Category: Uncategorized

Have you ever felt consumed by your thoughts of someone?

And not in a, “Aren’t they great, I really like them and can’t wait to see them again” kind of way.

In a more draining, emotionally taxing kind of way, constantly looking at your phone to see if they’ve replied, checking if they’re online, desperately wondering if they are thinking of you.

If so, don’t be disheartened, you’re not alone. What you’ve experienced is limerence. Often mistaken for love or infatuation, it is actually a distinct emotional state.

But what is limerence, and can it be stopped?

Understanding these strong feelings and how they develop can help you recognise related behaviour in yourself, so you can develop healthy strategies to manage them. 

What is limerence?

The term limerence was first introduced by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s. It refers to an intense, involuntary emotional state where a person becomes obsessively infatuated with someone they perceive as special.  ​

More recently, the term has been applied to the dating world, describing the overwhelming early-stage fixation that can happen in romantic attachments. People experiencing limerence tend to:

• Think obsessively about their chosen person
• Crave reciprocation
• Interpret even the smallest signs or actions as something meaningful
• Experience intrusive fantasies or daydreams
• Have mood swings tied to perceived approval or disapproval from that person
• Idealise their person, focusing on their positive traits and downplaying their flaws
• Feel emotionally dependent on this person and worry about rejection

Limerence Vs love: What’s the difference?

Unlike a healthy loving infatuation with someone, limerence is less about genuine connection and more about the emotional reward of longing, hope and imagined possibilities. ​

While love involves intimacy, trust and compassion, as well as a desire for another person’s well-being, limerence tends to revolve around idealisation and a need for validation. It feels urgent, all-consuming, and often outside of your control.

Another key difference is that love deepens over time, whereas limerence is usually temporary. Plus, love is steady and accepts a whole person, whereas limerence is more volatile and focuses on fantasy.

Limerence can happen in early relationships, long-term relationships that feel emotionally unfulfilled, or entirely outside relationships (e.g., towards a crush, famous person, coworker or stranger).

Why do people experience limerence?

There are several key factors that can contribute to limerence, ranging from your attachment style to unmet emotional needs.

For some, feeling lonely, unappreciated or disconnected can make the brain latch onto someone who seems promising or validating. Novelty and uncertainty can play a part in this, as the brain responds strongly to unpredictability, releasing dopamine spikes that reinforce obsession.

Those who use fantasy as an escape are also more likely to experience limerence, as it can provide a temporary getaway from stress, insecurity or dissatisfaction in other areas of life.

Alternatively, if you have an anxious or avoidant attachment style, you may be more prone to intense romantic longing.

Though limerence is not inherently harmful, it can interfere with your mental health, relationships or personal functioning, which is why it’s so important to address it as soon as you spot the signs. 

How to manage limerence

You may have experienced limerence before, you may be experiencing it right now, and you’re worried about how to manage these feelings when they do arise. That, or you may know someone who you believe to be suffering from this intense emotional state.

Knowing how to recognise and manage limerence is the key to getting your feelings back under control and moving on with your life in a positive way. Follow these steps to help you take back control. 

1. Identify the patterns and name the feeling

Recognition is the first important step to tackling limerence. Understanding what you’re experiencing and recognising that it is not love or destiny can help you detach from the emotional intensity. Try to notice when your thoughts become repetitive or intrusive and label them as part of the limerence cycle. This can help to ground you and bring you back to reality. 

2. Limit triggers and access

If possible, reduce situations that fuel the obsession. This might mean cutting down on digital contact, avoiding unnecessary interactions or muting social media updates from them. You might also need to set boundaries around communication.

This doesn’t mean you need to cut someone out of your life completely, especially if that’s hard to do, but reducing emotional triggers helps weaken the reinforcement loop.

3. Challenge your idealised thoughts

Write or reflect on the following:

• What do I really know about this person?
• What qualities might I be projecting?
• Are there any red flags I’ve been ignoring?
• What are the limitations of this potential connection?

Seeing the object of your limerence as a human and not some idealised fantasy can help you to shift your perspective.

4. Reinvest in yourself

Limerence often thrives when other parts of life feel dull or neglected. So, a great way to get past this is to redirect energy towards other fulfilling pursuits. This could be creative hobbies, physical activity, friendships or career goals.

The more fulfilling your life becomes as a whole, the less space limerence takes up and the less you will fixate on that individual.

5. Strengthen your emotional regulation skills

Mindfulness practices like grounding techniques, meditation or journaling can help you recognise and interrupt obsessive thought patterns. Cognitive-behavioural tools (CBT) can also be an effective way of reframing distorted thinking and reducing rumination.

6. Address underlying emotional needs

You need to ask yourself, what feeling am I seeking from this person? Is it validation, security, excitement or an escape?​

Meeting these needs in healthier ways, such as through therapy, self-development, or improved familial relationships, can reduce the intensity of limerence.

7. Seek professional support if you need to 

If limerence causes anxiety, affects functioning, threatens committed relationships, or becomes emotionally overwhelming, a therapist can help. Many are familiar with this concept and can offer strategies to manage obsessive thinking, attachment wounds, and emotional dependency.

Don’t let limerence destroy you

Limerence is a powerful and often confusing experience, but it’s also manageable and temporary. By understanding what it is and why it happens, you can help build healthier emotional patterns and move toward more grounded, mutual and fulfilling forms of connection.

And if you need help finding great potential matches or you would like support on your dating journey, the team at Ignite can help. Get in touch with our expert matchmakers today to get started. 

When you’re dating someone new, the early stages can be exciting, uncertain and sometimes confusing. And it doesn’t matter whether you’re getting back into dating after a long-term relationship or you’ve been looking for love for a while now, these feelings are often the same.

The trouble is, without realising, this mix of feelings can lead to damaging behaviours that decrease your chance of finding the right partner, before you’ve even begun.  

