Month: July 2025

Over the last couple of years, the term red flag has become one of the most popular buzzwords on social media, particularly when talking about relationships and social interactions. It’s become so commonplace that even just seeing that little flag emoji on a message or video clip tells us all we need to know.

In this case, red flags refer to the negative traits or behaviours you should look out for in a partner. The warning signs that someone might not be a healthy match for you. 

While this can be helpful for avoiding toxic relationships and recognising behaviours that you may not have realised were problematic, it’s not without its own problems.

Too often, we get so focused on spotting the negative that we miss the signs of compatibility that are right in front of us. And it’s important to remember that dating isn’t just about avoiding heartbreak; it’s also about recognising when you’ve found someone worth investing in. 

That’s why we’re here to share how you can recognise red flags without ignoring the green ones. 

What are red flags, really?

Red flags are behaviours or traits that point to potential problems in the future. This might look like controlling behaviour, dishonesty, disrespect or inconsistent communication. These behaviours, be it what someone says or how they act, don’t just go away once you’re a couple. 

If anything, they tend to grow and get worse if not addressed. Spotting major red flags early can save you time, energy and heartbreak.

That sounds like a good thing, right? But here’s where people often get stuck, in the hyper-vigilance trap. When you’re constantly on edge, looking for weakness or even just signs that problems may arise in the future, you can easily misinterpret normal human flaws or early awkwardness as major deal breakers. 

In the end, you might find you’re ghosting someone who could actually be a great partner, simply because they sent a short text when they were busy and you read that as limited communication or emotional unavailability. That’s why we also need to tune in to the green flags, too.

Why looking out for green flags matters

Green flags are the positive qualities that show someone is emotionally mature, kind and ready for a healthy relationship. In this case, that could be respectful and regular communication, accountability, genuine interest and consistency. 

These are just some of the green flags that show someone might want to build something real and lasting with you; they’re signs of emotional safety.

If you only think about what is going wrong (or might go wrong in the future), you overlook what is going right, right now! For example, if you’re dating someone who respects your boundaries, follows through on plans and apologises sincerely when they mess up, these are huge green flags!

The trouble is, when you’re stuck in detective mode, getting in your head about the latest red flags shared on TikTok or Instagram, you might brush these good traits off as basic decency instead of what they really are: signs of emotional intelligence.

How to balance the two

Here are some ways to keep your eyes open for both the good and bad signs, so you can keep yourself safe, without passing up any great opportunities: 

Know your non-negotiables

Before you get too invested in a new relationship, it’s vital that you know what your major red flags are, whilst also keeping in mind what positive traits and behaviours you look for in a partner. 

Once you are clear on the non-negotiables and the nice-to-haves, you can spot these signs quickly. Just remember not to sweat the small stuff, like someone liking pineapple on pizza (controversial, we know) or them not texting you back with four paragraphs every morning.

Look for patterns, not just incidents

On the subject of not sweating the small stuff, to help you differentiate between red flags and one-offs, you should look for patterns in behaviour. A single comment or bad day isn’t always a red flag, but if they consistently lie, dodge accountability or gaslight you, this is a sign of a bigger problem. 

On the flip side, consistency in good behavior is a massive green flag as it means they’re not just “performing” early on and that this is who they really are.

Check in with yourself regularly 

Relationships may be a partnership, but it’s important to check in with yourself regularly. Ask yourself, when you’re with them, do you feel more anxious or more at ease? 

Sometimes your gut knows what your mind can’t see yet. If you feel safe being yourself, being open and honest and disagreeing without fear, that’s a massive green flag.

Always talk it out 

If something feels off, communicate before labelling it a red flag. The way someone responds to difficult conversations can reveal so much about them. If they get defensive or try to shift the blame, then yes, this is a red flag, but if they listen, validate your feelings and agree to work together on the issue, it’s green!

Don’t let red flags get in your way 

No good relationship is built on finding someone’s flaws, which is why it’s so important that you don’t ignore those green flags. 

Oftentimes, it is easier to spot when someone is behaving the way we want or expect them to, so it’s vital that you’re calm, balanced and honest with yourself. Determine which traits or actions are one-offs and which are consistent. Sure, no one is perfect, but if you can keep looking out for those green flags, you can find someone open, honest and whose good qualities far outweigh the bad. And if you need a little help along the way, our team of expert matchmakers can help. Get in touch today to find out how they can support you on your dating journey.

