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Dating should be fun, of course it should, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be smart and strategic on your dating journey.

Doing so can save you a lot of time and emotional energy and help you avoid dead-end relationships. It also allows you to focus on finding a partner that aligns with your values and goals for the future.

The good news is that there is a wealth of advice out there to help you succeed in your search for love. And one popular method being shared online right now is the 3-3-3 rule.

But what is it, and how can this simple, thoughtful method help you to evaluate new relationships and ensure better matches?

The 3-3-3 rule explained

The 3-3-3 rule focuses on three key checkpoints during your dating journey. It encourages you to stop and check in with yourself:

• After 3 dates
• After 3 weeks
• After 3 months

Each of these milestones helps you assess how you’re feeling about a new relationship, your compatibility, emotional growth, and if there is long-term potential for this partnership.

Why a rule like this can be effective

When you’re dating someone new, it’s easy to get swept up in excitement and wishful thinking. But without stopping for calm, intentional check-ins, many people end up repeating harmful patterns, ignoring red flags, or missing the signs that their partner isn’t fully aligned with their goals.

The 3-3-3 rule helps you to stay grounded and not get swept up in this early infatuation alone. It enables you to build emotional awareness rather than simply assuming everything will work out fine.

This also gives you the chance to communicate about your needs and expectations. Saving you time and emotional energy by being intentional from the start. This method is not rigid or prescriptive — it’s reflective.

​Check-in 1: After three dates

The first milestone can happen quite early on, depending on how quickly you plan and have the first three dates with someone new.

At this stage, you’ll probably have experienced a mix of excitement, nervousness and curiosity towards them. So what questions should you ask yourself after the third date?

Ask yourself:

• Do I enjoy spending time with this person?
• Do our conversations feel easy or forced?
• Do we share basic values or interests?
• Is there mutual respect and genuine curiosity about each other?
• Do I want to keep seeing them?

It might still be the early stages, but after three dates, surface-level attraction should not be the only factor. During this period of reflection, you should focus on whether there’s potential for a deeper connection and comfort in being yourself around them.

If the spark is there but you also feel unsettled or unsure, that’s worth paying attention to.

This checkpoint is less about making a final decision and more about noticing early patterns and feelings. If something feels off consistently by date three, it might be a sign to reconsider moving forward with more dates.

Check-in 2: After three weeks

This second check-in, after three more weeks of dating and communicating, is about emerging consistency. Around three weeks in, you’ve likely started to build more of a rhythm with this person, whether that’s texting daily, planning future activities or sharing parts of your regular life.

So at this point, you need to ask yourself:

• Is our communication consistent and respectful?
• Do we genuinely look forward to talking and going out?
• Are boundaries and expectations being discussed and respected?
• Do we make time for each other and not just when it’s convenient?

Three weeks gives you time to observe patterns that first dates can’t reveal. It’s a chance to reflect on how someone treats you outside of those idealised first dates, during everyday interactions, and possibly even minor stressors.

Key signs at this stage include consistency, respect for your time and emotions, genuine curiosity, and communication about your values, interests and future plans.

Even in casual dating, this stage can be very helpful to determine whether your connection has momentum or if it’s more of a “maybe” that needs honest evaluation.

Check-in 3: After three months

Now you’ve been together for three months, this is where things start to feel more real. At this point, the initial excitement has settled slightly, and you’re beginning to understand how this person fits into your life in a sustainable way.

Now is the time to reflect on and ask yourself:

• How do we handle disagreements and conflicts?
• Do we support each other’s personal goals?
• Is trust being built, or are doubts increasing?
• Do we talk about the future?
• Do we share mutual expectations and goals?

Three months of dating is long enough to see deeper aspects of your compatibility, including emotional maturity, resilience during conflict, and alignment in your long-term goals. It is around the three-month mark that many relationships transition from “dating” to something more serious and intentional.

Of course, not every relationship needs to (or will) progress toward a lifelong commitment, but by this point, you should understand whether your connection feels healthy, balanced and mutually respectful or whether it might be time to say goodbye.

Why the 3-3-3 rule works

The beauty of the 3-3-3 rule is its simplicity. It doesn’t tell you exactly what to do in any situation. Instead, it encourages you to step back and intentionally reflect on a relationship during some of its key milestones.

It’s an honest self-assessment, and when you allow yourself to check in mentally and emotionally at regular intervals, you learn to spot red flags sooner, communicate openly, celebrate genuine connection, and avoid rushing into a relationship that isn’t right for you.

Ultimately, it helps you balance hope with caution and self-preservation, and that’s a powerful combination when dating.

Dating should be exciting, not exhausting or emotionally draining. With the 3-3-3 rule, you get to enjoy the journey while also keeping your emotional well-being at the forefront. Whether you’re new to the dating world or returning after a break, this simple framework can bring clarity and confidence to your love life.

​Want more support in your dating journey?

If you’re looking for more expert insights and support on dating with intention, the team at Ignite Dating can help! Get in touch with our expert matchmakers today to find out more.

A few years ago, I heard an interview with Sir David Attenborough in which he reflected on the natural world’s remarkable ability to restore itself if you intervene early enough. He was talking about ecosystems, not medicine, but the sentiment applies equally to our own lives: timing, attention and care shape everything that matters.

Whether it’s our health, our ambitions, or the relationships we choose to invest in, the quality of our lives depends on how intentionally we nurture the things that sustain us.

Many of you reading this post are on a journey to find long-term connection — something real, supportive and enduring. In many ways, the work we do at DR.FSTR runs parallel to this: a belief that the things which matter most deserve time, expertise and continuity.

Health, like love, thrives with good attention and the right guidance.  

At DR.FSTR, this is how we approach medicine: thoughtful, evidence-based care that allows you to live well, with confidence, for whatever (and whomever) comes next.

Introducing Dr Lucy Foster

Since qualifying as a GP in 2014, I’ve built a varied and fulfilling career across rural and urban practice, urgent care, and six years co-leading a primary care service within some of the UK’s busiest A&E departments. Over the past five years, I’ve worked in the private sector, where I’ve been able to bring together everything I value most about medicine.

