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How to deal with dating burnout

There’s no doubt that these days we are all extremely busy people. If your phone isn’t constantly pinging with messages and emails, it’s probably out of battery. From the latest news on your family WhatsApp group and appointment reminders from your local hairdresser, to work emails and updates from your dog walker, there’s a lot to take in on a daily basis.

If you add an online app-based approach to dating into the mix, well, life can get even more frantic. Online dating apps are designed to make it easy to connect quickly with lots of people at the swipe of a screen. While this may seem like a benefit if you’re looking to meet somebody new, it can inadvertently turn out to be quite stress-inducing if you get too swept up in it all. There is the temptation to think that the person of your dreams is there, somewhere, buried in those countless online profiles, so all you need to do is keep up the momentum – and the swiping – to find them. But a quick five-minute search can turn into hours assessing person after person. Suddenly that relaxed night on the sofa, with a well-earned glass of wine after a long week, turns from a chilled box set marathon to your hands creeping to the phone for just a quick look. Before you know it, it’s the early hours.

If a search for love is starting to feel quite labour intensive and you’re getting increasingly exhausted with it all, it can be a sign that you are panic dating and at risk of dating burnout. But it’s not just having so much choice at your fingertips that can lead to getting carried away – the temptation to panic date can come from an array of different sources.

Perhaps it’s a reluctance to say no to a date if you’re invited on one. A lot of singletons can feel the pressure to be out there constantly and worry that by pressing pause on their dating journey for even a short while, it can mean they’ll miss out. If you’re constantly focusing on the next date, or rushing to another meeting that very same evening, be sure this approach works for you as it’s easy to feel burned out if you’re already juggling a hectic schedule. It’s tempting to agree to numerous dates on your quest to find the perfect partner but remember – dating is meant to be fun. If it’s starting to feel like a chore, or you’ve got zero motivation to get out there, it’s a sign you need to reassess your approach to dating.

You may also be feeling subtle pressure from your friendship group to get coupled up, especially if a steady stream of engagement announcements and wedding invites are coming your way. It can be hard when your single friends dwindle, especially if you are finding it hard to feel 100% content with the freedom of singledom.

You may even be toying with the temptation to think about rekindling with an ex. This may come as a result of feeling like everybody else is coupling up, but if there were good reasons behind the decision to call it a day, it’s probably not a good idea to try and pick up where you left off.

If all this sounds familiar, then don’t despair. There are a few simple tricks and techniques to solve a frantic approach to dating.

Firstly, contrary to popular belief it can be helpful to take a step away from dating and take some time for yourself, providing plenty of time for reflection about what’s not working and the changes you need to make. Self-care is important to ensure you’re looking after number one, and taking a break for even a short while can mean you return to dating feeling energised and confident. It’ll also provide some valuable balance and help you focus on other parts of your life that make you happy.

A break from dating can be the perfect time to concentrate on what you really want from a partner and a relationship. Try not to sweat how long the break is – you won’t be missing out if you really invest the time in ensuring dating is fun again once you’re really ready to get back out there. You can then return to a more purposeful dating journey, being more selective with the time you dedicate to dating, focusing more on who you meet and the types of dates you’ll really enjoy. Don’t waste time on a date if you’ve got a gut feeling they’re not right for you – there’s plenty more fish in the sea and you’ll have a lot more fun if you see the romance potential shining through their profile.

Working with a matchmaker also can really help you take a step back and assess what you want from a relationship. When you feel ready to take your first steps back into the dating world, they’ll be on-hand to introduce you to hand-selected introductions who truly align with your goals, aspirations, and life values. There’s no need to stress about meeting somebody new, as your matchmaker will take all the hard work out of your search for somebody who you’ll really click with.

So, if you’re getting the feeling your dating journey is not quite working for you at the moment, remember it can pay to take a step back and have a good look at what you really want. And when you’re ready to date again, it’ll be all the more fun and enjoyable!   

If you’re looking for help in pursuing a more purposeful and enjoyable dating journey, why not give our team of expert matchmakers a call? They are on-hand to share their expertise and work with you to really understand your relationship goals. Get in touch today!

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How to let the real you shine through on dates

Do you ever feel like everybody is a little more chilled out than you when it comes to dating? That by letting yourself get tied up in knots with pre-date nerves, you are somehow unusual? Well, you’re not alone. It’s normal to experience first date nerves – from the gentlest of flutters as you arrive at the venue, to feeling overwhelmed by the idea of making small talk with someone you’ve never met before – the key is not letting it overpower the real you.

