There’s no denying that the dating world has changed. Two decades ago, if you met someone, the likelihood was they were introduced through a friend or an acquaintance or you met organically whilst meandering through life! This meant that you didn’t need to worry about how to word the perfect first message because that first meeting was likely face-to-face.
In today’s dating world though, so much hangs on that first message. Whether you’ve met someone through an app or been matched through the expert service of a matchmaker, the chances are your first method of communication will be a written message. But how do you create the perfect first message that highlights your personality and reflects you in your best light?
Start with genuine interest
People want to feel valued and noticed, especially in dating, where profiles can sometimes feel like they blur together. Instead of opening with a generic “Hi,” show that you’ve taken the time to read their profile. If they mentioned their love for hiking, their fascination with sci-fi movies, or their dog, lead with that. For example, “Hi! I noticed you’re into hiking – what’s the best trail you’ve been on recently?” or “I saw you’re a big sci-fi fan. Have you seen [popular show or movie]? I’d love a recommendation!”
Showing genuine interest not only sets you apart from less thoughtful openers, but it also gives the other person something to respond to – always a win.
Keep it light, but personal
Humour can work wonders as an icebreaker. Playful, light-hearted messages tend to perform better than ones that feel too intense or overly formal. That said, keep it positive and avoid sarcasm, which can be easily misinterpreted in a message. A funny observation based on their profile can be a great start. If they mention their love for coffee, for instance, you could say, “Are you a ‘coffee before talking’ type of person too?”
At the same time, avoid coming on too strong. Messages that lean into intensity, like “I feel like I know you from somewhere” or “I think you could be the one,” can make the other person feel uncomfortable. A good first message is a balance of warm and light-hearted.
Ask open-ended questions
One of the best ways to get a response is to ask an open-ended question. Questions like “What’s the most exciting thing you did last weekend?” or “If you could visit any country right now, where would you go?” encourage the other person to open up, making it easier to get to know each other naturally. This beats a “How are you?” which can feel flat and doesn’t leave much room for conversation. Plus, it’s not the most inspiring of openers!
When asking questions, make sure they are simple but interesting enough to invite a story or thoughtful answer.
Be authentic and avoid copy and pasting
One common mistake in dating is copying and pasting messages. While it may save time, it’s often obvious to the recipient, who may feel that they’re just one of many people you’re messaging. Taking a few extra seconds to personalise your message makes it feel more genuine and less like a mass effort. Even a small, unique touch – mentioning their love for vintage vinyl or their recent trip to Italy – can make a big difference in getting a response.
Finally, don’t forget to use their name, any message starting, ‘Hey babe!’ is an instant turnoff.
Keep it concise
When crafting your first message, remember to keep it concise. Three to four sentences are usually enough to express interest, ask a question, and leave room for a reply. Sending a long, detailed message can feel overwhelming and might turn people off, especially if they’re getting multiple messages a day.
Remember to have fun
When it comes to dating, crafting the perfect first message is key. That initial message can make or break a conversation and potentially lead to a great match – or, unfortunately, radio silence. In a sea of “Hey” and “What’s up?” messages, standing out with a thoughtful opener can increase your chances of getting a response and make you more memorable.
A perfect first message doesn’t have to be poetic or over-the-top; it just needs to show genuine interest, respect, and a touch of creativity. Remember, dating is supposed to be fun, so don’t be afraid to show a little personality and stay relaxed. After all, the best connections often start with a simple, thoughtful message!
If you’re single and need some help in crafting the perfect message or finding that perfect match, then get in touch with our team of expert matchmakers today.
