Month: July 2023

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Why you shouldn’t snoop through a partner’s phone

Have you ever been tempted to snoop through a partner’s messages? Devices hold a wealth of ways of communicating and just a hit of a button gives you access to the likes of emails, social media profiles, text messages and messenger apps. If you wouldn’t even dream of having a peek at your significant other’s private interactions, you may be surprised to learn that a whopping 60% of people surveyed recently admitted to looking at their partner’s private text messages and photos. That’s despite another survey which suggests 70% of those asked believe it is rarely or never acceptable for somebody to look through a partner’s phone without their knowledge.

So why do people sneak a peek at what their partner or new love interest has been discussing in their private messages? Sometimes it is down to a lack of trust, due to the way they are behaving or something they’ve done which has aroused suspicions. For others, there might not be a particular reason they are looking into what their partner has been discussing, but the temptation to snoop is still hard to ignore. It may be because they were cheated on in a previous relationship and they can’t shake the feeling that history might repeat itself. Insecurity can end up leading to a desire to look for something that proves a love interest is up to no good, as deep down you expect it. Messages often ping up on a preview mode on screen which makes it even easier to have a quick peek at what somebody has been sent.

Why it’s problematic

Sneaking a look into somebody’s phone or device is invading their privacy when it’s against their knowledge. Even if they share their password to let you make a call or pay for something you’ve ordered for you both, it’s not an invitation to start opening their recent chats and emails. It crosses boundaries and indicates a lack of trust, while demonstrating insecurity about the relationship that has turned into fears your partner isn’t trustworthy. Snooping can lead to self-sabotaging the relationship if you read too much into something that may be completely innocuous. It can be very embarrassing to be caught in the act of snooping, or revealing what you’ve been up when you eventually confront your partner. Reading messages may not even give you the answers you want, as a cheating partner may have gone to great lengths to delete messages or have a separate phone or email account.

On the flipside though, sharing passwords with a new partner or significant other does show trust, demonstrating you are happy to give them access to your devices knowing they won’t abuse it.

What you should do instead

Wanting to spy on your partner is a big clue that something isn’t quite right in the relationship. This is when communication is key to address what’s really going on. The sensible thing to do is to ask them directly if there is something you want to know rather than risking breaking their trust by reading their messages. Even if it’s something really serious, like infidelity, it’s best to get the facts from them directly. Open and honest communication can help tackle any doubts, worries and issues you’ve been experiencing and nips that urge to snoop in the bud.

If you find it hard to fight the urge, it’s worth asking yourself questions about where your insecurity is coming from. If it’s down to your own worries, fears, and issues from past relationships, it’s worth taking the time to address them, perhaps putting in some work yourself or with a professional. It’s important to realise there is nothing wrong with having independence in a relationship and it’s a sign of a healthy relationship if you don’t mind your partner having their own connection with friends, family, and co-workers. There’s nothing wrong with having some privacy in your own life as well as enjoying a happy and healthy relationship with your significant other.

We’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic – have you ever been tempted to snoop on a partner? Have you ever caught a partner sneaking a look at your messages? Share your thoughts via Facebook and Instagram!

Are you keen to hear more about the matchmaking process and how Ignite Dating can help you with your dating journey? Just give our expert team a call today and we’ll happily detail more about how our multiple award-winning service works!

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The best date ideas in York

York is a beautiful historic walled city which is perfect for exploring with a new love interest. It’s a small city which makes it compact and easy to explore, and there is an abundance of amazing things to do. From romantic strolls along the maze of narrow streets to indulging in York’s famous chocolate heritage, you’ll find plenty of ways to enjoy getting to know each other better.

Take a stroll along the Shambles

The Shambles is York’s famous fourteenth century market road which features gorgeous, cobbled streets and overhanging buildings. It’s well worth a visit, not least because it was voted Britain’s prettiest street. The picturesque part of the city boasts a fabulous range of eateries, quirky shops, a chocolatier and an award-winning pub. Enjoy a romantic stroll and browse, choosing your favourite tipple or refreshment when you need a rest!

Explore The Chocolate City

Chocolate is a big part of York’s history, and you’ll find plenty of tasty ways to explore the impact the confectionery trade has had on the city. If you’ve both got a sweet tooth you’ll love York’s Chocolate Story, which offers a fascinating history of chocolate alongside delicious tastings and the opportunity to try your hand at chocolate making. You can find out more about York’s famous brands and watch demonstrations from expert chocolatiers. It’s also well worth paying a visit to York Cocoa Works which is a working chocolate manufactory offering the opportunity to drop in and make your own chocolate lollipop while sampling a tasty treat in the café while you wait for your creation to set.

Walk the walls

Work off all those chocolate calories by taking a leisurely walk around the historic walls, which offer a 3.4km elevated circular route boasting amazing views of the city. It’s free and the route can be accessed at various points in the city. The city walls are the most complete in England and were built mainly in the 13th century, making it a fascinating landmark to explore together.