Unfortunately, with nerves comes the tendency to clam up and not be yourself. We’ve all heard numerous dating disaster anecdotes about the time somebody tripped/forgot their date’s name/had a tumbleweed moment with a poorly received joke (insert your own nerve-induced calamity here). Which, when you come to think about it, just serves to make you even more nervous as you prepare for your own first date.

Nerves aside though, there is also a danger you may inadvertently adapt your behaviour, subconsciously or not, to act in a way which you believe your date would want you to.

More than half of people surveyed in a recent study said they behave differently and less authentically to fit into perceived gender expectations about how they should act on a date. Women in particular, admitted that they are conscious of behaviours thought to be off-putting to men including appearing too clingy, being too forward or coming across as genuinely interested. The study found more than a third of women effectively dull their own shine to make their male dates feel more comfortable and powerful during the date.   

All this pressure can lead to putting on a façade during a first date – but by doing so your date is missing out on discovering your best side. While it can be very tricky to shed the nerves and the pre-conceived ideas of how you should be acting on a date, by relaxing and being yourself you can let the real you shine through. While there is a certain amount of formality which comes with first dates, putting your best foot forward and looking ahead to the future will be so much easier if you are being authentic.

We’ve shared our top tips for making sure your true character takes centre stage when you go on a first date so you can feel confident you are doing yourself justice – and your date gets to know the real, amazing you.

Manage your inner voice

We can all be our harshest critics but it’s important to pay attention to how your inner voice is treating you. Are you being overly critical of how you may be coming across on dates? Becoming hung up on how you look, or getting paranoid your small talk is sub-par? Then it’s time to talk yourself up, reminding yourself how awesome and worthy you really are. If you find this tough, then it can be handy to put little notes around at home reminding you of your positive traits, making sure they counter the negative thoughts you may have been experiencing.

Create an enjoyable pre-date ritual

It always pays to be prepared and it’s no different when it comes to dating. Find something that works for you that soothes your nerves, whether it’s meditation, cranking up your favourite feel-good playlist or just taking the time to visualise how the date might go, preparing yourself for all eventualities. Even making sure you know exactly where you are going and how you’ll get there minimises the risk of you arriving flustered and late. Whether it’s any of the above or simply a quick glass of wine before you leave or chatting with friends for some last-minute good luck vibes – whatever works to help you feel comfortable and relaxed pre-date will follow through into the actual event.

Be honest

Try to avoid the temptation to act like you’re more into your date’s hobbies and interests than you really are. It’s just trouble waiting to happen if you feign an interest in something you’re just not that into. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself on a second date involving a bungee jump or open water swimming in a freezing lake. Plus, there is the risk dating will turn into a relationship, and you’ll get found out down the line. Be totally upfront about your likes and dislikes to establish if you are compatible – and remember, there’s nothing wrong with having different interests. It can be just as interesting to find out more about their favourite hobby when you know nothing about it.  

Try an unusual date to show the real you

There can be a lot of pressure on face-to-face conservation, especially if you find it awkward to keep the small talk going with somebody you’ve never met before. Why not try a date that reflects something you’ll really enjoy? An activity-focused date can help show the real you and hopefully help you relax and enjoy the date. Remember, there are no rules when it comes to dating and when you are in your comfort zone, you’ll be happier. A quirky date also takes a lot of the pressure off keeping the conversation going as well, giving you plenty of other ways to suss each other out.

Work with a matchmaker

When you are nervous and unsure about dating, it can be a real asset to have somebody who’s got your back and offering you tons of support. That’s where our expert matchmakers come in. They are extremely experienced in finding hand-selected matches who’ll perfectly suit your personality and relationship goals, using a combination of Myer-Briggs personality profiling, intuition, and our extensive private network to find the perfect person for you. They’ll be on-hand to support you every step of your dating journey, ensuring a stress-free experience and a journey that will leave you feeling confident, energised and safe that leads to the goal of a committed, long-term relationship.

When it comes to first dates, you’re probably not going to learn everything about each other in the space of one evening. However, if you’ve both been authentic and upfront with each other and had a great time, chances are there’s mutual interest there. You’ve then got plenty of opportunity to enjoy learning more about each other on your second date, and beyond!

If you want to find out more about our award-winning matchmaking service, then get in touch with our friendly team today. Your dedicated matchmaker is ready and waiting to expertly help you embark on a successful search for love.