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In today’s dating landscape, making a good first impression is crucial. It’s no surprise then that one factor that stands out time and time again in people’s profiles is fitness. But why is staying fit such an essential part of the dating journey? 

Just as Fiona Lambert mentioned in our recent podcast episode, fitness goes far beyond simply looking good; it’s about embodying confidence, health, and vitality. In this post, we’ll explore the many reasons why fitness plays a key role in dating and how it can elevate your overall experience, allowing you to put your best self forward.

First impressions matter

Let’s be honest – physical attraction often initiates a connection. While love isn’t entirely skin-deep, we can’t deny that the initial appeal plays a role. Taking care of your body sends a powerful message to potential partners: you prioritise your health and well-being, and you’re committed to being your best self. It doesn’t mean you need to have a six-pack or fit into unrealistic beauty standards, but being healthy and active radiates confidence – something that’s universally attractive.

Confidence is magnetic

Fitness boosts your self-esteem by making you feel better in your own skin, and that translates directly into how you present yourself on dates. When you’re comfortable with your body, you’re more likely to carry yourself with poise and charisma. Fitness isn’t just about looking good in a mirror; it’s about feeling good from the inside out.

Moreover, working out releases endorphins, the feel-good hormones that naturally make you happier and less stressed. A positive, confident attitude draws people in, making them more likely to want to spend time with you. Confidence is contagious, and when you radiate it, your potential partner will likely feel it too.

Shared activities make for better dates

Fitness opens the door to fun, active date ideas. Instead of the typical coffee or dinner date, imagine going for a scenic hike, kayaking on a serene lake, or taking a fun fitness class together. Sharing activities like these not only helps build a connection but also keeps the date dynamic and engaging.

Active dates are a fantastic way to bond over a mutual interest. They allow you to get to know someone in a more relaxed setting, where you can both be yourselves without the pressure of a formal date. Plus, physical activity naturally enhances attraction – working out together can release oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and help break the ice.

A healthy body reflects a healthy mindset

A commitment to fitness often reflects a commitment to personal growth. Someone who takes care of their body is more likely to approach other aspects of their life such as career, relationships, and hobbies with the same level of dedication. This mindset can be incredibly attractive to potential partners who value growth and self-improvement in a relationship.

Additionally, regular exercise improves mental health by reducing anxiety and depression, making you more emotionally available and resilient when navigating the ups and downs of dating. Having a healthy body and mind equips you to manage the complexities of relationships with grace and composure.

Improved energy and stamina

Dating can be exhausting, especially if you’re balancing a busy work life and social calendar. Fitness gives you the energy and stamina needed to keep up with an active dating life. Regular exercise improves your cardiovascular health, strength, and endurance, which not only benefits you in daily life but also in your intimate relationships.

When you feel fit and energetic, you’re more likely to say “yes” to spontaneous adventures, try new activities, and embrace the excitement of getting to know someone. That enthusiasm and zest for life are incredibly attractive traits.

Fitness enhances longevity and vitality

Being fit isn’t just about the present; it’s about setting yourself up for a healthy future. People who prioritise fitness are more likely to have a longer, healthier life. When dating, you want to find someone who you can enjoy life with for the long haul. Fitness ensures that you’re both physically and mentally prepared to embrace a long-lasting relationship full of shared adventures, experiences, and passion.

Furthermore, when two people in a relationship prioritise health, it creates a positive cycle. You motivate and inspire each other to stay active, eat better, and make healthier choices, leading to a happier, more fulfilling partnership.

Fitness as self-care and attraction

Ultimately, fitness is a form of self-care that goes beyond looking good on a dating profile. It’s about investing in yourself, mentally, physically, and emotionally. When you make fitness a priority, you’re not just improving your physical appearance; you’re building confidence, enhancing your mental well-being, and boosting your energy, all of which are essential qualities in a fulfilling relationship.

So, if you’re looking to put your best self forward in the dating world, start by investing in your fitness. Whether it’s going for a daily walk, hitting the gym, or trying out yoga, find something that makes you feel good. You’ll not only look better but feel more empowered and ready to attract someone who appreciates you for your best self.

