Needy is a phrase that is used commonly in today’s dating world. Whether it’s been directed at you or someone you know is talking about a potential love interest or partner, the chances are you will have heard the phrase batted around. But have you ever stopped to consider what it really means?
Most people would describe needy as someone in constant need of affection and attention. Think Disney’s famous fairy Tinkerbell, who is thought to die if she doesn’t get enough attention. But if you were to look up the term in the Oxford Dictionary, you will find that while needy can be defined as a person needing emotional support, its primary definition is of a person lacking the necessities of life.
The truth is, there’s no such thing as someone who’s too needy. It simply doesn’t exist in the sense that we have been programmed to think of it. Instead, it is more aligned to the dictionary’s primary definition but rather than focusing on the physical aspects of need, we need to focus on the intangible entities.
When it comes to needs it is easy to envision the physical aspects that a person may be lacking. For example, if you were stranded in a desert for a week, weak from exhaustion, starvation and dehydration, as soon as a plate of food and a glass of water is put in front of you the way you react to it would be different than if you had a bag of food and water with you in the desert. Your entire behaviour would be different, because your need for food and water would be much higher.
Now in today’s society, those that are labelled as needy, are often the people who have not had what they rely on for survival, which is love, acceptance, connection, relationships, vulnerability, and safety. Their previous experience of relationships has been void of these fundamental aspects, which in turn means they have metaphorically been walking in an emotional desert, starved of the intangible entities that they need.
Because they have been without them for so long, when they meet a new partner or a potential love interest who gives them those fundamental elements, they crave them more. So, people label them as needy. However, over time as those needs are met, their behaviours completely change, and the needy behaviours decrease. In its simplest form, we use love, connection, and relationships as a survival mechanism.
So, next time you meet someone who you would usually class as needy, take a moment to assess what their behaviour is really telling you. The likelihood is that with a little patience and a relationship filled with the foundational basics of love, acceptance, connection, vulnerability, and safety on both sides, that person’s behaviour is likely to change, and they could in fact be the exact person you’ve been searching for.
If you’re single and are looking for a healthy relationship filled with the fundamental basics of love and connection, then get in touch with our team of expert matchmakers to find out how we can help you fulfil your needs to find a happy and long-lasting relationship.