My clinical interests include women’s health, paediatrics and mental health, but it’s within relationship-based private medicine that I’ve truly found my professional home. I’ve developed a real passion for long-term, trust-led care, supporting people not only when they are unwell, but in the preventive work that keeps them well.

At DR.FSTR, I look after a deliberately small number of members so I can provide discreet, world-class care with precision, empathy and expertise. From proactive planning to urgent global support when needed, the ethos is simple, thoughtful, evidence-based medicine, done properly.  

DR.FSTR is a home-visiting medical practice caring for individuals, families and estates. Many of our members lead busy, extraordinary lives and simply want continuity and accessibility to a medical team that knows them properly.

What makes DR.FSTR different

We are the only private GP practice in the UK to include direct access to an in-house consultant physician, as well as your own assigned GP as part of standard membership. This means specialist-level thinking is baked-in from the start.  

And because we limit our doctors’ membership list size, we give you the time and attention required to practise good medicine – not rushed, reactive medicine.

We only visit at home; we do not ask you to attend a doctor’s office, so that we can see you on your terms and in your context, in your home or workplace.  

We have invested in the best technology to offer you point-of-care testing in the home, aiding accurate diagnoses.  

We have a list of associate doctors and medical professionals providing additional support in paediatrics, pain management, aesthetics, lifestyle medicine, hormone health, dietetics, physiotherapy and human performance, psychology, personal training, and coaching.  

We are well networked and connected with the best private hospitals in the UK.  

Managing risk before it disrupts life

Our aim is to identify issues before they develop into problems, and to keep you well enough to enjoy the life you are building, whether that involves career milestones, major relocations, blending families, or meeting someone who becomes very important to you.

Each annual medical review includes broad blood testing, urine and stool analysis, and a proper conversation about your health – how you live, sleep, move, eat and manage stress. It’s not a tick-box exercise; it’s a clinical conversation that means something.

Through the year, we are there for whatever arises: illness, concerns, urgent problems, travel medicine, second opinions, aesthetic skin health, whatever you need, wherever you happen to be.

A practice built on excellence

Many of our members have lives that are anything but quiet—international travel, multiple homes, demanding careers, public visibility. Healthcare shouldn’t add to the noise.

We provide the opposite. A medical team that genuinely knows you and our ethos is simple: exceptional healthcare for extraordinary people.  

An invitation

If you would like a medical practice that is personal, evidence-based and designed around your life rather than the other way around, we would be delighted to meet you.

Whether you are preparing for a new chapter, seeking clarity on your health, or simply want a doctor you can rely on without explaining yourself every time, DR.FSTR is here whenever you need us.
Here’s to living well, living wisely, and being ready for whatever and whoever comes next. Dr Lucy Foster Practice: 0208 087 0500 drfstr.co.uk

You’re social, expressive and energised by people, so dating should come naturally, right?

At least, this is what extroverts are often told. However, the reality is, being bold, chatty and outgoing doesn’t guarantee confidence and success when dating.

To embody true magnetic confidence, you must be intentional, grounded and emotionally aware. For extroverts, dating success comes from refining your natural strengths while avoiding common pitfalls that could actually intimidate or overwhelm potential new partners.

If you’re an extrovert, here’s how you can turn your social energy into irresistible dating confidence and charm. 

Redefine confidence to mean more than just volume 

Despite what many think, being loud, funny or constantly engaging doesn’t automatically translate into confidence.

When dating, confidence is less about how much space you fill up and more about how comfortable you are holding that space.

Magnetic extroverts know when to speak and when to pause. They’re not afraid of silences because, instead of trying to impress through constant conversation, they trust their presence. They focus on being relaxed, grounded and self-assured throughout the date.

Doing this enables your confidence to shine through. It proves you’re not chasing validation, even while being expressive and that you’re genuinely enjoying and embracing the moment. 

Avoid performing and ask meaningful questions instead 

Another common trap that many extroverts fall into is turning dates into performances. Of course, telling stories, cracking jokes and being charming can win over your date, but not if they feel you are putting on a performance.

They are more likely to be attracted to you if they feel seen and heard, not simply entertained. So, shift your focus from impressing to exploring. Make sure to pause and ask thoughtful questions during the date and follow up on what they say. Let curiosity guide your conversations rather than the urge to dominate or fill silences.

Here’s a simple rule to remind you to slow down and be more meaningful: aim for connection over charisma. When you’re on a date, people remember how you made them feel more than how witty you were.

Use your social savvy strategically 

Extroverts are often great at reading rooms and adjusting their energy accordingly, so you need to apply this skill deliberately when dating.

If your date is quieter, perhaps more of an introvert, make sure to soften your delivery. If they’re playful, then match their rhythm. Magnetic confidence isn’t about overpowering or being the loudest, bubbliest version of yourself. It’s about being in tune with your date.

When you adapt your energy without losing authenticity, you showcase your emotional intelligence, which is deeply attractive. Just be aware, this doesn’t mean shrinking yourself. It means choosing when to amplify and when to sit back and reflect. 

Don’t give all your energy away for free!

Extroverts tend to give their attention, enthusiasm and validation more freely than others. While this generosity is a strength, over-giving early can be off-putting for a potential new partner.

So once again, it’s important to slow the pace and let the interest be mutual. If you’re always initiating and carrying the conversation or escalating plans, you may unintentionally communicate neediness or overenthusiasm instead of confidence.

Magnetic extroverts should enjoy people, but not chase them. Let your confidence and interest build naturally. It grows when your energy feels valuable, not unlimited. 

Ground yourself before dating 

Compliments, laughter and attention might feel energising as an extrovert, but relying on this kind of social feedback during dates is risky.

The most attractive extroverts are grounded internally. Their confidence doesn’t rise and fall based on how their date responds to their stories or anecdotes. They know their worth regardless of the chemistry or outcome of the date.

So, before you start your dating journey, be sure to build a life you genuinely enjoy, that favours friendships, passions and goals. That way, when dating becomes an addition to this life, rather than a source of self-worth, your confidence deepens even further.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable 

Extroverts often default to an upbeat energy, making jokes and sharing their optimism. While this positivity is a good thing and an appealing trait in a partner, emotional depth creates a real connection.