If you are single and looking to put your best self forward, get in touch with our team today. Our team of dedicated matchmakers will be on hand every step of your journey to offer advice and guidance and help you become the best version for you and your future partner.

Would you talk about your therapy experiences with a potential partner? While it may be the scene of nightmares for a lot of us, the openness of discussing therapy experiences on dates is a notable trend with no signs of slowing down. A recent survey highlights that many daters now seek partners who are willing to share their therapy journeys. But what is driving the trend and how open is too open when it comes to finding someone new?

The rise of therapy conversations

Discussing mental health, particularly therapy, was once considered taboo in social settings, let alone on dates. However, this has changed significantly. Recent years have witnessed a broader cultural acceptance of mental health care and its benefits. With many people now viewing therapy as a valuable tool for personal growth and relationship success. 

But where does that leave you when it comes to dating?

While the trend indicates a growing appreciation for emotional intelligence and self-awareness in romantic relationships, it also helps strengthen the foundation of any romantic connections that you have. 

Fostering openness and vulnerability

Sharing therapy experiences can create a foundation of trust and openness between you and your date. Not only does it allow partners to understand each other’s emotional landscapes better, but it also gives a clearer picture of your boundaries and why you may feel a certain way. While sharing can foster open communication between you both, be aware that oversharing can put people off. It’s much better to give small doses of information over time than use the date as another therapy session to offload everything. 

Promoting mental health awareness

Normalising therapy discussion helps reduce the stigma around mental health and encourages both partners to prioritise their emotional wellbeing. Taking time for yourself to look after your physical and mental wellbeing is necessary in today’s fast-paced world. By setting these expectations from the beginning, you can ensure a healthier and more open relationship both with yourself and your potential partner. 

Enhancing relationship quality

Couples who discuss their therapy journeys often navigate conflicts more effectively. They have each spent a lot of time working on themselves and as a result have learnt to open up to a stranger and communicate their feelings in a healthy way. They are more likely to develop healthy communication patterns from the start. Patterns that will in turn strengthen the foundations of the relationships and enable them to navigate and talk through even the most trying of situations together. 

While there are some clear benefits to opening the channels when it comes to therapy discussions with a potential partner, knowing how and when to bring it up is key. If you’re new to this trend and wondering how to bring it up in a date context, here are some practical tips:

Choose the right moment

Timing is crucial. Find a relaxed and private setting to initiate the conversation. The first date is probably not the place to start, instead open the communication channels once you feel more comfortable with that person and are open to the prospect of a future commitment with them. 

Be honest and respectful

Share your experiences sincerely and encourage your date to do the same but respect their boundaries. Whether they’ve been through therapy or not, not everyone is comfortable talking about their mental health. Don’t apply any pressure or push them to tell you more than they are willing to. 

Focus on personal growth

Therapy happens when we are often at our most vulnerable. Rather than focus on the negative situations that led you there, highlight how therapy has helped you grow and improve as a person. Focus on the skills that it has taught you and what you have learnt about yourself. 

Listen actively

Pay attention to your date’s reactions and be open to their perspective. Just as not everyone is open to talking about therapy, some people do not feel comfortable hearing about it. Take note of how your date is reacting and be careful not to share too much too soon. It’s better to give little bits of information over time than overwhelm them in one go. The right person will respect the value you place on your own mental wellbeing and share your values and emotional maturity. 

The trend of discussing therapy on dates is not just a passing fad; it reflects a deeper shift towards valuing mental health and emotional honesty in relationships. As more people embrace this openness, the dating landscape will continue to evolve, fostering healthier and more meaningful connections. Whether you’re navigating the dating world on your own or with the help of a matchmaker, being transparent about your therapy experiences can pave the way for a fulfilling and supportive relationship.

If you’re single and looking to build a stronger, more authentic relationship with someone who shares your values, lifestyle and aspirations for the future, then get in touch with our team of expert matchmakers today.

