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Christmas date ideas to get you in the festive spirit

Christmas Date Ideas

Winter may not feel like the most inspiring time to date, with wild weather and long, dark evenings to contend with. Thank goodness for Christmas then, which can inject some much-needed sparkle to the end of the year. The festive cheer opens up a wealth of great date ideas which make the most of the build-up to December 25. You’ll find a jolly atmosphere to be enjoyed everywhere from your local pub to the bustling Christmas markets that spring up across the country.

It’s time to make the most of the romantic dating opportunities available in December whatever stage of your relationship you are in. Cuffing season is truly upon us so you may find many people are keen to meet and enjoy some fun getting-to-know-you dates this Christmas. You may be in a bit of a dating rut and in need of inspiration for some exciting nights out to share with somebody you’ve been seeing for a little while. Or perhaps you have a significant other and you are looking to mix up date night with some seasonal fun. Check out our suggestions for the best date ideas to be enjoyed across the country as everybody looks to get in the Christmas spirit!

Embrace the arts

You’ll find a whole host of live entertainment to be enjoyed at this time of year, which is the perfect excuse to get dressed up in your finest festive attire. From ballet performances and plays to getting in on the pantomime fun, you’ll be sure to find something that suits. It’s a lovely time of year to enjoy a merry carol concert, whether you sing along or just enjoy live musical renditions of those Christmas favourites. Many historic houses and National Trust properties have their own programmes of Christmas-themed music and carols in atmospheric settings.

Cosy nights in

Making the most of the Christmas cheer doesn’t have to mean battling the crowds or wrapping up in several layers to keep warm outside. It’s the perfect time of year to cosy up with a festive film marathon. You can binge watch all your favourite classics and get in the festive mood with the cheesiest of Christmas movies. Prepare some tasty seasonal treats to accompany the films – whip up a batch of gingerbread or make some boozy hot chocolate and indulge together. Rock your ugliest Christmas jumpers or festive PJs if you feel relaxed enough in each other’s company!

Eat, drink and be merry

Restaurants will be going all out at this time of year, preparing tasty set menus and Christmas-themed cocktails – you can’t beat a snowball or a tasty eggnog. If you want to save the feasting until later in the month, there are plenty of al fresco winter terraces that offer drinks under outdoor heaters complete with cosy blankets for that romantic touch. Some even offer alpine chalets and igloo-style bubble pods, so check out if there are cosy pop-ups available in your local area. Prefer to avoid the crowds? Have Christmas cook-off at home where you whip up all your family favourites to share with each other. Pop open a bottle of wine and take your time preparing the meal together to whip up a delicious feast.

Get your skates on

You can’t beat an active date and getting out on the ice is a wonderful thing to do at this time of year. Whether you can give Torvill and Dean a run for their money, or you can barely stand up in skates, it’ll be sure to put a smile on both of your faces. There are plenty of ice rinks erected especially to celebrate Christmas, including Somerset House’s iconic ice rink and Manchester’s offering in the Cathedral Gardens.

Take in the Christmas lights

Keep it simple by grabbing a hot drink and walking around your local Christmas lights. Many houses in nearby streets are illuminated, and towns have their own sparkly festive displays. If you’re near London or another major city, travel in together to have a look at their large-scale displays. There are many Christmas light trails dotted around the countryside with tunnels of fairy lights, illuminated trees, seasonal music, and plenty more, dependent on the venue. It’s a great way to escape the stresses of everyday life and focus on some quality time together.

Are you looking for somebody special to share plenty of good times and new experiences with? Then give our friendly matchmaking team a call. We work hard to understand what you are looking for in a partner and we’re experts at finding them for you. We offer hand-selected introductions to people you’ll really share a connection with, offering you a stress-free and enjoyable search for love.

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Feel fabulous while you get date-ready this Christmas

There is no doubt dating is most enjoyable when you feel your best. Dedicating time to getting ready for a big date is such an important step as it can help boost your confidence and make you feel good. It’s all about feeling fabulous, developing a routine which helps you ensure you’ll make a good impression while staying true to your style and personality.

Whether you are returning to dating after a break or enjoying a range of dates with potential love interests, the preparation is big part of the overall experience. You may experience a whirlwind of emotions as nerves and excitement hits. Many single people develop their own tried and tested pre-date rituals to make sure they enjoy getting ready and mentally prepare for the big night ahead. Your go-to preparations may be based around going the extra mile in your beauty routine to find confidence in feeling your physical best. Others share the experience with friends, seeking their opinions on outfit options via WhatsApp and chatting on the phone for a motivational pep talk. You may prefer a more holistic experience before you step out, relaxing with some yoga or a chilled meditation session. It can be something as simple as a long bath or just chilling out with your favourite tunes – whatever makes you feel the most relaxed.        