But there is good news. Most of these early dating mistakes are avoidable once you know how to recognise them.

With that in mind, here are seven of the most common pitfalls when you start dating someone new, and how you can make sure you don’t make these same silly mistakes. 

1. Moving too fast 

When you really click with someone, it can be tempting to jump headfirst into the relationship. If you’ve suddenly found yourself wanting to spend all your free time together, talking every day and planning future dates, it’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind romance. 

The problem is, moving too fast can create intensity and blur your judgment. This makes it harder to see any red flags, incompatibilities or whether the connection is actually sustainable.

If you notice you’re quickly getting swept away in a new relationship, it’s time to slow the pace. 

Try to leave more time between your dates, make sure you maintain your own life, and allow the relationship to unfold naturally. Think about early dating like cooking a good meal. You need to go slow and steady, start simmering and increase the heat over time to get the best results.

2. Oversharing too early

Being open and showcasing your emotional availability is great. But trauma bonding on your first date? Not so much. 

Some people tend to overshare when they get nervous, others because they genuinely want to be transparent. Trouble is, dumping your entire emotional history onto someone over your first dinner can be overwhelming. 

It creates a false sense of closeness and can make the other person feel responsible for your emotions before they’ve even opted into the relationship. 

So instead of this, make sure to share gradually. Let your vulnerability unfold through trust, not urgency or an awkward need to make conversation. A good rule of thumb is, if you wouldn’t tell that same story to a new coworker or casual friend down the pub, it’s too early for your date. 

3. Ignoring red flags

As you start dating someone new, all the excitement and chemistry can feel like a fog machine. It makes everything look cloudy and dreamy, even when something is clearly off. 

Perhaps they cancel plans repeatedly and on short notice. Maybe they speak poorly of exes or “jokingly” insult you. The early excitement can make these things seem small, but ignoring red flags like this can lead to bigger heartbreak further down the line. 

The things that bother you at the beginning usually become the things that hurt you the most long-term. So, you need to pay close attention to patterns, not promises and listen to your gut instinct. If something feels off, it probably is, so don’t brush it aside.

4. Playing games

Waiting exactly 36 minutes to text back because they took 35 minutes. Pretending you’re busier than you are. Giving off signals that suggest you’re not interested because you’re worried about looking too keen.

​

All of these little games are very common in dating, but they are also completely counterproductive. This builds a foundation of anxiety, not trust. If someone is right for you, they won’t be scared off by your authenticity, but they might be by these silly games.

​

That’s why it’s always best to respond to their messages when you want to. Show your interest if you are interested in them, and be direct but not overbearing. Remember, healthy dating and new relationships will thrive on clarity, not strategy.

5. Using someone to fill a void

Loneliness, boredom or that post-breakup emptiness can all be reasons that you decide to start dating before you’re actually ready. When you’re craving emotional support and comfort from a partner, it’s easy to latch onto the first person who gives you attention.

But if you do this, you risk forming an attachment based on need, not compatibility, treating the connection like more of a bandage, rather than a genuine bond.

So, before you start dating, make sure to check in with yourself. Are you genuinely ready to meet someone, or are you just hoping that someone else will fix how you feel? A partner can complement your life, but they can’t complete it, and you shouldn’t give them false hope if you’re not going to commit in the long term. 

6. Setting unrealistic expectations

Sometimes we idealise potential partners before we truly know them. It might be that you’ve had a few great dates or simply that they treat you better than your last partner did. This can cause you to imagine what the relationship could be like, rather than seeing what it actually is.

Over time, these high expectations turn into pressure. You may overlook who they are in favour of who you want them to be, and you might find that they disappoint you. Not on purpose, but because you held them to unrealistic standards.

To avoid this, stay curious as you’re dating and focus on observing their behaviour, not projecting how you want them to behave. Ask questions, spend time together and let their actions shape your expectations, not your imagination. 

7. Not communicating your needs

Many people avoid expressing their needs early on because they fear being seen as “too much,” too picky or too difficult. But ignoring your needs only leads to confusion and resentment.

You are more likely to end up in a situationship, mismatched partnership, or a relationship where you’re constantly editing yourself and not being genuine. 

Of course, this does not mean you should unload a list of standards or emotional baggage on date one, but you should communicate your basic preferences and boundaries as they become relevant. Honest conversation is not a burden; it’s an important part of a healthy relationship. 

Get those early dates right 

Early dating should be exciting. It shouldn’t feel like you’re trying to navigate a maze blindfolded. That’s why it’s important that you approach it with self-awareness, patience and authenticity.

If you spot any of the patterns or mistakes we’ve shared above, take a moment to check in with yourself, to ask why you’re behaving in this way, and to do your best to rectify the situation.

And if you need some more guidance when finding good matches and going out on your first date, we can help. Get in touch with the expert team at Ignite Dating. Our matchmakers are on hand to offer advice and help you find the right person.

Modern dating can feel like navigating a tricky maze, you may be up against superficial dating profiles, ghosting, multiple online conversations and an all-round lack of clarity. It can be tiring, even for the most organised and upbeat individual.  

But beneath the surface of modern dating lies something surprisingly helpful: your own psychology. 

If you can understand how your own mind works, you can feel more relaxed when dating. You can reduce the emotional stress of meeting new people, show up more confidently and ensure more meaningful experiences. 

And to help you do this, we’re going to share five psychological hacks that can make the dating journey more enjoyable.

1. The paradox of choice hack 

We often say, “the more the merrier”, but when you’re dating, more options don’t necessarily lead to better results. You would be forgiven for thinking that more potential partners will lead to more possibilities for better matches, but in fact, the opposite is true.

Psychology proves that too many choices can create confusion, indecision and fatigue. This is known as the paradox of choice, and it shows up everywhere in modern dating.

If you’ve ever tried juggling multiple dates at once, you may have experienced this first-hand. The feeling of being overwhelmed and, as a result, disconnected from all of them.