We’ve all heard the phrase that “the most important relationship you will ever have, is with yourself,” and it’s true. In the journey to finding love, self-love is the fundamental foundation of a healthy, fulfilling relationship. In this blog we will explore why self-love is crucial in dating, the ways in which you can improve your relationship with yourself and how embracing it can transform your romantic life.

What is self-love and why does it matter?

Self-love is about valuing and caring for yourself and ultimately loving who you are and everything that makes you, you. It means accepting your flaws and strengths, setting boundaries, and prioritising your own well-being. When you practice self-love, you recognise your worth and refuse to settle for less than you deserve. Isn’t that what we all want when it comes to dating?

Self-love plays a vital role in your dating journey because it brings out the best version of you in the best possible way. Self-love breeds confidence. When you know your worth, you are less likely to settle for unhealthy relationships or fall victim to those with traits within the dark triad. Confidence attracts the right partners and sets the tone for mutual respect and admiration in a relationship.

Not only that but understanding and respecting your own needs helps you set boundaries within the relationship. Healthy boundaries ensure that your relationship is balanced and that both partners’ needs are met. This prevents co-dependency and fosters mutual respect. It also ensures that you don’t lose yourself in the relationship. As Nick Feeney said in our latest podcast, “you are a complete human by yourself. Someone can add value to what you already have, by joining you as a partner in life. But no-one will ever complete you. You are complete.”

When you love yourself, you are also better equipped to love others. Often those that do not see their own self-worth, struggle to let their guards down and let others in because they don’t understand what that other person could possibly see in them. Self-love allows you to be emotionally available, which is essential for a deep, meaningful connection. It helps you communicate your feelings honestly and openly and allows you to experience every new relationship with a blank slate and solid foundation on which you can both build. 

How to cultivate self-love

Self-care is a practical way to show yourself love. This can be as simple as taking time for a hobby, exercising, enjoying a pamper session or simply ensuring you get enough rest. Regular self-care boosts your mood and helps maintain your overall well-being, which in turn will have a positive effect on your life. 

And while self-care covers many aspects including physical, emotional, and mental self-care activities, don’t forget to also look at how you speak to yourself. Your inner dialogue significantly impacts your self-esteem. Replace negative self-talk with affirmations and positive statements. Remind yourself daily of your strengths and achievements and eventually you won’t have to fake it ‘til you make it, because you’ll realise just how amazing you are.

And finally, remember to forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Holding onto past mistakes can hinder your ability to not only love yourself but also to move on from them onto newer and brighter opportunities. Practice self-forgiveness and understand that mistakes are part of growth – that includes relationships and dates too! Every date or relationship is a journey. The key lies in what you take from it. So, whether you’ve come out of an unhealthy relationship, or you had a disastrous date, don’t worry. Listen to what the experience taught you and forgive yourself as that will allow you to close the door on that chapter and start afresh with someone who deserves everything you have to offer. 

The impact of self-love on relationships

When you practice self-love, you emit positive energy that attracts like-minded individuals. If you are confident, set healthy boundaries and appreciate all the unique traits that make who you are, you are more likely to meet partners who respect and value you. 

Relationships flourish when both partners are secure and confident in themselves, and it is one of the most common traits that someone looks for in a partner. After all, self-love leads to healthier communication, deeper emotional connection, and overall relationship satisfaction. 

Self-love also helps in reducing insecurities and anxiety within a relationship. When you are confident in yourself, you trust your partner more, leading to a more stable and loving relationship. And who wouldn’t want that?

Self-love is not a luxury; it’s a necessity in the dating world. It sets the stage for healthier, more fulfilling relationships and leads you to understanding who you are and the type of person that you would like to settle down with. At Ignite Dating, we believe that every successful relationship starts with loving yourself first. By prioritising self-love, you enhance your dating experience, attract the right partners, and build lasting, meaningful connections.

Take the first step towards a healthier love life by embracing self-love. Remember, the journey to finding the right partner begins with the most important relationship of all –the one with yourself.

If you’re single and looking to meet someone special who complements your self-worth and adds joy to your life, then get in touch with our team of expert matchmakers today. 

