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Body Language and the Nonverbal Signs for Dating

Body language nonverbal signs for dating

Among today’s non-stop, technology driven culture, it’s unsurprising that more and more of us are turning to technology to fill our boredom and to look for love. 

With virtual meetings in the workplace now being commonplace, and having instant access to devices such as smartphones, game consoles, not to mention an almost unlimited choice of television shows, the art of effective communication for dating using body language could almost be said to be an endangered skill. 

The irony is, as humans, we crave a deeper level of connection with others, one in which we can accurately express ourselves and our emotions without having to rely on the use of an emoji or meme, and this level of communication undoubtedly cannot be fulfilled through technology alone.

The Aura of confidence

Have you ever been sat in a bar or a coffee shop, opposite someone and intuitively been able to pick up on what type of person they might be? You may even say they’re giving off a certain type of ‘aura‘ 

However you label these feelings and thoughts, what is undeniable, is that you are basing these first impressions of them from their body language!

I wonder if you have ever thought about how you are being perceived, and what type of messages you are sending through your own body language? Do you think people see you as being confident, shy, or even aggressive?

With over 90% of communication being nonverbal, it’s little wonder that we’re able to form an opinion of someone without even speaking to them.

All of us at one time or another have been in a situation where we have tried to find the perfect words to say to someone we were attracted to, when all along these words we were looking for was only accounting for 7% of the communication we’re sending. Were we focusing as hard on the other 93%?

And while we all know that your mood affects your body language, remember it’s just as true the other way round – your physicality impacts your psychology. This means, if you carry yourself confidently then not only will other people notice, but you will also feel more confident. 

Dynamic dating

We can all agree that the ways in which we can now find love using technology has undoubtedly been a game changer for the dating world. However, through these times of change, what has survived, and for the most part, not been impacted, is how we still make those important first and lasting impressions during a date- when we come face to face and actually meet the other person. 

Being great at texting and talking on the phone is one thing, but making a great first impression face to face is a completely different ball game.

I want to share with you some of the effective nonverbal and body language techniques to use for making that great impression on the first date.

Eye contact

We’ve all heard the saying “The eyes are the window of the soul” and in the world of dating this is very much true. Someone’s eyes can tell you how the other person is feeling, even if they don’t tell you out loud. Eye contact can also be far more intimate than words.

One of the most important ways of portraying confidence is effective eye contact. 

This doesn’t mean you need to be constantly staring at the other person like they’re your next meal, but a good level of eye contact when your eyes meet can be attractive, flirtatious and display confidence; but watch out for any eye rolling- you want to be showing your interest, not your boredom or disapproval.

Smile, it’s contagious

Although it may sound obvious, a simple smile can work wonders. Not only is it a universal sign of happiness, it also releases endorphins, a natural feel-good chemical ​to actually make you feel happier. 

When we smile at another person, it hits their mirror neurons and they may involuntarily smile back. 

Of course I’m not saying you need to walk around smiling like a Cheshire cat all the time, but a smile will make you more approachable and attractive.  

Posture

Don’t be a sloucher! If you want to be more attractive and catch someone’s attention, then you should be aware of how you’re sitting, standing and how you carry yourself. 

Great posture sends positive messages, and you’re also projecting confidence. You want this to be open and to avoid being closed off, that means, sit up straight, lean towards them slightly if you’re sitting down together, and show them you are interested through your body language.

Watch those hands

Hands can tell you a lot about a person. If you want to show someone that you feel at ease and comfortable around them, you can do this by having open hands and not hiding them. Because you want to portray confidence, you don’t want to fidget or hide them.

You use your hands to help express how you feel – if you were to put your favorite show on mute for 5 minutes, you could probably pick up on how the characters were interacting just by watching their hand gestures. So don’t shut them off, but make sure they’re sending the right signals – open and positive.

Finally, one other thing about hands – you use them to check your phone. We all do it, but the last thing your date wants to see you doing is constantly staring at it, as if you’re more interested in what’s on with your phone than them. So, general rule of thumb – stay off it. 

Positioning

Ok, let’s talk about feet. Now you may be wondering ‘what on earth can someone’s feet tell me about another person?!’ Quite a lot, actually! For instance, if you notice that the person you’re talking to is positioned with their feet slightly pointing towards another person, this could be an indicator they want to be talking to them instead. To be comfortable and relaxed, your feet also should be around 6-8 inches apart aligned with your body. Too wide apart can be assertive and threatening – too narrow and you’ll fall over! Most people will focus so much on their upper body and face movements, they will completely forget about what’s going on down below.