The solution isn’t to limit yourself to the first match that ticks most of the boxes. Rather, it’s to give yourself breathing space. Focus on one person you’re genuinely curious about and give them your full attention, rather than treating dating like an endurance sport.

When you reduce the number of active choices, you also reduce the emotional noise. Your intuition gets clearer, and you’re much more likely to recognise when someone is (or isn’t) a good match for you. 

2. The expectation effect hack

Ever notice how telling yourself “this date is going to be awkward” almost guarantees it will be? 

Our expectations and the way we talk to ourselves will shape our experiences. This is a psychological phenomenon known as the expectation effect. When you anticipate something to be positive, your behavior subtly shifts to ensure a more positive outcome, and the opposite is also true. 

If you set positive expectations and smile more, your body will relax, you’re more open, more playful and more yourself.

So, before your next date, try this simple hack. Consciously tell yourself, “This is going to be a good date.” You don’t need to expect fireworks or love at first sight, just set the intention that your date will be enjoyable and interesting. 

This small shift in your mindset influences the energy you bring into the room. And that energy often determines whether a date feels natural and engaging, or stiff and surface-level.

3. The peak-end hack

As humans, we don’t always remember experiences accurately. Our brains hold onto two key moments most strongly: the emotional peak and the ending. This is called the peak-end rule, and you can use it to change how you reflect on your dates, as well as how your dates remember you.

At the end of your time together, try to slow down. Take a brief moment to notice the best parts of the date, perhaps a shared laugh, an unexpectedly deep conversation or a moment of genuine connection. 

You can even express this appreciation out loud. For example, “I really enjoyed talking about your travels to India. I’m glad we met.”

This leaves your date with a warm final impression of you, and it also helps you to process the experience more positively. Instead of searching your brain and trying to analyse every minor detail afterwards, you anchor the date to what was most meaningful to you. 

4. Give your anxiety a silly name

Pre-date jitters happen to everyone, even the most seasoned single, but one surprisingly effective trick is to give your anxiety a silly name.

If you can label the nervous voice in your head something like Nervous Nelly or Whining Warren, it instantly feels less powerful and more manageable.

This technique separates you from your anxiety. In doing so, you can make it easier to recognise that the anxious voices aren’t factual or correct, they’re just noise in your head.​

You can even speak back to it, saying, “Okay, Dramatic Dennis, I hear you, but we’re going on this date anyway.” It brings humour into the moment and helps you shift from awkward and anxious to more relaxed and curious. 

5. The time expansion hack

Ever feel like you’ve been on the same date five times in a row? Same conversation, same type of restaurant, same routine. That’s because repetitive experiences are compressed in the memory. So in order to make your dates feel richer and more meaningful, you need to introduce change and novelty.

Psychologists call this time expansion. It’s the idea that new or varied experiences feel longer, more vivid, and as a result, more enjoyable.

Make sure to try a different kind of date, don’t always opt for a bar or restaurant. Perhaps go for a walk through a beautiful garden, take a pottery class, or grab coffee in a cute bookstore. Anything that sparks your interest.

Just remember, you don’t need extravagance, just something that engages your senses differently and is not repetitive. Not only does this create deeper memories, but it also helps you see your date in a more authentic way. 

Put these techniques to good use 

Don’t let your mind be a saboteur. Dating doesn’t have to feel chaotic or exhausting. With small, intentional shifts and these psychological hacks, you can navigate the dating world with more clarity, confidence and joy. 

And if you need some help on your dating journey, get in touch with the talented team at Ignite Dating. Our expert matchmakers can help you meet like-minded people and get your dating journey off to a positive start.

By Nella Dwyer, Executive ADHD Specialist and International Recording Artist 

Many successful, driven adults quietly wonder why dating feels more complicated than their career. They can build companies, solve crises, make bold decisions, and manage extraordinary pressure. Yet in romance, emotions feel unpredictable, intensity takes over, and small moments hit harder than they should. 

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. 

And there is nothing wrong with you. 

You simply have a fast, sensitive, deeply perceptive brain that processes connection differently. 

Understanding this wiring can make dating calmer, clearer, and more fulfilling than you ever thought possible. 

Here are the ten truths that matter most. 

1. You feel people quickly because you sense emotion at a deeper level. 

You notice tone, expression, energy shifts. Many people do not. Your brain reads emotional information early and intensely, which means your feelings often arrive before your logic has had time to organise them. 

What this means for you. 

Taking a short pause gives you the space to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting from the rush of emotion. Once regulated, your sensitivity becomes insight.

2. Attraction feels extraordinary because your brain is wired for intensity. 

When you meet someone who resonates with you, the spark does not feel subtle. It feels vivid. full. alive. Your dopamine response to connection is stronger than average. 

The gift inside this. 

Let yourself feel the spark but delay the story you attach to it. Real compatibility feels exciting and stable at the same time. 

3. Ambiguity affects you more deeply than most people realise. 

If someone goes quiet or changes tone, your mind immediately tries to fill in the blanks. This is not insecurity. This is your brain trying to create order and predict emotional safety. 

How to steady yourself. 

Ask what you actually know to be true, not what your brain is guessing. The emotional noise softens almost instantly. 

4. You experience interpersonal pain more intensely. 

Rejection, even subtle rejection, lights up neural pathways linked to physical pain. This is why a small shift can feel unexpectedly large. 

Your power lies here. 

Regulate first. interpret second. Once your nervous system settles, your perceptions become accurate and grounded.

5. Your emotional balance depends on your routine more than you think. 

Your mood and patience swings are often tied to sleep, blood sugar, hormones, or overstimulation rather than the relationship itself. 

What transforms everything. 

Consistent sleep and wake times, solid nutrition, daylight, movement. These give your heart and nervous system the stability they need to love well. 

6. Your relationship with time is different from most people. 

You do not ignore texts or run late because you do not care. Your brain simply experiences time as now or not now. This can create misunderstandings with partners who do not understand your rhythm. 