Does the thought of approaching a total stranger who has caught your eye bring you out in a cold sweat?  Would you be confident enough to make the first move on a night out? You may feel it’s a bold step you could never dream of actually doing, so you might be interested to hear a recent survey found 76% of people are open to being approached by a potential date in real life. 

Many singles avoid approaching people they come across in day-to-day life because asking a stranger out in person risks embarrassment and rejection if they don’t respond well. An article on the New York Post recently pointed out that a recent poll found 45% of men aged 18 to 25 had never approached a woman in person. Another survey found 72% of men said a fear of being perceived as creepy impacts their interactions with women. However, if many single people are happy to be approached in real life, are you missing a trick by being reluctant to strike up a conversation with somebody you’d like to get to know better?

There are many ways to approach a stranger that ensure you aren’t making them feel uncomfortable or confused about your intentions. It’s important to pay close attention to how they respond to your approach and know when to call it quits if they make it clear they aren’t interested romantically. Many people are flattered to be approached and appreciate the authentic connection that can come from meeting in real life versus being approached on an app. 

We’ve shared our top tips for ways to approach somebody to help you be better prepared for making the first move when you are out and about. 

Think about where you approach somebody: It can be tricky to catch somebody’s eye on the morning commute while they may be engrossed by scrolling on their phone or rushing to get to work in time. If you are looking to create opportunities for more natural approaches, then think about places you go where you might share something in common. It could be the place you exercise, a concert, or an evening class. This makes it easier to strike up a conversation based on the common ground you share, and you can pick up on cues from the other person to judge whether they are giving signals that they are also interested romantically. If somebody starts to weave their partner into conversation, it’ll become clear they are attached. 

Try not to worry about the worst-case scenario:  Even the most confident person can feel out of their depth trying to strike up conversation with a stranger who is surrounded by a group of friends. However, if you approach them in a kind and courteous manner it’s unlikely the situation will pan out as badly as you may have feared. Things go wrong when people suspect you of having a hidden agenda or undesirable intentions, so if you are friendly and straightforward the other person will hopefully respond well. Leave cheesy opening lines well alone though, as they might create an instant turn-off. 

Don’t linger if the other person doesn’t appear interested:  It’s important to make an approach quick and move on if the other person don’t seem interested. Turning somebody down may make the other person fear you’ll react badly, so be prepared to be polite and leave. Being too persistent can make somebody uncomfortable so pick up on their reactions, including if they are looking away or getting restless, and politely move on from the conversation. 

Be more approachable: Making eye contact and smiling at strangers when you are out and about makes it much easier to initiate real-life connections. Make sure you come across as friendly and approachable, with welcoming body language instead of crossing your arms or staring down at your phone. You can glean how somebody might react to being approached if they return your smile or make eye contact.   

Move things along: If you are getting the feeling the person you like is mutually interested, you can offer your phone number or share your social media handle so you can communicate further and start planning a formal date to get to know each other better. You can also keep thing casual when you meet by suggesting you should both grab a drink sometime, and if they respond positively, you can get it touch to make the arrangements. 

Don’t forget to rely on your gut feeling when you’re talking to somebody, as their cues and body language should give you a good idea of whether they’re interested in pursuing a romantic connection. Why not try gathering up the courage to approach somebody if you like them as you never know where it might lead you, and the opportunity may never present itself again!

Are you looking for somebody special who will truly understand you and share your values, life goals and aspirations? Your dedicated matchmaker is waiting to introduce you to some truly amazing people. Get in touch today to find out how we can help you with a safe and enjoyable search for love.

West London is a relaxed and sophisticated area packed full of popular places to explore and must-see attractions. If you live there, you’ll be in the know about the beautiful green spaces and architecture that enhances the area. 

As part of our London date ideas blog series, we’ve rounded up the best things to do in West London. Whether you are looking for new places to head with your partner or you’re searching for the ideal first date spot, find our top tips for the best experiences to share together. 

