You have been dating for a while and have enjoyed getting to know each other over coffees, lunches and even dinner dates but suddenly there is a shift that you cannot quite put your finger on – are these early signs he is losing interest?
To most, ‘he’s just not that into you’ may have been a hit romantic comedy of the past, but the overarching challenges of reading (or misreading) human behaviour are just as real now as they were 10 years ago.
So, what should you be looking for when your date has gone from hanging on your every word to being harder to tie down for a date than that exclusive restaurant in town?
When it comes to dating, the signs are always there you just need to learn how to read them. If you are struggling to decipher where things are heading and cannot help shaking that feeling that he is losing interest, look out for these 5 signs he is losing interest or just busy.
1. Phone calls and texts have steadily decreased
You used to talk and text daily, but lately there has been a shift in communication between the two of you without any reason. It may have resulted in arranging calls that simply did not happen or maybe there have been times where he has not reached out for days and then suddenly wants to meet up. If this behaviour is becoming more regular it could be a sign that he is just not interested.
Men are not very good at feigning interest, so the lack of communication might be his way of saying that he is not particularly interested in developing this into something more serious. However, by keeping in touch between the breaks of radio silence it is likely that he does not want to burn bridges between you but is looking for a more casual relationship.
If you are looking for more commitment it may be time to call him out on it, as playing along with him will only result in heartbreak for you. A real discussion needs to take place as to where you both stand on your dating journey and what you want from the future. If it does not align then moving on is the only choice you have.
2. Quality time together has started to dwindle
We all know that there are times when life gets a little busier and it makes it harder to pin down plans. But if you are finding that you are spending a lot less time together than you used to, or you are trying to make plans but facing a wall of excuses and reasons to avoid it then maybe it is time to take a step back and reassess.
You need to confirm whether he is genuinely busy with other commitments or whether he is simply avoiding you, and the best way to do that is to have an honest conversation about your feelings and asking him what is going on. Rather than play the role of the bad guy, men tend to distance themselves to make it easier to end things later down the line to avoid hurting you. If he is not interested in spending time with you, call it a day and spend time with those that relish your company instead.
3. Intimacy has become scarce
When you first started dating things were hot and steamy but these days those intimate moments are few and far between and you find it hard to remember the last time that you kissed, held hands, or even hugged.
If he has put intimacy on hold, whether physical or emotional, you need to reach out to him and find out what is going on. While there are things that you can do to bring that elusive spark back to the relationship, you need to decide whether it is worth the effort.
4. Things are becoming increasingly one-sided
In the early days you spoke regularly during the day and would often have long conversations about anything and everything – enjoying that feeling of getting to know each other. However, these days it seems like you are the only one checking in and asking the questions and your calls and texts often go hours or even days without a response.
You need to find out first if he is putting in no effort because he is losing interest, or he genuinely has a lot of other things going on in his life that are taking more of his time. It is important to open up a conversation and check in with him to see how things are going with him and if anything is bothering him. If he values you, he will respect the fact that you reached out and will slowly start to open up and put your mind at ease. If he does not and there is nothing else going on in his life, it is maybe time to walk away and place your effort elsewhere.
5. He dodges questions about your status or where it is going
When you first start dating, it can be hard to know when the right time is to put a label on the relationship. If you have been dating a while and he is not making any real effort towards making it official between you or giving vague answers when you question him about it, it may be a sign that you are not quite right for him.
If he is acting like you are a couple but unwilling to make a commitment to you there is a strong chance that he is not really interested in a deeper relationship. This does not mean that he is not enjoying the time with you or that you guys have no future – but the chances of things getting serious are unlikely. Instead, he is probably more interested in a casual relationship, so if that is not what you are looking for it may be time to call it off.
How to take back the power and pique his interest (if you want to)
If the above signs seem familiar, it is time for you to think about your feelings and what you want from this prospective love interest. If you are looking for a long-term committed relationship and see potential, then you need to be honest with each other and make sure that you are both on the same page.
When it comes to attraction, chemistry is something that cannot be forced. It is impossible to make somebody commit to you if those feelings are not there for them. Be true to yourself and understand if your partner is ready for what you are expecting out of the relationship. It takes time to move from dating to a relationship and you need to give it time to develop naturally.
During that time, concentrate on yourself too. If you feel that you are losing yourself and putting everything into dating, then make some time for the other people in your life. Whether that is spending time with family or hanging out with friends, it is important that you are not always available and dependent on your date for happiness.
If you still find that he is unsure about taking the next steps towards a committed relationship, then maybe a time out will be good for both of you. There is no point making yourself miserable and becoming hopelessly devoted to someone who is not quite where you need them to be. Instead concentrate on the other aspects of your life and who knows, maybe a bit of distance from you will make his heart grow fonder.
At Ignite Dating, we know how confusing it can be to read human behaviour – particularly in those early stages of dating when you are just getting to know someone. Our dedicated matchmakers are on hand to help you decode his behaviour and will provide you with constructive feedback after every introduction, so you know where you stand. If you would like a more supportive dating journey without the mind games, then join us today.