There are some key pointers to bear in mind to make sure you are getting the most out of gearing up for the big night. It’s essential to wear something you are comfortable in rather than selecting clothes based on what you think your date would like. You won’t be able to relax if your outfit does not reflect your true style or makes you feel uncomfortable. Allow plenty of time to get ready so you don’t end up flustered or having a new beauty technique you are trying out go horribly wrong minutes before you leave the house.

Be aware it’s the time of year where hair appointments or last-minute beauty appointment slots are like gold dust as everybody gets ready for their festive shindigs. If you are the sort of person who loves that salon feeling, or you find it hard to juggle a busy work life with the sorts of hours salons work, it pays to be organised and secure an appointment with plenty of notice for the all-important date night.

The Lucie App

Many professional singles are juggling extremely demanding schedules and are particularly busy at this time of year. If you recognise yourself in this scenario, but you’ve got some exciting dates planned in December, then there is an easy way to ensure you can access a range of services that’ll help you get date ready in the most convenient way possible. The Lucie App offers access to top-grade therapists and experts from leading wellness brands who are available to offer treatments in the comfort of your own home. There are a range of beauty options to choose from, from blow dries and sessions with make-up artists, to visits from mobile nail technicians and facialists. You can also concentrate on a relaxed start to your date with an at-home massage, meditation session or even try a one-to-one yoga session. It’s the perfect way to indulge in some pre-date pampering without battling the December crowds and navigating waiting lists for last-minute appointments, ensuring a relaxed start to some truly exciting dates this Christmas!

Lucie offers a dedicated account manager for clients of Ignite Dating, providing advice and a concierge-type approach to their services, which are available in London, The Cotswolds, Hampshire, Surrey, and Ibiza. Please contact info@lucieapp.co.uk and 0333 880 6370 to find out more.

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How to build an autumn date wardrobe to impress

It is hard not to love dating when autumn rolls around again. The change in the weather opens a host of dating opportunities which you just can’t get any other time of the year. From romantic walks through crisp piles of leaves to enjoying that first pub drink in front of an open fire, there are plenty of fun options to be enjoyed together.

You will discover a host of benefits to dating at this time of year. Firstly, it is not so hot outside that you worry about arriving at the venue in a flustered mess, and it is not so cold that venturing outside is not an option. This is a time where we naturally slow down and relax after a packed summer of holidays and sun-soaked get togethers. There are plenty of people looking for somebody special to snuggle up with during the colder months, with Christmas and New Year’s Eve another powerful motivator for finding a new love interest. 

Autumn style

This season is all about mixing textures, layering bold accessories, and pairing your outfit with your sexiest boots. It is also the perfect time for sweaters, and who doesn’t love to break out the knitwear after it has been packed away all summer?

I have summed up the key styles to add to your dating wardrobe this autumn which will be a great way to ensure a memorable first impression.

For her:

The season lends itself to comfortable classics, and you can’t beat a fitted sweater dress at this time of year. A good pair of boots add a touch of class to an outfit, and I’d recommend over-the-knee suede boots. Choose your favourite from a range of styles including wedges, flats, or heels. Another sophisticated look is a suede heel bootie which will elevate any date night outfit. Autumn does not mean constantly having to wrap up against the elements though. An off-the-shoulder silk blouse is a great look, and you can go for a distinctly autumnal feel concentrating on rich, dark colours. One of the best things about this season is you can get creative with layering. Crop sweaters add a handy extra layer for warmth while looking both sexy and girlish. Go for bold colours and brighten up even the gloomiest autumn afternoon.

Lace camisoles are both beautiful and sexy. They can be paired with a silk blazer or moto jacket for a cool yet feminine look which is perfect for this time of year. As always, don’t forget accessories – make a statement with some gorgeous gold hoop earrings.

For him:

Layering is just as important for him, and you’ll find some wardrobe essentials come into play this time of year. I’d recommend dark slim fit jeans paired with a suede Chelsea boot and a fitted white tee. For a more casual look, try a white tennis sneaker. Add a stylish touch with a brown casual jacket or a peacoat in an autumnal colour. You can’t beat a smart lightweight jumper for a relaxed Sunday brunch or a romantic casual supper.

No matter your preferred personal style or your interest in fashion, you will find some wardrobe staples that can easily be put together for incredible fall outfits which will really make you feel you best. And with a great selection of date ideas to be enjoyed, it’s the perfect time of year to reinvigorate your dating journey!