Find great al fresco options 

It does feel like the weather will never improve, but one day the sun will shine enough to spend a warm afternoon mooching together, seeking out an al fresco table to watch the world go by.  This is the perfect time to make a beeline for Little Venice, a tranquil stretch of water where the Grand Union Canal meets the Regent’s Canal. Rembrandt Gardens is a lovely spot for a picnic on a nice day or you can seek out the tasty eateries that overlook the canal. You can also take to the water on a narrowboat for a relaxed sightseeing tour along the Regent’s Canal to explore more of London’s landmarks. Fancy something a little different? Look for The Puppet Theatre Barge which is moored at Little Venice, offering a range of live music, theatre and puppet shows. 

The Royal Botanic Gardens at Kew is a UNESCO World Heritage site and makes for a great day out. There is a programme of events to get involved in or you can just enjoy seeing the beautiful gardens at your own pace. 

Richmond Park is another green space to enjoy where you might get a peek of the historic herd of deer. Stretch your legs around the scenic trails while enjoying the views. 

Explore interesting neighbourhoods

Portobello Market in Notting Hill is one of the most famous street markets in the world offering an ever-changing variety of sellers and stalls to explore. It’s best known as the place to head for interesting antiques, but you are spoilt for choice when it comes to shopping for all sorts of things. Foodies won’t be disappointed either with a delicious array of street food and cuisines on offer. Make sure you linger in the area as Notting Hill is a great neighbourhood to explore, especially to check out the iconic pastel-coloured houses and pick your favourite from the fashionable restaurants on offer. For a real treat head to The Ledbury, a venue that boasts three Michelin stars offering delicious tasting menus you can pair with matching wines.  

Fabulous nights out

Make the most of long summer evenings on the open roof terrace at Darcie & May Green in Paddington, a venue made up of two canal boats that share a combined open air upper deck. 

Viajante87 is an intimate Latin America inspired cocktail bar in Notting Hill Gate with delightful drinks list you’ll enjoy sampling. Trailer Happiness offers great rum and cocktails with a Tiki twist on Portobello Road. If you prefer a cosy pub atmosphere then head to the Harwood Arms in Fulham, an upmarket gastropub offering a game-focused menu and produce from its rooftop vegetable garden. 

Enjoy the arts

West London is packed with must-see museums and galleries which make it easy to spend a few hours strolling around enjoying each other’s company. The Natural History Museum and Science Museum are world famous, but don’t overlook interesting options such as the Museum of Brands in Notting Hill and the Design Museum.   

Outside of theatre district, find incredible shows over at the Lyric in Hammersmith with a packed schedule of live performances available. The Canal Café Theatre is a renowned comedy, cabaret and theatre venue which has hosted many household names. Find it housed above the Bridge House Pub in Little Venice where you can grab pre-show drinks and food. 

We’ve love to hear your top tips for the best places to head in West London – share them on our Facebook or Instagram page! 

Our dedicated matchmaking team are ready and waiting for your call to help you with your search for love. Get in touch today to find out more!

When you are in the thick of the dating scene, but you’ve still not met the right person it can be tempting to get fed up and wonder how anybody meets anyone. It can be disheartening to put in lots of effort but still be in search of that elusive connection. 

If this sounds familiar, you might be interested in recent stats that shed light on where people met their partner. As you may expect, there are a range of avenues that lead to long-lasting relationships. The YouGov research discovered nearly a fifth of people meet their partner at work, with an equally as popular route being meeting through friends. Of those surveyed, 15% met people while they were out and about, 7% found love through an online dating platform and 6% through dating apps. Also mentioned was meeting due to shared hobbies (5%) and through family (3%).  Digital routes were most popular among younger age groups, with more than a fifth of 25- to 34-year-olds meeting this way. 

While it may feel like the apps are the go-to place to search for love, the figures make it clear there are plenty of other successful ways to meet a partner. How you met somebody may even have a bearing on the long-term prospects of the relationship. An article in Psychology Today points out research that found the most successful couples meet through shared social networks or while pursuing a common interest. The article also points out that couples with weaker social ties outside of each other may take longer to commit to marriage. 

While it’s all well and good to hear how other people met their partners, it can be tricky to find new love interests in everyday life. Flirting and approaching people offline isn’t straightforward for everybody, especially those who fear rejection. So, we’ve shared our top tips for improving your chances of meeting somebody new, without an app in sight. 