That’s why it’s important to allow yourself moments of honesty, where you share values, challenges, and meaningful experiences with your date, not just your highlight reels. This vulnerability signals courage and trust, both key components of magnetic confidence.

And we’re not saying you need to overshare on the first date! But just be real. Remember, this depth balances your charm.

Know when to walk away

Extroverts sometimes stay engaged in relationships longer than they should because they enjoy interaction or dislike awkward endings. But the truth is, your confidence is also shown by what you don’t tolerate.

If the interest isn’t mutual, the chemistry is forced, or your values misalign, leave this partnership gracefully. Walking away without resentment or over-explaining communicates a lot of self-respect and helps to boost your confidence, because magnetic people choose alignment over attention.

Are you ready to share your magnetism with the world? 

Your extroversion is a powerful asset when dating, but only when paired with intention, emotional intelligence and self-assured restraint.

As we’ve said, magnetic confidence isn’t about being the most exciting or the loudest person in the room; it’s about being comfortable, present and selective with your energy.

When extroverts lead with grounded confidence instead of constant output, attraction shifts effortlessly. You don’t need to try harder; you just need to connect on a deeper level by listening more and trusting that who you are is already enough.

And if you need a little help along the way, our team of expert matchmakers can introduce you to like-minded individuals. So get in touch today, and you can get your dating journey off to a confident start.

Dating can feel like a performance, like a carefully choreographed routine. But for introverts, the stage lights can feel too bright, the crowd too loud, and the script too rehearsed. It can make the whole dating journey feel overwhelming.

So, if you’re someone who prefers deep conversations in a cosy coffee shop to small talk in a busy bar, meaningful connections to generic texts, and intentional dating to endless swiping, this guide is for you.

Know that quiet confidence isn’t about being the loudest person in the room. It’s about knowing your worth, embracing who you are, and showing up authentically – all without draining your social battery.

As an introvert, here’s how you can navigate the dating world with ease, comfort and confidence.

Understand that introversion is a strength and not a weakness

We’re so often told to go out there and be bold and confident. This can leave introverts feeling pressured to act more “outgoing” to succeed in dating. But the truth is, introversion naturally supports meaningful relationships.

​It does so because you are able to listen more deeply, which makes your date feel heard. You communicate thoughtfully, not impulsively, and you build connections based on authenticity, not surface-level charm or material factors.

These qualities play a big role in creating emotional intimacy, something that many people crave but rarely find. So, when you start viewing your introversion as a dating superpower rather than an obstacle, your confidence will grow naturally, and you’ll find you begin to make more meaningful connections.

Date on your own terms

The modern dating world is often presented like an energetic obstacle course. If you know people who choose back-to-back dates, noisy bars and rapid-fire conversations, you might feel like you’re doing it wrong.

​But these scenarios aren’t always introvert-friendly, and the good news is you don’t have to participate in dating this loud and high-energy way if you don’t want to.

You can design an approach that works for your personality and increases your chance of success. Do this by choosing quieter first-date locations and opting for one-on-one interactions rather than groups, like speed dating.

You should also make sure to give yourself downtime before and after dates, and always move at your own pace, as fast or slow as you choose. Don’t let someone else dictate this for you or make you feel pressured to move quicker.

Honouring your own energy is a form of confidence. It shows both you and potential partners that you value yourself enough to date in ways that support your happiness and well-being.

Always start with low-pressure interactions

Small talk isn’t every introvert’s favourite activity, but it’s important in the early stages of dating, and it doesn’t have to be painful.

Instead of focusing on what to say and stressing about talking points before you get there, shift your attention to starting conversations that feel natural to you.

This might mean commenting on something in your shared environment or discussing the activity you’re doing, whether that’s going for a walk around your local park or grabbing a coffee in a cute little book shop.

You should also ask thoughtful but simple questions about them, sharing a brief observation or story to complement what they’re saying. You might even want to make a joke or use humour if it feels organic.

You don’t need to be endlessly charming and witty right from the get-go. You only need to be present and genuine. Low-pressure interactions will open the door to deeper conversations in time, and this is the space where introverts shine.

Let your body language do some of the talking

As we’ve said, quiet confidence isn’t loud, it’s steady, subtle and grounded. You don’t need to make bold gestures or high-energy chatter to show interest. Instead, you can use simple but effective actions that make your date feel comfortable and heard.

For example, maintaining gentle eye contact, smiling when you find something genuinely interesting or funny, nodding to show you’re listening, and making sure to face your date, rather than face away.

These are really simple cues, but they do so much of the communicating for you, which can ease the pressure on yourself and means you don’t feel obliged to fill every silence or pause with conversation. 

Prepare for your date, but don’t overthink it 

Introverts often process everything deeply, which is wonderful, but the risk is that this can turn into overthinking. So, instead of rehearsing every possible conversational outcome, try a different approach.

Think about a few topics you genuinely enjoy and have these as a back up. It’s also a good idea to set a simple intention before your date, like “I want to learn one new thing about this person or I want to find out what they do for work.”

It can be helpful to accept that small, awkward moments are normal when dating and may happen. That way, you can focus your attention on curiosity instead of performance. This will help the conversation flow more naturally, and the more you show up with openness rather than scripted lines, the more relaxed and confident you’ll feel.

Share your introversion early (but only if you want to)

Introversion is not a quirk or whim; it’s part of your identity, and sharing this early on can help you to set expectations for your date and create understanding. To do this, you might wish to say something before or at the start of a date, for example: 

• “I love meaningful conversations, but this means I can appear quiet at first.”
• “I consider myself to be an introvert, so I prefer smaller, calmer settings for dates.”
• “I connect best one-on-one and in a quiet environment.”
  

Most people will appreciate this honesty and have a better idea of how to approach you. Plus, being transparent shows confidence, not weakness, and sets you up for more genuine and meaningful conversations.

Seek a partner who appreciates your depth

Quiet confidence attracts the right people, those who value authenticity, emotional intelligence and thoughtful communication. These are the qualities you want in a partner, and you can look for signs that your date appreciates your nature if they don’t pressure you to “be more outgoing,” and they are comfortable with the occasional silence.