Beverly Osemwenkhae is founder of ProjectBee Wardrobe Consulting

Are you looking for somebody special who will truly understand you and share your values, life goals and aspirations? Your dedicated matchmaker is waiting to introduce you to some truly amazing individuals. Get in touch today to find out how we can help you with a safe and enjoyable search for love.

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The benefits of dating in your thirties

Entering your thirties is a time many singletons evaluate what they want from dating. This can be a pivotal period where you may look to put the game-playing of dating behind you to focus on the goal of finding a serious and committed relationship. The good news is, although there are challenges to contend with, there can be plenty of positives to dating when you’ve passed this milestone birthday.

Many singletons find dating in their thirties can be very different to dating in your twenties. It often comes down to dating with intent. When you are in your twenties, dating can be all about the experience and you may have plenty of fun along the way dating people who wouldn’t usually tick all your boxes. The dating game can be care-free and a lot more enjoyable when you aren’t really looking for anything too serious, and it’s a great opportunity to learn a lot more about what you want from a partner.  

When you hit your thirties, you are often no longer dating for the sake of dating. You have a much better idea of your end-goals, whether they are settling down and having children, or a burning desire to put an end to the game-playing and casual nature of swiping for dates. You can decide what you really want in a partner, using all the experience gleaned from the dating experiences you enjoyed in your twenties. It’s possible you may have had your fingers burned along the way, experiencing heartbreak and bad relationships, but this ultimately helps to emphasise how important it is your future partner has the values, aspirations, and outlook on life that you are looking for. 

It’s good to be upfront about dating intentions as it can help eliminate dates who just want to have a bit of fun. While it’s OK to know what you are looking for in a partner, it’s not a good look to be firing questions at them on your first date to establish their 10-year career plan or thoughts on marriage and children. As you enjoy getting to know somebody, you can use discretion but be honest to sound out if you are on the same page and to explore whether there’s a connection there.  

It’s important to avoid the urge to settle for somebody who isn’t quite right, especially if you’re feeling the pressure of pals coupling up and your pool of single friends dwindling. It’s so important to recognise you’ve got a lot to give and that you’d be happier single rather than settling for something which is just not quite right. Be on the lookout for people who are in panic mode and desperately looking to settle down rather than putting in the work to establish whether they have a genuine connection with somebody new.

The most important factor to remember is that dating in your thirties can be extremely enjoyable. You are more confident about what you want, you’re likely to be more established in your career and home-life, and you’re prepared to ditch the timewasters in favour of those with romance potential. Dating is meant to be fun, and you’ll enjoy it even more if you are relaxed and letting the real you shine through on dates. It helps to put some perspective on the situation and realise that dating isn’t everything, it’s just part of a satisfying life you’ve created for yourself.

Don’t get too hung up on the end goal as you’ve still got plenty of time to meet someone, and if it all becomes too much, don’t be afraid to take some time away from dating to focus on yourself. You’ll then be in a much better place emotionally when you do feel ready to embark on the search for love again.   

It is also important to recognise there is nothing wrong in looking for a helping hand when it comes to your dating journey. Working with a matchmaker can be a real asset in your search for love, with the advantage of outsourcing the hard work of finding somebody new. Matchmakers are experts at understanding what you want from a relationship, and they use their intuition and extensive private network to make suggestions of people you’ll really enjoy meeting. With an expert in your corner, you’ll be in the best place to enjoy an effortless and stress-free search for love.

Here at Ignite Dating we understand your goal is a long-term, committed relationship and we work hard with you to help you find the perfect partner. Get in touch today to find out more about how our expert matchmaking team specialise in hand-selected introductions, helping you find a life partner who shares the same values, aspirations, and lifestyle as you.

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The key to successful dating: know your fears and your patterns

We are joined by coach and author Katherine Baldwin to explore how our fears about relationships drive our dating and relationship patterns and how this knowledge can transform our romantic life.

If your road to love is rocky and your dating experiences lead to dead-ends, it could be time to take a look at your relationship patterns and any fears that lie beneath them. It’s vital to understand any self-sabotaging relationship patterns you may have, to identify any fears that compel you to repeat these patterns and then to face these fears so that you can change your patterns into healthier ones and find true love.

This is enlightening, game changing work that will transform your romantic life and support you to find and form the healthy, loving partnership you desire and deserve. It’s also deep self-discovery work so I’ve broken it down into four steps to make it easier.

Sound good? Let’s begin.

1. Firstly, I’d like you to take a look back over your romantic history. You are searching for clues here – trying to identify patterns of repeated behaviour that lead to negative relationship experiences. The following questions, based on my own and my clients’ experience, might help:

  • Do you tend to fall for people who are emotionally or physically distant or unavailable but struggle to fall for available people who want to be with you?
  • Do you avoid spending time on your love life? Do you spend most of your time working, concentrating on hobbies or helping others, while dating stays on the back burner?
  • Do you find fault with every person you meet? Does nobody match up?