Think about your daily routine: It’s possible to run into somebody interesting at a variety of venues you head to everyday, such as the café where you grab your morning coffee, on public transport, at the pub, or at the gym. It’s important to pay attention to what’s going on rather than being distracted by constantly scrolling on your phone. See who might be trying to catch your eye and don’t be afraid to smile and make eye contact. Mix up the venues you head to as well, as going to the same bars and coffee shops may mean you are seeing the same faces repeatedly. 

Ask friends to introduce you to people they know:  Ok, so it’s not a good idea to be introduced to a friend of a friend merely because they also happen to be single. But there’s nothing wrong with asking a friend to introduce you to somebody they know who has caught your eye. Or if a friend has genuinely seen something in both of you that suggests you’ll be a good match, then why not take up their offer of setting you up? Try to say yes to dinner party invites and opportunities to get together with your friend’s wider circle, as you never know who you might meet along the way. 

Pursue your hobbies: Going to regular meetups or trying something new is a great way to introduce you to like-minded people. Whether it’s volunteering, joining a sports group or taking a new class, you might well get chatting to somebody with romance potential. 

Try singles’ events: They might not be for everybody, but more innovative singles’ events have emerged in the past few years. It’s not just speed dating but also nights out and get-togethers based around a shared interest which can help you meet a lot of single people in a short time. 

There can be so many advantages to meeting somebody in real life. You can see what they look like and how they act, rather than trying to scrutinise a decade-old photo on their profile. It can feel a lot less forced to meet naturally through a shared activity or night out than meeting as strangers for a first date. So, next time you’re out and about why not see who you come across – you never know where it will lead! 

We’d love to hear your top tips for meeting new people in real life – tell us more via our Facebook and Instagram pages! 

Ignite Dating is an elite matchmaking agency specialising in hand-selected personal introductions for our discerning clients. Our exclusive private network of available ladies and gentlemen boasts successful and professional people, like you, who are committed to finding a partner. Find out more here.

East London is packed full of iconic sights and great places to visit if you are looking for date ideas with a difference. Packed full of well-known neighbourhoods to explore where no two streets are the same, you’ll find activities to suit all tastes and budgets. Check out the latest instalment of our London date ideas blog series to find inspiration for your next date night in this exciting part of the capital. 

Explore 

Explore the stunning colours and scents of Columbia Road Flower Market in Tower Hamlets, where the street is transformed by flowers and plants available for sale from the market traders. The market operates every Sunday, and you can take a leisurely walk along Regent’s Canal to make a day of it. Over in Hackney Broadway Market offers 120 regular stalls on a Saturday so a casual stroll will give you plenty to browse and delicious food to sample. 

If you enjoy taking in the London views, try the IFS Cloud Cable Car which reaches heights of 90 metres over the Thames. It connects the Royal Docks and the Greenwich Peninsula and offers views of landmarks such as St Paul’s Cathedral, The Gherkin, Thames Barrier, and Greenwich. The service runs late at night for a romantic way to see the city lit up at night. 

Exciting activities 

Up for some fun? Check out Ballie Ballerson, a Shoreditch cocktail bar which taps into childhood nostalgia with giant ball pits and sweet-themed cocktails including the Skittle Sour and Hubba Hubba Bubba.  

Reopening in Spring, Roof East is a fun venue which is located on the rooftop of a multi-storey car park in Stratford. On offer is tasty street food, games, and an open-air cinema, with great views to enjoy as you relax together.  

God’s Own Junk Yard offers an amazing gallery of neon lights and bulb signs in Walthamstow. The bright artwork is bound to impress, and you can see signs that appeared in famous movies.

Relaunching in the summer, the ArcelorMittal Orbit offers the world’s tallest and longest slide! Be brave and share the experience while enjoying the views at the top of Anish Kapoor’s red lattice tower. 

Eat great food

Brick Lane is a well-known foodie destination which is famous for its curry and bagels. For bagels, try the famous Beigel Bake which is open 24 hours offering a variety of filled bagels and baked goods. There’s also the Beigel Shop which offers a great variety of products including pretty rainbow bagels. 