They will also ask genuine questions during your dates or when messaging you, and they will respect your need for space and downtime. Ultimately, the right person won’t just tolerate your introversion; they’ll celebrate it.

Are you ready to unleash your superpower?

Every small step you take counts, whether that is initiating a conversation, saying yes to a date, showing your vulnerability, or simply recognising your value. That’s why it’s important to celebrate these moments.

Your confidence will grow through your actions, not perfection. And if you need a little support along the way, perhaps you need some help with meeting like-minded individuals who will treasure your introverted nature, then we can help.

Take that first important step and get in touch with our team of expert matchmakers today, they will help you to get your dating journey off to the best possible start. 

Have you ever felt consumed by your thoughts of someone?

And not in a, “Aren’t they great, I really like them and can’t wait to see them again” kind of way.

In a more draining, emotionally taxing kind of way, constantly looking at your phone to see if they’ve replied, checking if they’re online, desperately wondering if they are thinking of you.

If so, don’t be disheartened, you’re not alone. What you’ve experienced is limerence. Often mistaken for love or infatuation, it is actually a distinct emotional state.

But what is limerence, and can it be stopped?

Understanding these strong feelings and how they develop can help you recognise related behaviour in yourself, so you can develop healthy strategies to manage them. 

What is limerence?

The term limerence was first introduced by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s. It refers to an intense, involuntary emotional state where a person becomes obsessively infatuated with someone they perceive as special.  ​

More recently, the term has been applied to the dating world, describing the overwhelming early-stage fixation that can happen in romantic attachments. People experiencing limerence tend to:

• Think obsessively about their chosen person
• Crave reciprocation
• Interpret even the smallest signs or actions as something meaningful
• Experience intrusive fantasies or daydreams
• Have mood swings tied to perceived approval or disapproval from that person
• Idealise their person, focusing on their positive traits and downplaying their flaws
• Feel emotionally dependent on this person and worry about rejection

Limerence Vs love: What’s the difference?

Unlike a healthy loving infatuation with someone, limerence is less about genuine connection and more about the emotional reward of longing, hope and imagined possibilities. ​

While love involves intimacy, trust and compassion, as well as a desire for another person’s well-being, limerence tends to revolve around idealisation and a need for validation. It feels urgent, all-consuming, and often outside of your control.

Another key difference is that love deepens over time, whereas limerence is usually temporary. Plus, love is steady and accepts a whole person, whereas limerence is more volatile and focuses on fantasy.

Limerence can happen in early relationships, long-term relationships that feel emotionally unfulfilled, or entirely outside relationships (e.g., towards a crush, famous person, coworker or stranger).

Why do people experience limerence?

There are several key factors that can contribute to limerence, ranging from your attachment style to unmet emotional needs.

For some, feeling lonely, unappreciated or disconnected can make the brain latch onto someone who seems promising or validating. Novelty and uncertainty can play a part in this, as the brain responds strongly to unpredictability, releasing dopamine spikes that reinforce obsession.

Those who use fantasy as an escape are also more likely to experience limerence, as it can provide a temporary getaway from stress, insecurity or dissatisfaction in other areas of life.

Alternatively, if you have an anxious or avoidant attachment style, you may be more prone to intense romantic longing.

Though limerence is not inherently harmful, it can interfere with your mental health, relationships or personal functioning, which is why it’s so important to address it as soon as you spot the signs. 

How to manage limerence

You may have experienced limerence before, you may be experiencing it right now, and you’re worried about how to manage these feelings when they do arise. That, or you may know someone who you believe to be suffering from this intense emotional state.

Knowing how to recognise and manage limerence is the key to getting your feelings back under control and moving on with your life in a positive way. Follow these steps to help you take back control. 

1. Identify the patterns and name the feeling

Recognition is the first important step to tackling limerence. Understanding what you’re experiencing and recognising that it is not love or destiny can help you detach from the emotional intensity. Try to notice when your thoughts become repetitive or intrusive and label them as part of the limerence cycle. This can help to ground you and bring you back to reality. 

2. Limit triggers and access

If possible, reduce situations that fuel the obsession. This might mean cutting down on digital contact, avoiding unnecessary interactions or muting social media updates from them. You might also need to set boundaries around communication.

This doesn’t mean you need to cut someone out of your life completely, especially if that’s hard to do, but reducing emotional triggers helps weaken the reinforcement loop.

3. Challenge your idealised thoughts

Write or reflect on the following:

• What do I really know about this person?
• What qualities might I be projecting?
• Are there any red flags I’ve been ignoring?
• What are the limitations of this potential connection?

Seeing the object of your limerence as a human and not some idealised fantasy can help you to shift your perspective.

4. Reinvest in yourself

Limerence often thrives when other parts of life feel dull or neglected. So, a great way to get past this is to redirect energy towards other fulfilling pursuits. This could be creative hobbies, physical activity, friendships or career goals.

The more fulfilling your life becomes as a whole, the less space limerence takes up and the less you will fixate on that individual.

5. Strengthen your emotional regulation skills

Mindfulness practices like grounding techniques, meditation or journaling can help you recognise and interrupt obsessive thought patterns. Cognitive-behavioural tools (CBT) can also be an effective way of reframing distorted thinking and reducing rumination.

6. Address underlying emotional needs

You need to ask yourself, what feeling am I seeking from this person? Is it validation, security, excitement or an escape?​

Meeting these needs in healthier ways, such as through therapy, self-development, or improved familial relationships, can reduce the intensity of limerence.

7. Seek professional support if you need to 

If limerence causes anxiety, affects functioning, threatens committed relationships, or becomes emotionally overwhelming, a therapist can help. Many are familiar with this concept and can offer strategies to manage obsessive thinking, attachment wounds, and emotional dependency.

Don’t let limerence destroy you

Limerence is a powerful and often confusing experience, but it’s also manageable and temporary. By understanding what it is and why it happens, you can help build healthier emotional patterns and move toward more grounded, mutual and fulfilling forms of connection.

And if you need help finding great potential matches or you would like support on your dating journey, the team at Ignite can help. Get in touch with our expert matchmakers today to get started. 

