Have you heard of the ’36 Questions to Fall in Love’ theory?
You may well have, as it is not new. In fact, it was an experiment developed by psychologist Arthur Aron in 1997, and it gained widespread attention in 2015 after being featured in an article in the New York Times.
And now, just like waist chains, butterfly clips and matching tracksuits, this theory has become popular again in 2025.
But what is the 36 questions theory, and how can it help you on your dating journey?
The ‘36 questions to fall in love’ theory
The theory is a psychological experiment designed to create emotional intimacy between two people through a structured conversation. It was originally created to explore how emotional closeness between strangers can be accelerated through mutual sharing.
The idea is that by answering increasingly personal questions, individuals can develop a deeper sense of understanding, trust and connection with one another, potentially leading to romantic feelings.
That is why this can be such a great tool when you’re dating. Not to mention, it can be a great icebreaker!
Although, it might be one you want to save for the second or third date.
How these 36 questions work
It’s not just about the rattling of 36 random questions. Instead, these fixed questions are divided into three sets, with each set becoming progressively deeper and more personal.
The idea behind this structure is that as the questions unfold, individuals will gradually become more vulnerable and open with one another.
The process typically ends with four minutes of uninterrupted eye contact, which is believed to enhance feelings of closeness. But you might wish to forgo this if it feels a little too intense in the early stages.
Some examples of the questions include:
- If you could have dinner with anyone in the world, who would it be?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What is your greatest fear?
- When did you last cry in front of someone else?
As you can see, the questions start off relatively simple but eventually touch on deeper emotions, personal insecurities and significant life moments.
As you answer these questions and listen to the other person’s responses, you’ll both engage in mutual vulnerability, which is a key element in building emotional intimacy.
Does it work?
While the 36 Questions experiment can help to facilitate conversation and closeness, for obvious reasons, it does not guarantee you’ll fall in love. This theory does not replace the deeper aspects of building a relationship, such as shared values, long-term compatibility and real-life experiences together.
That said, it can help you on your dating journey because it creates an intimate environment and encourages you both to open up emotionally and to be vulnerable with one another.
This can accelerate intimacy as you share stories, memories, ambitions and truths that it might otherwise take months to share with each other. And as if all that wasn’t enough, these questions also give you talking points for in-person dates and any text conversations that follow.
So, despite there being no guarantee, these questions do offer a great starting point when you’re dating. They can be an excellent way to get to know someone and to open up to them, and who knows, it might even lead to your true love.
You can check out the full 36 questions in this Cosmopolitan guide. For more dating advice and help finding love this year, get in touch with our team of matchmakers today.
