Should there be chemistry on a first date?

Are you quick to write somebody off after a first date that didn’t lead to an instant connection? Some single people can feel dejected if an initial date did not spark instant chemistry. They can see it as a sign that it’s not worth pursuing another meet-up with this person, especially if the first date was decidedly mediocre, because they feel it won’t lead anywhere. Of course, if the first date was excruciatingly bad, it’s clear that you won’t be spending any more time together. However, there are many good reasons to give it another shot if somebody has potential, but the first date just didn’t set the world on fire. 

Firstly, it’s worth considering how nerve-wracking first dates can be. There can be a lot of pressure on that first meeting, and being nervous means people won’t relax and be themselves. Nerves can make that first encounter awkward, which is why some don’t follow up with a second date. However, the person you meet might be having a tough week or they just struggle to make an easy-going, relaxed first impression. 

While an instant spark does happen, it certainly should not be expected. Many great relationships start with a slow burn, and it can certainly take more than one date to build chemistry. The key question you need to ask is whether you think there is enough there to make it worth seeing this person again. A lot of experts agree that, unless you encounter major red flags, you should give it two more dates to see if there’s enough there for you to consider a future together. 

Here are our top tips for deciding whether it’s worth investing more time to see if you have a true connection. 

Remember, a second date can be a lot more relaxing: The first time you meet you are essentially strangers. With the second date, you can naturally be a lot more authentic as you relax and just concentrate on getting to know each other better. If your first date was grabbing a quick coffee, then consider an activity-based date to further break the ice and see how the person acts in a different situation. First dates can end up feeling like job interviews, with all the questions flying back and forward, so it does pay to try again to get a better idea of what somebody is really like. With a second date you can really show your true personality and feel a lot more like yourself. 

Think about what you enjoyed about the first meeting: While there might not have been an instant attraction, consider what you did like about the time you spent with this person. Did you have fun? Did they make you laugh? Was the conversation interesting? Then you have good foundations for seeing them again. 

Remember, instant chemistry is not necessarily a good thing: Rapid-fire romance does not necessarily translate into a happy relationship. The love-at-first-sight feeling often isn’t sustainable in the long run as you can overlook those all-important characteristics of a person when you are blindsided by your initial feelings for them

Make sure your date is respectful: Did they show up on time? Listen properly and ask you questions? Or did they talk non-stop about themselves and were rude to the waiting staff? It can sometimes be clear who is and isn’t worth investing more time in. 

More time can help you assess signs of compatibility: Great relationships are often built on shared values, interests, and lifestyle aspirations. The more you get to know somebody, the more likely it is you’ll grow to like them based on what you learn about them. If there are signs you may have a good chance of compatibility, then it might well be worth pursuing things further. 

While attraction might not be there from the outset, you may well like the person enough to consider meeting again. Having a couple more dates should give you a much clearer picture of whether your values align and whether a connection may grow. You might just remain friends or go your separate ways, but, without any obvious dealbreakers, it can be worthwhile to invest more time in a person who may turn out to be perfect for you. 

We would love to hear your thoughts – how many dates do you go on before you decide whether you share a romantic connection with somebody?

Are you looking for love? Why not give the experts at Ignite Dating a call today. We work hard to find you the perfect partner, using our expert mix of personality profiling, experienced matchmakers, intuition, and our extensive private network. Get in touch today to find out more!

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