer not to wear these sorts of colours.

The fierce full body shot

People want to see the ‘full package’ before deciding whether to go on a date with someone, so it’s essential to include one, up-to-date, full-body shot. People sadly are wary of to being deceived on dating apps, so this is the kind of shot they will look for to check you are who you say you are. You only need one, as the rest of the photos need to focus more on showing off your face and elements of your personality well.

The playful personality shot

Including a personality photo is a secret superpower. If you can showcase elements of your lifestyle and your personality, it’s such a powerful way to help you connect with like-minded people.

It doesn’t have to be complicated. It could be as simple as being pictured reading your favourite book. Perhaps they LOVE that book. Or maybe you’re pictured hugging your dog. Perhaps you enjoy painting with watercolours or you play the guitar. If you’re into any kind of sport or movement activity, include a photo of yourself engaged in that. Recent research suggests that a sporty or activity-based photos attracts 75% more attention on dating apps than any other photo. People are attracted to healthy people who look after themselves, so this makes sense. If you’re into yoga, carry your yoga mat or, even better, get photographed as you go through some yoga poses. When you’re captured in ‘flow’, meaning doing something you love in your photos, it shines through and creates very attractive pictures.

Anything that emphasises the unique, interesting you – be sure to include that!

The intriguing talking point photo

Create a photo which aims to intrigue, surprise or delight people. You’ll capture their interest and make it easy for them to message you with a question or comment. If you’re stuck, perhaps remind yourself what your party trick is. Can you stand on your head? Or do you have an unusual interest? At Hey Saturday we’ve had clients playing the banjo, skateboarding, doing martial arts with a wooden stick, dancing in the street and many other fun and eye-catching ideas.

Or, if you’re still stuck for inspiration, think about what you love that others might love. Have you been known to enjoy eating a delicious but ridiculously large ice cream sundae the size of your head? That photo might appeal to rather a lot of people.

You only have a total of five or six photos with which to make a powerful impact. That’s not a huge number of photos to work with, so make sure you’re the star of every single one – no group shots – and that each photo has a clear role and is working hard for you. A killer profile photo doesn’t just show people what you look like, it tells them what you’re made of. 

Saskia Nelson is the founder of Hey Saturday, a dating photography agency that specialises in creating show-stopping dating app and matchmaking profile photos, equipping clients to take their online impact to the next level.

If you are looking for help and support for a dating journey you’ll truly enjoy, why not turn to the experts? Our matchmakers really get to know you to understand who you’ll share a connection with, introducing you to some truly amazing people who share your goal of a long-term, committed relationship. We take away all the hard work that can come with dating, by arranging a professional photoshoot and hand-selecting individuals you’ll really enjoy meeting with. Give us a call today to find out how to start you search for true love!

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What makes an award-winning dating agency?

In the UK alone, there are 480 dating agencies. Add to this, over 1,400 online dating sites and apps and it is clear that the dating industry is highly saturated. However, like anything, there are varying levels when it comes to the success of the business and the quality of the service that they provide.

So, how do you figure out who or where is the best fit for your journey?

Credibility

When it comes to dating, there are a whole host of emotions attached to it. Whether you are separated, divorced, bereaved or simply single for a long time, getting back out in the dating game can often be a vulnerable journey so it’s really important that anyone who is guiding you is reputable and has the correct experience.

Before you choose which dating platform to go with, be sure to conduct your own due diligence and research on the company or an individual before putting your trust in them. If they are reputable and experienced there should be plenty of reviews, ratings, and references available to you which will indicate the level and quality of their work.

Awards and accreditations are also a sign of a high-standard, legitimate, and quality agency or individual.

At Ignite Dating we pride ourselves on the quality of our service, going above and beyond the industry-standard to provide a dating journey that leaves clients feeling confident, energised and most importantly, safe. It is no surprise then, that as a company we invest in the best available training for our matchmakers and why we are the only matchmaking agency in the UK that’s full team of matchmakers undergoes training and accreditation from the Matchmaking Institute – the world’s only organisation authorised to issue certification in the field of matchmaking.

Not only that, but in the last year we have received five award recognitions for our service with many more in the pipeline in the coming months including:

Ignite Dating does it again at the Prestige Awards, this time for London & South East

These accolades are not only great for us to achieve from a business perspective, but recognition like this can give you a much-deeper insight into the way that the agency works and help you determine whether they really have your best interests at heart.

Making a choice

If you’ve found an agency or matchmaker that you can be open and honest with, who understands who you are and what you are looking for and comes with an array of experience, testimonials, and accolades that back up their claims, then it sounds like they could be the right agency for you.

Because let’s face it, finding the right dating professional can be half the battle.

So, instead of spending yet more money, time and attention aimlessly searching for that special person, why not let the experts’ put things into focus and help you find that perfect partner you’ve been searching for. You may be surprised by how much quicker your journey can be once you’ve put your faith and trust in the professionals.

If you are looking for a matchmaking agency that understands who you truly are and the traits that are most important to you and who has a multitude of experience, testimonials, and accolades to back up their claims, then look no further than Ignite Dating. Get in touch with our friendly team of expert matchmakers to find out how they can help you on your journey to success.