When we talk about dating, the conversation tends to revolve around our search for love and how we find the right person for us. It’s all about the ways in which we are putting ourselves out there, looking for the perfect match and hoping that sparks will fly.
But let’s look at this another way for a moment.
Dating isn’t just about putting yourself out there and actively looking for a partner. It’s also about who is already out there looking for you.
Because somewhere out there, someone is already hoping to meet a person with your qualities, values and goals for the future. They may not know your name yet, but they’re hoping to connect with someone just like you.
So, the real question becomes: who are they and are they the right person for you?
To answer that, we’re going to take a step back and look closer at the energy you’re putting out there into the dating world, the patterns you attract, and the choices you make along the way.
Tune into your own energy
Although you may not notice it, the energy you carry with you plays a big role in who will notice you. So, think about how you naturally come across. Are you radiating confidence, warmth and approachability? Or do you often feel (and subsequently look) nervous, cautious or unsure?
No matter whether it’s walking into a room or chatting with someone online, others can pick up on your vibe quickly, sometimes before they’ve even heard your voice.
That’s because first impressions aren’t only about appearance or what you’re wearing, they’re about presence. So, ask yourself this: what’s the first thing people sense when they meet me and is that the impression I want to give?
Sometimes, making subtle shifts in your own energy can change everything about the type of people who are drawn to you.
Recognise patterns of attraction
Another way to understand who could be out there looking for you is to pay attention to patterns. Think about the kinds of people who typically approach you or show consistent interest in you. For example, do they tend to be outgoing, independent and ambitious people, or perhaps they are more reserved, comfortable and settled?
These aren’t coincidences. They reveal how others perceive your energy and qualities. So, if you’ve ever thought, “Why do I keep attracting the same type of person?” — this is most likely why.
Now, for the bigger question: how do you feel about those patterns? Are these the kind of people you hope to attract, and do they match your values and vision for the future?
Recognising these attraction patterns is the first step toward breaking the cycles that don’t serve you and reinforcing the ones that do.
Understand why these people are drawn to you
We are all attracted to certain qualities in a partner, whether it’s kindness, stability, a sense of humour or ambition.
Understanding which of your qualities tend to stand out to people can be very empowering. It reminds you of what you can bring to a relationship, and it can also help you see how poor matches can happen.
For example, if people often admire your independence but you’re hoping for someone who values emotional closeness and communicates with you a lot, there may be a disconnect there in the future.
This doesn’t mean you have to change who you are, but you do need to ask yourself “are the qualities people are drawn to in me the same qualities I want to be recognised for in a partner?”
Set boundaries around who you don’t want
The truth is, not everyone who seeks you out will be the right fit for you, and this is usually based on what they’re looking for in a partner. For example, when dating online, some want a partner for financial stability and some just a bit of company every now and then with no real commitment.
That doesn’t make them bad people, but it does mean that they may not be aligned with the kind of relationship you desire.
This is why you need to set boundaries; these become your filter. Decide what qualities, behaviours or intentions are immediate warning signs for you? The clearer you are about your non-negotiables, the easier it becomes to protect your time and energy when dating.
Align yourself with the right audience
Now, the final aspect is alignment. Think about a shop window, it displays what a store has to offer, so you know quickly if that’s what you’re looking for. And, in much the same way, your dating presence sends signals about what you offer and therefore, who should approach you.
So, think about your first impression as if it were a storefront, what message would it send? Are you presenting yourself in a way that attracts the kind of person you actually want to meet?
Being intentional with this makes all the difference to your dating journey. When you’re deliberate about the signals you send out and the energy you put into the world, you naturally draw in people who are a better match.
Now bring it all together
Dating isn’t just about searching harder or being more patient, it’s about becoming more intentional. By tuning into your own energy, recognising patterns, understanding your magnetic qualities and setting boundaries, you can align yourself with an audience that fits.
When you know who is looking for you, you gain the power to choose whether they’re the right ones to let in. The more awareness you bring to your dating journey, the easier it becomes to attract the right people.
Because the truth is, the search goes both ways. You’re not just out there looking for ‘the one’. Someone out there is already looking for you.
And, if you need help on this journey, you can get in touch with our expert matchmakers. They can help you to understand your top qualities, how you present yourself and what it is you really want from a partner. So, get in touch today to find out more about our professional matchmaking services.