When you’re dating someone new, the early stages can be exciting, uncertain and sometimes confusing. And it doesn’t matter whether you’re getting back into dating after a long-term relationship or you’ve been looking for love for a while now, these feelings are often the same.

The trouble is, without realising, this mix of feelings can lead to damaging behaviours that decrease your chance of finding the right partner, before you’ve even begun.  

But there is good news. Most of these early dating mistakes are avoidable once you know how to recognise them.

With that in mind, here are seven of the most common pitfalls when you start dating someone new, and how you can make sure you don’t make these same silly mistakes. 

1. Moving too fast 

When you really click with someone, it can be tempting to jump headfirst into the relationship. If you’ve suddenly found yourself wanting to spend all your free time together, talking every day and planning future dates, it’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind romance. 

The problem is, moving too fast can create intensity and blur your judgment. This makes it harder to see any red flags, incompatibilities or whether the connection is actually sustainable.

If you notice you’re quickly getting swept away in a new relationship, it’s time to slow the pace. 

Try to leave more time between your dates, make sure you maintain your own life, and allow the relationship to unfold naturally. Think about early dating like cooking a good meal. You need to go slow and steady, start simmering and increase the heat over time to get the best results.

2. Oversharing too early

Being open and showcasing your emotional availability is great. But trauma bonding on your first date? Not so much. 

Some people tend to overshare when they get nervous, others because they genuinely want to be transparent. Trouble is, dumping your entire emotional history onto someone over your first dinner can be overwhelming. 

It creates a false sense of closeness and can make the other person feel responsible for your emotions before they’ve even opted into the relationship. 

So instead of this, make sure to share gradually. Let your vulnerability unfold through trust, not urgency or an awkward need to make conversation. A good rule of thumb is, if you wouldn’t tell that same story to a new coworker or casual friend down the pub, it’s too early for your date. 

3. Ignoring red flags

As you start dating someone new, all the excitement and chemistry can feel like a fog machine. It makes everything look cloudy and dreamy, even when something is clearly off. 

Perhaps they cancel plans repeatedly and on short notice. Maybe they speak poorly of exes or “jokingly” insult you. The early excitement can make these things seem small, but ignoring red flags like this can lead to bigger heartbreak further down the line. 

The things that bother you at the beginning usually become the things that hurt you the most long-term. So, you need to pay close attention to patterns, not promises and listen to your gut instinct. If something feels off, it probably is, so don’t brush it aside.

4. Playing games

Waiting exactly 36 minutes to text back because they took 35 minutes. Pretending you’re busier than you are. Giving off signals that suggest you’re not interested because you’re worried about looking too keen.

​

All of these little games are very common in dating, but they are also completely counterproductive. This builds a foundation of anxiety, not trust. If someone is right for you, they won’t be scared off by your authenticity, but they might be by these silly games.

​

That’s why it’s always best to respond to their messages when you want to. Show your interest if you are interested in them, and be direct but not overbearing. Remember, healthy dating and new relationships will thrive on clarity, not strategy.

5. Using someone to fill a void

Loneliness, boredom or that post-breakup emptiness can all be reasons that you decide to start dating before you’re actually ready. When you’re craving emotional support and comfort from a partner, it’s easy to latch onto the first person who gives you attention.

But if you do this, you risk forming an attachment based on need, not compatibility, treating the connection like more of a bandage, rather than a genuine bond.

So, before you start dating, make sure to check in with yourself. Are you genuinely ready to meet someone, or are you just hoping that someone else will fix how you feel? A partner can complement your life, but they can’t complete it, and you shouldn’t give them false hope if you’re not going to commit in the long term. 

6. Setting unrealistic expectations

Sometimes we idealise potential partners before we truly know them. It might be that you’ve had a few great dates or simply that they treat you better than your last partner did. This can cause you to imagine what the relationship could be like, rather than seeing what it actually is.

Over time, these high expectations turn into pressure. You may overlook who they are in favour of who you want them to be, and you might find that they disappoint you. Not on purpose, but because you held them to unrealistic standards.

To avoid this, stay curious as you’re dating and focus on observing their behaviour, not projecting how you want them to behave. Ask questions, spend time together and let their actions shape your expectations, not your imagination. 

7. Not communicating your needs

Many people avoid expressing their needs early on because they fear being seen as “too much,” too picky or too difficult. But ignoring your needs only leads to confusion and resentment.

You are more likely to end up in a situationship, mismatched partnership, or a relationship where you’re constantly editing yourself and not being genuine. 

Of course, this does not mean you should unload a list of standards or emotional baggage on date one, but you should communicate your basic preferences and boundaries as they become relevant. Honest conversation is not a burden; it’s an important part of a healthy relationship. 

Get those early dates right 

Early dating should be exciting. It shouldn’t feel like you’re trying to navigate a maze blindfolded. That’s why it’s important that you approach it with self-awareness, patience and authenticity.

If you spot any of the patterns or mistakes we’ve shared above, take a moment to check in with yourself, to ask why you’re behaving in this way, and to do your best to rectify the situation.

And if you need some more guidance when finding good matches and going out on your first date, we can help. Get in touch with the expert team at Ignite Dating. Our matchmakers are on hand to offer advice and help you find the right person.

Modern dating can feel like navigating a tricky maze, you may be up against superficial dating profiles, ghosting, multiple online conversations and an all-round lack of clarity. It can be tiring, even for the most organised and upbeat individual.  

But beneath the surface of modern dating lies something surprisingly helpful: your own psychology. 

If you can understand how your own mind works, you can feel more relaxed when dating. You can reduce the emotional stress of meeting new people, show up more confidently and ensure more meaningful experiences. 

And to help you do this, we’re going to share five psychological hacks that can make the dating journey more enjoyable.

1. The paradox of choice hack 

We often say, “the more the merrier”, but when you’re dating, more options don’t necessarily lead to better results. You would be forgiven for thinking that more potential partners will lead to more possibilities for better matches, but in fact, the opposite is true.

Psychology proves that too many choices can create confusion, indecision and fatigue. This is known as the paradox of choice, and it shows up everywhere in modern dating.

