Dating can be fun and exciting; getting to know new people and feeling those butterflies with each message and each meeting.
But for most people, the end goal is a healthy, long-term relationship built on mutual goals and genuine connections.
The only way to find long-lasting love like this is to distinguish between your wants and needs in a relationship and take this on board when dating.
Understanding the difference between the two can help you to build healthier, more fulfilling connections while avoiding unnecessary heartache.
But how do you make sure you get this right?
Understanding what you need from a relationship
Your needs are the fundamental aspects required for a healthy, happy and long-lasting relationship. They are non-negotiable and essential for your well-being.
If these needs are not met, the likelihood is that your relationship will be unfulfilling, and it could even be damaging. Some of the most common relationship needs include:
- Emotional support
- Trust and honesty
- Compatibility in core values for major life choices and ambitions
- Mutual effort, communication and commitment
- Respect
- Physical and emotional safety
Without these elements, a relationship is less likely to stand the test of time, and you’re more likely to be dissatisfied with your partner and relationship.
Understanding what you want from a relationship
Unlike your needs, the things you want from a partner are preferences that may enhance your relationship, but they are not essential for its success.
Sure, they can contribute to attraction and enjoyment, but they should not override your core needs. Some examples of what you might want include:
- Physical traits and a specific appearance that is attractive to you
- Similar hobbies and interests
- Financial status
- Social status or popularity
These aspects might be nice to have and can contribute towards a better relationship; however, they do not equal a safe, mutually respectful and successful partnership. They only enhance it if and when your basic needs are being met.
How to differentiate between the two
Recognising the difference between your wants and needs can help you make more intentional choices when dating. But, in case you’re unsure how to differentiate between the two, you should:
Reflect on your past relationships
Think about what made you feel truly happy and secure in past relationships and what it was that led to its eventual downfall. For example, were they fit and athletic and shared your love for TV, but there wasn’t healthy communication, and they never listened to you?
If that’s the case, then you need to focus on finding someone who is emotionally available to fulfil your needs. And if they share your love of crime series and playing tennis, well, that’s a bonus!
Make a list
Take some time to write down what you believe are your absolute needs in a partner versus your ideal preferences. Those you could take or leave, as long as the core needs were being met.
This list should include your deal breakers. These traits or values would genuinely affect your long-term happiness and well-being.
Consider growth and adaptability
Your wants may evolve over time, while your core needs are likely to stay the same. So don’t be afraid to re-evaluate your wants and consider how you’ve grown and changed since your last relationship.
Seek balance
Finally, while it’s okay to have wants and desires, you should never compromise on your fundamental needs for the sake of fulfilling a want. So, try to get the balance just right.
Look for someone who is ticking those fundamental boxes first before looking at those more superficial aspects. Of course, we’re not saying that attraction and personal traits aren’t important, but these need to be balanced with your core needs.
By prioritising what truly matters in this way, you can attract a partner who aligns with your values and leads to a fulfilling, lasting relationship.
At Ignite Dating, we understand that differentiating between the two can be tricky, which is why we work closely with our clients to understand what they need before matching this with what they want.
By getting to know you on a deeper level, we can help you to get the balance just right and find the perfect match. So, if you’re ready to get your dating journey off to the best possible start, get in touch with our talented team today.