You may have different patterns to those listed here but the key is to mine for information and to be honest with yourself.

2. The next step is to identify any fears you might have about being in a relationship. This can be an eye-opening exercise. Here are some of the fears that I located inside myself and that others have shared with me:

  • Fear of loving and losing
  • Fear of abandonment and rejection
  • Fear of making the wrong choice
  • Fear of getting hurt or hurting others
  • Fear of being suffocated and trapped

Again, your fears may be different to these. Whatever they are, try to bring them to the surface.

I’d now like you to explore the roots of your fears. This will involve going back in time, to your childhood or previous relationships.

When I did this work, I saw that I was afraid of loving and losing because of my early life experiences. I idolised my dad and when he moved out, I felt abandoned and rejected. In that moment, I decided that love equalled loss and was to be avoided at all costs.

I also feared feeling trapped and losing my freedom because as a girl, I witnessed my mother’s marriage fall apart, leaving her alone with two kids, little money, and no career to speak of. If that’s what marriage looked like, marriage wasn’t for me, I decided.

How about you? Were you hurt, rejected, or abandoned in previous relationships? Did you lose your freedom or financial independence? Knowing the roots of your fears will help you to change them.

3. The next step is to draw the dots – to see how your fears drive your patterns. For example, if, like me, you have a core belief that love equals pain and loss, you may sabotage your relationships. You may keep falling for emotionally unavailable people because they feel ‘safe’ – there’s no prospect of real intimacy – and you may reject available people.

If this rings true, I suggest you explore and heal your relationship wounds, ideally with support, so that you can let go of your harmful beliefs. Self-reflection is a valuable exercise that will help you to consider what you can learn from past experiences, and it pays to be honest with yourself about what’s been going on. In this way, you can start afresh, judging each new romantic encounter on its own merits rather than through the lens of your past.

4. Now that you understand how your deep-seated fears drive your patterns, you can start to face your fears and change these dating habits. This can be challenging and you might need support – someone to point out when you are operating in fear or repeating self-defeating patterns and to help you get back on track. This could be a trusted friend or a professional. The key is to recognise when the urge to self-sabotage starts to hit.

Don’t be afraid to take a break from dating to focus on yourself if you need one, prioritising plenty of self-care and time spent with friends and family, so you can be sure you’re ready to date when you feel the time is right.

But if you are ready, this step will be the exciting part too. This is when you get to date with renewed courage, clarity, and confidence. This is when you get to put the past to bed and make different choices and healthier decisions.

This is when you find the love you desire and deserve.

Katherine Baldwin is a love, dating and relationships coach, midlife mentor, and the author of ‘How to Fall in Love’, a dating guide for single professionals. She specialises in supporting people to understand and face their relationship fears and to change their dating patterns so that they can find healthy, committed love. Katherine coaches 1:1 and hosts workshops and retreats in the UK and abroad.

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Top tips for getting over a painful break-up

Sadly, it’s a situation most of us have found ourselves in – some of us many times over. The break-up of a relationship can be devastating, leaving you feeling heartbroken and struggling to imagine what life will look like without that all-important person in it. It can be irrelevant whether you initiated the split, whether the decision was mutual, or if the other person called time on the relationship. Going your separate ways can be extremely tough and it can take a long time to recover from the impact of a relationship ending.

Break-ups can be incredibly painful and there is no right or wrong way to deal with a heart-breaking split. However, there are some predictable stages to a breakup, which are often likened to the stages of grief you experience as you mourn a death. These include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance.

However, breaking up is not necessarily a linear process so it’s not unusual to bounce around between these stages, experiencing them out of order or not encountering them at all. You may have experienced first-hand the agonising disbelief that a relationship is over, which can lead to resorting to bargaining tactics in a bid to attempt to salvage the relationship. Unfortunately, this rarely works. Anger may manifest in many ways, whether it’s directed at your ex, external factors involved in the breakup, or even friends that want to maintain a relationship with both of you rather than taking sides. Many of us will recognise the huge sadness that accompany a breakup, which can take a toll on your body and make every day feel like an emotional rollercoaster. However, these negative feelings will eventually pass, and you will, in time, make peace with the situation.

Although it can feel like the pain will never end, there are ways to help get over a painful split. Here are our top tips to help you if you are finding it hard to move on from a relationship which has come to a sad end.