How to stay grounded. 

Gentle structure. reminders. shared calendar sync. These systems create reliability without suppressing your natural flow. 

7. Your mind communicates in layers, not lines. 

Your thoughts move fast. You connect ideas intuitively and speak in patterns. To someone who processes more slowly, this can feel overwhelming even when your intention is connection. 

What keeps conversations smooth. 

Slow your delivery, not your brilliance. Give others a moment to meet you at your speed.

8. Your attention depends on emotional engagement, not discipline. 

You are fully present when something resonates with you. ADHD can be described as a deficit of interest. You drift when overwhelmed or under stimulated. This has nothing to do with care. It is simply how your attention system works. 

How to stay emotionally available. 

Choose environments that support presence- calm lighting, quieter settings, walking side by side. These allow your authentic self to shine. 

9. You give generously but often faster than you can sustain. 

Your empathy is deep. You want to support, help, nurture, and connect. Without pacing, this becomes over giving, followed by emotional exhaustion. 

How to protect your heart. 

Share your needs clearly from the beginning. Pace your emotional investment. The right person will admire your clarity and meet you there fully. Knowing and having personal boundaries are important for you so you’re not exchanging your self respect for others. (This one is a game changer!) 

10. You are not too intense. You are moving at a deeper emotional frequency. 

Your intensity is not a flaw. It is your richness. You simply need someone whose pacing, emotional availability, and communication match yours. 

Where everything changes. 

When you understand your rhythm, your relationships stop feeling chaotic and start feeling meaningful, aligned, and deeply fulfilling.

Important insight. You do not need a perfect partner. You need a regulated one. 

Your ideal match is someone who is emotionally steady, consistent, grounded, and calm. Someone who does not escalate when you are overwhelmed. Someone who communicates clearly and responds warmly. 

When you meet someone with that presence, your nervous system relaxes. And when your nervous system relaxes, your depth becomes a place primed for connection.. Your intensity becomes intimacy. 

Your sensitivity becomes intuition. 

You become your most confident, luminous self. 

For founders, executives, and high performers 

If your brain works like this in dating, it works like this in leadership too. The same emotional wiring that makes you intense, perceptive, and passionate in relationships also shapes how you make decisions, manage pressure, and navigate stress at work. 

If you want to understand your operating system in a deeper, more empowering way, you can download my free guide for high achieving adults. 

It is called The ADHD Founder Overwhelm Reset. 

It shows you how to: 

• calm emotional storms quickly 

• avoid burnout and emotional spirals 

• restore clarity under pressure 

• communicate without intensity taking over 

Download it here: 

https://www.adhdlifemastery.org/adhd-founder-overwhelm-protocol

About the expert 

Nella Dwyer is an internationally recognised ADHD specialist, executive coach, and award winning recording artist. She is the lead vocalist for World of Warcraft and has collaborated with Grammy and Emmy winning composers. She coaches founders, CEOs, and successful creative professionals, helping high achieving adults regulate their nervous system, deepen their relationships, and create clarity in every part of their lives. For private coaching or corporate neurodiversity consultations, you can enquire via adhdcoachnella@gmail.com or www.adhdlifemastery.org.

Going on dates, meeting like-minded people, and feeling exciting new connections should be some of the purest and most joyful experiences life has to offer. Yet too many of us have become jaded by the dating landscape.And this is not surprising. Dating apps are draining, ghosting has become a normalised form of rejection, and endless mixed signals from potential partners have led to emotional burnout. It’s left many wondering if real love even exists anymore.If you’ve found yourself in this position, dreading another date or feeling cynical about finding love, you’re not alone. Far from it, actually.And the good news is, you can reignite that spark of hope within yourself and get excited about falling in love, just like you used to. It starts with shifting your mindset to refresh your habits and reconnect with what makes love feel meaningful in the first place.

Take a (meaningful) break

First things first, you need a break!Although it might seem counterproductive, if dating feels more exhausting than exciting, it’s time to step back and take a break. Instead of “giving up on love,” take some time out to reset and reflect on what you really want from your love life.Ask yourself this: Are you dating out of loneliness, pressure or boredom? Or are you genuinely hoping to share your life with someone? Taking a purposeful pause like this allows you to break unhelpful cycles and return to the dating world with clarity.During this break from dating, you should also nurture the other kinds of love in your life. This might be family, friendship, community, and most importantly, self-love. Reconnecting with the people who are already in your life and those you already value, reminds you what healthy love and affection feel like.Because when you’re fulfilled in multiple key areas of your life, romantic love feels like an addition to your happiness, rather than a desperate search for it.

Reframe your beliefs

One of the quickest ways to become jaded and cynical about modern dating is by experiencing heartbreak, ghosting or bad date after bad date. But it’s important to remember that cynicism is often just a disguise for disappointment. It’s your own way of protecting yourself from future heartbreak.The cure for this is curiosity. Instead of going on dates, assuming you’ll be let down or that love “doesn’t work anymore,” go in with an open mind and renewed sense of curiosity. Ask yourself this, “What if love looks different than it used to, and what if the right connection takes longer to find because you’re learning to recognise what you truly need?”All of which is OK. You must try to focus less on outcomes and more on the experiences you have along the way. When you shift your mindset from pressure to presence, you can rediscover the fun and unpredictability that make love exciting. You can see each date as a new and interesting experience and reframe your ways of thinking.

Redefine what success looks like when dating

If the ultimate goal is to find love, it makes sense that we measure our dating success with one key metric: whether a relationship lasts or not. But this can make modern dating feel even more discouraging, so it’s time to redefine what success in dating looks like.Remember that short-term connections can still teach you valuable lessons about communication, boundaries and vulnerability. So, even if a date, or several dates, don’t turn into a new relationship, it shouldn’t be viewed as a failure. Look at it more like a stepping stone.By viewing every date and each interaction as a way to practice emotional growth, you remove some of the pressure and disappointment that comes with unmet expectations. This mindset helps to turn dating into an opportunity for self-discovery, rather than a never-ending audition.