You’re spolit for choice when it comes to great curry on Brick Lane. Sheba, Aladin and The Famous Curry Bazaar are well worth a try for some delicious spicy dishes. Some restaurants are BYOB so check before you go if you fancy a boozy accompaniment to your meal. Over on Fieldgate Street is Tayyabs, which offers delicious Punjabi cuisine including their famous lamb chops. 

Pasta lovers will enjoy Tom’s Pasta, a local neighbourhood restaurant in Hackney offering fresh handmade pasta via weekly changing menu. Just fancy drinks? Try Satan’s Whiskers, a cocktail bar in Bethnal Green that offers a daily changing menu and a backdrop of hip hop music. Nightjar offers fantastic cocktails and vintage live music in Shoreditch with a glamourous backdrop you’ll both enjoy. 

We’d love to hear your top tips for the best things to do in East London with a new love interest or partner. Share them over on our Facebook or Instagram pages!

At Ignite Dating, your dedicated matchmaker is with you every step of the way, working closely with you to understand the characteristics and values that are important to you. Our experienced matchmaking team brings a wealth of knowledge and expertise to make your dating journey as streamlined and enjoyable as possible. Get in touch today  to find out how we can help you.

Do opposites attract? It seems to be a subject of great debate with plenty of articles dedicated to examining both sides of the argument.  

Lots of people believe in the notion of a couple being compatible because they have nothing in common and wildly different tastes. The old adage that “opposites attract” refers to a long-standing belief that polar opposites often spark a romantic attraction. But is it true? 

According to the Guardian, recent research found partners were often remarkably similar when it comes to the traits they share. The study found between 82% and 89% of traits examined were similar among partners, with only 3% ranking as substantially different. The areas where people tend to be similar were wide ranging and included their religious views, levels of education, political leanings, some measures of IQ and how likely a person was to drink or smoke. 

How similar you are to a partner may have some bearing on whether the relationship goes on to be long-lasting. The Daily Mail cited an analysis of eHarmony’s Compatibility Matching System that found similarity was the key to making a relationship last, even though opposites may be attracted to each other at first. The article points out that dating somebody who is very different to you may seem attractive at first, but eventually tensions show as the differences come between a couple. While differences may seem exciting and intriguing in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, they can soon turn into obstacles and disagreements. There’s even stronger evidence that opposites don’t attract when you consider a review of 313 studies with more than 35,000 participants found that similarity was a strong predictor of attraction in early stages of a relationship. 

An article in Women’s Health points out that many people aren’t actually dating their opposites, even though it might initially seem that way. The piece points out how you may appear to be different to your partner in many ways when it comes to your tastes, but you’re probably more alike than you realise. The concept of opposites attracting may have endured purely because people don’t realise the person they are with isn’t as different to them as they might have first believed. While you may love spicy food while a partner despises it, or you both have totally different tastes in film and music, you may find you are more similar than you expect when it comes to the bigger things like values, communication styles, temperaments, and attitudes. People who may seem like opposites on the face of it could in fact have similar core values.

The tools we use to find people may also play a part in connecting us with people who are similar personality types. As the BBC points out, the online networks and sites many of us use to find friends and dates are nudging us towards people who may think similarly to us.  There are even dating apps that cater for people with specific views. The article also points out that there is evidence that opposites repel, especially when it comes to values and views. 

There’s nothing wrong with having different tastes though, with a recent survey finding more than 70% believe having different interests can lead to more diverse and enriching conversations. There’s no need to be alike in all areas, with many couples having totally different taste in clothes, food, TV, and the like. It can keep things interesting to be introduced to new habits and activities, however, deep down it is likely you are more alike than you’d expect at face value.

All relationships evolve and, and this article on Medium points out, a couple may begin as quite similar but find ways to differentiate themselves. Couples can develop complementary roles, such as one half of the partnership being the “funny one” while the other is the “serious one”. It does not mean the pair are opposites, but they are indeed becoming more complementary within the relationship. 