If you’ve ever tried juggling multiple dates at once, you may have experienced this first-hand. The feeling of being overwhelmed and, as a result, disconnected from all of them.

The solution isn’t to limit yourself to the first match that ticks most of the boxes. Rather, it’s to give yourself breathing space. Focus on one person you’re genuinely curious about and give them your full attention, rather than treating dating like an endurance sport.

When you reduce the number of active choices, you also reduce the emotional noise. Your intuition gets clearer, and you’re much more likely to recognise when someone is (or isn’t) a good match for you. 

2. The expectation effect hack

Ever notice how telling yourself “this date is going to be awkward” almost guarantees it will be? 

Our expectations and the way we talk to ourselves will shape our experiences. This is a psychological phenomenon known as the expectation effect. When you anticipate something to be positive, your behavior subtly shifts to ensure a more positive outcome, and the opposite is also true. 

If you set positive expectations and smile more, your body will relax, you’re more open, more playful and more yourself.

So, before your next date, try this simple hack. Consciously tell yourself, “This is going to be a good date.” You don’t need to expect fireworks or love at first sight, just set the intention that your date will be enjoyable and interesting. 

This small shift in your mindset influences the energy you bring into the room. And that energy often determines whether a date feels natural and engaging, or stiff and surface-level.

3. The peak-end hack

As humans, we don’t always remember experiences accurately. Our brains hold onto two key moments most strongly: the emotional peak and the ending. This is called the peak-end rule, and you can use it to change how you reflect on your dates, as well as how your dates remember you.

At the end of your time together, try to slow down. Take a brief moment to notice the best parts of the date, perhaps a shared laugh, an unexpectedly deep conversation or a moment of genuine connection. 

You can even express this appreciation out loud. For example, “I really enjoyed talking about your travels to India. I’m glad we met.”

This leaves your date with a warm final impression of you, and it also helps you to process the experience more positively. Instead of searching your brain and trying to analyse every minor detail afterwards, you anchor the date to what was most meaningful to you. 

4. Give your anxiety a silly name

Pre-date jitters happen to everyone, even the most seasoned single, but one surprisingly effective trick is to give your anxiety a silly name.

If you can label the nervous voice in your head something like Nervous Nelly or Whining Warren, it instantly feels less powerful and more manageable.

This technique separates you from your anxiety. In doing so, you can make it easier to recognise that the anxious voices aren’t factual or correct, they’re just noise in your head.​

You can even speak back to it, saying, “Okay, Dramatic Dennis, I hear you, but we’re going on this date anyway.” It brings humour into the moment and helps you shift from awkward and anxious to more relaxed and curious. 

5. The time expansion hack

Ever feel like you’ve been on the same date five times in a row? Same conversation, same type of restaurant, same routine. That’s because repetitive experiences are compressed in the memory. So in order to make your dates feel richer and more meaningful, you need to introduce change and novelty.

Psychologists call this time expansion. It’s the idea that new or varied experiences feel longer, more vivid, and as a result, more enjoyable.

Make sure to try a different kind of date, don’t always opt for a bar or restaurant. Perhaps go for a walk through a beautiful garden, take a pottery class, or grab coffee in a cute bookstore. Anything that sparks your interest.

Just remember, you don’t need extravagance, just something that engages your senses differently and is not repetitive. Not only does this create deeper memories, but it also helps you see your date in a more authentic way. 

Put these techniques to good use 

Don’t let your mind be a saboteur. Dating doesn’t have to feel chaotic or exhausting. With small, intentional shifts and these psychological hacks, you can navigate the dating world with more clarity, confidence and joy. 

And if you need some help on your dating journey, get in touch with the talented team at Ignite Dating. Our expert matchmakers can help you meet like-minded people and get your dating journey off to a positive start.

By Nella Dwyer, Executive ADHD Specialist and International Recording Artist 

Many successful, driven adults quietly wonder why dating feels more complicated than their career. They can build companies, solve crises, make bold decisions, and manage extraordinary pressure. Yet in romance, emotions feel unpredictable, intensity takes over, and small moments hit harder than they should. 

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. 

And there is nothing wrong with you. 

You simply have a fast, sensitive, deeply perceptive brain that processes connection differently. 

Understanding this wiring can make dating calmer, clearer, and more fulfilling than you ever thought possible. 

Here are the ten truths that matter most. 

1. You feel people quickly because you sense emotion at a deeper level. 

You notice tone, expression, energy shifts. Many people do not. Your brain reads emotional information early and intensely, which means your feelings often arrive before your logic has had time to organise them. 

What this means for you. 

Taking a short pause gives you the space to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting from the rush of emotion. Once regulated, your sensitivity becomes insight.

2. Attraction feels extraordinary because your brain is wired for intensity. 

When you meet someone who resonates with you, the spark does not feel subtle. It feels vivid. full. alive. Your dopamine response to connection is stronger than average. 

The gift inside this. 

Let yourself feel the spark but delay the story you attach to it. Real compatibility feels exciting and stable at the same time. 

3. Ambiguity affects you more deeply than most people realise. 

If someone goes quiet or changes tone, your mind immediately tries to fill in the blanks. This is not insecurity. This is your brain trying to create order and predict emotional safety. 

How to steady yourself. 

Ask what you actually know to be true, not what your brain is guessing. The emotional noise softens almost instantly. 

4. You experience interpersonal pain more intensely. 

Rejection, even subtle rejection, lights up neural pathways linked to physical pain. This is why a small shift can feel unexpectedly large. 

Your power lies here. 

Regulate first. interpret second. Once your nervous system settles, your perceptions become accurate and grounded.

5. Your emotional balance depends on your routine more than you think. 

Your mood and patience swings are often tied to sleep, blood sugar, hormones, or overstimulation rather than the relationship itself. 

What transforms everything. 

Consistent sleep and wake times, solid nutrition, daylight, movement. These give your heart and nervous system the stability they need to love well. 

6. Your relationship with time is different from most people. 

You do not ignore texts or run late because you do not care. Your brain simply experiences time as now or not now. This can create misunderstandings with partners who do not understand your rhythm. 

How to stay grounded. 