Don’t forget your support network

While it can be all-too tempting to curl up into a ball and shut out the world, it’s important to make sure you let your friends and family support you at this difficult time. Your nearest and dearest can offer a fresh perspective on the split and be there for you when you are struggling, providing a valuable distraction.

Beware of romanticising

It can be tempting to have a rose-tinted view of your time together when you are mourning the loss of a relationship, and this can easily lead you to forgetting to factor in the bad parts. Being realistic about what wasn’t great about the relationship helps you strengthen your resolve that it was ultimately the right choice to call it a day, no matter who initiated the breakup.

Focus on you

Elements of your character can get lost in the things you liked to do as a couple – perhaps you loved watching horror movies, but your partner wasn’t a fan. Rediscovering old interests is a great way of re-establishing your identity outside of the partnership.

Cut ties

It can be tempting to try and maintain a connection with an ex, but this can ultimately prolong the pain. A clean break can be the best way forward for healing and moving on.

Look to the future

Don’t see the time spent in the relationship as wasted, as you can learn a lot from your experience and the time you spent together which will help you decide what you really want from your next relationship. When the time is right, you’ll be in a much better place to move on and meet somebody you’ll truly have a fantastic connection with. 

Work with the experts

Although it can be hard to believe, in time you will move on from your ex and get over them for good. And when you feel it is the right time to meet somebody new, it can really help to have support and advice of a trusted individual, so you aren’t facing a search for love alone. This is where our matchmakers come in, offering their expertise and extensive private network to help you easily find great people you’ll really share a spark with. Our matchmakers act like a trusted friend, being on-hand to offer advice every step of the way. This support is invaluable if you’ve experienced a particularly bad break-up and empowers you to focus on what you really want out of your next relationship. All you need to do is leave it to the experts and get out there again to enjoy some truly exciting dates!

Are you keen to hear more about the matchmaking process and how Ignite Dating can help you with your dating journey? Just give our expert team a call today and we’ll happily detail more about how our multiple award-winning service works!

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Find the best date ideas in Dorset this autumn

If you are lucky enough to live in Dorset, you’ll be sure to appreciate the natural beauty and fantastic mix of coast and countryside that lies on your doorstep. The county is famous for its sandy beaches and crystal-clear waters as well as the more rugged beauty spots found along the Jurassic Coast. Sun-kissed peninsula Sandbanks is recognised as one of the most exclusive areas in the world to live and is a favourite with celebrities.

There is a lot more to Dorset than sun-seeking and battling throngs of tourists for the prime beach spot in the balmy summer months though. As the temperatures drop the area still has plenty to offer when it comes to finding some truly exciting date ideas. So, whether you are local to the area or looking for visit for a romantic mini break – it’s approximately two hours from London on the train – check out our top tips for some truly enjoyable dates this autumn and winter.

Fabulous foodie experiences

Dorset is a must-visit foodie destination, with plenty of celebrated chefs having established notable eateries in the area. These include Mark Hix, who opened The Oyster and Fish House which boasts panoramic views across the Jurassic Coast and Lyme Regis. BBC Masterchef winner Mat Follas is behind the Bramble Restaurant, a small cosy dining experience in Sherborne. TV regular Mitch Tonks’ Rockfish restaurant group has outlets in Poole and Weymouth, giving you ample opportunity to sample their delicious seafood. You can also sample iconic seafood dishes over at Rick Stein’s restaurant in Sandbanks, which offers a sea view terrace where you can cosy-up under blankets and enjoy the views of Poole harbour. If you are keen on discovering new wines, you’ll find vineyard tours on offer at Langham Wine Estate with the opportunity to sample some tasty fizz over a lazy lunch.

Romantic beach walks

The beach doesn’t cease to be a draw once the sun cream is packed away for the season. It can be lovely to get wrapped up warm and enjoy a bracing walk along the shoreline, with less crowds to contend with as well. If you’re local you’ve probably experienced all the big hitters before, so why not seek out some hidden gems a bit further afield? Mupe Bay is just around the corner from the famous Lulworth Cove but much more tranquil in comparison and a great place to enjoy some valuable relaxation time after an invigorating hike to reach the beach. Do your homework before you set off though, as the trails are only open certain times depending on whether the land is being used for military exercises. Find striking views at Church Ope Cove, where you might even spot a dolphin if you’re lucky. Some beaches are so off the beaten track you might even find them completely empty, making for a super opportunity for a romantic stroll and private picnic for two.

Take in some culture

The National Trust boasts some noteworthy properties which are well worth a visit. Corfe Castle is a dramatic thousand-year-old ruin which boasts fantastic views across the Purbeck countryside. The quaint village of the same name is well worth spending time in to enjoy the traditional village pubs and explore the quirky independent shops. Kingston Lacy is a fascinating stately home built to resemble a Venetian Palace with formal gardens and extensive parklands. If you visit close to Christmas, there’s a fabulous after-dark trail featuring over a million twinkling lights and seasonal sounds.