 Mirroring

Opposites attract, right? Wrong!! And there’s a large amount of research to back this up – it turns out that we’re actually more attracted to people that we’re similar to or aspire to be like, and mirroring is body language telling you so. Mirroring is essentially copying the body language of the other person to create and demonstrate rapport. It is typically subconscious, so if you were to notice the other person mirroring you, this could be a sign that they’re interested. You can do it on purpose to build commonality but this has to be done outside the other person’s conscious awareness so they don’t pick up on what you’re doing, otherwise they may just think you’re faking it or even making fun of them! 

So, the next time you’re out on a romantic date, trying to impress someone, or want to get into rapport, then don’t forget about what your body language is saying about you – and make sure it’s the message you want to be sending!

Nick Aschettino
Personal development and dating coach www.Inspirechangecoaching.co.uk
07456 807807

At Ignite Dating, we understand the importance of finding the right person for you. Someone who complements your personality and lifestyle. That’s why we spend time getting to know you, so we can use a perfect mixture of Myers Briggs personality profiling, your feedback and our expertise to match you with great potential partners. If you’d like to know more about how we can help you find love, get in touch with our friendly team today.

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Are the dating rules of 2020 the same as 1990?

Dating in the Nineties

The 1990s.. what a time to be alive! The Stone Roses, Sex in the City or Friends (or both), Gladiators, Pulp Fiction, Blur vs Oasis, Keanu, the Spice Girls – oh, and Mandela was freed!

And an even better time to be on the dating scene. From making mixtapes to talking for three hours on the landline, getting ready for your date (with the help of your friends) was just as exciting as actually going on it. And of course, most of us learnt to navigate the dating world with the help of Cilla and Graham.

But it’s now 2020, Blind Date has been replaced with Take Me Out, Tinder has changed the way people meet and sadly cassettes are no longer a thing (I suppose you could always make your date a playlist on Spotify). So how much has the dating landscape changed in the last 30 years and are the dating rules of 2020 the same as they were in 1990?

The rules for dating in 1990

During the 1990s a very controversial book was released called ‘The Rules’ which claimed to be a time-tested guide to dating. Even for back then, it was full of some ridiculous and outdated suggestions – for example, don’t look at your date too much and don’t tell them what you want in bed – but despite this, there were some generally well-accepted rules for dating in the 90s. These were:

  • Pick your date up from their house – typically this means the man would go to the woman’s home instead of meeting at the chosen venue
  • Have a plan and something booked for the evening – don’t just wing it!
  • Ask questions and get to know them – don’t just talk about yourself
  • Don’t sleep with each other on the first date – remember the five date rule
  • Generally, men pick up the cheque at the end of the date – it’s the gentlemanly thing to do
  • If you like them, call them – calling on the landline or leaving a message on the answerphone shows them the date went well

Are these rules still relevant in 2020?

Clearly, there are some of these rules no longer apply, thanks in most part to big strides in equality and technology, and for the most part we should be grateful for that. For example, men are no longer expected to pick up the bill and it’s certainly less taboo to hook up on the first date. It is also no longer necessary for the man to pick up his date at her home – in fact, it is safer and recommended that you meet at the venue or in a public space during the early stages of dating.

That said, some of these rules – and arguably the less offensive ones – still remain today. It can be nice to have a plan for your date and you should always ask questions and get to know one another. Calling your date to let them know you had a good time is also appreciated, though nowadays WhatsApp seems to be the preferred method of communication. And to be honest, we’re a bit nostalgic for some 90s trends like writing little messages to one another on Post-It notes and being fully present during a date (not checking your mobile phone every two minutes)!

So I guess what we’re saying here is that the rules of dating have certainly changed over the last 30 years, with technology and equality playing a huge role in this. That said, some are as true as they have ever been and one or two others might make the dating world a better place. So let’s bring back the good parts and leave the rest in the 90s where they belong.

At Ignite Dating, we understand that the times have changed, but we know that dating agencies still remain a great and successful way to meet people. Our dedicated matchmakers are there to help you navigate the world of dating in 2020 and to find you the perfect match. If you’d like to know more, get in touch with our friendly team today.

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9 Things Matchmakers Can Do For You

In the era of dating apps and social media, you might think matchmaking is a bit of an outdated profession. But nothing could be further from the truth! Tinder is all well and good in the early stages of your dating life, but many quickly become bored with the casual hookups, fake accounts and deciding whether to swipe right on someone based on just 500 characters or less.

In fact, when you’re looking for a long-term partner, someone you can share a genuine connection with, dating apps can be a real let down. That’s why many hopeful singles will retire their profiles and turn to dating agencies to help them find true love instead.

There are a huge number of benefits to using matchmakers, in particular that they take their time to get to know you so they can help you find someone who complements your lifestyle and shares your dreams. But if you’re still not sure why you should outsource your dating life to a professional, here are nine things a matchmaker can do for you.