Gentle structure. reminders. shared calendar sync. These systems create reliability without suppressing your natural flow. 

7. Your mind communicates in layers, not lines. 

Your thoughts move fast. You connect ideas intuitively and speak in patterns. To someone who processes more slowly, this can feel overwhelming even when your intention is connection. 

What keeps conversations smooth. 

Slow your delivery, not your brilliance. Give others a moment to meet you at your speed.

8. Your attention depends on emotional engagement, not discipline. 

You are fully present when something resonates with you. ADHD can be described as a deficit of interest. You drift when overwhelmed or under stimulated. This has nothing to do with care. It is simply how your attention system works. 

How to stay emotionally available. 

Choose environments that support presence- calm lighting, quieter settings, walking side by side. These allow your authentic self to shine. 

9. You give generously but often faster than you can sustain. 

Your empathy is deep. You want to support, help, nurture, and connect. Without pacing, this becomes over giving, followed by emotional exhaustion. 

How to protect your heart. 

Share your needs clearly from the beginning. Pace your emotional investment. The right person will admire your clarity and meet you there fully. Knowing and having personal boundaries are important for you so you’re not exchanging your self respect for others. (This one is a game changer!) 

10. You are not too intense. You are moving at a deeper emotional frequency. 

Your intensity is not a flaw. It is your richness. You simply need someone whose pacing, emotional availability, and communication match yours. 

Where everything changes. 

When you understand your rhythm, your relationships stop feeling chaotic and start feeling meaningful, aligned, and deeply fulfilling.

Important insight. You do not need a perfect partner. You need a regulated one. 

Your ideal match is someone who is emotionally steady, consistent, grounded, and calm. Someone who does not escalate when you are overwhelmed. Someone who communicates clearly and responds warmly. 

When you meet someone with that presence, your nervous system relaxes. And when your nervous system relaxes, your depth becomes a place primed for connection.. Your intensity becomes intimacy. 

Your sensitivity becomes intuition. 

You become your most confident, luminous self. 

For founders, executives, and high performers 

If your brain works like this in dating, it works like this in leadership too. The same emotional wiring that makes you intense, perceptive, and passionate in relationships also shapes how you make decisions, manage pressure, and navigate stress at work. 

If you want to understand your operating system in a deeper, more empowering way, you can download my free guide for high achieving adults. 

It is called The ADHD Founder Overwhelm Reset. 

It shows you how to: 

• calm emotional storms quickly 

• avoid burnout and emotional spirals 

• restore clarity under pressure 

• communicate without intensity taking over 

Download it here: 

https://www.adhdlifemastery.org/adhd-founder-overwhelm-protocol

About the expert 

Nella Dwyer is an internationally recognised ADHD specialist, executive coach, and award winning recording artist. She is the lead vocalist for World of Warcraft and has collaborated with Grammy and Emmy winning composers. She coaches founders, CEOs, and successful creative professionals, helping high achieving adults regulate their nervous system, deepen their relationships, and create clarity in every part of their lives. For private coaching or corporate neurodiversity consultations, you can enquire via adhdcoachnella@gmail.com or www.adhdlifemastery.org.

Going on dates, meeting like-minded people, and feeling exciting new connections should be some of the purest and most joyful experiences life has to offer. Yet too many of us have become jaded by the dating landscape.And this is not surprising. Dating apps are draining, ghosting has become a normalised form of rejection, and endless mixed signals from potential partners have led to emotional burnout. It’s left many wondering if real love even exists anymore.If you’ve found yourself in this position, dreading another date or feeling cynical about finding love, you’re not alone. Far from it, actually.And the good news is, you can reignite that spark of hope within yourself and get excited about falling in love, just like you used to. It starts with shifting your mindset to refresh your habits and reconnect with what makes love feel meaningful in the first place.

Take a (meaningful) break

First things first, you need a break!Although it might seem counterproductive, if dating feels more exhausting than exciting, it’s time to step back and take a break. Instead of “giving up on love,” take some time out to reset and reflect on what you really want from your love life.Ask yourself this: Are you dating out of loneliness, pressure or boredom? Or are you genuinely hoping to share your life with someone? Taking a purposeful pause like this allows you to break unhelpful cycles and return to the dating world with clarity.During this break from dating, you should also nurture the other kinds of love in your life. This might be family, friendship, community, and most importantly, self-love. Reconnecting with the people who are already in your life and those you already value, reminds you what healthy love and affection feel like.Because when you’re fulfilled in multiple key areas of your life, romantic love feels like an addition to your happiness, rather than a desperate search for it.

Reframe your beliefs

One of the quickest ways to become jaded and cynical about modern dating is by experiencing heartbreak, ghosting or bad date after bad date. But it’s important to remember that cynicism is often just a disguise for disappointment. It’s your own way of protecting yourself from future heartbreak.The cure for this is curiosity. Instead of going on dates, assuming you’ll be let down or that love “doesn’t work anymore,” go in with an open mind and renewed sense of curiosity. Ask yourself this, “What if love looks different than it used to, and what if the right connection takes longer to find because you’re learning to recognise what you truly need?”All of which is OK. You must try to focus less on outcomes and more on the experiences you have along the way. When you shift your mindset from pressure to presence, you can rediscover the fun and unpredictability that make love exciting. You can see each date as a new and interesting experience and reframe your ways of thinking.

Redefine what success looks like when dating

If the ultimate goal is to find love, it makes sense that we measure our dating success with one key metric: whether a relationship lasts or not. But this can make modern dating feel even more discouraging, so it’s time to redefine what success in dating looks like.Remember that short-term connections can still teach you valuable lessons about communication, boundaries and vulnerability. So, even if a date, or several dates, don’t turn into a new relationship, it shouldn’t be viewed as a failure. Look at it more like a stepping stone.By viewing every date and each interaction as a way to practice emotional growth, you remove some of the pressure and disappointment that comes with unmet expectations. This mindset helps to turn dating into an opportunity for self-discovery, rather than a never-ending audition.