Enjoy some pamper time

If relaxation and pampering are more your thing, you’ll find spas which are well worth a visit. Monart Spa in Poundbury offers five-star luxury with an impressive thermal suite which includes a hydrotherapy pool, salt grotto, steam room and unique experience showers. Christchurch Harbour Hotel and Spa is positioned right on the water’s edge offering plenty of spa packages and overnight experiences. Or for a more quirky experience try The Pig at Studland Bay which offers a spa menu in two sheep huts that have been transformed into single treatment rooms.

These are just a flavour of the many amazing dates you can enjoy together in Dorset – we’d love to hear your top tips for getting the most out of the area. Head over to our Facebook or Instagram pages to share your thoughts on the best date ideas to be enjoyed in Dorset during the cooler months!

If you are looking for somebody to share plenty of exciting new experiences with, why not give our expert matchmaking team a call? Here at Ignite Dating we specialise in hand-selected introductions to people you’ll really share a connection with. We have an extensive private network and use our expert intuition, experience and personality profiling to find you the perfect match.

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Watch out for the dark triad in the dating world

Hands up who has heard of the dark triad? It may well be the first time you’ve come across the term but it’s well worth getting clued up on what it refers to in case you ever come across a dark triad in the dating world.  

The dark triad is used to describe people who possess distinct yet overlapping personality traits. These are Machiavellianism (being cunning and manipulative), psychopathy, and narcissism.

While it may initially seem like it would be easy to spot somebody with this combination of personality traits, be warned, it is trickier than you think. Their behaviour can be highly attractive to the opposite sex, often coming across as confident and charming. They may come into your life with a bang, sweeping you off your feet with their flattery and larger-than-life charisma and gestures. Image is of the upmost importance to them, and they will be impeccably turned out. People with the dark triad personality type can be very successful, working in high-powered leadership positions or within the political world. Your response to their behaviour at the beginning of the relationship can be addictive – you fall in love with how they make you feel.

So why is all this problematic? To fully understand the dark triad and how it plays out in the dating landscape, we’ve taken a closer look at each of the personality traits and what they mean.

Machiavellianism: In a nutshell it’s somebody with a manipulative personality,who is calculated, strategic and willing to deceive people to get what they want.

Psychopathy: This trait (when sub-clinical) refers to being reckless and prone to taking big risks while lacking in empathy and being emotionally cold.

Narcissism: Narcissists are usually characterised as self-important and entitled. They have a strong need for admiration and high status, demanding special treatment while talking about themselves all the time. Image is everything to a narcissist, theirs and yours.

The situation is also complicated by the fact dark triad personalities vary and there is a scale to how much the respective traits exhibit. However, the cracks will eventually begin to show as the dark triad struggles to keep up the persona you’ve fallen for, eventually revealing their true self. Dark triad personalities don’t feel emotions the same way other people do so they play a role to win your affection, knowing their flattery, gifts and complements have a good chance of winning you over. Be warned though, people with a high scale of dark triad traits will be manipulative, play games and toy with your heart in order to control the relationship. In short, it’s a mix which can do serious damage to your relationship and your emotional wellbeing.

It’s common for them to start purposely pulling away after flooding you with attention and affection, which can result in you lowering your boundaries in a bid to win their affection back. Gaslighting is a common problem, where you’re left questioning yourself as they mislead you by creating a false narrative of what’s really happening. The situation becomes particularly problematic if you have low self-esteem or you are going through an emotionally vulnerable period as you are far more likely to be susceptible to the advances of somebody with these negative qualities.

When it comes to handling the dark triad, it pays to trust your gut feeling. If you have a niggling feeling you just don’t trust somebody, listen to your instinct. it can be hard to listen to your internal worries if you are in a vulnerable spot, as it’s so easy to be swept away by their advances and enjoy their attention. However, if their actions don’t align with what they are saying, it can pay to have the courage to walk away. You are better off being on your own than to be with somebody who is manipulative and emotionally abusive.

Unfortunately, it’s not a solution to try and change their behaviour, because it is highly unlikely it will change. Dark triads can be entitled, arrogant, with a strong self-belief – and this leopard won’t change its spots. If you are in a relationship with a dark triad and it’s eroding your self-esteem and happiness, it pays to involve friends and family to give you the strength to get out and stay out. A support system and plan of action can help you stick to your guns and to avoid the manipulative behaviour of a partner who may try hard to make you stay. It is possible to have a fulfilling relationship with a dark triad, you just need to have the tools in place to manage them and protect your emotions.

