When searching for love, how many times have you ruled out a potential partner who seems perfect in every way but there’s something missing when you meet in person? In the search for love, attraction is often viewed as a magical spark that either ignites or fizzles out. But beneath that initial chemistry lies a fascinating blend of psychology, biology, and individual life experiences that influence who we find attractive and why.
In this blog, we take a deeper dive into the science and psychology behind attraction and how you can harness it to find a real, lasting connection.
The science of chemistry
When we say we have chemistry with someone, we’re acknowledging that we feel something, but we may not fully understand what it is or why we feel that way. Chemistry is essentially a mix of physiological and psychological responses to another person. When we fall in love, our palms sweat, we can stutter and become breathless, we may not be able to think clearly, and it feels like we have butterflies in our stomachs. This is due to the chemical reactions that are happening in our brains, the surging release of dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. These chemicals create feelings of happiness and bonding, giving that exciting spark feeling when you’re close to someone you admire.
Similarity and familiarity
Aside from the chemical reaction, psychologists have found that we are often drawn to people who are similar to us. This similarity-attraction effect forms a solid foundation to a real, lasting connection, due to the shared values, aspirations, lifestyle, and interests that this person possesses which are in line with our own. However, sometimes this can mean that we gravitate towards the familiar too. Quite often people are drawn to those who resemble someone they have loved or admired in the past, even subconsciously, which is where being known for having a ‘type’ comes in. These people may not always be the best for you, but because they are familiar to what you’re used to, you can’t help but feel attracted to them.
Complementary traits
While similarity is crucial, complementary traits can also play a significant role in attraction. You’ve likely heard the phrase that ‘opposites attract,’ and to some extent, that’s true. Traits like introversion and extroversion can balance each other out, creating a harmonious dynamic where both partners bring different strengths to the table. However, compatibility is key here; the differences that you have must enhance rather than disrupt the relationship.
The role of attachment styles
Our attachment style – the way we form bonds and connect emotionally – plays an important role in who we’re attracted to and how we experience relationships. If you have a secure attachment style, you’re more likely to seek out healthy relationships that feel supportive and stable. However, if you have an anxious or avoidant attachment style, you may find yourself drawn to emotionally unavailable people or patterns that ultimately leave you feeling unsatisfied.
Timing is key
Finally, timing plays a surprisingly vital role in attraction. Often, we might meet someone who seems perfect, but if we aren’t ready for a relationship or are carrying unresolved issues, that attraction may fizzle out before it’s even started. Attraction is as much about being emotionally available as it is about meeting the right person.
Why a matchmaker could be your secret weapon
When it comes to finding love, attraction is complex and multilayered. While online dating might promise an endless array of potential partners, it often fails to capture the subtle elements that make two people truly compatible. Collaborating with a matchmaker means you’re supported by someone who is trained to understand the psychology behind attraction, someone who can cut through the noise of superficial connections to find someone who genuinely complements you. They look at who you are beneath the surface and carefully select matches based on deeper compatibility. For those who want something more than a fleeting attraction, a matchmaker can be the guiding hand that helps you find not just a spark but a steady flame.
If you’re ready to explore attraction and find a connection that lasts, contact our team of experts today. After all, sometimes it takes a little science, and a lot of heart, to truly find love.