Change how you meet people

Apps are the most common cause of burnout and disappointment in the dating world. Endlessly swiping left and right while juggling multiple half-hearted conversations quickly becomes tiresome.  Which is why it’s a good idea to take a new approach if you haven’t already. From employing the services of an expert matchmaker to attending in-person events, joining hobby groups, and even volunteering, there are lots of ways you can meet people who share your interests without going online.And there’s something very refreshing about connecting with people without the use of a digital filter. It’s just two humans sharing a real moment, like we used to before dating sites became so commonplace.

Focus on emotional availability

Many people feel jaded because they’ve encountered emotionally unavailable partners at some point in their dating journey. These past disappointments can make us guarded and wary of new connections, and that’s understandable. We have to protect our own peace and happiness.However, this can block genuine connection and intimacy. So you have to ask yourself, have you become cynical and emotionally unavailable as a result?Being emotionally available means being open to vulnerability, but if you want to find the right partner, you have to show up fully even when there’s a risk of rejection. It’s important that you don’t let the past define your future.

Romanticise the little things

You don’t need big grand gestures to make your love story feel romantic. When dating, try to notice the small gestures: a bunch of flowers, a little note, a shared laugh or a message to say good morning. It’s important to find the warmth and connection in these everyday moments because love exists in these simple experiences.You can even bring this romance into your single life: cook yourself a nice dinner, listen to your favourite love songs without irony, buy yourself something new or whatever it is you do for self-care. When you start feeling love all around you, your heart naturally becomes more open to it.

Believe that love evolves (and so can you)

The truth is, modern dating is different, and if it’s been a while since you were last looking for love, this change can feel even more dramatic.Technology has changed the dating landscape, but it has not changed the need for genuine human connection. People still crave authenticity, understanding and care. The more you accept and embrace the fact that love may look different today, the less daunting it feels.You’ve evolved through your experiences, and your capacity to find and enjoy love has evolved with you. Getting excited about dating again doesn’t mean pretending those past hurts never happened. It means carrying these lessons forward while staying open to joy, laughter and possibility.And if you need help taking the next positive steps on your dating journey, you’re in the right place. Get in touch with our team of expert matchmakers today to find out how we can help you find great matches and feel excited about dating again.

You’ve seen it in the movies a hundred times; two people lock eyes across a crowded room, the sparks begin to fly, and by their second date, they’re hopelessly in love. While it might be a beautiful work of fiction (and one we’ve all fantasised about), for the most part, that’s all it is.

It’s also one that sets us up for unrealistic expectations about love and dating.

In real life, dating tends to unfold in a much quieter, slower and more uncertain way. And not only is that OK, but it’s actually healthy – and we’re here to tell you why. 

The myth of ‘love at first sight’

Most of us have been conditioned to believe that instant chemistry equals compatibility and that if you don’t feel that electricity right away, then something is wrong. But while “love at first sight” may seem like a great story, it’s rarely how real, sustainable relationships begin.

That initial rush of excitement is great, but it’s usually just a cocktail of attraction, novelty and dopamine. Emotional compatibility and long-term potential are completely different. 

Relationships that are built purely on that early spark often fizzle out as quickly as they start, once the excitement fades and the real work begins.

This is because compatibility takes time. It grows from shared values, emotional safety, communication and respect. These are the things you simply can’t know or hope to achieve on a first date.

It’s when you’re not blinded by chasing those instant fireworks that you’re more likely to see your date clearly, to notice who they really are, rather than who you want them to be.

The power of the slow burner

Some of the healthiest and longest relationships begin quietly with a slow burn, rather than an explosion. Maybe your first date is nice but not explosive, maybe you even question if there is a romantic spark in the first place.

But, as you spend more time together, you start to notice how comfortable you feel around each other, how easy it is to talk to them, how much they make you laugh, or how they show up consistently when you need them.

These are the qualities and the moments that matter most. This is what is so beautiful about that slow burn. It gives both people the space to relax, be authentic and build trust naturally. 

There is less pressure to impress or perform on the first few dates or even within the first few months of the relationship.

Not only that, but when you build something slowly and meaningfully, it tends to bring more emotional security. It is more likely to be rooted in real connection, not just a surface-level attraction. You learn to appreciate your partner for who they really are, not for how they make you feel in a fleeting moment of adrenaline or excitement. That’s the kind of connection that lasts far longer. 

Sparks can distract from what really matters 

It’s worth remembering that those “sparks” can actually come from many things and not all of them are good. 

Sometimes, this magnetic pull you feel toward someone or those butterflies in your stomach are actually a reflection of anxiety, unresolved patterns or familiarity with dysfunctional relationships.​

So though it might feel exciting and intoxicating, it doesn’t always lead somewhere healthy. That is why it’s so important to distinguish between chemistry and compatibility. Chemistry is about how someone makes you feel. Compatibility is about how you function together, now and long into the future.

And let’s face it, you can have amazing chemistry with someone who is completely wrong for you, for a short time at least. Whereas that person that you felt only a small initial spark with could become your safest, happiest match.

Redefining what “connection” means

The best way to find true love is to redefine what we expect from dating, particularly in the early days. Instead of asking, “Did we have sparks?” we could ask, “Did I feel comfortable and safe with them?” or “Did I feel curious to get to know more about them?”

After all, these are much better indicators of whether a relationship has potential. And though comfort might not sound sexy or romantic like we imagine from the movies, it’s the foundation of emotional intimacy and a successful long-term relationship. Curiosity means there’s room to grow, and growth is what keeps relationships alive long into the future.