It’s key to believe there is somebody out there who will love you for who you are and will be the real deal. This person won’t overwhelm you at the start of the relationship with grand gestures, instead they’ll take the time to really get to know the real you. You need to be with somebody who respects your boundaries and whose boundaries you respect – this will keep you strong and in a respectful relationship.

Dannielle Haig is an International Business Coach and Principal Business Psychologist at DH Consulting.

If you are looking for a relationship with somebody who’ll truly appreciate you for who you are, give the team at Ignite Dating a call. We are experts at introducing you to people who will really share your aspirations, family values and outlook on life. We work closely with you to find your perfect partner, and together make steps towards the ultimate goal of a committed relationship.

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Revisiting The Rules: is the dating bible still relevant today?

Don’t talk to a man first. Never accept a date for a Saturday night if he asks after Wednesday. Don’t call him, and rarely return his calls.

Sound familiar? It’s all advice from the bestselling dating bible The Rules: Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr Right. The book was a dating guide with the premise that women who play hard to get, get their man, while women who showed too much interest did not In a nutshell, boy pursues girl and women play it extremely cool. The book was co-authored by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider and offered a set of dating rules which, although sparking plenty of controversy, have endured until this day. 

There have been plenty of updates to The Rules, given a lot has changed since it was released in 1995. A new book offered insight on how to handle social media, texting, and online dating when it comes to dating with The Rules in mind. There are also insights into the co-authors’ daughters’ experience with dating to further update the advice with a modern makeover. There are even phone consultations and in-person courses on offer with the pair if you are looking for more tailored advice.

The original book advocated playing very hard to get, by being a bit distant and difficult. Women who play by the rules – aka Rules girls – always end phone calls first and only engage in casual kissing on the first and second dates. Oh, and the book sees grooming as extremely important by advising women to “be a creature unlike any other”. The central message is if a man likes you, he will approach you. So never approach a man, state The Rules, don’t suggest a date, instead let him come to you.

What do people make of The Rules?

As you would expect, there are plenty of opinions about The Rules, which is partly the reason it’s become such a cultural phenomenon. You may initially find the premise of The Rules surprising given how dating has seemingly evolved since the book was released, but it’s had a big influence within the dating world.

As Refinery29 points out, the book feeds into a nostalgia around romance and relies on a very traditional sense of what love and courtship are. Author Samhita Mukhopadhyay, interviewed in the piece, said the advice can sometimes work given that men are fed antiquated notions of what dating should look like, so see a woman acting forward as a signal she is in fact desperate because it’s breaking the mould of how they view traditional dating.

The authors say the rules are not about manipulation – they are there to prevent women from making avoidable dating mistakes and getting hurt because of them. Offering another perspective, Rules Coach Vanessa Taylor says it boils down to creating healthy boundaries and establishing your own power in the relationship from the start. 

Others argue that given there has been more than two decades since The Rules were launched, dating norms have not actually changed that much. An article on Vox cited studies which looked at the heterosexual dating rituals of young men and women. These found that although the respondents identified as progressive and even feminist, they stuck to traditional scripts when dating when their goal was marriage and children. The women believed men naturally want to be the pursuers – as The Rules points out – and worry that if they pursue the object of their affection, it makes them come across as desperate. As a result they didn’t ask men out, or pay for dates. While interestingly, most of the men surveyed claimed they didn’t like these sort of gender rules in dating. They wanted women to ask them out or to pick up the bill when they met up for a date. However, the female subjects of the study said their experiments in being forward didn’t work as they did not get the outcome they wanted.

Is it dating itself which dictates behaviour?

Despite its critics, many devotees have been won over by the boundaries and confidence that having a set of dating rules bring. Sherrie Schneider pointed out to The Independent: “The Rules are about boundaries and self-esteem. That is not repressive: that is called self-control and smart, effective behaviour.” In other words, it’s coping strategies for the confusing and sometimes intimidating world of dating. And as the Vox piece points out, the courtship expectations of The Rules are still here to be navigated, whether you like it or not.

Others are sympathetic to the goals of The Rules, seeing it as a response to the innate issue with dating that there is always a power imbalance. In the New York Times writer Taffy Brodesser-Akner argued that The Rules recognised there was no changing the system, so the only thing to do was to work smarter within it.

It’s fascinating that the book – and its subsequent sequels – continue to have such an influence. Whether you agree with its premise or not, it does show how common it is for dating to follow a tried-and-tested formula which is dictated in a large part by societal expectations. We’d love to hear your views on The Rules – are you a convert? Have you tried any of its advice and would you put your relationship success down to these efforts? Share your views and experiences via Facebook and Instagram!

