When you’re dating someone new, the early stages can be exciting, uncertain and sometimes confusing. And it doesn’t matter whether you’re getting back into dating after a long-term relationship or you’ve been looking for love for a while now, these feelings are often the same.
The trouble is, without realising, this mix of feelings can lead to damaging behaviours that decrease your chance of finding the right partner, before you’ve even begun.
But there is good news. Most of these early dating mistakes are avoidable once you know how to recognise them.
With that in mind, here are seven of the most common pitfalls when you start dating someone new, and how you can make sure you don’t make these same silly mistakes.
1. Moving too fast
When you really click with someone, it can be tempting to jump headfirst into the relationship. If you’ve suddenly found yourself wanting to spend all your free time together, talking every day and planning future dates, it’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind romance.
The problem is, moving too fast can create intensity and blur your judgment. This makes it harder to see any red flags, incompatibilities or whether the connection is actually sustainable.
If you notice you’re quickly getting swept away in a new relationship, it’s time to slow the pace.
Try to leave more time between your dates, make sure you maintain your own life, and allow the relationship to unfold naturally. Think about early dating like cooking a good meal. You need to go slow and steady, start simmering and increase the heat over time to get the best results.
2. Oversharing too early
Being open and showcasing your emotional availability is great. But trauma bonding on your first date? Not so much.
Some people tend to overshare when they get nervous, others because they genuinely want to be transparent. Trouble is, dumping your entire emotional history onto someone over your first dinner can be overwhelming.
It creates a false sense of closeness and can make the other person feel responsible for your emotions before they’ve even opted into the relationship.
So instead of this, make sure to share gradually. Let your vulnerability unfold through trust, not urgency or an awkward need to make conversation. A good rule of thumb is, if you wouldn’t tell that same story to a new coworker or casual friend down the pub, it’s too early for your date.
3. Ignoring red flags
As you start dating someone new, all the excitement and chemistry can feel like a fog machine. It makes everything look cloudy and dreamy, even when something is clearly off.
Perhaps they cancel plans repeatedly and on short notice. Maybe they speak poorly of exes or “jokingly” insult you. The early excitement can make these things seem small, but ignoring red flags like this can lead to bigger heartbreak further down the line.
The things that bother you at the beginning usually become the things that hurt you the most long-term. So, you need to pay close attention to patterns, not promises and listen to your gut instinct. If something feels off, it probably is, so don’t brush it aside.
4. Playing games
Waiting exactly 36 minutes to text back because they took 35 minutes. Pretending you’re busier than you are. Giving off signals that suggest you’re not interested because you’re worried about looking too keen.
All of these little games are very common in dating, but they are also completely counterproductive. This builds a foundation of anxiety, not trust. If someone is right for you, they won’t be scared off by your authenticity, but they might be by these silly games.
That’s why it’s always best to respond to their messages when you want to. Show your interest if you are interested in them, and be direct but not overbearing. Remember, healthy dating and new relationships will thrive on clarity, not strategy.
5. Using someone to fill a void
Loneliness, boredom or that post-breakup emptiness can all be reasons that you decide to start dating before you’re actually ready. When you’re craving emotional support and comfort from a partner, it’s easy to latch onto the first person who gives you attention.
But if you do this, you risk forming an attachment based on need, not compatibility, treating the connection like more of a bandage, rather than a genuine bond.
So, before you start dating, make sure to check in with yourself. Are you genuinely ready to meet someone, or are you just hoping that someone else will fix how you feel? A partner can complement your life, but they can’t complete it, and you shouldn’t give them false hope if you’re not going to commit in the long term.
6. Setting unrealistic expectations
Sometimes we idealise potential partners before we truly know them. It might be that you’ve had a few great dates or simply that they treat you better than your last partner did. This can cause you to imagine what the relationship could be like, rather than seeing what it actually is.
Over time, these high expectations turn into pressure. You may overlook who they are in favour of who you want them to be, and you might find that they disappoint you. Not on purpose, but because you held them to unrealistic standards.
To avoid this, stay curious as you’re dating and focus on observing their behaviour, not projecting how you want them to behave. Ask questions, spend time together and let their actions shape your expectations, not your imagination.
7. Not communicating your needs
Many people avoid expressing their needs early on because they fear being seen as “too much,” too picky or too difficult. But ignoring your needs only leads to confusion and resentment.
You are more likely to end up in a situationship, mismatched partnership, or a relationship where you’re constantly editing yourself and not being genuine.
Of course, this does not mean you should unload a list of standards or emotional baggage on date one, but you should communicate your basic preferences and boundaries as they become relevant. Honest conversation is not a burden; it’s an important part of a healthy relationship.
Get those early dates right
Early dating should be exciting. It shouldn’t feel like you’re trying to navigate a maze blindfolded. That’s why it’s important that you approach it with self-awareness, patience and authenticity.
If you spot any of the patterns or mistakes we’ve shared above, take a moment to check in with yourself, to ask why you’re behaving in this way, and to do your best to rectify the situation.
And if you need some more guidance when finding good matches and going out on your first date, we can help. Get in touch with the expert team at Ignite Dating. Our matchmakers are on hand to offer advice and help you find the right person.