Building love, not just chasing it

When we let go of this need for instant fireworks, dating becomes far less stressful and more genuine. Remember, every date you go on doesn’t have to feel like a big scene in a Hollywood movie. It should just be two people getting to know each other; one conversation, one small connection at a time. If there are fireworks, see this as an added bonus! But if not, don’t write them off just yet. 

Real love often looks ordinary from the outside, but it’s built on the small moments like shared meals, quiet nights in, supportive texts, and everyday kindness. There can’t always be constant excitement.

So rather than chasing sparks, look for the slow-burning embers of consistency, trust and comfort. Those are the things that actually sustain a successful partnership.

If you need help finding matches that make you feel comfortable and connected, we can help. Get in touch with our expert matchmakers today to find out how they can guide you on your dating journey and help you make genuine connections with like-minded people. 

We know that first impressions count, and in the dating world, your profile picture can be that all-important first impression. It is your “hello” before you’ve even said a word or exchanged a message.

​That’s why the best portraits should do more than just show what you look like. They should stand out, spark curiosity and tell a story. They need to hint at your personality.

​And yes, that’s a lot to ask of one photo, which is why you need to understand the importance of thoughtful imagery, dress code, background and positioning. That way, you can perfect your portrait and give yourself the best start on your dating journey. 

Why thoughtful imagery matters

In a world overflowing with online photos and introductions, imagery sets the tone. Sure, a candid snapshot on social media might capture a fun moment, but a carefully considered portrait can do so much more.

It can speak volumes; communicate presence, confidence, authenticity and approachability. Yes, professional portraits will always carry a certain polish, but that isn’t a bad thing. 

There is so much you can do to create natural, flattering photographs that feel intentional rather than random – and the great news is, you can do this yourself at home, or with the help of a professional. 

Tips for taking beautiful DIY profile photos

Find natural light

Even the most stylish lighting can create unnatural colour casting and shadows in your photos. By turning off internal lights and seeking natural light, such as standing by a window, you can find a soft, flattering light source for your photos.

Position yourself carefully

Simply standing in front of the window isn’t enough. You want to position yourself cleverly so the light falls evenly across your face. Side lighting can be tricky, but front-facing light is often more forgiving and highlights your features, so place yourself accordingly.

Mind the background

A cluttered background can distract from what matters most: you. So make sure to choose a clean and clear background. If possible, stand a little further away from bigger items in the background. This separation helps you to stand out and creates a sense of depth in the photo.

Choose the right tones and textures

It’s important that you wear something you feel comfortable in and that reflects who you are, but make sure to choose tones and textures that don’t distract from your expression.

Although your wardrobe might be impressive and it does have some influence on how you come across, you want the focus to be on your face and the story it tells.

Relax into your smile

Try not to overpose for your portrait; this can come across as stern or false. Instead, show a genuine, calm smile and steady gaze. Think about things that make you feel happy, calm and content, as this will show in your expression. 

The story behind the image

Sometimes it’s easy to forget, but photography is about more than just appearance. It’s about capturing someone’s authenticity and truth in one single image, in a way that feels timeless and genuine.

That’s why they say a picture speaks a thousand words. Even the smallest detail, like the look in your eyes, your smile or your gaze, can speak volumes.

And it doesn’t matter whether you’ve chosen to take the photos at home or you’re in a studio with a professional photographer, the aim should be the same. You want to be portrayed and seen in a way that feels real, confident and lets your true character shine through.

Because when you’re dating, the right portrait isn’t just a picture. It’s an introduction, an invitation to get to know more about you. It’s your first impression, so it needs to count. 

If you’d love portraits that go beyond the surface, ones that truly reflect who you are and what makes you unique, get in touch so we can start planning portraits that make the right first impression. 

It’s disheartening that in 2025, ghosting has become a hallmark of modern dating. As if the search for love wasn’t hard enough, the ability for a potential partner to simply cut you off with no warning or explanation can be draining.

And if you’ve been left staring at your phone waiting for a message that never comes, you’ll know how confusing and frustrating it can be. Especially if this has happened on multiple occasions.

However, don’t be fooled into thinking this is your fault. Ultimately, you cannot control the behaviour of others, but what you can control is how you respond to it. Managing ghosting is all about understanding why it happens and protecting yourself, so you can move on to the next potential partner with clarity and confidence.

What does ghosting really mean?

One of the most important aspects to understand about ghosting is that it says more about the other person than it does about you.

People will ghost people for a number of reasons. This could be an avoidant attachment style, fear of confrontation, emotional immaturity or simply not knowing how to express that they don’t want to move it forward, respectfully.

Sadly, in today’s fast-paced, dating app-driven world, many people view relationships as disposable or easily replaceable. This can make disappearing without an explanation seem easier than having a difficult conversation.

It’s simple; you just don’t reply to their message or arrange to meet them ever again. Job done.

Of course, that doesn’t make ghosting OK, but it does mean you shouldn’t internalise this as a slight on you.

Someone else’s inability to communicate maturely is not a reflection of your worth and, in fact, proves to you early on that they are not going to be the right person for you.  

So, if you’ve been ghosted recently, remind yourself of this: rejection is redirection. If someone doesn’t have the courage to be open and honest with you, they’re not the kind of person you want to date anyway, and you’re better off without them in your life.

Allow yourself the appropriate amount of time to feel disappointed

When someone ghosts you, it’s OK to feel hurt or confused. You might start questioning your behaviour and overthinking your last interaction, searching for some clue as to what you did wrong.

While a little reflection is natural and healthy, it’s important that you don’t dwell on these feelings and spiral into over-analysis and self-blame.

You are not the problem here; they are. So, take a moment to acknowledge your feelings, perhaps write them down or talk to a friend about what happened, and then let them go. Yes, it’s important to process these emotions, but you don’t want to let this negative experience impact your future dates or connections.

Resist the urge to search for answers

Although it can be tricky to simply move on because you deserve an explanation, try to avoid sending follow-up messages and seeking answers. Sometimes looking for closure can do more harm than good and calling or messaging them  to ask what has changed for them, usually leads to more unanswered texts or less than satisfactory answers.