It doesn’t matter whether you knew it was coming or it took you by surprise; a breakup can be a heartbreaking and disorienting experience. 

Beyond the emotional turmoil, a breakup can also have a huge impact on your self-esteem and confidence, leading you to question your worth, judgment and identity. 

Healing these wounds doesn’t happen overnight, and the road to recovery can feel long. However, it’s important to take your time to rebuild when you and a partner split up, not just for the sake of your health and well-being but in order to put yourself back out there and form new connections in the future. 

With that in mind, here are some helpful steps you can take to rebuild your confidence after a breakup. 

Understand the impact a breakup can have on you 

Many of us like to try and pretend we’re fine when we’re not – especially after a breakup. But the truth is, these events can be hugely disorienting and disruptive because when you’re in a relationship, this becomes part of how you define yourself. 

When that relationship ends, it’s natural to feel a bit lost or unsure. You might replay recent events in your mind and wonder if there was anything you could’ve done differently. These reflections are normal, but if left unchecked, they can impact your self-esteem further and lead to bigger issues later on.

So, rather than simply trying to ‘get over it’, it’s important that you take the time to acknowledge and understand your feelings. Breaking up is a loss, and you need to give yourself time to grieve that person, even if the relationship was struggling for a while. 

Hiding and ignoring your emotions in an attempt to be strong will only delay your healing process. Confidence doesn’t come from pretending everything is okay; it comes from accepting what has happened, healing and moving on with your life. 

Reconnect with yourself and what makes you great 

After a breakup, it’s easy to feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself, which is why this is an ideal time to reconnect with who you are outside of that relationship. 

It’s time to reflect on what you enjoyed before this relationship. Think about hobbies or interests that have fallen by the wayside or any activities you wanted to try but never did. 

Rekindling old passions and discovering new ones can be a great reminder of your strengths and interests and the fact that you can thrive as an individual as well as a partner. 

Confidence is rooted in self-awareness and appreciation, so it can be helpful to make a list of attributes or achievements that you love about yourself, especially those traits that have nothing to do with your ex. 

Yes, we admit this can feel awkward or unnatural at first, but it can also be a great way to shift your focus from what you’ve lost to what you still have and what makes you the awesome person you are. 

Surround yourself with love and support (and that includes your own) 

In our darkest moments, we turn to friends and family to support and uplift us, and a breakup should be no different. Being around the people you love can significantly boost your confidence. 

You might wish to spend time with friends and family, start therapy or join a support group that helps you feel heard and validated. Talking about your feelings with people that make you feel safe can lighten the emotional load. 

But one of the most important parts of healing is to love and support yourself. You should treat yourself with the same kindness you would show others in your situation. Think how you would care for a friend if they were going through a breakup and do the same for yourself. 

This means allowing yourself to make mistakes and understanding that you won’t have all the answers right away and that some days will be harder than others. 

Set yourself small goals and look forward with purpose 

When you’re feeling low after a breakup, it’s understandable that you might want to make some big life changes to reinvent yourself so you can move on and get excited about something new. But unfortunately, these big changes rarely happen overnight. 

That’s why we suggest setting small and achievable goals that reinforce your sense of capability and help to boost your confidence.

This could be something as simple as going for a walk before work each morning, trying new recipes or signing up for the gym or a new club. These small wins can quickly accumulate, and over time, you’ll begin to notice that you’re not just surviving after your breakup, you’re thriving. 

Then, as your confidence builds, you’ll feel ready to start thinking about the future: 

• What do you want from your life now that your plans have changed? 
• What kind of relationships do you want to build, not just with potential partners but with everyone around you? 
• What are your bigger goals – is there anything you’d like to achieve over the next couple of years? 

A breakup can be the perfect opportunity to reconnect with yourself, think about your core values and reimagine the life you want to lead. So, don’t see this as a failure but as a new chapter. After all, confidence doesn’t come from avoiding pain but from overcoming it while growing. 

And when you’re ready to put yourself back out there, we can help. Our team of expert matchmakers can work closely with you to understand your values, hobbies and life goals so they can connect you with like-minded individuals. All you have to do is get in touch.