When looking for love, it’s normal to have an idea of how you envision your partner and future relationship to be. But, at what point does the checklist become detrimental to your quest for love?
Unrealistic expectations are a common barrier that stop people from achieving dating success and most of the time people aren’t aware that they are doing it – until it’s pointed out to them. Here we explore some of the main reasons that stop relationships from developing into a successful long-term connection, and why it’s important to take a more laid-back approach in your dating journey.
Comparing your date to previous dates or relationships
You may have heard the saying ‘comparison is the thief of joy.’ Well, comparing your date with someone you’ve dated or had a relationship with in the past will set both of you up to fail and will ensure you find reasons not to go out on a date with them again. It’s not uncommon to look for certain physical and personality traits that you find attractive when you’re dating, and although it would be amazing if we could take the best parts from every date we’ve ever had and mould them into the perfect partner, it’s just not realistic. Try to remember that everyone is unique, with their own set of experiences and beliefs. Instead of comparing and focusing on the parts that don’t match up to your past partners, it’s important to try to pay attention to the person’s positive qualities. After all, an ex is an ex for a reason and who knows those differences could be the qualities that you’ve been missing and the answer in your search for that perfect partner for you.
Only dating your usual ‘type’
With the huge array of dating apps and websites at your disposal that allow filtering by personal and physical traits, being selective has never been easier. However, restricting your preferences could stop you meeting that perfect partner – you simply don’t know who you are going to connect with. Dating a certain ‘type’ can be very limiting and realistically if it hasn’t worked before what makes you think it will work now? Try to stay open-minded and give people a chance. They may not tick all of your usual boxes, but don’t automatically write them off as someone you won’t be interested in. What have you got to lose? You may just find the love of your life in that person you initially discounted.
Expecting your date to make the arrangements and pay for everything
Traditionally, the man would ask a girl out, plan their first date and pick up the tab. However, when it comes to modern dating there are no set rules and it is totally dependent upon each couple. Deciding together on where to go on your date can be fun and sets the tone for a more equal relationship moving forward. Dating is about getting to know someone and learning to make decisions together, so discussing ideas and learning about each others’ preferences ensures you both enjoy yourself on the date. However, when it comes to who should pay, it can be an awkward moment – especially if you’ve not discussed it beforehand. Usually, whoever invited the other person out and chose the venue should pay for the date. However, if the date and location was a mutual decision, it’s always good to split the bill. We’re not in the dark ages anymore, so as a rule of thumb always offer to pay half and be genuine about your offer.
Expecting too much from the relationship
Having expectations about how your relationship should develop or how your partner should treat you is a good thing. However, expecting much more than the other person is ready or prepared to give can lead to you feeling needy, disappointed and alone. For instance, you may want to spend every spare moment with your significant other or you may always expect them to plan your next date night. Whatever your expectations, if you’re finding yourself feeling let down and unfulfilled, try to have a conversation about how you both feel and remember that everyone’s needs and expectations in a relationship are different. When you are able to discuss this openly and honestly you will begin to understand your differences and in turn, you are then able to make compromises and come together with similar expectations ensuring that both of your needs are met.
Expecting things to move faster or slower in a new relationship
Many people struggle to find the right speed in a relationship and question if they’re moving too fast or too slow. There’s no perfect speed with which to move forward in a relationship but if you’ve already created your wedding pinterest board after date two, you may want to slow down a bit. Again, communication is key here. You may find that you have different expectations on how quickly your relationship should develop but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not a good match. Ensure that you and your date are on the same page and take the time to discuss expectations. If you are in two different life phases and anticipating different levels of commitment, it’s better to know from the beginning before growing close to one another. Rather than having a set timeline in mind for your relationship, focus on having a good time and enjoying the other person’s company and see where things go naturally.
If you’re single and looking for a new way to date that manages your expectations so you can find that successful, long-term relationship that you’re searching for, then get in touch with our friendly team of expert matchmakers today to find out more about how they can support you on your dating journey and set you up for success.