If someone has already chosen to ignore you, the chances are they’ll continue to do so in order to avoid confrontation.

So, instead of chasing explanations from them, give yourself the closure they didn’t, by acknowledging and accepting what’s happened and taking positive steps forward. It’s important that you protect your peace and don’t let them knock your confidence.

Reframe ghosting as redirection

Try to look at ghosting as an opportunity in disguise. Would you want to be in a long-term relationship with someone who lacks emotional intelligence and can’t communicate effectively?

Unlikely, so view this as a way of making room for someone better suited to you. Every ghosting experience can teach you something about what you want from a partner, what you can tolerate, and how to set clearer boundaries on your dating journey.

For example, you might learn to pay more attention to their communication style and emotional availability early on. Although you can’t control whether someone ghosts you, you can control how quickly you recognise red flags like this next time.

Strengthen your self-worth

When someone ghosts you, it can trigger insecurities. It can leave you asking, “Why wasn’t I enough?” or “Did I do something wrong?” But remember, your value doesn’t fluctuate based on someone else’s ability to communicate.

Remind yourself of your qualities, achievements, and what makes you so great. Engage in activities that make you feel grounded and happy. The stronger your sense of self-worth, the less power ghosting will have over you now and in the future.

Set healthier expectations when dating

Finally, you can’t prevent ghosting, but you can change how you approach it in your dating journey. Make sure to set clear expectations early on about communication and respect. If someone’s energy and behaviour feels inconsistent, make sure to take note and address this, rather than making excuses for them.

And remember, it’s okay to walk away from people who don’t meet your emotional needs. Just as long as you don’t ghost them, of course!

Yes, being ghosted hurts, but it doesn’t define you. It’s a reflection of someone else’s emotional limitations, not your shortcomings. So, honour yourself by reinforcing boundaries and prioritising self-respect. Turn what feels like rejection into a lesson in resilience and self-worth.

And if you need any guidance or support on your dating journey, our team can help you find the right matches. To find out more, get in touch with our expert matchmakers today. 

Have you found yourself stuck in a cycle of repetitive, unfulfilling dates that don’t lead anywhere?

If you often find yourself wondering, “Why does this keep happening to me?” the hard truth is that it’s unlikely to be down to ‘bad luck’, but rather subtle, self-sabotaging habits that quietly damage your chance of finding a fulfilling relationship.

The good news is, if you can recognise and recuse these bad habits, you can take steps towards a healthier and more successful dating life.

With that in mind, here are the silent killers of your love life and how to stop them before they stop your happiness.

1. Treating your dates like a job interview

​

If you approach your dates with a checklist of ideals and a fixed set of questions, you’re setting yourself up for a more rigid interaction. For example, a mental tick list of their career, income, qualifications, zodiac sign, hobbies, etc.

​

Approaching your dates in this way, similar to that of a job interview, leaves less room for chemistry or connection. Instead, go into your dates with curiosity, rather than criteria.

​

Ask questions to find out more about their values and personality, and let conversation flow more naturally, shifting from evaluation to exploration. This invites warm, genuine connections, without pressure, and that’s where a successful relationship begins.

2. Confusing attention with affection

We live in a world where likes and messages can mimic intimacy, and this makes it all too easy for us to mistake attention for affection.

Just because someone is texting you often, possibly showering you with compliments and the things you want to hear, this doesn’t necessarily mean they’re emotionally invested in your relationship yet.

These surface-level gestures can create a false sense of security, especially when you’re in the early stages of dating. But it’s important to watch what people do more than what they say.

You want someone who shows up through consistency, effort and emotional intelligence. If someone’s presence feels like a performance rather than a genuine connection, it’s a red flag, and it’s unlikely their affections are deep or real.

3. Ghosting instead of communicating

Avoidance can feel like the easier option but disappearing after a few dates without giving an explanation creates long-term emotional clutter for both sides. Not only is it unkind and unnecessary, it also fosters guilt, confusion and distrust in future relationships.

That’s why it’s important that you always choose courage over comfort. A simple, honest message is much kinder than silence and avoidance.

Setting emotional boundaries with empathy builds your confidence and ensures there is no underlying guilt or confusion as you continue on your dating journey.

4. Overanalysing every detail

From texting anxiety to replaying conversations in your head, dating paves the way for overanalysing. It’s this mental loop that can kill your joy and pull you out of the present moment.

If you catch yourself spiraling or overthinking, before, during or after a date, take a breath and ask yourself, “What’s real right now?” Often, this stress isn’t actually about the person; it’s about keeping control, but it’s important to let things unfold naturally instead of dissecting every detail.

It might take some practice, but emotional mindfulness can help you to go on your next date feeling more confident.

5. Carrying old baggage into new relationships

Lots of us will have old wounds from past relationships, whether it’s heartbreak, betrayal or rejection, and this can shape how we approach new ones. But always assuming the worst can sabotage potentially great new partnerships.

So, before you start dating again, take some time to heal yourself. You can do this through therapy, journalling, self-care and reflection, whatever works for you, and it will help you to recognise potentially damaging patterns and move on from them.

Remember, new dates shouldn’t have to pay for the mistakes of old ones, and taking this baggage with you can damage your chances of making positive, genuine new connections.

6. Playing games instead of being authentic

In the younger days of dating, you might have played games: taking a while to reply to text messages, dodging calls, acting less interested than you really were or trying to ‘play it cool’. But these tactics, while protecting your ego, can ruin your chances of creating authentic connections.

Playing games or putting on a performance creates tension, not attraction. Although it can be tough to let yourself be vulnerable, this is crucial when dating. You need to be genuine and honest, not manipulative.

Of course, being your authentic self might not always lead to a successful date or future relationship, but it also draws the right matches closer to you. Real connection thrives when you both show up as yourselves, not as the fake or online version you curated to try and impress.