Visit the Minster

It’s well worth making time to stroll around the impressive York Minster, a magnificent cathedral with stunning medieval stained glass and handcrafted stone. Don’t just limit yourself to strolling around the exterior, as you’ll be missing out on the interior which is awe-inspiring. You can climb the tower for panoramic views of the city, which is worth the 275 steps to the top.

Take a romantic river cruise

You can book fabulous cruises of the River Ouse to see the city from a completely different perspective. Cosy up to take in the sights and learn more about the city courtesy of the on-board commentary. There’s a tranquil floodlit evening cruise where you can sip wine and enjoy music as you get to know each other better.

Eat and drink

York is known for its amazing real ale, available in a range of cosy traditional pubs and craft beer spots, as well from a thriving selection of local breweries. Even if beer is not your tipple, it’s worth dropping in to one of the many pubs to soak up the atmosphere of the wide array of interesting historic venues. If you are more of a gin fan, check out Evil Eye, world record holder for the most gins sold in one shop. It’s also home to plenty of tasty cocktails. Feeling peckish? Pairings Wine Bar offers fantastic wines with recommended food pairings including tasty cheeses and deli classics. There’s even a sweet tooth flight featuring dessert wines and mini desserts. If you are both visitors to the city, you can’t miss Betty’s, famous its iconic afternoon tea and irresistible treats that people are happy to queue for.   

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How to end a bad date – without faked excuses

In a perfect world every date you went on would be full of interesting conversation and fascinating insights into the other person’s life. Even if your date doesn’t set your world on fire, the evening would be fun, satisfying and a good use of your precious spare time.

However, unfortunately not all dates end up like this. First meetings don’t always go well, leaving people desperate to pull any excuse out of the bag to be able to leave what might be an excruciatingly dull evening. According to recent research from Britannia Rescue, daters will only tolerate 51 minutes of a bad date before making an excuse to leave. More than a fifth of those surveyed say they’ve left a bad date halfway through, with daters taking an average of 25 minutes to decide if they and their date have a spark.

Why bad dates happen

It’s not unusual to end up on a bad date. You can only glean so much from an online dating profile so meeting in real life is really the first opportunity to suss out what somebody is really like. Some daters find several pre-screening phone calls are helpful to judge whether somebody is on the same page as them and worth getting to know better. Sometimes though, whatever vetting process you’ve tried out, a face-to-face meet-up is what it takes to reveal there is zero chemistry between you both and you just don’t click. Things can also go awry when your date’s behaviour is off-putting, or they don’t match up to what they’ve told you about in their profile. The conversation may be falling flat, and the long pauses aren’t romantic ones. Sometimes, unfortunately, there’s something about this person that leaves you feeling unsafe, which means it is certainly the right thing to do to call immediate time on the date.

So, things aren’t going as expected and you’re keen not to dedicate anymore time to something which you see has zero potential. How do you make an exit that won’t offend your date and risk hurting their feelings?

Make it short

A micro-date can be a good idea for a first meeting, to see if there is enough between you to warrant a proper first date. It’s a good idea to meet for coffee or a casual drink, which gives you an easy out if things aren’t going well. There’s nothing worse than being committed to a set menu or an activity you can’t get out of with somebody you really aren’t gelling with. You can also have something else lined up to add a time constraint to your meeting, and they won’t feel blown off if they knew in advance that you were meeting friends later on that night.

Be honest

It’s natural to not enjoy confrontation and want to protect somebody’s feelings, but it can be the kindest way to be upfront about the fact you’re not feeling it. It is worth being honest that you did not feel a romantic connection, while expressing gratitude for them coming out to meet you. It’s about letting them know it’s not working out the way you hoped without giving false hope that you’ll see them again in the future. Try not to fall back on lines like “I’ll text you” or “let’s do this again” when you have absolutely no intention of doing so.

If you are not feeling safe

It’s best to meet in public, where you can seek out the help of bar or restaurant staff to help call you a taxi if you are concerned about how a date is behaving, a recently Cosmopolitan article highlights. It also suggests calling a friend to come and collect you.

Don’t put up with bad behaviour

If somebody is being rude or offensive, don’t feel bad about paying your share of the bill and leaving – you don’t owe them an excuse.

When to give somebody the benefit of the doubt

It can pay to be open-minded, as sometimes nerves can easily sabotage the first part of your date. If you see romance potential in this person, and it does appear they are trying, it can be worth sticking around to see how things progress. Every date is a learning experience so by trying to establish a connection with this person, you’ll not be completely wasting your time.

And remember, lying is never a great idea in the dating world, as it can spiral and lead to all sorts of complicated stories being fabricated. Sometimes it pays to have in mind a reason you might need to bail early, such as your early meeting in the morning, or wanting to ensure you don’t miss the last train. Having a pre-prepared excuse which is true means you don’t have to resort to faked emergency calls from friends, or even worse, going to the bathroom and never returning!  

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