Change how you meet people

Apps are the most common cause of burnout and disappointment in the dating world. Endlessly swiping left and right while juggling multiple half-hearted conversations quickly becomes tiresome.  Which is why it’s a good idea to take a new approach if you haven’t already. From employing the services of an expert matchmaker to attending in-person events, joining hobby groups, and even volunteering, there are lots of ways you can meet people who share your interests without going online.And there’s something very refreshing about connecting with people without the use of a digital filter. It’s just two humans sharing a real moment, like we used to before dating sites became so commonplace.

Focus on emotional availability

Many people feel jaded because they’ve encountered emotionally unavailable partners at some point in their dating journey. These past disappointments can make us guarded and wary of new connections, and that’s understandable. We have to protect our own peace and happiness.However, this can block genuine connection and intimacy. So you have to ask yourself, have you become cynical and emotionally unavailable as a result?Being emotionally available means being open to vulnerability, but if you want to find the right partner, you have to show up fully even when there’s a risk of rejection. It’s important that you don’t let the past define your future.

Romanticise the little things

You don’t need big grand gestures to make your love story feel romantic. When dating, try to notice the small gestures: a bunch of flowers, a little note, a shared laugh or a message to say good morning. It’s important to find the warmth and connection in these everyday moments because love exists in these simple experiences.You can even bring this romance into your single life: cook yourself a nice dinner, listen to your favourite love songs without irony, buy yourself something new or whatever it is you do for self-care. When you start feeling love all around you, your heart naturally becomes more open to it.

Believe that love evolves (and so can you)

The truth is, modern dating is different, and if it’s been a while since you were last looking for love, this change can feel even more dramatic.Technology has changed the dating landscape, but it has not changed the need for genuine human connection. People still crave authenticity, understanding and care. The more you accept and embrace the fact that love may look different today, the less daunting it feels.You’ve evolved through your experiences, and your capacity to find and enjoy love has evolved with you. Getting excited about dating again doesn’t mean pretending those past hurts never happened. It means carrying these lessons forward while staying open to joy, laughter and possibility.And if you need help taking the next positive steps on your dating journey, you’re in the right place. Get in touch with our team of expert matchmakers today to find out how we can help you find great matches and feel excited about dating again.

You’ve seen it in the movies a hundred times; two people lock eyes across a crowded room, the sparks begin to fly, and by their second date, they’re hopelessly in love. While it might be a beautiful work of fiction (and one we’ve all fantasised about), for the most part, that’s all it is.

It’s also one that sets us up for unrealistic expectations about love and dating.

In real life, dating tends to unfold in a much quieter, slower and more uncertain way. And not only is that OK, but it’s actually healthy – and we’re here to tell you why. 

The myth of ‘love at first sight’

Most of us have been conditioned to believe that instant chemistry equals compatibility and that if you don’t feel that electricity right away, then something is wrong. But while “love at first sight” may seem like a great story, it’s rarely how real, sustainable relationships begin.

That initial rush of excitement is great, but it’s usually just a cocktail of attraction, novelty and dopamine. Emotional compatibility and long-term potential are completely different. 

Relationships that are built purely on that early spark often fizzle out as quickly as they start, once the excitement fades and the real work begins.

This is because compatibility takes time. It grows from shared values, emotional safety, communication and respect. These are the things you simply can’t know or hope to achieve on a first date.

It’s when you’re not blinded by chasing those instant fireworks that you’re more likely to see your date clearly, to notice who they really are, rather than who you want them to be.

The power of the slow burner

Some of the healthiest and longest relationships begin quietly with a slow burn, rather than an explosion. Maybe your first date is nice but not explosive, maybe you even question if there is a romantic spark in the first place.

But, as you spend more time together, you start to notice how comfortable you feel around each other, how easy it is to talk to them, how much they make you laugh, or how they show up consistently when you need them.

These are the qualities and the moments that matter most. This is what is so beautiful about that slow burn. It gives both people the space to relax, be authentic and build trust naturally. 

There is less pressure to impress or perform on the first few dates or even within the first few months of the relationship.

Not only that, but when you build something slowly and meaningfully, it tends to bring more emotional security. It is more likely to be rooted in real connection, not just a surface-level attraction. You learn to appreciate your partner for who they really are, not for how they make you feel in a fleeting moment of adrenaline or excitement. That’s the kind of connection that lasts far longer. 

Sparks can distract from what really matters 

It’s worth remembering that those “sparks” can actually come from many things and not all of them are good. 

Sometimes, this magnetic pull you feel toward someone or those butterflies in your stomach are actually a reflection of anxiety, unresolved patterns or familiarity with dysfunctional relationships.​

So though it might feel exciting and intoxicating, it doesn’t always lead somewhere healthy. That is why it’s so important to distinguish between chemistry and compatibility. Chemistry is about how someone makes you feel. Compatibility is about how you function together, now and long into the future.

And let’s face it, you can have amazing chemistry with someone who is completely wrong for you, for a short time at least. Whereas that person that you felt only a small initial spark with could become your safest, happiest match.

Redefining what “connection” means

The best way to find true love is to redefine what we expect from dating, particularly in the early days. Instead of asking, “Did we have sparks?” we could ask, “Did I feel comfortable and safe with them?” or “Did I feel curious to get to know more about them?”

After all, these are much better indicators of whether a relationship has potential. And though comfort might not sound sexy or romantic like we imagine from the movies, it’s the foundation of emotional intimacy and a successful long-term relationship. Curiosity means there’s room to grow, and growth is what keeps relationships alive long into the future.

Building love, not just chasing it

When we let go of this need for instant fireworks, dating becomes far less stressful and more genuine. Remember, every date you go on doesn’t have to feel like a big scene in a Hollywood movie. It should just be two people getting to know each other; one conversation, one small connection at a time. If there are fireworks, see this as an added bonus! But if not, don’t write them off just yet. 

Real love often looks ordinary from the outside, but it’s built on the small moments like shared meals, quiet nights in, supportive texts, and everyday kindness. There can’t always be constant excitement.

So rather than chasing sparks, look for the slow-burning embers of consistency, trust and comfort. Those are the things that actually sustain a successful partnership.

If you need help finding matches that make you feel comfortable and connected, we can help. Get in touch with our expert matchmakers today to find out how they can guide you on your dating journey and help you make genuine connections with like-minded people.