Ghosting, catfishing, breadcrumbing – there are plenty of terrible dating trends out there that we already know about, but it appears that these are not the end of poor dating etiquette.
The latest bewildering trend to hit the dating scene is ‘Banksying’. This dating move is the latest way people are leaving their mark on unsuspecting partners before vanishing for good.
If this sounds familiar and you’ve been left scratching your head, wondering how a seemingly perfect connection dissolved overnight, you might have experienced Banksying yourself.
So, what is it, and how can you move on?
What is Banksying?
The term was coined by dating coach Hayley Quinn and is a nod to the elusive street artist Banksy, who is known for making bold, unexpected statements through his art and then disappearing into thin air.
In dating, Banksying works in much the same way. It’s about simply vanishing from a relationship without a warning. It’s a frustrating and cowardly exit strategy, in which no real explanation is given to the partner left behind. One day, everything seems normal – romantic even – and the next they are gone.
This is because the person pulling this move has usually taken the time internally to process their decision and knows they are simply going to disappear. However, this emotional hit-and-run leaves the person on the receiving end questioning everything, including whether they could have done something to stop it.
How is this different from ghosting? Unlike simply going quiet for a few weeks, hinting that the spark has just fizzled, Banksying blindsides the individual with big promises that never materialise. Everything seems normal in your relationship until suddenly it isn’t, and they’ve now disappeared.
Four ways to overcome being Banksyed
If you’ve experienced this cruel trend, you’re not alone! But that doesn’t make it any less painful. The good news is you can bounce back stronger and smarter.
1. Recognise it’s not about you
The most important thing is that you don’t blame yourself. Someone who is prepared to Banksy their partner usually does so because they want a romantic relationship but lack the emotional maturity and communication skills to make it work. This also makes it harder for them to face up to their decision to leave.
So, their actions reflect their inability to handle real intimacy, not your worth. Remind yourself that their disappearing act says everything about them and nothing about you.
2. Ground yourself in reality
When someone Banksys you, it’s easy to replay the happy moments and romantic gestures and wonder if you imagined the entire connection. You didn’t. Instead, try to see the situation objectively. Did they make big promises early on? Were they overly intense?
This signifies another dating trend called ‘future faking’, which can be a huge red flag. So, next time, you need to keep your feet on the ground when the fireworks start and recognise if they are doing too much, too soon.
Most genuine connections unfold naturally at a slower pace. Being aware of these signs can protect you in future relationships and prevent this from happening to you again.
3. Allow yourself to grieve (and talk it out)
It’s so important that you don’t bottle it up. Being Banksyed can feel humiliating and confusing, and those feelings are valid. You need to talk to trusted friends or family, journal your thoughts, or even speak to a therapist if you’re struggling to process the abrupt ending.
Often, just saying it out loud can help you reclaim your power and start to move on from this terrible experience.
4. Set better boundaries moving forward
Unfortunately, you can’t control whether someone will Banksy you. However, you can protect yourself in the future by setting clear emotional boundaries.
Once you’ve taken the time to grieve and heal, and you start your dating journey again, look out for red flags like someone showering you with over-the-top affection before you’ve even built a real foundation.
Also, look out for those who struggle to communicate early on. If you spot these signs early on, you should pause and assess. Ask yourself, do they follow through on their promises, and are their actions matching their words? Healthy relationships are built on consistency, not grand romantic gestures that lead nowhere.
Don’t let Banksying break your spirit
Being Banksyed can leave you jaded and nervous about putting yourself out there again. But you can’t let one person’s emotional stunt stop you from finding a genuine connection in the future. Accept this as a life lesson.
As these terrible, viral dating trends and disappearing acts continue to happen, your best defence is self-awareness and strong self-worth. Remember, you deserve someone who shows up, sticks around, and means what they say.
So, if you’ve been Banksyed, remember that you’re not alone and you’re certainly not the problem. Take this as an opportunity to learn from the experience and keep your standards high. And, if you’d like help moving on and finding someone who is the rightmatch for you, get in touch with our expert team of matchmakers today.
