Modern dating isn’t all about candlelit dinners and finding someone who laughs at your jokes, it’s a psychological, biological and even technological experience.
Whether you always swipe right, ghost partners when it gets too real, double-text or open up on the second date, your dating habits are a reflection of your personality, emotional history and attachment style.
Understanding these habits isn’t just about improving your love life, it’s about getting to know yourself better and increasing your chances of finding the right partner.
1. Serial swiping
If you have used, or still use, dating apps, you’ll know these platforms have made screening potential partners fast and convenient, allowing you to simply swipe your way through thousands of possible candidates.
The trouble is that these apps also reflect how quickly we form judgments and how shallow they can be. Studies show that many app users will make decisions about potential matches in less than one second! And there’s no denying this is usually based on their physical appearance (and perhaps the occasional unforgivably cringe bio).
Another issue is that this rapid judgment activates the brain’s reward system, similar to the dopamine hit you get from gambling or eating chocolate.
But serial swiping often suggests something deeper about your personality.
According to psychologists, a fast swiper is usually impulsive and seeks novelty traits and behaviours, like grand romantic gestures rather than everyday interactions. They want instant gratification and fear commitment, typically with a preference for superficial connections rather than real, deeper ones.
2. Ghosting
Have you ever been talking to someone and then just disappeared from the conversation or relationship without explanation?
Ghosting has become a common (and painful) part of dating culture and psychologists link this behaviour to avoidant attachment styles, where individuals struggle with emotional closeness and prefer to distance themselves when things get too real.
How you respond to being ghosted can also reveal something about your dating style and emotional resilience. People with secure attachment styles may process this rejection quickly and move on.
Interestingly, research also shows that people who ghost tend to underestimate the emotional harm it causes to others. They often justify it as a way to avoid conflict, suggesting discomfort with confrontation if they have to end a relationship with someone.
Unfortunately, those with anxious attachment styles may ruminate and overanalyse the situation if ghosted, and this can cause them to spiral into self-doubt.
3. Dating déjà vu
We recently mentioned this in another blog post, but if you find yourself drawn to similar types of people, perhaps emotionally unavailable partners, fixer-uppers or intense short-term flames, it might be worth asking yourself why.
These patterns can reflect unresolved issues from your past or unconscious desires. For instance, consistently chasing unavailable people might point to an anxious attachment style and someone who seeks validation through winning over a difficult partner.
Alternatively, if you gravitate toward emotionally safe but often mundane partners, you might be prioritising security over your happiness and passions.
4. Complete clarity
Do you enter the dating world clear about your intentions and what you want from a relationship?
There’s nothing wrong with that, provided you don’t push people away too quickly. In fact, people who value directness and clarity often feel more confident in their emotional needs and are less afraid of rejection.
On the other hand, those who send mixed signals or keep their date guessing may be struggling with uncertainty about what they want themselves. They could also be using ambiguity as a defence mechanism to avoid getting hurt.
5. Floodlighting
Do you have a tendency to give away a lot of details about yourself on a first date?
This is referred to as floodlighting and is when someone shares a lot of personal information about previous relationships, issues or childhood trauma with someone they’ve just met.
This can present as being open and vulnerable and could be done deliberately or subconsciously. Either way, those who floodlight tend to do so to test the waters and speed up intimacy, possibly to see if the other person can ‘handle’ them.
While some might see this as a good thing, psychologically, it can also be emotionally manipulative and actually suggests you’re putting on a bit of a front to make people think you’re open and communicative when really, you’re testing them.
6. Guarding
Some people walk into a first date ready to share stories, ask deep questions and be emotionally present. Others are more reserved, keeping the conversation light and avoiding anything too personal.
If you tend to keep your guard up during the dating phase, you might be more cautious due to past experiences. You could also show an avoidant attachment style, where closeness can feel overwhelming.
7. Double-texting
Your texting habits can reveal a lot about your dating style, too. If you’re someone who texts often and expects quick replies, you might be more expressive and value emotional availability.
Consider if you would ever text them twice in a row if they don’t reply. Some may see this as desperation, while others just enthusiasm. Of course, the truth lies in context, but frequent double-texting can suggest a strong desire for connection and responsiveness.
While some interpret it as neediness, others see it as confidence, especially when the messages are thoughtful rather than demanding.
Psychologically, people who double-text may actually be more successful when dating, showing that they’re not afraid to put themselves out there. In contrast, those who play it cool and hold back communication might do so because they value autonomy or fear vulnerability.
Not only that, but if you prefer space and slow communication, you could be more independent or protective of your personal time.
8. Hiding hints in your dating profile
Lastly, most people on the market have or will create a dating profile at some point, whether that’s on a dating app or through a matchmaking service.
Creating this profile is an exercise in self-branding, and the choices you make reflect how you want to be seen and what you value the most. For example, what photos you use, whether you are witty or sincere and how much personal information you choose to include.
We often project an idealised version of ourselves into these profiles, and psychologists say there could be a lot to read between those lines.
Let’s say your profile states, “sarcasm is my love language,” while this might come across as playful, it could actually be your subtle way of warning potential partners you are emotionally unavailable.
Similarly, if your profile emphasises travel and adventure, it might signal openness to experience, whereas a focus on career or goals may highlight ambition and conscientiousness.
Even the kind of pictures you choose can indicate your levels of self-esteem and social orientation, so think carefully about what your profile says about you both outwardly and under all those layers.
Do you recognise any of these habits?
Your dating habits are like breadcrumbs, pointing to deeper truths about how you relate to others and to yourself.
While there’s no one-size-fits-all formula for relationships, paying attention to your own behaviours when dating can help you break old patterns, communicate better and connect more authentically.
So next time you find yourself repeating unhelpful dating habits, pause and ask: what does this really say about me? And if you need more support in breaking these habits and finding the right potential partners, you’re in the right place.
Get in touch with our talented team of matchmakers for more dating tips and advice and help finding the perfect partner for you.