1. They work while you do

Gone are the days when you only had your evenings and weekends to spend flicking through dating apps or trying to meet someone in your favourite bar. Matchmakers are dedicated professionals, working tirelessly to find you the perfect partner. While you work, do your grocery shopping, go to the dentist or spend time with friends, they’ll be working hard for you.

2. They use their emotional intelligence to help you find the right match

Being a successful matchmaker is all about being emotionally intelligent and having a sixth sense about people. This is very often a skill they are born with and not something that can be taught or learnt. Matchmakers can use this intuition to quickly decide if two people are likely to work well together – particularly impressive given how unpredictable and mysterious love can be. This saves you time, effort and awkward dates with people who really aren’t right for you, protecting you from the stress and heartache that can accompany dating.

3. They act like a life coach and therapist

When you’re working with a matchmaker you’ll quickly find they become a friend and life coach as well. This is because looking for love can be a tiring, emotional and sometimes long journey and you need someone who is there to support you and encourage you to keep going, even after a particularly rubbish date or when a relationship doesn’t quite work out.

They are the perfect combination of life coach, therapist and matchmaker. They listen to you and really get to know you. They give you a chance to talk about past relationships and then they motivate you to stay positive and strong, knowing that it can take time but you will eventually find the right person.

4. They run the background checks

Another huge benefit of using a matchmaker is that they will run background checks. Sadly, apps like Tinder have become a prime location for fraudulent accounts and cybercriminals looking to scam the unsuspecting and vulnerable. Not only this but with no background checks, people can be whoever they want to be  – even if that means they tell some pretty big lies in their bio.

Matchmakers can run ID and background checks to make sure every individual you meet is legitimate and is who they say they are. This gives you an increased sense of security and also means you aren’t going to be disappointed by meeting someone who wasn’t at all what you expected.

5. They get to know what you want

One of the most important things a matchmaker will do is spend some time really getting to know you. If they hope to use their skills to find your perfect match, they first need to know more about who you are and what it is you want from a partner – and this includes even the smallest details. You’ll be surprised how even the tiniest bit of information about yourself can help them to find you a partner with similar interests, ambitions and aspirations, hugely important when you’re looking for a long-term relationship.

6. They help you to learn about yourself

One of the greatest and most surprising benefits of using a matchmaker is that they can help you to learn so much about yourself. You might think you know exactly what you want in a partner, but after a few conversations with your matchmaker (and perhaps an unsuccessful date or two), you might find that they’ve asked some interesting questions and you begin to re-evaluate what it is you want from a relationship.

They can also give you more confidence and help you to relax. When you’re dating, it can be an additional stress worrying about whether someone likes you back or if there is a common romantic interest. Using a matchmaker can help to make this much clearer and after a while, even though dates may not always work out, you’ll come to feel better about the fact that they obviously weren’t right for you.

Ultimately, most people find the whole process of using a matchmaker eye-opening and they actually learn a lot about themselves. This can then help them to have more successful and fulfilling relationships overall, and more fun and less stress on the journey.

7. They will be honest with you

It’s not always their favourite part of the job but matchmakers will always be honest with you – because they have to be if they want to help you find the right person! Although it’s not always nice to hear either, if you’ve been on a date and the other person didn’t feel a connection, they’ll let you know right away. This way you can move on and begin meeting with other potential partners who may feel more of a spark.

They can also help to take some of the mystery and anxiety out of dating. Sitting by your phone for days waiting for a reply or wondering why your last date completely ghosted you is never fun. By being honest, your matchmaker will keep you motivated and on track to finding true love.

8. They give you a more personal experience

Dating apps, blind dates or speed dating sessions can feel very shallow and sometimes very cold and impersonal. By choosing to work with a matchmaker they’ll give you a much more personal and enjoyable dating journey.

After all, anyone can hide behind their keyboard and spend hours swiping right on dating apps, but this is often dissatisfying and can leave people feeling bitter or depressed about the dating world. Joining up with a matchmaker can help to turn this around and get you excited about dating again.

9. They can help you find love

Last but certainly not least, perhaps the most obvious benefit of all, matchmakers can help you to find true love. Using their skills, emotional intelligence and time, they can help you to find the perfect partner. And trust us, once you’ve signed up you’ll be forever glad you put your love life in their very capable hands.

At Ignite Dating, our expert matchmakers use a mixture of Myers Briggs personality profiling, intuition and their expertise to match you with potential partners. We offer support and absolute discretion when presenting you with matches and your dedicated matchmaker will work closely with you to get a better understanding of what it is you want from a partner. They will then present you with carefully selected and vetted matches so you can begin your journey to finding true love. Join us today.