From the perfect opening line to witty comebacks, engaging conversations and meaningful stories, knowing what to say (at the right time) can feel like one of the biggest challenges of modern dating.
And yes, your words are important, but that’s only part of the story. Body language can also do a lot of the hard work, playing a powerful role in how we present ourselves, show attraction and connect with others.
Imagine you’re on a first date and they are telling you a fascinating story, but they avoid eye contact the whole time. Their presence won’t feel very warm, engaging or comfortable. However, if they have an open posture and a soft smile, they are immediately more engaging, even if saying very little.
This is because our bodies can reveal so much of what our hearts and minds are feeling before our brains ever articulate a sentence.
Understanding and mastering body language can be a game-changer when dating, helping you to read signals more accurately, express interest more confidently and avoid miscommunication.
Why body language matters
Body language is a form of non-verbal communication that includes everything from your posture and hand gestures to facial expressions and eye movement. Research suggests that a large portion of our communication comes from non-verbal cues. Some experts, including Dr. Albert Mehrabian, say as much as 60-90% of our communication is non-verbal.
That means when you’re trying to connect with someone new, your body might be saying more than your words ever could. In the early stages of dating, this is important to:
- Help you detect genuine interest – Subtle cues like leaning in, feet facing toward you and consistent eye contact often reveal authentic attraction
- Build rapport and trust – Mirroring each other’s body language naturally fosters a sense of connection between two people
- Communicate confidence and availability – An open, relaxed posture and relaxed gestures signal that you’re present and at ease with your date
- Avoid misreading signals – When someone’s words say one thing but their body language says another, the body is almost always the more reliable judge of character and intention, so look for those physical cues
The most powerful body language cues to be aware of when dating
When dating, it can be helpful to know what to look out for in terms of non-verbal cues from your date, as well as knowing how to present yourself in the most authentic and flattering way. With that in mind, here’s how body language shows up, the most important cues, and what these might mean.
Eye contact
Eye contact is the best silent communicator. This is the strongest and simplest way to show interest and attention, maintaining warm, comfortable eye contact that signals you are present, listening and connecting with your date – and vice versa.
Mirroring their actions
This is an unconscious connector, and mirroring your dates’ actions can happen when you subconsciously adopt similar gestures, posture or expressions to them. It’s a sign that you’re “in sync” with someone.
If your date unconsciously matches the way you sit, lean or gesture, that’s a good sign they’re feeling comfortable and connected to you.
You can also use mirroring intentionally (in a subtle and respectful way, of course) to build rapport.
An open posture
An open posture involves facing toward someone, with relaxed shoulders and uncrossed arms. Keeping your body open in this way communicates receptivity and comfort, whereas actions like crossed arms or turning away can signal discomfort, insecurity, or disinterest.
Be aware that some people may naturally sit this way due to habit, so it’s always best to look at a combination of cues rather than one isolated signal. And remember to keep your own posture open and comfortable to show you are engaged and interested in your date.
Facial expressions
Someone’s facial expressions can reveal a lot about their mood and emotional state. Are they smiling, and is it genuine or forced? Natural, unguarded smiles reveal warmth and comfort, where something forced might simply be polite.
Similarly, be aware of (and look out for) raised eyebrows, nodding while listening and quick laughs. These can also communicate connection and engagement, as long as they are genuine and not fake.
Gentle touches
Appropriate and respectful touch can be a big indicator of attraction. It communicates warmth and interest much faster than words. This might be a brief touch on the arm to emphasise a point or a gentle hand on the back when walking through the door.
Always pay attention to how your date acts and responds to touching in this way. If they lean away or pull back, respect their boundary and shift back into open, non-touch cues, and be aware of how you feel if they touch you and whether they do so kindly and respectfully.
How to use body language to your advantage
Now that you know what to look for, here’s how to intentionally use body language to improve your dating connections. Make sure to stay present, putting your phone away and keeping comfortable eye contact. These simple choices convey that you value the moment and that you’re genuinely engaged with them.
What’s more, it’s important to stay open and relaxed with your body language, conveying confidence and comfort. And instead of forcing imitation, mirror them naturally by subtly matching their energy and gestures. This creates comfort and signals compatibility.
Watch for signals of discomfort from your date. If they avoid eye contact, lean away, or cross their arms tightly, it may signal discomfort or anxiety. Respond with verbal grounding, like asking a warm question, then adjust your non-verbal energy to be more reassuring.
Final thoughts
There’s no doubt that words matter when dating, but body language often reveals what your words can’t, showing us when someone is genuinely engaged, interested, uncomfortable or disconnected.
Understanding non-verbal cues and how to use your own body language gives you a deeper emotional radar and allows you to make your date feel more at ease. It not only helps you present your most confident, authentic self, but it also helps you see the truth behind the words others choose to use.
So the next time you’re on a date, it’s important that you’re not just listening with your ears, but watching with your eyes. You might be surprised by what your body, and your date’s body, is really saying.
And if you need some help finding suitable matches and lining up your next date, outsource your dating journey this year with Ignite. Get in touch with our talented team of matchmakers today to find out more.