It’s an interesting debate and we’d love to hear your views on the matter. Share your thoughts over on Facebook and Instagram! 

Take the next steps to finding your perfect partner today – get in touch with our friendly team!

Once the ink is dry on the decree absolute (or sometimes way before then), many of us start to think about meeting our next person. How wonderful it will be to be in love again, we decide. 

However, between now and that wonderful goal stands the dreaded dating scene. For many divorced people, dating can seem nothing less than traumatic. We worry we won’t find anybody who likes us and that we won’t find anybody we want to date. We fret about what to talk about on a date, what to wear, where to go.  And what about dating etiquette? Will we have to flirt? What are the new rules? It can all seem terrifying, especially if you have not dated in many years.

But with the right preparation, dating after divorce can be great fun and an enormous confidence boost. So, if you are thinking about dipping a toe in the dating world after divorce, there are some important questions to consider.  

When is the right time?

This is probably the most frequently asked question I hear from my divorce coaching clients and it comes in various forms. 

Am I ready? Is it too soon? Am I on the rebound? What will people say?

The thing is, there is no right answer. The right time is different for everybody, so you are ready when you are ready. Nevertheless, it’s important to think about why you are considering dating to test if you are doing it for the right reasons. Many people start dating because they don’t want to be alone, or because they want to hurt their ex and make them realise what they are missing. Clearly these are not good reasons to be putting yourself out there.

You also need to know your own worth and be prepared to ignore or walk away from people who will not value you. Divorce can leave you lacking in self-belief, so it’s best to invest the time in developing a firm belief in who you are and what you bring to the table. 

Be honest with yourself to judge if your resilience is low. No matter who you are, what you look like, how interesting you are, dating WILL involve knockbacks and confidence blows. Are you strong enough to take those right now? 

You are ready to date after divorce when you are doing it for yourself, for the right reasons. You know why you are dating and you are clear on what you are looking for. 

Why am I dating?

Some may think it’s a silly question but when I ask it of my clients, the disparate answers include:

• To meet my soul mate
• I need financial support
• For sex
• For companionship
• I don’t want to be alone forever.

Knowing your “why” is important because it will clarify what you are seeking. If you are just interested in short-term dalliances right now, then maybe similar values and interests are less important than physical appearance and proximity. Conversely, if you are only interested in a long-term relationship, then looks may take a back seat to certain personality traits.

Your “why” will also impact where you look. Casual dating is more prevalent on certain apps but if you want a long-term committed relationship, you may want to consider a professional matchmaker. Remember, your motivation for dating can, and probably will, change over time.

What do I want?

This is more tricky.

Some dating experts advocate drawing up a specific list of criteria and then deciding what is non-negotiable, and what is less important. There are many factors people use to filter their choices. Physical appearance, geographical proximity, whether they have children, occupation, education, interests, and background are just some of the things that are important to people when they are deciding who to meet. 

However, the nature of dating is that even when somebody ticks every box, you may not have any chemistry between you. Of course, without chemistry you have nothing.

So, it is a good idea to understand what is important to you because it helps you understand what to look for, and what to avoid. However, the romantic in me also believes that we should remain open-minded because who knows what the next “one” will be like?

Where? 

So you’ve decided you are ready to date, so, it’s time to get started. Depending on what you’ve decided you want to get out of your search for love, your options include online dating, local singles’ events, asking friends for introductions, joining clubs, or professional matchmaking.

Dating after divorce is like any other new experience. You need to understand it and what you want from it – and then you can see if you enjoy it. 

The very best piece of advice I heard was to remember that everybody is in the same boat. The people you are dating are just as terrified, just as unsure and just as keen to meet their person. So be brave, dive in and enjoy!

Amanda Gardiner is a Divorce Coach who runs a Facebook group offering support and advice for people experiencing separation and divorce. 

At Ignite Dating, your dedicated matchmaker is with you every step of the way, working closely with you to understand the characteristics and values that are important to you. Our experienced matchmaking team brings a wealth of knowledge and expertise to make your dating journey as streamlined and enjoyable as possible. Get in touch today to find out how we can help you.