It doesn’t matter whether you knew it was coming or it took you by surprise; a breakup can be a heartbreaking and disorienting experience.
Beyond the emotional turmoil, a breakup can also have a huge impact on your self-esteem and confidence, leading you to question your worth, judgment and identity.
Healing these wounds doesn’t happen overnight, and the road to recovery can feel long. However, it’s important to take your time to rebuild when you and a partner split up, not just for the sake of your health and well-being but in order to put yourself back out there and form new connections in the future.
With that in mind, here are some helpful steps you can take to rebuild your confidence after a breakup.
Understand the impact a breakup can have on you
Many of us like to try and pretend we’re fine when we’re not – especially after a breakup. But the truth is, these events can be hugely disorienting and disruptive because when you’re in a relationship, this becomes part of how you define yourself.
When that relationship ends, it’s natural to feel a bit lost or unsure. You might replay recent events in your mind and wonder if there was anything you could’ve done differently. These reflections are normal, but if left unchecked, they can impact your self-esteem further and lead to bigger issues later on.
So, rather than simply trying to ‘get over it’, it’s important that you take the time to acknowledge and understand your feelings. Breaking up is a loss, and you need to give yourself time to grieve that person, even if the relationship was struggling for a while.
Hiding and ignoring your emotions in an attempt to be strong will only delay your healing process. Confidence doesn’t come from pretending everything is okay; it comes from accepting what has happened, healing and moving on with your life.
Reconnect with yourself and what makes you great
After a breakup, it’s easy to feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself, which is why this is an ideal time to reconnect with who you are outside of that relationship.
It’s time to reflect on what you enjoyed before this relationship. Think about hobbies or interests that have fallen by the wayside or any activities you wanted to try but never did.
Rekindling old passions and discovering new ones can be a great reminder of your strengths and interests and the fact that you can thrive as an individual as well as a partner.
Confidence is rooted in self-awareness and appreciation, so it can be helpful to make a list of attributes or achievements that you love about yourself, especially those traits that have nothing to do with your ex.
Yes, we admit this can feel awkward or unnatural at first, but it can also be a great way to shift your focus from what you’ve lost to what you still have and what makes you the awesome person you are.
Surround yourself with love and support (and that includes your own)
In our darkest moments, we turn to friends and family to support and uplift us, and a breakup should be no different. Being around the people you love can significantly boost your confidence.
You might wish to spend time with friends and family, start therapy or join a support group that helps you feel heard and validated. Talking about your feelings with people that make you feel safe can lighten the emotional load.
But one of the most important parts of healing is to love and support yourself. You should treat yourself with the same kindness you would show others in your situation. Think how you would care for a friend if they were going through a breakup and do the same for yourself.
This means allowing yourself to make mistakes and understanding that you won’t have all the answers right away and that some days will be harder than others.
Set yourself small goals and look forward with purpose
When you’re feeling low after a breakup, it’s understandable that you might want to make some big life changes to reinvent yourself so you can move on and get excited about something new. But unfortunately, these big changes rarely happen overnight.
That’s why we suggest setting small and achievable goals that reinforce your sense of capability and help to boost your confidence.
This could be something as simple as going for a walk before work each morning, trying new recipes or signing up for the gym or a new club. These small wins can quickly accumulate, and over time, you’ll begin to notice that you’re not just surviving after your breakup, you’re thriving.
Then, as your confidence builds, you’ll feel ready to start thinking about the future:
- What do you want from your life now that your plans have changed?
- What kind of relationships do you want to build, not just with potential partners but with everyone around you?
- What are your bigger goals – is there anything you’d like to achieve over the next couple of years?
A breakup can be the perfect opportunity to reconnect with yourself, think about your core values and reimagine the life you want to lead. So, don’t see this as a failure but as a new chapter. After all, confidence doesn’t come from avoiding pain but from overcoming it while growing.
And when you’re ready to put yourself back out there, we can help. Our team of expert matchmakers can work closely with you to understand your values, hobbies and life goals so they can connect you with like-minded individuals. All you have to do is get in touch.
