Among today’s non-stop, technology driven culture, it’s unsurprising that more and more of us are turning to technology to fill our boredom and to look for love.
With virtual meetings in the workplace now being commonplace, and having instant access to devices such as smartphones, game consoles, not to mention an almost unlimited choice of television shows, the art of effective communication for dating using body language could almost be said to be an endangered skill.
The irony is, as humans, we crave a deeper level of connection with others, one in which we can accurately express ourselves and our emotions without having to rely on the use of an emoji or meme, and this level of communication undoubtedly cannot be fulfilled through technology alone.
The Aura of confidence
Have you ever been sat in a bar or a coffee shop, opposite someone and intuitively been able to pick up on what type of person they might be? You may even say they’re giving off a certain type of ‘aura‘
However you label these feelings and thoughts, what is undeniable, is that you are basing these first impressions of them from their body language!
I wonder if you have ever thought about how you are being perceived, and what type of messages you are sending through your own body language? Do you think people see you as being confident, shy, or even aggressive?
With over 90% of communication being nonverbal, it’s little wonder that we’re able to form an opinion of someone without even speaking to them.
All of us at one time or another have been in a situation where we have tried to find the perfect words to say to someone we were attracted to, when all along these words we were looking for was only accounting for 7% of the communication we’re sending. Were we focusing as hard on the other 93%?
And while we all know that your mood affects your body language, remember it’s just as true the other way round – your physicality impacts your psychology. This means, if you carry yourself confidently then not only will other people notice, but you will also feel more confident.
Dynamic dating
We can all agree that the ways in which we can now find love using technology has undoubtedly been a game changer for the dating world. However, through these times of change, what has survived, and for the most part, not been impacted, is how we still make those important first and lasting impressions during a date- when we come face to face and actually meet the other person.
Being great at texting and talking on the phone is one thing, but making a great first impression face to face is a completely different ball game.
I want to share with you some of the effective nonverbal and body language techniques to use for making that great impression on the first date.
Eye contact
We’ve all heard the saying “The eyes are the window of the soul” and in the world of dating this is very much true. Someone’s eyes can tell you how the other person is feeling, even if they don’t tell you out loud. Eye contact can also be far more intimate than words.
One of the most important ways of portraying confidence is effective eye contact.
This doesn’t mean you need to be constantly staring at the other person like they’re your next meal, but a good level of eye contact when your eyes meet can be attractive, flirtatious and display confidence; but watch out for any eye rolling- you want to be showing your interest, not your boredom or disapproval.
Smile, it’s contagious
Although it may sound obvious, a simple smile can work wonders. Not only is it a universal sign of happiness, it also releases endorphins, a natural feel-good chemical to actually make you feel happier.
When we smile at another person, it hits their mirror neurons and they may involuntarily smile back.
Of course I’m not saying you need to walk around smiling like a Cheshire cat all the time, but a smile will make you more approachable and attractive.
Posture
Don’t be a sloucher! If you want to be more attractive and catch someone’s attention, then you should be aware of how you’re sitting, standing and how you carry yourself.
Great posture sends positive messages, and you’re also projecting confidence. You want this to be open and to avoid being closed off, that means, sit up straight, lean towards them slightly if you’re sitting down together, and show them you are interested through your body language.
Watch those hands
Hands can tell you a lot about a person. If you want to show someone that you feel at ease and comfortable around them, you can do this by having open hands and not hiding them. Because you want to portray confidence, you don’t want to fidget or hide them.
You use your hands to help express how you feel – if you were to put your favorite show on mute for 5 minutes, you could probably pick up on how the characters were interacting just by watching their hand gestures. So don’t shut them off, but make sure they’re sending the right signals – open and positive.
Finally, one other thing about hands – you use them to check your phone. We all do it, but the last thing your date wants to see you doing is constantly staring at it, as if you’re more interested in what’s on with your phone than them. So, general rule of thumb – stay off it.
Positioning
Ok, let’s talk about feet. Now you may be wondering ‘what on earth can someone’s feet tell me about another person?!’ Quite a lot, actually! For instance, if you notice that the person you’re talking to is positioned with their feet slightly pointing towards another person, this could be an indicator they want to be talking to them instead. To be comfortable and relaxed, your feet also should be around 6-8 inches apart aligned with your body. Too wide apart can be assertive and threatening – too narrow and you’ll fall over! Most people will focus so much on their upper body and face movements, they will completely forget about what’s going on down below.
Mirroring
Opposites attract, right? Wrong!! And there’s a large amount of research to back this up – it turns out that we’re actually more attracted to people that we’re similar to or aspire to be like, and mirroring is body language telling you so. Mirroring is essentially copying the body language of the other person to create and demonstrate rapport. It is typically subconscious, so if you were to notice the other person mirroring you, this could be a sign that they’re interested. You can do it on purpose to build commonality but this has to be done outside the other person’s conscious awareness so they don’t pick up on what you’re doing, otherwise they may just think you’re faking it or even making fun of them!
So, the next time you’re out on a romantic date, trying to impress someone, or want to get into rapport, then don’t forget about what your body language is saying about you – and make sure it’s the message you want to be sending!
Nick Aschettino
Personal development and dating coach www.Inspirechangecoaching.co.uk
07456 807807
At Ignite Dating, we understand the importance of finding the right person for you. Someone who complements your personality and lifestyle. That’s why we spend time getting to know you, so we can use a perfect mixture of Myers Briggs personality profiling, your feedback and our expertise to match you with great potential partners. If you’d like to know more about how we can help you find love, get in touch with our friendly team today.