If you are looking for support and advice on your dating journey, why not consider working with a matchmaker? We work closely with you to truly understand who you are looking for and we use our extensive experience and exclusive private network to find you people you’ll really share a connection with. Give us a call today to find out how we can help you find true love!

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How to let the real you shine through in your dating profile pictures

A set of standout dating photos don’t just show people what you look like, it gives them a clear insight into who you are, what you’re into and what you’re all about.

We live in a highly visual world. The majority of people are curating and sharing good quality photos of themselves and their lives on social media as part of their weekly routine. So, when it comes to our dating lives, people now have higher expectations about the profile photos they are viewing, much more than they would have done even a couple of years ago. The challenging aspect of this is that we need to make a much bigger effort with our dating profile pictures in order to have a strong impact and to stand out from the crowd.

I’ve shared my top tips for achieving a set of dating photos which will really show who you are and what you’re all about.

Only use good quality photos

We all have higher expectations now when it comes to looking at other people’s profile photos, but we need to make sure our own profile pictures measure up to those same expectations.

It’s well known that using low quality images gives people the impression that you don’t value the dating experience and more crucially, that you don’t value yourself or have something to hide. If you’re here reading this blog, chances are you’re the kind of person who is serious about finding a life partner and that you’re the kind of person who values themselves highly. With this in mind, make sure all your photos are clear and good quality. Good quality pictures attract good quality dates, while low quality photos will attract hook-ups.

The four photos every profile needs

The happy headshot

Your primary headshot has the most work to do out of all your photos as it will be the first one they see. Its main role is to make you look super attractive, warm, approachable and to also ensure you come across as someone people enjoy spending time with. It also needs to be visually eye-catching so that it makes you stand out in the busy online space. The easiest way to be visually interesting in the primary headshot is to wear an eye-catching colour, like red, orange or yellow. You could also include a bold colour in the background, if you prefer not to wear these sorts of colours.

The fierce full body shot

People want to see the ‘full package’ before deciding whether to go on a date with someone, so it’s essential to include one, up-to-date, full-body shot. People sadly are wary of to being deceived on dating apps, so this is the kind of shot they will look for to check you are who you say you are. You only need one, as the rest of the photos need to focus more on showing off your face and elements of your personality well.

The playful personality shot

Including a personality photo is a secret superpower. If you can showcase elements of your lifestyle and your personality, it’s such a powerful way to help you connect with like-minded people.

It doesn’t have to be complicated. It could be as simple as being pictured reading your favourite book. Perhaps they LOVE that book. Or maybe you’re pictured hugging your dog. Perhaps you enjoy painting with watercolours or you play the guitar. If you’re into any kind of sport or movement activity, include a photo of yourself engaged in that. Recent research suggests that a sporty or activity-based photos attracts 75% more attention on dating apps than any other photo. People are attracted to healthy people who look after themselves, so this makes sense. If you’re into yoga, carry your yoga mat or, even better, get photographed as you go through some yoga poses. When you’re captured in ‘flow’, meaning doing something you love in your photos, it shines through and creates very attractive pictures.

Anything that emphasises the unique, interesting you – be sure to include that!

The intriguing talking point photo

Create a photo which aims to intrigue, surprise or delight people. You’ll capture their interest and make it easy for them to message you with a question or comment. If you’re stuck, perhaps remind yourself what your party trick is. Can you stand on your head? Or do you have an unusual interest? At Hey Saturday we’ve had clients playing the banjo, skateboarding, doing martial arts with a wooden stick, dancing in the street and many other fun and eye-catching ideas.

Or, if you’re still stuck for inspiration, think about what you love that others might love. Have you been known to enjoy eating a delicious but ridiculously large ice cream sundae the size of your head? That photo might appeal to rather a lot of people.

You only have a total of five or six photos with which to make a powerful impact. That’s not a huge number of photos to work with, so make sure you’re the star of every single one – no group shots – and that each photo has a clear role and is working hard for you. A killer profile photo doesn’t just show people what you look like, it tells them what you’re made of. 

Saskia Nelson is the founder of Hey Saturday, a dating photography agency that specialises in creating show-stopping dating app and matchmaking profile photos, equipping clients to take their online impact to the next level.

If you are looking for help and support for a dating journey you’ll truly enjoy, why not turn to the experts? Our matchmakers really get to know you to understand who you’ll share a connection with, introducing you to some truly amazing people who share your goal of a long-term, committed relationship. We take away all the hard work that can come with dating, by arranging a professional photoshoot and hand-selecting individuals you’ll really enjoy meeting with. Give us a call today to find out how to start you search for true love!