The bottom line

Your dating life isn’t doomed if you’ve had a few unsuccessful dates. It could be that you are sabotaging yourself through damaging habits, unconscious or otherwise.

It’s important to realise that a healthy relationship isn’t built on perfection, and the sooner you stop chasing validation, playing games or fearing rejection, the sooner you can make an authentic connection.

So the next time you wonder what’s holding your love life back, look inward. Recognise damaging patterns and habits and work on leaving these behind.
And if you need a little extra support along the way, we can help. Get in touch with our team of expert matchmakers today; they can help you find like-minded individuals looking for love.

Swipe culture, instant messages and fast-paced lifestyles, mean we’ve come to expect immediate results in almost every aspect of our lives. 

The trouble is, there are some human experiences that can’t (and shouldn’t) be rushed, like creating friendships or falling in love. Yet dating apps have made it possible to get that instant hit of dopamine we love so much by swiping left or right; gamifying the dating process. 

However, in this world of instant gratification, a quieter, countermovement is gaining momentum. Slow love is an important step in the right direction. Rather than rushing into an intense emotional and physical relationship, more and more individuals are choosing to be more thoughtful and deliberate on this journey. 

What was made to feel old-fashioned (think, traditional courting), is now being rediscovered as a path to deeper, more resilient relationships. Here’s why slow love is on the rise and why taking your time can lead to a relationship built to last.

What is slow love?

Slow love, as the name suggests, is all about making the conscious decision to slow things down, emotionally, physically and even digitally when dating and in relationships. 

It means taking your time to make emotional connections, while prioritising clear communication and mutual trust, instead of chasing fleeting thrills or superficial chemistry. 

Another part of this is, rather than jumping into labels, quickly sharing everything or rushing into commitment, you extend that ‘getting to know you’ period. You have intentional conversations about values, boundaries and hopes. 

In short: slow love is about dating and loving with intention.

What does slow love look like in practice?

There are some defining factors of what slow love looks like in an actual relationship and understanding these habits and activities can make it easier to embrace this kind of dating. In a healthy dynamic, this will look like: 

Meaningful talking stages

You should set aside weeks or even months of having deep and meaningful conversations before defining exclusivity or commitment to each other. This makes it easier to determine if your values and goals align. 

Open communication and gradual vulnerability 

Checking in regularly with each other on your feelings, boundaries and any emerging needs is key. You should also gradually share things and allow yourself to be vulnerable with one another, disclosing emotionally significant things bit by bit. It’s important to be thoughtful and open about exclusivity, sex and expectations. 

Pace physical intimacy 

There’s no denying that physical intimacy has become more relaxed, especially with the growth of dating apps. But for slow love, it’s important that you are pacing physical intimacy in 

alignment with your emotional intimacy.

Boundaries with technology

As mentioned, it’s also important to slow down digitally when you’re dating or in a new relationship. In practice, this means not racing to message daily or reply as quickly as you can, allowing you both space and independence, and a sometimes needed break from your devices. This doesn’t mean playing games, though. Respond to messages from a potential partner, how you would a friend or family member. 

Why are people slowing down? 

There are lots of reasons why people are choosing to slow down, not least of all because slow love can strengthen bonds, providing deeper emotional roots and foundation. 

Building trust and emotional safety 

Rushing tends to bypass some of the most critical steps when dating, reducing emotional safety. When two people move quickly, they may skip over red flags or misalignments. Whereas, if you move slowly, you give both parties room to see how you react to pressure, conflict or uncertainty. 

This means that trust is built gradually, through consistency, follow-through, and mutual respect. It also means better conflict resolution, as partners are more likely to give benefit of the doubt and engage well through any challenges that may arise. 

Better understanding of yourself and others 

Time gives space for reflection. In a slower relationship, each person has a chance to clearly set out and review their boundaries, attachment styles, concerns and hopes. This leads to deeper empathy and fewer miscommunications.

Preventing burnout (especially when dating) 

Fast-paced relationships often come with an emotional intensity that leads to more dramatic highs and lows, and in many cases, this can lead to a quick ending. These patterns can also lead to burnout or relationship fatigue. But because slow love unfolds more steadily, it avoids that pressure cooker effect. 

Aligning intentions and values early on

We’ve all heard of the honeymoon period but often when this ends, it becomes very apparent if you want different things. When you slow things down, you have more explicit and meaningful conversations early on. 

This reduces the risk of discovering too late that you and your partner want different things, for example, having different views on children, career goals, lifestyle choices, attitude to money, etc. This alignment around values, goals and expectations is far more important for long-term stability than chemistry and physical attraction alone.

Cultivating emotional intelligence

Finally, slow love encourages us to slow down our emotional reactivity. It requires us to listen, ask questions, lean into discomfort and understand what’s happening within ourselves. Over time, that builds emotional intelligence – something which is very important in modern dating.

Is it time to slow down? 

We live in a world that rewards urgency and immediate results, but relationships must resist this need for speed. Slow love is not a rejection of passion, chemistry or commitment but rather, it’s an invitation to bring more consciousness into how we date and eventually love someone.

Taking your time helps ensure that decisions are made with clarity rather than desperation and over time, the slow build can feel more rewarding than an initial rush that fizzles.

Yes, slow love comes with some challenges, such as frustration, impatience or a fear of missing out – and this can come from one or both people. But in the end, it’s worth it. Because real love isn’t something you should rush or stumble into. It’s something that you build moment by moment, boundary by boundary, conversation by conversation. 

And the slower you go, with care and attention, the stronger your love will grow. So, if you’re looking for someone to have conversations with, someone you can date slowly and meaningfully and someone you can grow a strong, genuine relationship with, book a call with one of our trained experts. 

Our expert matchmakers will introduce you to like minded individuals, those who share your values and vision for the future. Get in touch today to start your journey with Ignite Dating.